Finding Solace

Chapter 3

Jillian

After forcing myself to blabber a few pleasant words at the opening ceremony, the principal wanted to talk to me. So, I had no choice but to follow him to his office and listen to his endless fake praises. They were just hypocrites, all of those people pretending to be nice. I knew that they only wanted to get on my good side because of my father. Otherwise, they wouldn't even have bothered with me. I personally just wanted to be left alone. I hated unnecessary attention. After I was finally let off the staff room, I went to the washroom to check on my makeup. Once I entered the deserted space, I felt all the tiredness rushing to me. It was straining to pretend to be okay even when my body hurt like hell, and to put on a pleasant face for those around me. Not to mention I hardly got enough sleep yesterday. I didn't feel like facing yet another trial right away by going to class. I made my way to the infirmary instead. To my luck, there was no one there, so I occupied one of the beds and passed out in a matter of minutes.

I was awakened by a noise in the bed next to mine. A quick check revealed that it was well past noon. This gave me quite a shock. I must have been more tired than I thought. The bed next to mine creaked once again followed by a deep moaning. My eyes rounded in surprise. Don't tell me that they're...

Then I heard the voice calling Dan's name breathlessly. Seriously Dan? You couldn't help yourself even on the first day of school? So much for being injured... I quickly got up and left the room after doing one last check up on my makeup.

I headed straight to my classroom and reached it by the time the bell for evening classes was ringing. The place was lively, everyone seeming to have already found their peer group. I was glad to have missed the strenuous first introductions. With some luck, maybe I will be left alone now that everyone had their group of friends. A huge crowd at the back of the room drew my attention and I saw that it was none other than Callum and his friends. They were surrounded by girls who were fussing over them. Why do all guys have to be such incorrigible flirts? Though I guess he cannot really be blamed for taking advantage of the attention which was freely given to him. I didn't give away the fact that I was looking at him but I could feel his eyes on me. I wonder why he was watching me when there were all those good-looking girls around him begging for his attention. Thankfully the teacher arrived then and put some order in the class. He didn't bother asking why I skipped the morning classes and just asked me to find a seat. Looks like I have a ticket for doing whatever I wanted here. The only available seat was the one directly in front of Callum. Great, of all places I could find a seat, it had to be there. I'm gonna need to double my efforts to try and ignore him from now on.

I purposefully avoided all eye contact with him as I made my way but I could feel him watching me all through. I gave a slight greeting to the red-haired girl sitting next to me, who introduced herself as Grace. She didn't seem interested in engaging in conversation which worked in my favor. However, I could still feel the burning gaze of the guy behind me. What was the deal with him? Why was he showing interest towards me all of a sudden? Unless... my heart filled with dread at that realization. Maybe he wanted to get close to me as a way to get back at my brother. Many consider me to be Dan's only weakness. I know that several of his enemies have considered using me as a way to get revenge on him. Maybe the guy behind me was also the same. Dan had been really unfair to him in the past so his desire for revenge would be totally understandable. To think that I almost fell into his trap and felt some attraction to him. I knew it was not fair to judge him when I didn't even know his true motives, but it was the only possible explanation I could find for his sudden interest in me. I needed to be more on guard from now on.

The rest of the day passed relatively quietly except for the burning sensation I got occasionally when Callum was watching me. The worse is that I seemed to be enjoying the attention he was giving me. I had to mentally slap myself each time as a reminder that he was probably only doing this to get revenge on my brother. I should not be fooled. He hardly knew me after all, so there's no way he would be interested in me. I rushed outside of the classroom as soon as the bell rang, not wanting to engage anyone in conversation. I went straight home and went about my usual routine of cleaning up, taking care of my mother and preparing dinner. Dan did not come home till late at night. He was probably busy with his latest conquest from earlier at the infirmary. Or maybe he was meting out his retribution on Callum and his friends. I hope it was the former. Luckily for me, my father was also late in coming home so after completing all my chores, I was able to lock myself in my room. It was like my safe little sanctuary where I would be protected from my father's abusive hands. Most of the time, when he couldn't find me, he wouldn't bother to coming all the way to my room. That only happened when I really did something bad and he needed to punish me no matter what.

However, some time later when he came home, I heard screams coming from my mother's room. It took every once of willpower to keep myself from intervening. I knew that nothing good would come from this. It would only end up with both of us being beaten up and I needed to be able to remain standing so I could treat her wounds. Also I didn't want to be again forced to watch as he r***d her. My feelings towards my mom were not very much on the tender side. She never once cared for her children after all. Or maybe she did in the past but I was too young at the time and no longer remembered. What I did recall was those endless nights when father couldn't seem to have enough of pounding on us and me begging her to come help us out of fear that he will kill us this time. However, she never once came to our rescue. I knew it was her mental condition which disconnected her from reality. She did not willingly abandon us but still, I couldn't help growing cold towards her because of her attitude. Though, I think some deep part of me still hoped that she will start acknowledging my existence and give me the motherly love that every mother gives her child. Maybe that was why I still took care of her, even itching to save her whenever father was beating her.

I huddled myself while laying down on my bed, awaiting father to finally be done. My whole body trembled and I couldn't quite catch my breath. I closed my eyes wishing I could be anywhere but here. Somewhere far away from her screams. For some reason I remembered Callum's face in that instant. I couldn't comprehend why I would think about him now of all times but picturing him gave me some measure of solace so I latched on to it.

It was around two o'clock when father finally left her alone. I couldn't sleep one wink in all this time and I was still shaking like a leaf. I waited for 30 mins more before going to my mom. Everything was in a mess in her room, including her. She seemed to have lost consciousness at some point and was lying in a tattered and bloodied mess on the floor. I quickly ran to her side to check her pulse and was relieved to find her still alive. I did a quick check of her injuries to make sure it was nothing serious. Of course, the wounds were serious enough to require medical intervention by a specialist in the field but hospitals were strictly forbidden for us. A medical examination would raise suspicions about our situation at home and father would be constrained to bribe another high-ranked official to settle the matter. He would only allow us a private doctor if our condition was life-threatening. The latter also happened to be my father's old friend and was every bit as bad as he was. I hated that perverted, sexually harassing old bastard who, I'm certain, has been taking advantage of my mom. If possible I avoided requesting for his assistance. I have become quite skilled at treating wounds over the years and today as well I'm sure I will do just fine on my own. The treatment took much longer due to my mother remaining unconscious throughout the process. By the time I was done with cleaning her room as well it was already past dawn and I had to get ready for school. I sighed heavily and painstakingly went about my morning routines, the pressure from having stayed up the whole night weighing me down. It was even more difficult trying to set my appearance right. The bruises from yesterday still hadn't totally faded and my eyes were rimmed by huge dark circles. I had to apply the make-up liberally on my face to make it remotely presentable. Dan still hadn't woken up by the time I was done so I took a taxi to school. This actually worked in my favor. I did not like the extra attention I get whenever I was with my brother. I also needed some time to process the effect Callum had on me. To think I actually reached out to him yesterday in my distress. I didn't like this one bit. Why him of all people? I couldn't afford to get close to him. Our own safety was at stake. Besides, I still wasn't sure about his motives.