Finding Solace

Chapter 4

Callum

The first week of school turned out to be uneventful. Being seated close to Jillian did not make much difference. She had this wall around herself and no one could approach her, not even her other classmates. She skipped most of her classes and when she does attend, she sleeps through most of them. Of course, none of the teachers remarked on her behavior. I learned many new things about her, though. She seemed to have a habit of constantly checking her appearance and correcting her makeup. The reason for that was beyond me. She always looked perfect as it was without the extra makeup. Also, apparently she was very clumsy. At least that's what she told the students who inquired about the bandages she sometimes wore. She had a habit of toying with her hair which I found adorable. Okay, I found everything about her adorable... I might be more far gone than I thought. However, I was still as invisible in her eyes. I didn't have as much courage to go on pursuing her now when faced with her indifference.

"Ya ready, Callum?" Jake chimed.

I frowned up at him. "Ready for what?"

He gave me a look of exasperation. "Don't tell me you forgot? Today's our first day of lab sessions for chemistry. Everyone's already headed there."

"Well everyone except us." Henry intervened, then shifting his gaze to the side he added. "As well as our sleeping beauty."

I quickly shifted my gaze to Jillian's seat and indeed, she was still fast asleep on her desk. They have taken to calling her 'sleeping beauty' now because of her habit of sleeping most of the time.

Jake leaned over her inert form, saying. "Seriously, how can she sleep through all that noise? One could even take advantage of her unconscious state and she probably wouldn't even know anything." He poked at her cheek, as if to make his point.

"Hey!" I warned, swatting his hand away. "No touching her."

"Whoa, there it is!" He said in an overly dramatic voice. "The overprotective boyfriend act! You sure are possessive considering that you guys are not even dating yet."

"Be quiet!" I said in a low voice, checking to make sure she was still asleep. "What if she suddenly wakes up and overhears this?"

Leaning closer to me, Henry murmured. "Why don't you wake her up? It will be troublesome for her if she misses that first class." Then he started for the door, dragging the others with him and added. "Well then, we'll be heading ahead of you."

"What?" Jake complained. "But I want to see their first interaction!"

Blake swatted at his head. "Don't be ridiculous." He chided. Then, looking at me, he added with a smile. "This is your chance, Callum. Make the most of it! Good luck!"

And just like that, they were gone, leaving the both of us alone. I carefully approached her, calling her name a few times but she still wouldn't respond. Even shaking her shoulders a few times had no effect. I couldn't believe that I was finally getting to touch her. It was kind of against her will but who cares? Suddenly feeling bold, I raked my fingers through her hair. I felt even softer and silkier to the touch than I imagined and gave off a soft, alluring fragrance. My heart was going rampant in my chest just from this simple contact. Seriously, how could I have fallen this much for this girl who hardly even acknowledged my existence? Her cold treatment pained me but I try to reassure myself that it is not just me. She does seem to avoid associating with most people, after all. Her full lips appeared so enticing, I wanted to kiss them. Before I realized it, my face drew closer to hers. As if sensing my intention, her eyes suddenly opened and I quickly drew back, feeling ashamed. To think that I was about to take advantage of her defenseless state... I really am the lowest of the low. She lifted her head and our gazes locked. I noticed that there were some silver flecks to her pale blue irises that made them appear to be shining.

I cleared my throat and said hesitantly. "Umm... it's good that you woke up. We need to head to the chemistry lab for the next class... everyone else has already headed there."

She didn't respond right away, still appearing to be in a daze as she gazed at me but then seemed to catch herself and quickly looked away.

"Thanks for telling me." She murmured. "I'll head there shortly." With those words, she grabbed her stuff and started for the door.

"Wait!" I called, grabbing her arm before she could leave, surprising us both. "I'm also headed there so why don't we go together?"

She looked at the spot where my hand touched her arm, then tugged herself free, saying. "It's fine. I need to go to the washroom first, so you go on ahead."

She was trying to push me away again but I had already gone this far, so I couldn't give up. "That's no problem. I'll wait for you."

She sighed, then turned to look at me and said coldly. "Thanks for the offer but I'll pass. See you." She started towards the door again after uttering this.

My heart dropped at her words. Her rejection stung. It took a lot of courage for me to approach her, yet she dismissed me without even a moment's consideration. For some reason, I was also feeling irritated.

"Do you even know where the lab is?" I deadpanned.

She stopped in her tracks, then turned back to look at me, biting her bottom lip nervously.

I sighed in defeat. "Come on. I'll wait for you and show you the way."

She hesitated a bit and then gave a frustrated sigh. "You don't need to. I'll figure it out. Just leave me alone."

Her cruel words caused my heart to twist painfully in my chest. Then the anger returned multifold. That was it! I give up already! I tried being nice only to be treated like an annoying bug. No longer now!

"What is your problem?" I snapped. "I'm trying to be nice here, yet why do you always have to be so rude! What did I ever do to you?"

She looked at me wide-eyed, shocked by my outburst. Then she narrowed her eyes angrily. "When was I ever rude to you?"

"Just now you were." I said.

"No, I wasn't. I just wanted to be left alone. There's nothing wrong with that!"

I knew she was right. It's not that she was being rude... she just didn't want to have anything to do with me but admitting it to myself was too painful so I kept lashing out.

"Can't you do something about that attitude of yours? I don't know if you have some issues with me or something but whether you like it or not, we're classmates. And we also happen to be sitting close to each other. It's a real pain when you keep avoiding me everyday like I'm a pest. So buck up that snobby attitude of yours!"

Her mouth opened in obvious outrage and her eyes blazed in fury. "Snobby? How dare you judge me when you do not even know anything about me. You're the one who's being rude!"

Her angry expressions were so cute as well. My heart was thrumming with excitement from finally having her full attention on me. Even if it was for an argument. At least this was better than her cold treatment. I should throw more insults at her to keep her focus on me but I couldn't bring myself to do it. As much as her attitude pained me, I still liked her. I've harbored these feelings for too long and I got used to her cold attitude over time. No matter what she did, there was no way I could hate her. Instead, I gazed at her and said solemnly. "You're right. I'm the one who's being rude here. I'm sorry. It's just that it's painful when you keep avoiding me like that, especially when I did nothing to deserve this. I just want to be able to talk to you normally."

She appeared confused by my response.

"Why?" She said, frowning.

Because I'm in love with you. But I couldn't tell her that yet. I don't think my heart will be able to take it if she rejected me, which she would most probably do. Maybe I would have a better chance if I allowed her to get to know me first.

When I didn't respond, she continued almost as if talking to herself. "I don't understand. Why would you care? I'm the sister of your worst enemy who's been a real bastard to you and your friends since long ago. Aren't you supposed to hate me? Yet you want to talk to me? Like befriending me?" She shook her head as if the very notion was ridiculous. Then her eyes widened as she added. "Unless... you have some ulterior motive?"

I was surprised that she had those thoughts. But the last part bothered me. "What do you mean by ulterior motive?"

Shifting uncomfortably on her feet, she said. "Well I'm considered to be Dan's only weakness, after all. Several of his enemies have tried to use me as a means for revenge."

Narrowing my eyes at her, I said in a tone harsher than I intended. "And you think I'm like that as well?" It hurt that she would think me capable of such horrible things. Do I look like such a cruel person in her eyes?

"It's not that! Just... this happened so often in the past. I cannot take the risk. Besides, I do not even know you that well."

My heart ached for her. Being a sister to a guy who's always making enemies must not be easy. She was just being careful, who could blame her?

"Is that the reason why you've been avoiding me?" I asked softly.

Looking away, she bit her bottom lip, a habit of hers that I found incredibly sexy, and nodded once.

I released a pent up breath, feeling relief beyond words at her confirmation. It's not that she hated me or anything... she was just trying to protect herself. All the hurt I've been harboring due to her cold treatment of me faded away to nothing with that simple knowledge.

"Do you still think that I'm trying to take advantage of you in that way?" I asked, giving her an intense look.

She met my gaze as she responded uncertainly. "Not really..."

I closed some of the distance between us and said solemnly. "I swear I never had such intentions. It's low and only a weakling would resort to this. Also, there's no way I would hate you because of what your brother did... you have nothing to do with all that."

She stared at me in silent consideration for some time. "You're right. I should've known better." She said eventually. Then, looking towards the door, she added. "We should be heading to the class. I hope your offer of guiding me there still holds."

"Of course!" I said jovially. Then, holding her hand I said. "It's this way. Come on."

She appeared flustered by our connected hands and gazed at it uncomfortably but didn't try to break the hold. I couldn't believe the amount of progress I made with her. My heart was brimming with excitement at this newfound hope.