Gamble of Death

Tonight is all we have

Blake POV

A few days passed by smoothly.I took Jim's advice and it helped things work out a lot.Des was healing fast and we were getting along as well.I think it was best to forget whatever happened and move on.

I wasn't the type of person who'd hold a grudge towards someone I cared but what she did hurt me in the worst way possible and maybe that's why it was so hard to trust her again...to let her in.However,it felt like I could trust her and I believed that she made a mistake and paid for it terribly.

It didn't occur to me how fast this month passed by.This was the last day of the second month with her.I wish this month never existed.I wish I could replace it with happy minutes.I wish we could.

I was pulled away from my thoughts when I felt a pair of arms being wrapped around my shoulder from behind.

"Good morning." She smiled and kissed my cheek.

"Good morning." I replied and dropped the newspaper on the table.

"What are you reading?" She asked as she leaned over to look at the paper.Oh,the feeling of her face on my neck.It was unbearable.Whatever force she was surrounded with,it was too much to handle.She had me obsessed with her.

"Oh,just the news." I replied.She sat down and ate her oatmeal breakfast.

No one would understand how guilty I felt when I saw the marks around her wrists,legs and neck.

I placed my hand on her wrist.

She raised her head and smiled at me before she entangled her fingers with mine.

"You are a good person.Don't ever doubt yourself." She smiled.She read me through my expressions and knew exactly what I was thinking about.

"I just don't know how I will ever apologize to you or pay you back." I whispered.

"I am not upset.I've forgotten whatever happened.I've moved on and I want a fresh start and you've already paid me back by forgiving me.That's all I've ever needed." She smiled again.

It's good that she's moved on.I was also moving on from all these unfortunate events.

"Blake,that night when I ran away, you were telling my father that you guys had a deal.Is it related to why I-"

"Des, it's nothing.I will tell you but not now.I have told you this before." I replied.

"Yes,you did." She quietly ate her breakfast.

Suddenly she changed her seat and sat beside me.She leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Do you know that I used to work as a bartender?" She asked.

"Yes, I know and you've told me once." I winked.

"You know,one day an elderly man came to the bar.I was serving him drinks.All of a sudden he grabbed my arms.Man,I got so scared.The other bartenders literally had to drag that man out of the bar.God,I was so scared.I couldn't sleep at all that night." She said.

"How old were you?" I asked.

"I was 17 but my résumé said 18, so I got to work there." She chuckled.It made me laugh a little too.

"Okay,now don't lie.Didn't you ever have any boyfriends?" I asked.

"I have never lied.I really didn't have any boyfriends but...when I was 18-"

"Actually 18 or fake age?" I chuckled.

"I was really 18.I once attended a party with my dad.There is met Mr.Denzel McMarcus.He was handsome but not that handsome.He was my first ever love interest.I mean,these kind of feelings are normal especially when you are that young.We met at a party.The thing was he was really kind but I was a dramatic person.Things happened-"

"Wh-what?" I hesitated.

"What?" She asked.

"What 'things' happened?" I asked.

"Oh,the people dad used to roam around went in different ways except Denzel.He was 38 years at that time." She explained.

"Your dad must be of that age." I joked.She laughed a bit and punched me gently on my arms.

"We started hanging out.He told me I was too young for him.Being the desperate little girl at that time,I said that I didn't have a problem.I don't know what was wrong with me.I mean,can you imagine that I wanted to try a guy who was two decades older than me? Ew." She said.I laughed at her expressions.She really was an innocent young girl.

"It's alright.Everyone makes mistake." I comforted her.

"But he's gave me a lesson... Everyone is not worth loving." She said to me.

"Everyone is not worth loving." I repeated her words and leaned closer to her face.

"I don't know what's it's like to be in love." She narrowed down her eyes.

"Maybe you know,you just don't realize it yet." I smiled.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Well, little princess Desdemona, you are young and someday you will understand these things." I tapped her nose.

"Little princess Desdemona? I am flattered." She replied.I chuckled and continued eating my breakfast.

Edith POV

I was really grateful that things were falling into place.I was really happy that Blake and I were getting along and we were acting normal again.

He dealt with all these very maturely.He tells me how terrible he feels when he sees the scars on my body.

I know that he felt guilty.Whatever he did was impulsive.

It was night fall.When I couldn't find Blake the entire house,I guess the only place he could be was the main balcony.It was the only place I never stepped my feet in after we shared our first ever kiss.I was afraid of the memories we created there.The memories we were forced to leave in that very place.

I took a deep breath and walked towards the balcony.To my expectations,he was just standing there.Looking at the stars.Something told me that he was praying for a new start by leaving everything behind.

I stood beside him and placed my hand on his.A wave of electrical energy rushed through my body as the wind pushed us both.He looked at me.His state reflected just the amount of pain he shouldn't feel.His eyes looked tired.He looked helpless.In this exact place,we kissed each other.We both wished that we hadn't and had kissed at the same time.

"Des, didn't you head for bed?" He asked.

"Yes and no I wasn't sleepy so I came to you." I replied.

"Let's go." He grabbed my hand and we walked out of that beautiful balcony.I haven't had a chance to refuse.Maybe he was afraid of being with me in that place,just like I was.

He took me to his beautiful bedroom and we sat in front of the glass wall.The view from here was breathtaking.

I leaned on the glass and looked at him.He sniffed hardly and whispered,"It's hard to move on."

"I know." I whispered.

"I wish those times didn't exist at all." He whispered as he leaned his head on the glass too.

"We have tonight." I whispered and put my hand on his.

"Let's pretend that none of it ever happened.Let's talk all night.Let's make it worth the while." I said as I looked into his galaxy eyes.

"Let's pretend tonight is all we have." I added.

"If tonight is all we had,then what would you do?" He asked.

"Me? At first,I would prepare some hot chocolate and talk to you...until the night ends." I smiled.

"Then,I will take the honor of making you a cup of hot chocolate." He said.

"Oh, that's n-" He placed his finger on my lips.

"Shh, tonight is all we have." With that statement,he walked out of the room.I waited for him to come back.

He was the kind of man who held all the charms of the world.He was kind and dangerous.He was sweet and malevolent.He was gentle and rough.

If anyone else had him,I'd be jealous.I did not know what this jealousy meant but it surely was painful and dangerous.

It didn't occur to me how much time has passed by.When he entered the room,I was pulled back to reality.He smilingly sat beside me and handed me a cup of hot chocolate.

''Thank you,Blake." I smiled.

''It's really delicious.'' I added to express my thankfulness.

''It's really weird,isn't it?" I asked.

''What is?'' Blake asked.

''Having feelings.'' I narrowed down my eyes.

''I think it's beautiful.'' He smiled.

''I think it's dangerous.' I spilled.

''It's beautifully dangerous.Don't you ever think how love works? You meet a person and then suddenly you are ready to sacrifice your entire world for them.Isn't it amazing how every single thing in the world is about that one person.How that one person illuminates your entire world filled with darkness.Isn't it wonderful how no body else matters when you are with that person? Isn't it beautiful how your heart suddenly starts to beat when you see them or when their name is being mentioned? Isn't it agitating how crazily you can fall into the depths of love with one person for whom you are ready to sacrifice your life?'' He held my hands.I was lost in his eyes when he was saying all that.

''But it hurts,Blake.'' I replied.

''Everything does,Des.You just have to find the person worth the pain.'' He replied.

I narrowed down my eyes realizing that he had experienced love with some other woman.It envied me to even think about it.

''You felt it when you were with that girl?" I asked.

''No,Desdemona.Like I told you this morning,you will grow up someday and understand what I tried to say.'' He smiled.

What he 'tried' to say.Oh,Blake.How can I say it to you without breaking your heart?

''I am afraid of love.Just like you are.'' He whispered.

''Do you trust me? Maybe a little bit?'' I asked.

''I trust you a lot more than a little bit.'' He laughed.

''Then it's all good.'' I smiled.

''My hot chocolate is now cold.Blames on you.'' I taunted him.

''How is it my fault? Mine is almost finished.'' He showed me his cup.

''You talk so much and I was distracted.'' I replied.

''Oh?'' He raised an eyebrow.

''Do you know? I want to be a gangster like you someday.'' I said.

''Don't ever go in that direction.It's money and power.One day you will be tired with no directions to run.'' He said.

''You are not tired.'' I said.

''Because I've learnt to control everything including my feelings.I don't usually engage in underworld matters unless it's a life threatening situation.'' He said.

''You are a good man.'' I tapped his shoulder.

I leaned on his chest.He ran his fingers through my hair and comforted me.His embrace was the most beautiful place in the world.I'd trade anything in the world for this.

It was wonderful.Every second I've spent with him was wonderful.He was the best part of the day.His smile illuminated me.I always wondered,what was this feeling? So unfamiliar and so dangerous.

My heart clenched when my eyes spotted the ring on his night stand table.A wave of jealousy and envy rushed through my heart.

I had a flashback of that night.It was exactly a month ago.He told me I made him feel weak and that's why he didn't wear the ring in front of me.He threw away the ring but just the next morning,he was desperate to have it back.I thought he might've kept it somewhere safe but did he still wear it? Why was it still on his night stand table.

My hands loosened from his, which was wrapped around my body.

I removed his hand and was about to stand up but he grabbed my hand.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I've to go." I replied.He didn't let me go.

"Why? The night is long." He said.I stood up but I was still in his grip.I was pressed on the glass wall.

"Let me go." I whispered.

"Not until you tell me why." He whispered.My eyes fell on the ring for a second and then met his.He followed my gaze and gulped.

"Desdemona." He whispered.

"Please leave me,Blake.I am sleepy.I have to sleep." I said.

"I...look,I haven't gotten the strength to move on completely.Please understand me,I don't have feelings for her but the ring,it means something to me.That's why I couldn't throw it away." He said.

"I understand." I replied.I was about to walk away but he pulled me once again.

"No,you don't understand." He said and he pressed his forehead on mine.

"I understand.I do but it's not easy to suppress the..." I took a deep breath,"...the pain."

"What pain?" He asked.

Blake POV

"What pain?" I asked.I was stunned by the choice of her words,even hesitated,she said that she was hurt.

"I need to go." She repeated again.

"So you are going to run away? Once again like everything meant nothing?" I whispered.

She stopped on her tracks and lowered her head.

Suddenly,she turned around,"How would you feel if I wore an engagement ring every where I went?Despite being with you.Despite saying all those sweet nothings to you.How would that make you feel?" She asked.

"Blake,look.It makes me feel uncomfortable.I feel like a leftover to you." She calmed down and explained herself.

"You are not a leftover.You are not an option.You are not a fling to me.You are someone special.You are the first person my heart's beaten for in a very long time.I didn't intend to but I have feelings towards you, Desdemona.Feelings that are out of this world.You are not the only one unfamiliar with this feeling.I don't know what this is.I have never felt it before.You wanna know why I still have this ring? It's because I am scared of falling for you." I said.I didn't intend to.I was too straight.These words were supposed to come out.She stared at me in horror.

"I am sorry.I didn't mean to say this." I wrapped my hands around her waist.

"Claire was something to me at that time.She doesn't matter to me anymore.She was my first mistake that's all she ever was." I whispered.Maybe everyone's first love is their first mistake.

"Then I want to be your favourite mistake." She murmured as leaned closer.This,again?

We shouldn't be doing this again,should we?

But tonight was a pretense.Once this night is over, everything will go back to how it was.

I wanted to push her because she was dangerous for me.Whatever energy she carried along with her had me intoxicated every single time.I wanted to breathe in her fragrance.I wanted to sleep in her chest.I wanted her to hold my hand and never let it go.The truth was I never forgot about our first kiss.I wanted to kiss her every time I saw her.I wanted to capture those sweet,cherry lips.I wanted to devour her in a way she can't even imagine.

I wanted her.I wanted her so bad that it hurt.

She looked into my eyes as she slowly wrapped her hands around my neck.She sniffed in my neck hardly.When our eyes met,it felt like the two worlds collided,creating the greatest explosion in my heart.Then,she slowly brushed her lips against mine.It was enough.I couldn't resist anymore.I leaned and captured her lips.I was so desperate to kiss those plumped red lips.

I pushed her against the glass wall as she kissed me back.I broke the kiss and kissed her neck and sucked her skin.When she moaned,I backed off.

"Desdemona..." I whispered.

"Blake..." Her eyes moistened with tears of joy as she smiled.She embraced me.

"I understand you." She whispered.

"And if I had one last day,I would choose to spend every second with you.I wish to eat the risotto you make me...and the hot chocolate." She smiled.

"After two months...when we will be apart...I want you to know that I will miss you every second no matter how bad the situation is between us.You will always be a part of my life.If possible,I will hold onto you forever." She smiled with her face wet with tears.

She turned around to walk out again.

"Then stay." I whispered,not thinking.Not knowing where the future takes us.

She turned around,gave me a short smile before walking away.