Ryle Martins
1297 Words
'CandyMint Cafe'
I am a June baby, I’m 23 years old this year. Growing older is such a strange experience. It’s like being in a dream. Suddenly you realize your surroundings changed without you realizing it, and everything’s all different. You’re getting pulled along, whether you like it or not, through a dizzying array of scenes and memories. You’re stunned when you see yourself, and realize that you’ve been changing. Part of you wasn’t ready to get older.
Another part is magic, though, a dark magic of acceptance. Things that hurt never stop hurting, you've just become better at living with the pain. That’s what happens when you repeat the same mistakes. You learn, because you remember how you coped the last time. Ignore people who say to never make the same mistake twice. I don’t know what planet they’re from, but it’s not this one. No one tells you growing up that you won’t ever stop being afraid. You just learn to live with the fear. It becomes more familiar after many years of facing it, and once you can recognize your surroundings, that’s more than half the battle.
For a while, you’re just floating along, thinking you’ll be young forever. You have vague ideas of who you’re supposed to be and what you think you’ll do. But that’s as far from actually doing it as you can possibly get. Then you wake up and realize you're already there, and getting older every second. You rail against this realization for a while and waste more time doing so. All you wanted was freedom, and control over your life. Once you have it, it’s suddenly terrifying, because you don’t know what the hell to do with it. Figuring out how to grow up is like trying to teach someone else how to do something you have no clue about. You’re flailing madly in many directions, trying to grab onto something that feels solid.
At some point I stopped wondering so much about who I was supposed to be, and started paying attention to who I already was. Maybe there was something worthwhile there I could build upon. Once I stopped beating myself up for all my mistakes long enough, it seemed like it was ok to just be me. More than anything, I value creativity: the spirit of vision that finds a way around every obstacle. I don’t think there’s anything more important.
At some point I realized that I’d proven myself enough to know that I could handle things. Maybe I wouldn’t handle them like a pro, but I’d handle them, and I’d come through the other side.
After you learn to accept that things can possibly be nightmarish, and you can also possibly be a nightmare, it becomes easier to take ownership of things. You’ve been your worst and you got through it, and everything’s still ok. Even if it’s not ok, it doesn’t matter, because you’re still here. And once you’ve made the fundamental decision to be here, that’s really the only decision that matters. You could be bawling your f*****g eyes out while everything is shattering around you, but if you’re here, and if you’re even thinking about moving towards something better, that’s good enough. That’s enough. It’s enough to struggle. You can be angry, you can be sad, you can be lost. You can be empty. You can feel all those things and it won’t kill you. You will look back and realize you still kept doing your thing, like some kind of secret agent, the whole time while everything was dark. And now that it’s lighter, look how much ground you covered. That’s grit, and it will get you through.
Mula sa malalim na pag iisip habang sumisimsim ng kanyang kape, napabaling ang tingin ni Ryle sa katabing lamesa nito. Tatlong studyanteng babae ang kanyang nakita na abalang nagtutulungan sa paglilinis sa kasamahan ng mga ito na basang basa ang damit, marahil sa natapong mga juice na bitbit nito.
"Hay nakakahiya feeling ko ako lang ang ganito kaburara, nakakahiya." Hawak pang tray ng hiyang hiya na si Claire habang pinupunasan naman ng tissue ni Mabel ang harapang damit nya.
"Sabi ko naman kasi sayo b***h, ikaw ng magdala ng tray eh! Ayan tuloy nadisgrasya pa?"
"Talaga ba Rowena? Kasalanan ko pa ngayon ang nangyari ha?" Singhal ni Roselia sa nakairap na kaibigan.
"Hoy! Tama na nga yan! Mahiya naman kayo! Wag dito utangnaloob!" Pasimpleng saway ni Mabel sa dalawang nagbabangayan na naman.
"Sorry mga girlfriends! Sorry talaga!" Nakayokong hingi ng paumanhin ni Claire sa kanyang mga kaibigan.
Samantalang titig na titig naman si Ryle sa babaeng basang basa ang damit sa harapan. Nakita pa nyang sunod sunod na paghinga nito bago umangat ang isang kamay sa mukha, may pinahid ito sa pisngi. 'Tsk! Para yun lang umiyak na agad? Parang bata lang ah! Hahaha.'
"Okay lang yun Besty! Aksidente ang nangyari, dimu naman sinasadya eh!" Bumaling si Mabel sa dalawang bitches nilang kaibigan. "Pwede ba! Manahimik na kayong dalawa dyan! Di kayo nakakatulong eh! nakakadagdag pa kayo sa kaba nitong Besty ko!"
"Uy! Galit kana ba sa lagay na yan, Mabel? Takot naman ako sa kalambingan ng boses mo! Haha."
"Tara na nga b***h! Pampagulo ka lang sa dalawang yan eh!" Kinaladkad na lang basta ni Roselia si Rowena na tawa pa rin ng tawa hanggang tuluyang makalabas ng mga ito sa "CandyMint Cafe.'
"Besty, ayos ka lang ba? Umuwi na lang kaya tayo, para makaligo ka't makabihis." Naaawang yaya ni Mabel sa kanya.
"Panu sila Queen at Ashley? Baka mabad trip satin ang mga yun kapag wala silang naabutan ni isa satin dito?"
"Ako ng bahala! Tatawagan ko na lang.. tara na!" Isinukbit sa balikat ang kanilang mga bag saka inalalayan ni Mabel makatayo ang kaibigang nanlalagkit na sa suot nitong damit na basa ng natapong juice.
'Queen? Si R'joy Queen kayang tinutukoy nito?' Lihim na sinundan ng tingin ni Ryle ang dalawang studyanteng palabas ng Cafe. Napangiwi na lang sya ng makitang natapilok pa si Miss Clumsy. "I don't think so." Napapailing na tumayo na sya't naglakad patungong pintuan. Napasulyap pa sya sa dalawa ng madaanan nyang mga ito.
"Claire Reynolds! Abay! Mag iingat ka naman kasi.. Ayan tuloy nasaktan kana naman.."
Narinig pa nyang sabi nung Mabel. Di nya tuloy napigilang mapangiti sa hitsura nung Claire. Para kasi itong basang sisiw na nakaupo sa isang gilid habang hinihilot ang paang nasaktan. 'Clumsy girl, tsk!'
Tuluyan na syang lumabas ng CandyMint Cafe. Kelangan na nyang makabalik ng prisento, at marami pa syang tatapusing trabaho. Patawid na syang kalsada ng marinig ang pamilyar na boses na tumawag sa kanya.
"Bee!"
"Honey!"
Malapad syang napangiti ng salubungin sya ng yakap ng kanyang kinakapatid paglingon nya dito.
"Queen, Help!"
Sabay pa silang napabaling sa entrance ng CandyMint Cafe ng may tumawag naman kay R'joy. Nagsalubong ang kilay ni Ryle ng makita ang dalawang studyante na nakita nya kanina sa loob ng pinanggalingang Cafe.
'Dyata't magkakaibigan ngang mga 'to? Tsk! Kawawang Honey, puro pasaway ang mga naging kaibigan.'
Nakamasid lang sya sa mga ito habang aligagang inaalalayan ang clumsy'ng kaibigan ng mga ito. Gustuhin man nyang magtagal pa kasi naaaliw syang pagmasdan ang mga ito, kaso may tungkulin syang dapat unahin, kaya nagpaalam na sya kay Queen.
"Honey, alis na'ko ha! May duty pa kasi ako!"
Nakatalikod na sya't naglalakad palayo ng marinig ang pahabol na sigaw ni R'joy.
"Ingat Bee! Chat tayo mamya!"
Itinaas nyang kamay para sumenyas ng okay! Malalaki ang hakbang nyang tinungo ang sasakyang nakaparada di kalayuan. Napasulyap pa sya sa suot na relo. Napamura ng makitang two minutes late na sya sa duty.
'Pakingshet! Nooo...' Halos liparin nyang pagitan nila ng kanyang sasakyan makaalis lang agad sa lugar na yun. 'Kapag minamalas ka nga naman oo.. Huuuu..!'
?MahikaNiAyana
- Writer
