Anhedonia

A new version

It was strange, being here again after so long. Despite how long she'd been away, She still remembered everything about the place; the blue hydrangeas planted in the front yard, the soft tinkling of the wind chimes that reminded her of summer afternoons. The blue paint had faded since she had last seen it, but she still recognized it. It looked like the color of the sky before a bad storm.

Rosie walked up to the door, dragging her luggage behind her. She raised her hand to knock, but she stopped, took a deep breath, and forced herself to hit the door. She heard the "ding-dong" sound coming from inside, and someone running towards her to get the door.

It opened slowly, and her mother's warm, loving face was revealed. Rosie embraced her in a tight hug, suddenly unsure why she hadn't returned in so long. "Rosie.." Her mom whispered her name, letting the briny drop of water to stream down on her face. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too mom." She replied. "And I'm sorry."

"You shouldn't have to say that." Her mom said. "I'm glad that you came back."

Rosie can feel the tears starts forming on her eyes but she refrained them to escaped. She already cried a lot these past four years, and crying is the last thing she wants to do.

"Me too mom. I really missed you, Alice and Dad." Chaeyoung said with a wide smile plastering on her lips, her mom knew that it wasn't the smile she used to see on her daughter, the smile is different. She knows, because she's her mom and she carried Rosie in her womb for 9 months, she took care of her until the blonde turned 15 and leave the house to study in Korea.

Mrs. Clary Park smiled back before hugging her once more and they both proceed inside the Park's residence. The same black couch are still there, the family picture are still hanging on the beige wall, the mini bar with varieties of alcohol, the staircase that seems nothing has ever walked down to it for how shine the wooden stairs are, the same aquarium she has bought when she was still a kid but a different fish on it, all the things inside their house are still the same, except her.

She gone through a lot of pain, a lot of nights where she bawled her eyes out alone, where she became more stronger, fiercer and more aware that not everyone will stay loyal and will stay at your side, even if how much you did everything just to pleased them and begged them to stay.

She is now, a new version of Rosie Park.

The smile instantly creep up on her lips when she opened the door of her untouched room. Her LPE collection are still there, her first ever acoustic guitar she received from her Dad on her 10th birthday was still lying on the corner of her room, the pink sheet of her bed, partnered with her soft and fluffy pink pillows and pink blanket.

"It is indeed, good to be back." She mumbles and sat down on the end of the bed, she roamed her eyes inside her room and her eyes stopped on the frame sitting above the bedside table. She heaved herself and reached for the frame and her smile grew wider. "I wonder how is she?" She asked herself while caressing the face of the woman on the picture.

She crawled back into the bed to grabbed her bag that she tossed when she entered the room and fished out her phone. Sending an 'hi' to the person she really missed a lot. The feeling of anticipation makes her fidget on her spot while waiting for the person to message her back and she flinched when her phone vibrated after a minute.

"Who's this?" She giggled and shook her head when she read the message. She can't blame the girl tho, it's her new number.

"I'm home Liam and I miss you so much!" She tossed the phone on her bed after she pressed the send button and quickly ran out of her room after hearing two cars arrived at their driveway.

"Dad! Alice!"

"Rosie?" Marson asked, couldn't believe what he's seeing right now, the girl running downstairs with her big and wide smile.

"Dad!" Rosie beams and throw her body onto her father who quickly catches her and engulfed her. "I missed you Dad!"

"Oh my God, you're back!" Marson exclaims, squeezing her daughter in his arms.

"When did you came back?" Alice asked, just like her father, she's also teary eyed while looking at her baby sister.

Rosie pulled away from the hug and turned to Alice. "Just this morning." She replied and pulled her sister, wrapping her long arms on Alice's neck, squeezing their faces together. "I missed you, Alice."

"I missed you more little sis."

It feels surreal for Rosie to see her family after four years of hiding. The moment she saw her mom earlier, there's a part inside her wanting to cry, but the other part doesn't. She chose the second one, because she promised herself that she will never cry again.

After their reconciliation, they all went inside the diner to continue their talks. The dinner became a full time interview for Rosie, from asking where did she stayed, what did she do while she was away, until Marson asked her if how is she.

"I'm already fine Dad, that's why I'm here." Rosie said.

"So what are your plans? Are you going to stay here for good? If you want, we can enter you to our firm."

"Dad, I'm a teacher not a lawyer." Rosie snorts before smiling widely. "And no, I want to go back in Korea." The three other members of her family exchanged secret glances but that didn't came unnoticed for Rosie. "You don't have to worry about me, I'm already fine." She assures them.

"Why don't you stay here in Australia? You have no reason to go back there." Alice tells her.

"I have friends there, I have Liam waiting for me to come back and I really want to see my goddaughter."

Alice hold her hand that resting above the table and squeezed it lightly. "But Rosie, he's certainly still hanging around with them, are you sure that you are ready to face him?" She asks worriedly, refering to the guy that Rosie doesn't want to remember but it's inevitable.

"Of course Jerry is still hanging with them, he's Hayley's best friend. But that doesn't matter anymore, like what I've told you, I'm already fine. Let bygones be bygones. That was only a part of my past." Rosie said, flashing her smile of assurance. But unbeknownst of her knowledge, Marson and Clary exchanged another secret glances before they both releases sighs.

"You know that we're just always here right?" Marson tells her and Rosie nod her head eagerly at him. "Just in case that you're still not ready, you can always go back home."

"Dad, how many times do I have to tell you that I'm fine? Actually, Jerry and I? We can still be friends, but that's only if he wants to, if not, it's still good for me."

"Fine fine, I trust you. I just wanted to make sure, after all, you're my daughter. It's normal for a father to get worried about her daughter right?" Marson said dismissively and waved his hand. "When do you plan to leave?"

"Next week, I still need to bid my goodbye to him."

"To whom?" Her family asked in unison, creasing their forehead and looking at her like they heard a very shocking news.

Rosie flashed her sweet smile before speaking. "Soon, you'll meet him." She said.

—

"Jerry, for the umpteenth time I will answer your question. I don't have any f*****g idea when will she arrived, she didn't told me. All she said was, she missed me and she's coming home!" Liam said irritatedly, brushing his palms on his face with a groan of annoyance.

"That's it? She didn't mention me? She missed you but not me?"

Liam snapped his head at the older guy and looked at him ludicrously, like it was the ridiculous thing he had ever heard from a person who, if anything, the reason of her best friend's pain.

"I wish I was deaf and didn't heard that, Jerry." Liam scoffed and moved to the other side of the room with his DSLR hanging on hisbneck.

Jerry scoffed and followed him again anyway. "Liam, listen to me. I know you went through like this, that's why I know you can understand what I'm feeling right now."

"Exactly! That's why I keep telling you to just wait for her to come back and stop nauseating me, I'm in the middle of my work Tiny, and if you must know, you're kind of a reason why we are already one hour delayed on our schedule for this photoshoot." Liam tells h calmly as much as possible, preventing himself to snap at the older guy.

Surely, he understand Jerry because he was there before, but if the brunette guy keep asking him with the same question he already answered for the hundredth times around, every f*****g day, since the day he told Jerry that Rosie messaged him that she's coming back. His business will also be delayed and his customers will not like it.

"But Liam, I'm scared." Jerry mumbles, his head lowering while rubbing his left arm.

Liam looked at the older guy upon hearing how devastated Jerry's voice, he pursed his lips, making it into a thin line before releasing a lungful sigh and looked back to his models who seems to be getting annoyed because they have waited for an hour and Liam hasn't still started the photoshoot.

"Sorry girls, but can we continue this tomorrow?" Liam asked his models shyly. Even if they are frustrated for waiting an hour, they have nothing to do but to obey what their boss/photographer wants to do. "Sorry." Liam added and bow his head at the models who shot Jerry dagger looks but the brunette ignores all of them with his head still lowered. "Let's go home."

Jerry shot his head's up when Liam tapped his shoulder. "What about your work?"

"You already nauseated us, we can continue that tomorrow." Liam said while fixing his things.

"Why are we going home?" Jerry asked confusedly, but still following Liam out of the studio.

The younger guy stopped from walking and looked over his shoulder to see the guy behind him. "So I can rant to my wife how irritating her best friend was."

"f**k you." Jerry scowled before walking hastily towards his car, leaving the younger guy laughing at him.

When the two men arrived at home, Liam immediately hopped off of his bike and ran inside their house, followed by Jerry who just came out from his car and still sulking on the thought that Rosie didn't even mentioned his name when she messaged Liam.

"Hayley!" Liam called his wife the moment he stepped his one foot inside their house. Hayley, who heard her husband's distressed voice, immediately popped her head's out from the library room, and she furrowed her forehead in confusion upon seeing her husband at home in his not usual time to arrive at home.

"You're early?" Hayley asks, more on a question than statement even though it's already obvious.

"Ask your best friend!" Liam hisses before kissing his wife. "Where's Akisha?"

"She's taking a nap." Hayley answered before shifting her eyes at the brunette behind her husband. "What happen Jerry?"

"Nothing." Jerry shrugs and throw hia body onto the couch, lazily.

"He's in the studio since this morning and keep asking me when will Rosie will arrive." Liam complains, sitting beside the brunette guy.

Hayley chuckled while shaking her head. "I'm sorry babe, he's just anxious."

"And it's ok to bother me at work?" Liam asked in disbelief.

"Sorry okay? I'm just nervous!"

"Psh!" Liam rolled his eyes before fishing out his phone from his pocket. "You're lucky I'm such a good Samaritan person to help a lost puppy."

"Oh why, Thank you." Jerry said with full of sarcasm in his voice.

"Shut up." Liam hisses and starts dialing Rosie's number. "Hello Rosie?" Jerry immediately sat straight when he heard Liam and making a signal to the latter to put the phone in speaker because he badly want to hear the blonde's voice. Liam did what he asked to do but he received two smacked on his head from his wife and Jerry, when they heard that the phone is still ringing and Rosie hasn't answered his call.

"I swear to God Liam! You're still an annoying fart gas!" Jerry sneered and was about to hit Liam again but he froze when he heard the voice that he misses, his heart churns.

"Hey Liam, what's up?"

Jerry's breath hitches, his heart starts beating fast that it echoes through his ears, he can feel his heart aching but in a good way just by hearing the blonde's voice. What more if he sees the girl? He would probably die in happiness.

"God, you're real!" Liam exclaims, still couldn't believe that he's hearing the blonde's voice.

Rosie laughed on the other line, making Jerry to bit his lower lip to prevent himself from crying. God knows, how hard he prayed just to hear Rosie's laugh again after he unintentionally broke her heart.

"Crazy! Of course I'm real, so did you hang me up just to confirm I'm real?"

"Yes, but also to know when will you back?"

"Excited much to see me huh?" Rosie teased, and even though Jerry couldn't see her, he knew that the younger girl is wearing her cute little smirk on her fleshy lips.

Liam looked up to Jerry and grinned, he thought of teasing the older guy but when Jerry shot his head's up, Liam saw his eyes glimmering with tears, which made him to have a second thought about teasing the older guy.

"I really am Rosie, all of us actually." Liam said softly, a gentle smile graced his lips while looking at Jerry.

There's a seconds of silence on the other line before a faint sniffles can be heard. "Urgh! I hate you for making me teary eyed!" Rosie hisses, trying her voice not to struggles with her words. "I missed you too Liam, Seul-ki, Juhyun and Hayley. I missed you all, especially.." Rosie choked back her tears and Jerry anticipated to hear his name comes out from the blonde's, but the next name he heard from the younger girl makes him cry silently and break his heart. "—Akisha. That kid, I'm so excited to see her!"

Hayley immediately approached her best friend and rubbed his back to soothe him.

What is he even expecting? He caused Rosie the unbearable pain that made her decided to ran away, and expecting that Rosie would say that he also miss the brunette guy will never gonna happen.

"Aki misses you too Rosie, please come back sooner." Liam said, wanting to finished the talk because Jerry's weep is getting louder. "So Rosie, when will yo—."

"Babe, c'mon. We'll be late." Liam's question interrupted when they heard a man's voice on the other line, they are not sure if he's calling Rosie or not. He quickly looked up again and saw Jerry with his shocked expression.

"Coming!" Rosie answered yelling, confirming that she's really the one who got called by that guy. "I have to go Liam well I'm going back next week. Wait for me ok? Love you!" The blonde said before they hear the beep sound, sign that the call was ended.

"Jerry.." Liam called softly, tossing hia phone behind him and pulled the older guy into a tight hugged.

Emotional pain isn't felt the way a cut or bruise is. This is much different and only you can tell it is there. Sometimes the pain is at the back of your mind like a pulse. Other times it pushes itself forward demanding attention. Cutting your heart and mind in half stinging with every breath you take. And Jerry is now facing that emotional pain at this moment, his tears earlier was nowhere to be found, he couldn't feel anything even if Liam hugging him and Hayley stroking his back, he can't feel anything but numbness.

Surely, he's happy to hear the blonde's voice, her cute giggles, her laugh and even the sound of her smirk. But that happiness quickly changed into an excruciating pain when he heard a man calling Rosie his 'babe'.

"W-what was that Liam?" Jerry asked, her voice melancholic.

"I don't know." Liam replied, faintly.

Jerry laughed throatily and retract himself from Liam. "Sh-she have a n-new.." Jerry paused to swallowed hard and bit his lower lip to stopped it from quivering. He couldn't will his mouth to say the word that he supposed to say, it feels like a poison that if ever he spit that word out of his mouth, he'll die.

He felt Liam, holding his hand tightly, too tight, that if ever he loosen the grip, they will lose him.

Jerry forced himself to smile, but he failed miserably when he looked up to see Hayley looking back at him, eyes glistened with tears. His remaining thread of strength frayed before breaking completely, sending him plummeting over the edge and into the darkness. Hysterical sobs shook his thin frame, threatening to tear him apart from the inside. He fought to reclaim control over his body, shocked by the sounds escaping from deep within his chest. Tears streaked down while the thought of Rosie had her new found love kept rattling on his mind.

He put his hand above his head and his knees bend towards his chest before hugging them.

"I d-deserve this p-pain."

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