When Love is Gone

Chapter 1

"What the hell, Ram?!"

Sarah was trying hard to control her frustration, but I simply shrugged my shoulders. What did she expect me to do? Take some pills for my limp c**k to come to life so I can f**k her until kingdom comes?

"I'm not in the mood, Sarah," I said as I picked up my shirt from the floor and put it on.

"It's been months, Ram! Months! What the hell is happening to you? In the early years, you weren't like this! You were always lively, and I was always deliciously sore from the s*x. But now, you can't even keep it up for five minutes straight!"

"Was that all you wanted from me, Sarah? Just the s*x?" I sarcastically replied.

She looked offended, then embarrassed, but eventually calmed down. She got up, walked over to me, not caring that she was still naked, and hugged me, apologizing.

"I'm sorry, Ram. I just miss making love to you. It's been months since you changed. It seems like you don't enjoy having s*x with me anymore. It's as if you don't love me anymore."

She was sulking, but it didn't affect me.

"I divorced my wife because of you, Sarah. Have you forgotten that already?"

Don't make me tell you that I regret it now. I wanted to add but decided not to.

She nibbled on her lip before responding.

"I understand, Ram. I appreciate that you've chosen me over her. I know that you truly love me. Let's just get some rest, okay? You mentioned you're tired and need to relax. Why do you have to work so hard at the company? Have you not impressed your ex-wife's parents enough yet? No matter how many deals you close, they'll always see you the same way. We both know they haven't forgiven you for hurting their precious princess," she added the last word with a hint of sarcasm.

The conversation about Grachelle and her parents, and her sarcastic reference to my ex-wife as a princess, only served to further irritate me.

"Stop acting like you have all the answers about what's happening at the company, Sarah."

"I do know what's going on there. I used to work there, Ram. I still have connections in that company. If you hadn't asked me to resign, I could have at least been your secretary. At least then, you'd have an ally."

I let out an exasperated sigh at her words.

Since my divorce from Grachelle, her parents have treated me differently. It was to be expected that they would harbor ill feelings towards me, but they never openly disrespected me, for which I was grateful. They were distant, yes. Polite, yes. What did I expect after what I had done to their daughter? Praise? They would sooner cut off their own hands. I had grown accustomed to their chilly demeanor by now. I love my job at the company and have worked hard to be in my position right now, and I can proudly say that it wasn't because of Grachelle. Besides, her parents respected her decision to give me half her shares in that company. When I got to know about it, I tried to return it to her parents. I told them that I didn't need the shares. I am a hardworking and determined man. But then they said that it was Grachelle's decision and if I wanted to return the shares, it should be to her and not to them. I sighed. How can I return it if she's already gone and I don't have any idea where she is?

Of course, I wouldn't ask it straight from her parents. I am not that insensitive. But it has been what? Four years? I haven't got any news about her. It was hard to admit it, but hell, I miss her. I miss her so much. I looked at Sara and when I saw that she was already sleeping, I stood up. I went to the bar of my unit and got some bottles of beer. And as I silently drank the bitter beer from the bottle, my eyes suddenly saw my empty ring finger. I suddenly miss seeing my wedding ring there which I've thrown the day I told Grachelle that I was filing a divorce.

I despised the ring from the moment Grachelle slipped it onto my finger at our wedding. To me, it symbolized the loss of my freedom and the woman I truly loved. Every time I caught a glimpse of it, I couldn't help but silently curse Grachelle. My heart was filled with hatred towards her. Yes, I detested her more than the ring itself, especially when I found out she wasn't actually pregnant.

Our three years of marriage were pure misery because I was stuck with someone I despised. People judged me because of her - I was just a poor man's son married to a rich man's daughter. Everyone assumed our marriage was purely for convenience. I didn't love her, yet I married her. I only agreed because I thought she was pregnant and I needed her money to save my mother's life. I should have been grateful, but how could I be when my freedom was the price I paid for her help? It was humiliating to admit, but she had indeed bought me.

She purchased my freedom, my name, and my family's loyalty, but she couldn't buy my heart. No matter what she did, my heart remained untouched. Despite her efforts to make me happy, she couldn't break down the walls I had built around my heart. But she did manage to c***k it, didn't she? A little voice inside my head whispered. And as time passed without her in my life, the c***k grew bigger.

"Damn true," I whispered bitterly. My heart swelled as I saw her in front of me again, tears streaming from her eyes, filled with sadness and disappointment.

"I don't want to eat so eat alone!" I coldly rejected her offer to eat together, my eyes filled with disdain as I glanced at the beautifully set dining table she had prepared.

"But it's our anniversary and I..."

"Anniversary? Why don't you just celebrate by yourself? You were the only one who was happy in this marriage, right? So go ahead, Grachelle! Celebrate alone!"

I let out a heavy sigh, the memory of her tears still fresh in my mind.

Later that night, as she quietly slipped into bed beside me, I fulfilled my marital duties.

"Why are you crying? Didn't you enjoy how our anniversary turned out?" I sneered as she tried to hide her tears.

"Make sure you don't get pregnant. We don't need another unwanted child." My cruel words cut her deeply, but I felt no remorse. In my eyes, she deserved nothing but disrespect.

She was gone, and it was all because of me. I can't believe she will remain with me even if I've already hurt her so badly. I was heartless whenever it came to her. Her tears, her pains, and her sufferings weren't enough. They weren't enough for me to feel love or even sympathy towards her.

Or so I thought.

Days after separation were the days I was the happiest. I thought finally, I not got only my freedom back but so as Sarah. She's back in my life while Grachelle is already gone. But then after some more months of not seeing her, I started missing her. I started looking for any trace of her. I thought I was just curious of what had happened to her after our separation.

But I was wrong. Not only did I start missing her but I started longing for her as well. I found myself going back to our old house. Looking at every corner where I used to see her. And when I lay on the bed we've shared for three years, I suddenly remembered her happy smiles and twinkling eyes that I miss seeing. I started smelling her in the air. I started feeling her embracing me. I started feeling her kisses. I started hearing her whispers. And yet she's gone. And that's all because of me. Starting that day, I became cold toward Sarah. I can't seem to kiss her or embrace her like I used to do. And what's worse, I can't make myself have s*x with her or if I did, it was always forced.

It wasn't her laughter that I was longing for.

It wasn't her voice that I was longing for.

It was Grachelle's.

And then I finally admitted it.

I indeed fell in love with my wife unexpectedly.

But it was too late to admit it, right?

It was too late to realize my own stupidity.

She's already gone and who knows if she'll still be back.

So here I am, suffering in silence.

I deserve it, right? I deserve to be longing for her and yet I can't see her, hear her, touch her and love her.

I deserve to regret in silence.

...

I strolled lazily towards my office that Monday morning. Hungry, stressed, and pissed off because Sarah was throwing another tantrum and didn't bother to prepare breakfast for me. She's always like that whenever she doesn't get her way. Sulking like a child until the next morning.

Damn. Sometimes, I just want to end things with her. But then I remember the sacrifices Grachelle made for my happiness. That thought always stops me from kicking Sarah to the curb.

And who's the happy one now, huh?

That annoying voice in my head taunted. If only it were real and in front of me, I'd punch it in the throat for mocking me.

"Hey, why are you still here? The president wants us to welcome some very important guests today," Brennan, the head of marketing, interrupted my thoughts. I hadn't even noticed my colleagues rushing towards the door like there was a fire.

"This early?" I questioned, walking back with him.

"Yes. The president specifically asked for all of us to be there to greet the VIP guests."

Hmm. I wonder who it could be. Probably more millionaire investors for the company.

By the time Brennan and I reached outside, everyone was already lined up. I glanced ahead and saw Grachelle's mother staring at me. I gave her a nod, but she turned away as if she hadn't seen me. I shrugged it off.

Grachelle's mother must really value the guests for her to be present here, I pondered. She only attends such gatherings on special occasions.

The arrival of a black Bugatti La Voiture Noire caused everyone to fall silent.

"Wow, that's my dream car!" Brennan whispered with excitement.

A tall man emerged from the car, prompting loud whispers and giggles from the women in the group, causing me to roll my eyes.

The man walked to the passenger side and opened the door. I caught sight of black stilettos first, followed by a figure-hugging black dress, and shoulder-length strawberry blonde hair.

Who could she be?

My heart skipped a beat when the woman finally turned to face us.

I almost forgot how to breathe when our eyes met, her beautiful grey eyes locking with mine.

"Grachelle..."