When Love is Gone

Chapter 8

I propped myself against the door after shutting it. I stayed put until I heard Ram's car drive away. Once it was gone, I allowed myself to sink down to the floor. My entire body was shaking. Tears streamed down my face like a waterfall.

Encountering him again and being back in this house stirred up a lot of old wounds in my heart. I cried as memories of the pain I endured in this house for three years flooded back. I thought that surviving alone for three years had made me strong, but I was mistaken. How foolish I was to believe that I could return to this place without shedding a single tear.

Every corner of this house served as a painful reminder of my past weakness. How I loved a man, gave him everything, and lost myself in the process of loving him wholeheartedly.

"Why does it still hurt?" I whispered to the empty rooms.

"Why do you keep reminding me of how I humiliated myself for him? Why do you force me to recall the countless times I begged for his love? Wasn't three years of self-healing enough to erase all the pain?"

I cried so hard, it felt like my heart was being torn apart. I couldn't hold back anymore. The pain of reminiscing about my past in this place was unbearable, especially when I recalled the last day I spent here. I pleaded for mercy, even though I knew I shouldn't have, all because of love. I didn't want him to leave me. I was willing to keep loving him, even if he didn't feel the same way for a few more years, but he still chose to go back to Sarah.

And now he's saying he loves me. Doesn't he realize how much he hurt me by confessing that?

Why now, Ram?

I can't love you anymore. I'm afraid to open up to you again because I don't think I can handle it if you break my trust once more.

It took me a while to compose myself. Eventually, I got up and left the house. I couldn't bring myself to explore the other parts of the house. They held too many painful memories.

I got into my car and drove back to the house where Charlie and I live. Despite all the suffering I endured during my marriage to Ram, there was one thing that truly brought me joy - my three-year-old son, Charlie.

He's the reason I made it through those four years alone after the divorce and moving abroad. It was Charlie who showed me how to be strong and conceal the pain I experienced with his father. During those tough times, I only had him and Theo by my side whenever the haunting memories resurfaced. They both taught me resilience and fortitude. They helped me gear up for my return. I thought I was prepared, so I decided to take on my responsibilities in our company. I believed I was ready. But, oh boy, was I mistaken.

However, I refuse to reveal to anyone the impact Ram still has on me and how our history is resurfacing. I must not show any vulnerability or they will take advantage of me once more. I need to prove that I am not the same Grachelle they mocked; the girl they mistreated. I will demonstrate that I surpass them in every way. I am no longer the teenager they could control effortlessly.

I'm relieved that Theo will be by my side for the next few months. Having him around helps me remember the lessons I learned in London. He also serves as a reminder that someone can still love me despite my past and being a single mom. I hope he can wait until my feelings for Ram fade away completely. I want him to be the only man my heart beats for as long as I live.

I parked my car and quietly entered the house. I headed straight to my room where Charlie was sleeping with his nanny earlier. I woke her up gently.

"Linda, it's me. You can go back to your room. Thank you for looking after Charlie."

"Yes, Ma'am," she replied obediently before leaving the room.

I ruffled Charlie's hair before heading to the bathroom to freshen up and change clothes.

I wasn't supposed to leave Charlie, but I had a dream about the house I once shared with Ram. It felt like it was calling out to me, so I went there. I never expected to see him there. It caught me off guard, but I couldn't just leave or he might think I was afraid to face him. I'm just grateful I managed to keep my emotions in check in front of him; otherwise, I would've embarrassed myself.

After coming out of the bathroom, I lay down next to Charlie. I ran my fingers through his hair and planted a gentle kiss on his forehead.

"Baby, I saw your daddy again," I whispered to him.

"You know what, darling? Your eyes, nose, and lips are just like his... I smiled at the sleeping figure of my son, tears welling up in my eyes.

"Out of all the pain he brought me, you're the pain I cherish the most, my sweet Charlie. I'm sorry I haven't introduced you to your father yet. I know you've been curious about him, but it's not the right time, my love. I want your paths to cross naturally. When the time is right, it will happen. I won't stand in the way of you meeting your dad. But for now, we wait. I love you, Charlie. You're my greatest blessing. I'll remind you of that every day."

I planted a gentle kiss on his forehead before closing my eyes, and drifting off to sleep.

...

"Good morning, Dad... Mom!" I cheerfully greeted my parents.

"Mownin', Dad...Mom!" Charlie greeted them too, as he kissed them on the cheeks.

"Morning, Theo." I smiled before sitting beside him. Charlie was already on his grandfather's lap.

"Good morning, Mommy."

My parents looked at me and Theo, and they didn't even hide their smiles at Theo's pet name for me. I know that they want Theo for me and Charlie. I can't blame them. Theo would be a perfect husband for me and a perfect father for Charlie. But until everything about my past isn't solved yet, then Theo will only remain as my best friend and an uncle to Charlie.

"Good morning, Charles," he happily greeted my son.

"Mornin', Daddy T!" Charlie greeted back.

"Are you going to the office with Grachelle today, Theo?" Dad asked him while we were in the middle of our breakfast.

"Yes, Uncle. I'll be with her. I won't leave her alone. I'll be her bodyguard," he jokingly said but I know that he's telling the truth if I need him to be. He will guard me from Ram and from Sarah just in case she comes and ruins my day.

"Dad, he won't just be my bodyguard. He will help me with some of the paperwork waiting for me."

"I'll be there after lunch. I want to spend more time with my grandson now that he's here with us."

I felt guilty about what my dad said. I've kept my son away from them for three years, too. They only spent a little time with us during their visits.

"Don't worry, Dad. Now that I'll take over the company, you will spend a lot of time with us, especially with Charlie."

"Thank God for that!"

We all laughed at what he said.

When we finished breakfast, I kissed Charlie goodbye. He wanted to join me, but I explained that I had a lot of work to do. My parents promised to take him to the mall, so he finally let me go.

"Dad, are you ready to work with your ex as your subordinate?" He asked me as he drove us to the office.

"I am," I replied, reassuring myself as well.

"Your eyes look like you were crying last night," he observed.

"Just had a bad dream," I fibbed. I didn't want to worry him.

He nodded and smiled at me.

"Now that you're back here, you'll be facing your fears every day, Dad. I hope you're strong enough to handle them."

I smiled back, knowing he cared.

"I hope so, Theo. But I promise you, when I face them, I won't back down without a fight."

His smile grew wider.

"That's my dad!" he said proudly.

We both chuckled as he winked at me.