Canadian heartbreak (The stars book 1)

6: A very awkward conversation

 *Persephone*

  "Should I go take a shower ?" I ask Tyler as we get ready for bed. He had taken an evening flight instead of the usual morning one and I have a sneaking suspicion he had been trying to catch me doing something I shouldn't and honestly had he come five minutes later, he probably would have.

 The air had been uncomfortably thick with tensions as he and Zayn greeted each other and Zayn thanked Tyler for letting him stay here. I didn't know which leg to stand on.

 Tyler look at me and I feel kind of stupid. He is good at making me feel like that. "Why are you asking me that ? Don't you know if you need a shower ?"

 "I.. I was thinking if you wanted to snuggle.. if not there really isn't a reason to as I was in the pool earlier". Tyler always wants me to shower right before s*x, a couple of hours is maximum or he asks me to shower again.

 He shakes his head. "Don't you have your period ? You told me yesterday on the phone that you had cramps. You know I don't want to f**k you when you are bleeding".

 "But I am not. I haven't bled since this morning at all. So if I take a shower there is no risk at all". I know I sound desperate. But I just need some physical contact. Tyler has been away almost 3 weeks and all this with Zayn here.. well my body is all winded up.

 Tyler looks at me like I am something nasty, making my chest hurt. "No reason to. You know my rule, at least 24 hours after you stop bleeding and then take a long shower, I don't want blood on my d**k".

 "Sorry. I just thought after being away, well that you had missed me and.. I mean it's not like I am bleeding. I don't really see the problem". I say. The way he looks at me makes me feel so dirty, like I had suggested something really nasty.. and the fact that he doesn’t want me after 3 weeks apart makes me feel unwanted and unloved.

 He goes to brush his teeth, looking a bit annoyed. "You know I loathe period blood. So I don't want to risk anything. But of course I missed you sweetie".

 "You just find me so disgusting you don't want your d**k near me or your mouth for that sake". Yeah, I am whining a bit, but I feel hurt. It is not the first time we have had one of these discussions.

 He rolls his eyes. "Oh for god's sake Penny, stop it. And of course I don't want to lick your p***y when you are bleeding, that is just vile".

 "I don't mean now. But you never do. You avoid it like I am poison down there". I snap. I feel frustrated and actually hate saying it, because it makes me feel ungrateful and demanding.

 He takes off his clothes and throws them in the hamper. "Are we really going to have this discussion again ? It's not you, I just don't like doing it. It tastes weird and I feel like I can't breathe".

 "Well then try having a d**k stuffed down your throat". I snap. Yeah okay it is a returning awkward topic. It just makes me feel so.. well not desired that he doesn't want to. And if he does it, like once or twice in a year I always end up utterly disappointed, because he looks like someone who is hating every second of it.

 He just shakes his head. "Are we going to have the lack of ‘passion’ discussion again ? Because I am tired and honestly I don't know what it is you want woman".

 "I just want to feel loved and desired. I just want to feel that to you I am sexy and irresistible.. maybe I am longing for something that doesn't exist". I sigh. My heart hurts. I feel lonely and rejected.

 He puts on his pyjamas pants. "Yeah you do. You read too many sleazy novels. People who have known each other as long as us, they are not passionate. Men my age can't just have s*x twice in a day, we need to recover. And well it's not my fault that I don't like giving oral sex.. and now I will go to bed".

 I just stand there, feeling lost. Is it wrong of me to want to feel desired to feel passion ? Should I just be grateful for what I have ?

 Tyler turns glaring at me. "Don't for one minute believe your precious Zayn is any better. He is older than me. At least I always try to give you an o****m first, even though my arm gets tired". And with that he goes to the bedroom, smacking the door.

*Zayn*

 I find her sitting on the top of the stairs, crying softly with her face in her hands. I sit down next to her, putting my arm around her shoulder. "Are you okay Kitty ?"

 "Honestly, no. But it is…well I don't want to bother you with this". She says, blushing as she rests her head on my shoulder.

 I pull her closer to my side, it is my turn to lightly blush. "It wasn't my intention to listen. But my bedroom is right on the other side from your bathroom wall. Honestly Tyler is a f*****g jerk and an i***t".

 "Oh God, I didn't think... I am so sorry you had to listen to that. You must think me ungrateful and spoiled". She says,hiding her face.

 I rub her arm softly. "It's okay darling. I think I'll survive. But no I am thinking no such thing about you. Tyler on the other hand.. well both and so much more. Come Kitty, let's go downstairs and get something to drink. You seem like you need a friendly ear. Someone to talk to". I tell her, pulling her up with me and then leading her down the stairs.

 I make us each a cup of hot chocolate and we sit down on the couch. "I can't talk to you about this, Zayn. You are a man".

 "Well no need to repeat the details, but that man is deranged if he comes home after being away from you for weeks and doesn't want to… well jump you as soon as possible". He says with a small chuckle. "I know I wouldn't be able to wait".

 "Zayn !" She blushes and quickly drinks from her hot chocolate. But I mean it, he is bonkers rejecting her, especially on such a stupid basis.

 I take a sip, then put down my cup. "Sorry to be so bland. But honestly he doesn't deserve you. And he is wrong. Passion and desire don't have to die. And well, using his age as an excuse for his own shortcomings is just ridiculous".

 "It is just me wanting more than can be expected... me having read too many books… looking for things that don't exist". She says looking at her hands.

 I take her hands in mine. Do I want to show her how wrong Tyler is ? Oh yeah with all of my being. But I know this isn't the right time. "Believe me darling those things do exist, apparently Tyler just isn't man enough to give you those things".

 She starts crying softly again. I know she is at a crossroad right now. I don't want to push her. She needs a bit of time to think. So I just get up and rub her back slowly. Knowing that it always calms her.

 Slowly she stops crying and a purring sound starts rising from her chest. Sounding like a kitten being petted. She always did this getting her back rubbed or scratched. That is why I call her Kitty.

 "Oh aren't you two cosy". Tyler's voice sounds from the door. He is standing there only wearing pajama pants. I am wearing the same and I feel how he is measuring me up. Yeah sorry there jerk, but that is just yet another way I outshadow you now and I know you are hating it. "I just wanted to know if you were coming to bed ?"

 Kitty gets up. She looks at me with a soft smile, then she kisses my cheek. "Thank you Zayn. I better get to bed. See you Tomorrow".

 "Sleep well Kitty". I say, watching her leave. Tyler sends me a snare, before leaving too. Yeah he does not like me. But hey fair enough, I do plan on taking his woman from him, and show her how she should be treated.