Canadian heartbreak (The stars book 1)

 *Zayn*  "Are you staying with Penny while you are in Canada ?" Ben says like he is sure he heard wrong.  Luke joins him, shaking his head. "Are you absolutely insane Zayn ? Do you like punishing yourself ?"  I roll my eyes. "What ? Why would it be a problem ? It is much more relaxed than staying at a hotel. Her fiance and kid are there too".  "Tell me Zayn, what happened when she told you she was pregnant and moving to Canada ?" Ben says, looking at me with one eyebrow raised.  I make a face, it has nothing to do with that, he doesn't wait for me to answer though. "You went and almost married on some crazy whim. Because when you couldn't have her you might as well take the first one available".  "I didn't get married, remember ? And it wasn't because she moved". I say, knowing that it isn't completely truthful. It might not have been planned like that, but subconsciously.. well it might have had something to do with it. But I can't really say that.  Luke shakes his head. "Zayn, don't lie to yourself. Just be happy I managed to keep that whole mess out of public knowledge. We all know you have a very soft spot for Penny. You always regretted not making a move back when she was single".  "It was a long time ago". I say confidently. "I might have been a bit enamoured with her back in the days. But I have moved on. We are friends. So it seems logical staying there when she offered".  "Just admit it Zayn". Ben says emptying his beer. "Penny was your one who got away. Your ‘what if ?’ The woman you hold everyone else up to".  Is she ? But how could she be ? I mean that is supposed to be an ex right. "Ben she can't be, we never dated. Hell, we never even fooled around. So how could she be ?"  "Because you always had the biggest crush on her. Everyone can see that". Ben says. "So what is Tyler Marc or what it is he calls himself saying to this. I can't imagine him wanting you there. He never liked you".  I shrug. "Honestly I don't know, I haven't exactly talked to him. And well I know he isn't my biggest fan, and believe me the feeling is mutual. I never understood what she saw in him".  "And that of course has nothing at all to do with you being jealous right ?" Luke says, shaking his head. "Just watch out Zayn and don't get yourself into a mess".  When they leave I start wondering if they are right. Is this a bad idea ? I mean it's not like I am still in love with her. I have hardly seen her since she moved to Canada. Only shortly when she was in London or we were both in LA. No, I have moved past that infatuation a long time ago.  I had first met Persephone as her real name is, when she had a tiny role in a small Independent movie I did. We just clicked right away. But I had a girlfriend, then she had a boyfriend, then I was out of town a lot and well, then she met Tyler and he swept her off her feet. They have been together for almost 9 years and have a 3 year old daughter, so I guess you can say that ship has sailed.  But we have become close friends, that was probably also the reason I never confessed my feelings for her. I was afraid she wouldn't be my friend anymore. It was hard enough with her boyfriend Tyler not liking me.  Luckily for me he is also an actor and currently works on a show being shot in New York, so he is away a lot of the time. Which means I get to spend some quality time with my favourite girl. *Persephone*  "You asked him to come stay here.. in our home while he is shooting here ? That is like what.. 10 weeks or something". Tyler is staring at me. I just told him that I invited Zayn to stay here with us.  I walk over putting my arms around his neck. "Yeah I did. You know Zayn is one of my closest friends. I have known him like.. forever, but I hardly get to see him anymore. I thought it was a good opportunity to catch up".  "And what will the neighbours think and the tabloids think, when they find out you have a man staying here while I am in New York filming ?" He keeps his arms at his sides, not touching me.  I nuzzle his neck, sending him a sweet smile. "Honestly, do we care about that ? And if anyone asks I tell them the truth, that he is an old friend using our spare room while he works here".  "You know I don't like him". He says, winding his arm around my waist. "The way he looks at you and that calling you Kitty thing. He has always had a crush on you".  Shaking my head in denial I say. "Stop it babe, of course he doesn't have a crush on me, that is ridiculous. And the Kitty thing is back from when before I met you.. it's just a nickname".  "I am still not a fan of the idea, but I won't tell you that you can't do it". He says, his hands running down on my ass, squeezing it. It is evening and our daughter is sleeping soundly in her room. "When did you last shower ?"  "This morning". I tell him, I know what he wants. Part of me isn't really in the mood, the other part is.. kind of.. but kind of hoping for something new, and not just the usual.  He kisses me softly, winking at me. "What about you scurrying out and taking a shower then and getting up in the bedroom when you are done ? I want to cuddle".  I go shower, grabbing the shaver to make sure there isn't the slightest fuzz of hair on my private parts. Part of me hopes that I can convince him to.. well to get his mouth anywhere near there. But who am I kidding, if he gets his head south of my belly button twice a year it is a good year. And frankly when he finally does it feels like he finds it unpleasant, which makes me feel kind of weird.  Then I go to our bedroom and climb into bed. Tyler is checking his emails, so I scuddle down under the blanket. He puts away his ipad, and rolls on his side to face me. Kissing me softly and slowly, just as he always does.  His hands are stroking my side and back for a bit. He is already naked. No need to spend time on undressing each other I guess. Then he starts massaging my breast. I try running my hands over him. He has a good body. Well trained and muscled. No hair on his chest or private area, he has both waxed regularly. I honestly find it a bit ridiculous but if it makes him feel good, then let him.  His mouth finds my n****e, sucking on it. Harder and harder, it feels good, but well sometimes a bit mechanical. I can't really explain. More like 'I know this works' than 'I am crazy about this woman and her body'.  Two fingers find my entrance, sliding into me. And it isn't that I am not turned on. My body does react to his caresses. It feels good. But it is like there is something missing. And like so often, I have a dirty movie running inside my head. Of things I would like him to do. Of passion and feeling like the most sexy woman in the world.  Again it gets a bit robotic. Like he knows me too well. Like he knows which button works and it is all about reaching the point where he gets to have s*x. And I do as expected, I moan and squirm and I have my assigned o****m. And it is nice and I kind of feel bad for wanting more. I mean a lot of women have a hard time getting one, for me it has always been easy, maybe too easy.. he doesn’t have to work for it.  Then he is on top of me, my legs folded around him. It feels good, he is okay blessed with size and I feel him. But he reaches his end before I do and it is over. Once again I get this empty feeling of something missing, but I push it away and go to the bathroom to clean myself up before going to bed again to sleep.