Tasmina's Tale

12. When I'm Gone

Tasmina

As I walked back inside, I couldn’t help feeling a dull weight settling into my chest. It was worse than the first time we had left the palace. I expected my family to be ready to tease me as I walked back in and I braced myself. To say that I wasn’t in the mood would be putting it lightly. But as I walked through the door, Mama enveloped me into her arms. I had the strangest urge to cry. She kissed my cheek softly and smiled, her warm gaze cocooning me. 

“I was wrong about him. He will love you more than I could even have dared to hope,” she said, squeezing me against her.

“Have you seen it?” I whispered, still fighting the urge to cry. 

“I see you, my darling girl. And I see the way he looks at you. I… I will forever be grateful to know you are so loved, even when I am gone.” 

Just the thought of Mama being gone was enough to tip me over the edge and the tears began to fall. 

“My sweet girl, what is it? Why do you cry? Two years will pass in but a blink, my love!” 

She wiped my tears and kissed the tip of my nose. 

“It’s not that… I know I will, I just couldn’t bear the thought of you not being here, Mama. Promise you’ll never leave me alone.” 

Mama laughed, the tinkling sound spreading through our home, bringing me hope despite my sudden dour mood. 

“Oh, my sweet girl. You will never be alone. I see much love in your future, more love than perhaps even I could ever give you.”

I laughed as I brushed my tears away. 

“Oh, please, Mama. No one in this world could love me more than you.” 

“Perhaps. But perhaps the love you shall receive will come from far more than one person,” she said, winking at me. 

“Oh, so I will have many mates,” I joked. 

She laughed loudly. 

“Love has far more sources than mates, my darling girl. And I have seen more of it in your future than I could have dreamed.” 

“And what of me, Mama?” Felan asked, waggling his eyebrows. 

“My darling boy, the less I see of your shenanigans, the better,” Mama replied, rolling her eyes. 

We all laughed at this together, and with my spirits suitably lifted, we spent the evening together, talking over the events of the day. Felan had embellished his altercation with Prince Rikom to the point that now the tale involved a hard fought battle between the two, which Felan had eventually conceded and allowed the prince to win upon finding out he was royalty. I rolled my eyes at him and he grinned without shame. He was utterly hopeless. As he passed his pipe to Faris, who waved it away, and then to Mama, who ruffled his hair and called him a terror, I felt completely and utterly at peace.

—

I fell back into my routine more easily than I had expected. Despite travelling to Bulan, Prince Rikom still linked me each night. It comforted me to hear his voice, and on the few nights we were unable to speak, I found it more difficult to sleep. There were some nights where I could hear the playfulness in his voice, feel the fire of his words and it set my body alight with desire. We talked of his training, how his teacher, Coman, was a ferocious man, quiet but dignified. Despite his few words, he sounded formidable, his ability in combat second to none. Meanwhile, I told him of my training with Mama, how Ruki progressed in combat every day, growing stronger and more agile. Malaka also joined us some mornings, since her parents had moved to Daro from the coastal village. I loved spending time with her, and soon, along with Ruki, we became inseparable. 

But still, Prince Rikom remained my own secret, one that I shared only with my family. There were so many moments in which I wished I could tell them. As we grew into our womanhood, they began taking lovers. Malaka had no shortage of willing suitors, though Ruki kept more to herself, preferring to spend time within our family home. On the occasion that a boy had caught her eye, she’d chosen to lie about her name and who she truly was. When I asked her about it, she smiled at me sadly.

“No one wants to spend time with a Rai mystic, Mina. It doesn’t matter who I am now, they will hear my name and judge me. Not everyone is like you and Miya.”

Felan and Faris both adored her. Felan took to her like another sister, teasing and prodding whenever he could, the same way he did with me. Faris was a bit more reserved with his affections, but I knew he cared for her just the same. 

I had an inexplicable fear that one day, her mother would come back for her and she would leave us. One night, before she fell asleep, I mentioned this to her. 

“I would never leave you, Mina. You’re my sister. Home is wherever you are,” she said, decisively. 

I turned in bed and hugged her tightly, a lump forming in my throat at her words. 

“I love you, Ruki.” 

She stiffened as I said the words, but I felt her body eventually relax. Suddenly, a blinding light flashed before my eyes. In it, I saw Ruki’s face, tears running down it, her face contorted in anger, her eyes blazing with hatred as she looked at me from where she sat upon the ground. She screamed something but there was no sound. It was as though I had lost my sense of hearing. I gasped as the vision passed. 

“What is it?” she asked, turning to me, her eyes shrouded with worry. 

“I… I don’t… I had a vision,” I gasped. 

“What was it?” she asked, her brows furrowed in concern. 

“I… I don’t know. I couldn’t make sense of it,” I said. 

I didn’t mention that the vision had been of her. I would have to ask Mama tomorrow. 

“Are you alright? Do you want me to fetch you a glass of water?”

She moved as though to rise but I only clung to her more tightly. 

“No. No, I’m fine, Ruki, truly. Just stay here with me,” I whispered. 

She obliged, putting an arm around me gently. Her eyes began to close slowly; she never stayed awake too late. She loved her sleep more than anyone else I had ever known, and ever since she had begun training with me and Mama, she slept even earlier. 

“Ruki?”

“Yes, Mina?” 

“Promise me we’ll always stay together. No matter what.” 

“Of course, we’ll always be together. Nothing could keep us apart,” she said, sleepily. 

I exhaled slowly, relieved at her words. 

“Mina?” 

“Yes, Ruki?” 

“I love you too.”