Collide

Knocked Up Who?

"I knocked up Mickey." He... WHAT?! It echoed in my head, but I couldn't comprehend what he just said. My mind turned blank and I stared at him. His face didn't even have the slightest emotion of being sorry.

"But Mickey's your cousin... right?" I squeaked. I felt my eyes start to water. What the hell? What is he saying? He said he love me. He even said that he'll mar... Something's not right. We remained in an awkward silence. The wind blew once more and I felt cold, but I felt colder inside me. I thought I'm numb. I couldn't feel anything except the tears that flowed on my cheeks.

At last, Bryan looked at me in the eyes. His expression sullen and his jaw is clench. "She's not my cousin. She's been my girl since last year and... And−"He didn't finish his sentence when he heard me sob. I was not looking at him in the moment. I glanced at the river under the bridge that flows peacefully. This could not be happening to me. How could he? He said I was his girl for the last three years and now he's confessing me something, something painful. He introduced me to Mickey last Halloween and he said that they were cousins. That was the reason that he kept skipping our lunch together because he said that he was having some "cousin time" with her. And I was so f*****g i***t not to know. Dammit Veronica, you deserved a Nobel Prize for being the number one imbecile in the whole Seattle. They were cheating under your nose, yet you know nothing!

"Why?” The question came out to my mouth in almost a whisper. I couldn't understand why. Did I even deserve to be cheated?

"She gave me anything that I needed, Ron." He muttered, proudly.

"I− You said you only needed me."

"Yes−No... Shit." So now he has the right to curse? "Ron, I'm a man, and I have needs. Apparently, you can't give me that, Ron. She, Mickey gave me everything, she gave me what I needed." He remained silent again. So this is what it is all about? s*x? Just s*x? Just because I couldn't give him my body yet, he could f**k another girl? Where's the sense in that?! I felt abandoned again. It is the same feeling that I felt when I was 11, when my mom left me in the middle of the competition in tennis because I can't play properly that day and my score was−

Bryan suddenly stood. He's leaving. NO. This time, I couldn't hide the pain in my voice. I sobbed heavily. I felt my eyes really sore, ten times sorer than last night. I saw his hand turns into a fist. All of a sudden, I grabbed Bryan's hand and begged him, me looking straight in his eyes.

"No please. No. Bryan I−I'm sorry. I'm planning to give you everything when the time comes. Just, just wait. Give me some time. Please don't leave me." I begged. Although this was embarrassing, I didn’t know what else to do.

His face hardened, his mouth shifted into thin line. He started to look away, and he shook his head. "No Ron. Please. Just don't do this. I'm not happy with you anymore. I'm really sorry." After he said that, he started to walk away. He's not happy with me? My legs suddenly felt numb but I try my best to follow him. He started walking faster. Wait, was he running or something?

"Bryan! I love you! I love you! Don't leave me, please!" I shouted at him, not caring if anyone is near enough to hear my grief. But he walked away, Veronica. He's done with you. He didn't need you anymore. No. He never needed you and your f*****g virginity. My head was shouting to me. Was it my fault?

I turned my gaze to where Bryan is heading. He was heading outside the park, where a blue Mazda was waiting. Bryan headed straight to the car, not even bothering to throw last glance to me. That hurts. Geez, my eyes started to water again, my lips quivering. He climbed into the driver's seat, so it means that someone was already waiting for him. It must be Mickey. That b***h. She seemed so friendly whenever she's talking to me. One time she even asked me that she'll borrow Bryan for a couple of weeks for their "cousin time" and I was so stupid not to smell her bitchiness and fakeness. At this moment, I really wanted to grab her long blonde hair and throw her sorry ass across the bridge. But I'm not that kind of person. Instead, I watched the Mazda drive across the street and to the oblivion.

It seemed that I have been sitting here for ages, my whole body numb. I couldn't feel anything. My tears were all dried up on my pale cheeks but I still felt empty inside me. How could they? I trusted them with everything. Yet that jerk and that b***h still managed to cheat on me right under my nose! But after all, it was still my fault. I was dumb enough not to know, not to feel anything. I tried my best to give everything that would make him happy, except my body. I'm an old fashion woman. Maybe it was a side effect from what my Mom kept saying me back then. She said that my pureness will be the greatest gift that I can give my future husband. But I already know to myself that she's right. Bryan's my first boyfriend and I loved him so much up to the point that I believed that he would understand the reason I couldn't go to bed with him. I thought he understood me. I thought he accepted my idea of abstinence. But I was wrong. He even knocked up that b***h!

After a few more moments of contemplating my sadness, I decided to go home. I had no more reason to wait here, right? Bryan's not coming back for me anymore. I mentally scold myself for hoping that that jerk would come back to me and apologise for everything.

Get a grip Ron.

Instead of taking my car, I decided to walk home. Regularly, it takes me 20 minutes when I'm driving, but since I decided to walk, it took me 45 minutes to get home.

I'm only a few blocks away from my apartment, when someone caught my eyes. It's Bryan! Suddenly, I still. He's standing outside a French restaurant when a blonde crossed the street and kissed Bryan in the mouth, showing their tongues. What the f**k? After breaking up with me, he still got the nerve to have a date with is little b***h? I felt no sadness inside me anymore. Instead, I felt anger. I suddenly wanted to strangle both of their necks. Both my hands turned into fist, my nails digging into my palms, my knuckles turned white. I wasn’t aware that I was already biting my lower lip until I tasted the copper like taste of my blood. I wanted to explode right now. That asshole and that b***h! Here I was standing, my heart freshly heartbroken just a moment ago, and there they were French kissing in the middle of the street like nothing happened! Oh God. Forgive me if I was going to do something that I might regret. I'm about to stride while planning to grab the blonde’s hair when I noticed something. The expression in their faces makes my heart broke even more. They seemed happy, contented in each other's arms. I'd never seen Bryan so happy like that. His smile reached his ears like he was floating in cloud nine. He nipped Mickey's chin and they both broke into a laughter. I stand on the same place where I stood before, watching them, then my eyes started to water again. Bryan was happier with her. He never smiled like that wherever he's with me. He seemed to be... ecstatic... with... Mickey. My heart sank once more. After a moment, they head for the door of the French restaurant and...

I suddenly felt my legs moving, ignoring the ache that I feel from the walkathon I made earlier. I turned to my right, crossing the street. So it's true then. What Bryan have said to me at the park was true. It was true that he's happy, not with me, but with Mickey. It's true that he doesn't need me anymore and... Suddenly, a huge, black BMW came out from nowhere. I haven't heard it coming or I haven't notice the car because of my thoughts. Instead of walking faster to cross the street, I freeze to where I was standing. I'm in state of shock. God, that was close! I winced because if the bright yellow light emanating from the car. I wiped my tears-stained cheeks with the back of the hand while trying to focus in the driver of the stupid car. As my eyes adjusted to the light, I narrowed my eyes and examined the owner of the car. It's dark inside the car, but the light coming from the post along the street gave me enough access to see the driver's lips.

Oh my.

Those lips are... oh. It was set on a thin line, showing no expression. Its lower lip is surely kissable, and it honestly looked like Angelina Jolie's lips in a manly manner, but thinner than her. I suddenly wet my lips with my tongue, thinking how those lips would work its way all over my body. I mentally kicked myself with the dirty thought running into my head. Despite the shape of those lips, I'm positive that its owner was a man. And was standing in the middle of the road, while lusting those lips and...

I abruptly jumped on my feet when continues loud honks woke me up from my reverie. Oh! I quickly crossed the street with my eyes still locked on those lips. The BMW quickly sped off the street and did not even bother to apologise for nearly hitting me. Jerk! Those kissable lips still lingers on my mind as I reached home. I've never been turned on in my whole life just because of lips! And I also just ran to Bryan and−

Oh. Right. I felt something cold washes through me as I remember the reality. My walk going home was full of thought. Why were they always like that to me? My mom, Bryan. It always seemed like I'm never good enough for them.

I opened the door of my small apartment. It's pretty small, like a cabin but it's very comfortable in here. There was a cute little staircase beside my small kitchen that led to my cute bedroom. I remembered Bryan tripping off the stairs because the steps were too small for his feet. I laughed at the memory. For the past three years, my home became his home too. He was here every day, waiting for me to go home from work. Until his visits lessen. He gave me a lot of excuses. He was busy, he has an out of the town trip with his officemates. And I believed in him. Bryan cheating on me. That thought never occurred to me. He was too... innocent for me. But I was wrong. He was out there... Making love to some other woman. And he even manage to get her pregnant. I thought he understood me and I thought he also wants to be pure too, until our marriage. But wait, he never bring up the topic about marriage. Well, it seems like I was the one who assumed a lot.

I lay on my bed, feeling the cold sheets caress my skin underneath. I hugged my pillow tighter, trying to release the pain inside me. I fight the heaviness of lids, my tears flowing free and wetting my pillow. It hurt. It hurt. I felt my chest tighten, I couldn't breathe properly. My heart twisted into knots. Why? Why did it have always to be like this? I wished that the BMW just ran off me, to finish this little life of mine, to end the pain that I'm dealing with.

I wish...

Two weeks passed. I didn't have any news about Bryan or Mickey. After our break up, I tried to call him a dozen of times, but I only got his voicemail. Also, I've been in my personal hell, repeating the same pattern every day. Wake up, go to work, go home, cry myself to sleep. But nothing has changed. Bryan didn't came back to me. I realised my foolishness. He's never gonna come back to me. He's happy... with her. I guess I just have to live with that.

It was Monday morning, and I looked like hell. Ugh. I really hated Monday. I slip into my usual office attire, knee-length black skirt, white blouse that I covered with sweater. I brushed my hair several times, but it was still on its annoying curl. I put on some mascara, pinched my cheeks, hoping it would give my cheeks some colour, and I applied some lip gloss. This would do. I didn't bother to glance myself at the mirror, I already knew what I looked like. I grabbed my oversized bag and slung it to my shoulder. Taking a deep breathe, I opened the door of my apartment and locked it, and then I head to the elevator. As the elevator door closed, I saw my reflection in the mirror. All I can see was a lifeless image of Veronica. There were dark circles under my eyes. I haven't been sleeping in ages. I took a deep breathe again. You can do this Veronica Jodi Brooke. The damaged has been done. Just live through it.

Monday sucked. There was a huge traffic in almost all streets of Seattle. I was already 30 minutes late for work but yet, here I was inside a taxi with a slow country side music playing from the radio. f**k this.

I tried to divert my attention by looking outside the window, and I noticed that the street side was also busy. Great. After a moment, I couldn't make myself endure this situation.

"Uh, excuse me. Can you turn off the radio please?" I snapped, the edge in my voice obvious. The old driver glanced at me in his rearview mirror the shrugged. Thankfully, he turned the radio of and sighed with relief. I indulged the silence, and I glanced at my watch. Holy s**t it's already 9:45! I glanced at the road, surprised that it was free from traffic, but we're moving really slow! What the hell? I tapped the driver's shoulder. "Can you drive faster, please? I'm already late for work!"

"Okay." He said innocently. Ugh, It was a stupid move to leave my car in the park and be too lazy to come back for it. After 15 minutes that seemed like forever, the taxi arrived in front of my office. I walked- no make that ran to get to the elevator. Mr. Morgan's going to kill me! The elevator pinged and opened, thank God there was no one inside and I push the button for the 7th floor thrice. I tucked some strands of my hair behind my ear, wishing I just have done it to a ponytail. The elevator reaches the 7th floor and I made bigger strides than usual. Just as I was almost 5 steps to my table when someone coughed behind me, obviously trying to gain my attention. Uh oh.

I nervously face Mr. Morgan, his face looked like Monday itself. He glance at his watch, as far as I knew, it was a new Rolex. Ha ha. Trying to show off again, huh? I said to myself. “Ms. Brooke, it's already 10:05. I believe you're two hours and five minutes late." He gave me a sarcastic smile.

"Yeah. I−uh. I'm sorry sir. There was a huge traff−"I explained but he cut me off.

"I don't care about your excuses Ms. Brooke. I just care about how our department would appear to the other if I consent my fellow office workers being late. This is your first darlin'. I'll be watching you." He said then he strode back to his office.

He'll be watching me? What the hell? This was the first time that I was late for Goodness sake! I scoffed and rolled my eyes. Jim Morgan has been our 'boss' from the day I started working in this advertising firm. He was 5 years older than me, he was a self-proclaimed boss wannabe, but technically he was just our team manager. Also, whenever he has his new "accessories", he would show them off in the whole goddamned floor! How ridiculous. Maybe he thought that it's a good strategy to collect women, but I was an exception. He was an asshole for me. It was only Megan Snow who was willing to stick around him maybe because he was our "boss". Speaking of Megan, I heard her high pitched voice and irritation flooded me once again. I rolled my eyes again before facing her and I head straight o my cubicle trying to ignore her.

"Serves you right, bitch." She said and chuckled. Well, apparently, she call every girl that she hates around the office 'b***h', and I was not an exception to that. For me, she was a b***h herself. I tried my best not to show how I hate her attitude and personality. She feels that every man in the Seattle was ogling at her because of her fake beach blond hair and curvy body. For me, having good brain was better than having big boobs.

I sat on my swivelling chair, and opened my email, hoping a message form Bryan. I sighed. Oh no. Throw that asshole's butt out of your head right now, Veronica! I mentally scolded myself.

The whole month passed with a blur. I did the same routine. Wake up, go to work, go home, and then go to sleep. Fortunately, I have grown tired of my crying-to-sleep routine. Besides, Bryan's never coming back. I was back to the old Veronica. The 19 year old Veronica that only breathe, but dead inside. I have no motivation at all. I didn't go to dates because no one have mistaken to date me yet. Maybe I was not appealing at all.