Through My Heart

Chapter 2 - The Perfect Kid

"How are you feeling today Blake?" Aida, my therapist asks as I sit down.

"It's one month today since he left us. So, no I am not exactly feeling good." I reply casually like I have been doing for the past 2 weeks.

I have been attending therapy for 2 weeks and it has helped but not as fastly as I want it to. The terrible thoughts and circumstances of becoming a widow have begun to haunt me. It started with a question followed by nightmares of hearing the news of Aaron's demise. He would often appear in my dreams and I would struggle to stop him from leaving. Aida said that I am having a hard time accepting the situation resulting in these nightmares.

"Tell me how you feel? Do you still feel like you can undo all of this?" She asks again. Our sessions would go this way, she would ask me questions and I would answer them until I figure my feelings out eventually.

I shrug, "Yeah when your life has always been perfect. When you have never faced a single obstacle in life then becoming a widow seems like the biggest shit." It is true, every word I said.

I have spent the easiest life someone would ever imagine. I have done my major in English which went smoothly without any problem that a normal college student would face and one day I had come home to find Aaron sitting with my parents, asking for my hand in marriage. Maybe it was for the fact that my parents had the strongest hold on my life and decisions that I never witnessed any trouble.

It was like they had trained me to be the perfect kid and exactly like a perfect kid, I even said yes to the man who is now dead. This once, even my parents aren't here to prevent me from falling apart.

"Why don't you talk to your family, your parents or any sibling? Spend some time with them, maybe think about striving to make your life perfect again. Being a widow is not the end of the world Blake." Aida says bringing me out of my thoughts.

"My parents are out of the city and I don't have any siblings."I shrug again. "Then find a partner, go ahead. Talk to people, approach someone you find attractive. Maybe try dating apps." She says catching me off guard.

"Uh-" I stammer. Before I can process any answer she speaks up, "Blake tell me, were you in love with Aaron?" Her question catches me off guard once again and I swallow nervously.

This should be easy. Yes, I was in love with him. Isn't this the reason why I am here in the first place?

"I- uh. Yes, I mean he was my husband and we were married for months then." Eventually, I find myself answering stupidly. I immediately want to slap myself for that answer because it would barely take Aida a second to conclude something, I am not ready to hear.

She opens her pen and begins to write something. When she is done, she hands it over to me. "I suggest you take some time off, take a vacation or visit your parents. Do anything that makes you feel lively and by the time you will be done, you will have the answer to my question." She says and motions towards the door.

I take the paper from her hand and get up in a haze. I reach for the doorknob and Aida's voice is the last thing I hear before the door closes. "I will see you after the vacation."

Holding the paper to eye level, I read it carefully. Like every day, she has written me a motivational quote with her suggestion until the next appointment. Just as I am done reading it, my phone goes off.

"What's up, Reese?" I say putting the phone to my ear. "Look if it's about that new restaurant, I can't come. Driver's waiting outside, I will visit once I am done with some errands." I speak hastily.

"You better listen to me first because it's not the driver who's waiting for you in that car," she says and I pause to take a quick look outside finding my driver gone along with the car.

"Wait what?" I say.

"Your parents are here, and they were asking for you. I told them you went to the shrink and you would come back soon-"

"But?" I cut her mid-sentence knowing my parents well.

"But they insisted to send Felix to pick you up. I swear I tried to stop them-" Her voice turns apologetic but I wave her off. "It's okay," I say then make my way outside. I inhale a deep breath at the thought of meeting the boy I haven't seen in the past 2 years, not after our relationship ended when my parents changed their opinion about him.

The real question is, why is he here unless my parents have changed their opinions once again. Well, they shouldn't have judged him in the first place considering he is a family friend too.

With slow and steady steps, I walk toward a black Porsche at the edge of which is standing a man in black.

"Felix?" I murmur and he turns around abruptly, taking his sunglasses off. "Blake." He says and gives me a look before stopping to look at my hair for a while. "Your hair-" he begins to say but I cut him off. "Yes, Aaron used to prefer brown," I say and immediately his gaze lowers back to my face.

"I am so sorry for your loss, Blake." He apologizes and I stretch my lips in a thin line. In the past month, I have heard enough sorries to know that they are of no use to me. All the sorries have only brought back bitter memories of the moments I have been trying to overcome.

"Thank you-" I say and move towards his car. "Can we?"

Taken aback, Felix steps aside and opens the door for me. I sit down and exhale a breath I did not I was holding. Seeing him after so long made me oddly nervous but I have a bigger problem awaiting me at home.