Through My Heart

The sound of sirens and murmurs of the crowd grow distant with each step I take. My brows furrow hesitantly and I take a short pause to regain my breath. I have almost forgotten to breathe over the growing anxiety. "Are you okay?" asks Keith who was giving me a look over. I nod then begin to walk again. Aside from the hammering beats of my heart, I can no longer process any other noise resounding in my ears. "Mrs. Myers?" Suddenly a voice bursts through bringing me back to reality. "Yes," I whisper, clearing my throat. "Officer Martinez will escort you to the scene but you can stop anytime you want to." A cop says to me and I begin to zone out again. God, I am about to see the place where my husband died. It has barely been an hour since the accident and the place is flooding with cops and news reporters along with some witnesses half of whom I doubt even witnessed anything. To say I was all over the place would be an understatement. My emotions have not scattered yet, let alone being all over the place. "Go home, Blake. This isn't for you." The man accompanying me speaks again but I do not bother wasting a thought to him. "Take me there, please." I nod to the officer and he turns around to throw a few orders. Another officer emerges soon. "Mrs. Myers, I am officer Martinez." He says then studies my face for a while before turning around. "Follow me please." I spend the next few minutes doing the formalities that come after the accident of a husband typically. The scene of the accident looked like nothing more than a car crashed badly into a shop. Pieces of glass were scattered everywhere and I felt like vomiting all the time my gaze would lend on Aaron's blood. I am still processing everything that has happened in the past hour when a sprinting woman crashes onto me, pulling me into a hug. It was then that a single tear escapes my eye. "Oh My God, Blake!" Her voice breaks too as she runs her hand on my back with sympathy. Not long after, I burst into a full-blown sob. "Reese, how can this happen?" I groan in between sobs and my best friend never let go of me for the next minute. She pulls back immediately when a few passersby give us pitied glances. After successfully making our way back into the car, we finally sit in silence except for my occasional cries and sniffles. "I asked Keith and he said the breaks had failed before the crash." Her face falls as she speaks. Taking my hands in hers, she runs soothing circles over my palm while I lay scattered on the car seat. Keith has always been Aaron's closest friend and colleague. He was there before any of us and luck has favored him again because he got to see Aaron the last time too. By the time I had reached the scene, I only got the privilege to do a survey. By far, I am the most unfortunate person as the wife. The thought suddenly provokes another realization. "I am a widow now," I say sniffling and watching Reese pull me into another long hug. "Oh I am so sorry, you deserve the world baby." "It has only been 6 months Reese! We were still getting to know each other and now-" I pause short and a flashback of the past months goes through my head like a movie. Our honeymoon ended after a month of our wedding and we were only beginning our lives together, why did it all go wrong? Both of us were a crying mess for the next hour or so until my eyelids begin to feel heavy and I fell asleep. When I wake up again, it is to get out of the car because we are home. After getting out of the car, I make a beeline to my room and cry my heart out once again. Reese never stops me because she knows I need time to mourn. The night goes in a blink probably because of the fact that I needed time to wrap my mind around things but luck never favors you after it has done you wrong. ------------------------- "Come on, get up." Reese nudges my shoulder for the hundredth time. The morning for once in my life seem annoying and too bright and my eyes were burning from the intensity of it. "Close the curtains, my eyes are hurting," I order the maid standing nearby. "That's because you've been trying the whole night, the sunlight isn't to blame." Upon Reese's words and nod, the maid stops short. "Blake." Her voice comes again after a while, "Get your s**t together. Everyone's awaiting you at the funeral." The word makes me say it again and again until a tear rolls down my cheeks. "It's his funeral. It's my husband's funeral and I am a 24-year-old widow." The realization rolls off my tongue with disbelief. "Everything will get better, trust me." My best friend reminds me but as much as I want to, I can't find myself believing her. Gathering some courage to bid farewell to Aaron for once and for all, I get up and put on the black dress, Reese has arranged for me. I give myself a look over in the mirror and my face looked swollen pale with a red nose. My hair looks ready for a shower but despite all that, I show up at the funeral just like that. We leave for the funeral as soon as we can, maybe because I wanted to be done with it. A few people come out of the crowd when I get out of the car along with some reporters. "Entering the premises now is the widow of the business tycoon Mr. Aaron Myers." "Yes, it's her!" "Poor lady who became a widow at 24." These are the few sentences I manage to catch before I am surrounded by a few bodyguards and led inside. I was the luckiest girl to all of New York for having managed to get married to the rich businessman, Aaron Myers. Ever since then, I would occasionally be targeted by a few people for some rather weird questions and selfies. Hell, I was even called a w***e for being the wife of every girls' crush in New York. Guess I am not the lucky girl anymore. Which lucky girl would lose her husband only 6 months after the wedding? The funeral was silent and mournful in contrast to the commotion outside. We all bid our goodbye to Aaron and when it is my turn I simply sit down and put a rose over the coffin, emotionlessly. That's how I feel now, emotionless