Darkness

Chapter 5

Jared

My eyes slowly drift open. The pain is still intense, but I no longer feel like I am going to pass out after each breathe. The room is quiet and I wonder how long I've been out this time. I drifted in and out all day yesterday and if it weren't for nurse Candice coming in before her shift ended this morning I would have never known we have officially been here one day. I also asked nurse Candice how Laynie was and when I would get to see her. She smiled and told me to turn to my right. I did so, slowly, by her request, and never have my eyes seen a more beautiful sight. She lied there, in her own bed, which was not there the before, with her hands holding the pillow very tightly. She always did like sleeping like that. When I told Nurse Candice that, she smiled and told me to take care and left. She seems to have a story, but I'm not one to pry.

"Your awake."

My thoughts of this morning are cut off by the voice I've been yearning to hear for the past 24 hours. I look to my right and Laynie is sitting legs hanging over the bed with her pillow still in her hands. She seems to be holding onto it for dear life. Her brown hair messy from sleep and all the drama of the past 48 hours. I smile at her and try to get out of bed. She quickly gets off the bed and is on my side laying me back down. She looks unsure of herself and I can't understand why. Laynie was always a little shy but over the years her confidence has greatly improved. She is almost reminding me of the girl I first met in high school.

"Please don't move Jared. Dr. Toring wants you to get better, he said not to move too much." She says in a strained voice.

I look at her eyes, which refuses to make contact with mine, and reach for her hand. She flinches out of my grasp and nearly falls back. I look at her in shock as she pulls her arms up to her chest almost like she is protecting her heart from me. What the hell? Why would she need protection from me?

"Sorry Jared I didn't mean to touch you, I know better, I just know you want to get better so that you can get out of here. I don't want you to hurt yourself and make it worse" She is rambling. She never rambles. I keep my eyes on her not sure what to say, which only seems to unsettle her more.

"Please Jared I'm sorry. I just don't want you to over exert yourself. Not that you're not strong and capable, I'm not saying that, I just want to make sure you are alright. I promise." She says till rambling. She has tears in her eyes now and I'm not sure what I did wrong but I need to speak. I don't want to see her upset.

"Baby, it's okay. I shouldn't have gotten up yet. I was just so happy to see that you're okay. I am kind of scared to be honest with you. They told me I lost a year of my life and that we were in New York but I'm not sure why. I hate to say this but I can't believe you're my wife. That's the one thing I wish I could remember." I try to explain with a smile.

She looks at me with tears in her eyes and looks toward the blank white wall that has a portable air conditioner on it. She is biting her lip so hard I swear she is going to draw blood. I want to reach out to her and hold her, but I can tell she is having a hard time with my condition. So, I do the only thing I can for now. I give her time. This is awkward for both of us, but she seems to be uncomfortable with my devotion towards her. I've always been vocal about my feelings towards her, so I'm not sure why she is so uncomfortable right now. It's making me uneasy, but I don't dare say anything. After what feels like a lifetime, she turns to me and says something I can't quite understand.

"I can't do this Jared. I need you to tell me what to do. Tell me, please. Yell at me. Tell me I'm worthless, but I can't have you saying things that you used to say to me when we were dating. I just can't." She says with a panic in her voice and tears rolling down her eyes.

I'm stunned. What is she talking about? Does she not realize that I was just woken up yesterday to strangers telling me I can't remember a year of my life? Does she not understand I'm just happy to see her? Getting upset won't help anything, but I can't help feeling like something is a little off, and it's making me nervous. I can feel the darkness closing in around me. I hate this feeling, the darkness was never a constant around her, but I can feel it closing in around the edges of my mind and I am infuriated and scared at the same time. What the hell happened last year?

"Laynie, I'm not sure what's going on. Why the f**k would I say things like that to you? Is that how I speak to you? Baby, please help me out here because you are freaking me out." I hate cursing in front of her. I always have. My father used to curse around me and my mother all the time. It was just another thing that I despised about him.

She closes her eyes, almost relishing in the fact that I'm almost shouting at her. She reopens them and looks at me. It is then I see a broken girl. There is pain behind her expressive brown eyes. I know she is about to share something with me and I am not sure I am ready to know. I believe in my heart that Laynie and I are meant to be, but I have a pit in my stomach when I look at her. The darkness is stronger than ever, even when she is around. Something tells me that what she has to tell me, will test our relationship.

"Jared y-you punish me w-when I do something w-wrong."She says looking at me in the corner of her eye.

There it is. What I had been dreading hearing since I was told she had previous injuries. She didn't say I beat her, she didn't say I hurt her. She told me I punish her. That lets me know two things, one, I made her accept whatever I put her through as fair, and second, something very bad happened a year ago.

Laynie

It's true. He doesn't remember anything from our year in New York. How can this happen? I know we are still waiting for another doctor to come in and explain our options with his short-term memory loss, but I'm not sure what to do until then. What if it never comes back? What if he can never remember how he treats me? I feel lost. Jared changing this past year has been the worst year of my life and I thought that him not remembering what he has put me through, would be good. However, I am more afraid than anything else. I am crying. Tears running down my face too fast for me to wipe. I am shaking. I feel like at any moment he can hurt me for not doing something correctly and it's putting me on edge. Jared takes a deep breath and looks away from me. After a few minutes, he looks back over to me.

"Do you remember when we were younger and wanted to sneak into an R rated movie?" He looks forward at nothing in particular. "You were so scared. I grabbed your hand and told you I would never let anything happen to you." He has tears coming down his eyes as he closes them.

I can't stand to see him hurt so I turn towards the window and try and focus on the view in front of me. Rain lightly spatters against the city. I can see other buildings around us, telling me we are on one of the top floors. It is a cloudy, gloomy day. How fitting. I hear Jared turn his body towards me, gasping in pain doing so. I turn towards him and let out a cry. His body is turned completely towards me and is out of the blankets. His torso is showing since his gown is down. He is completely bruised. They really did a number on him. I'm surprised he is not still resting. He is too strong and stubborn for his own good.

I walk over to him and stand next to him. I don't know what I'm doing but I don't want him to hurt himself. He raises his hands slowly to my face and gently cusps my cheeks. My tears land on his hands.

"I'm so sorry Lane." he says with cry.

With his tears matching mine, I cry a little harder at the nickname he gave me when I was fifteen. I barely acknowledge the door opening until Dr. Toring clears his throat. I met him yesterday when he came in to talk to us about the neurologist coming from Jersey to look over Jared's files. We separate, but Jared grabs my left hand with his right so we are still connected. We both wipe our tears and give our attention to Dr. Toring.

"Good news and bad news guys, which would you like first?" Dr. Toring says with a gentle smile.

I look over to Jared knowing damn well I do not answer for us, but I am faced with the same look matching mine. He gives me an eyebrow raise and then clears his throat.

"Which one first babe?" He asks with a smirk.

I look between the doctor and Jared. This feels like a trap, but Jared asked me to do something, so that's what I'm going to do.

"Bad news please." I quietly say turning my view back to Dr. Toring. Might as well get it over with.

"Alright, Dr. Jones can't make it until next week to take a look at your files Jared. We have sent him the CT scans that we have done here, but he has some tests he would like to run himself. You're in no condition to travel, so you will just have to wait for him to come to you." He states. Oh no, does that mean there is no hope for him?

"Now the good news." he interrupts my mental panic attack. "You two are able to go home as early as tomorrow. You will both have to take it easy for a while and Jared, you cannot drive yet, but you both seem to be healing just fine. Laynie, I already spoke with Dr. Brooks and she agrees with me that you can be discharged as well. Jared, it sounds like your throat is doing much better, but I still want you to take it easy. The ear, nose and throat doctor on hand will be in shortly to go over details with healing your trachea." He expresses.

My heart sinks at the realization that I have to go home with this almost stranger, and that in turn, is my biggest fear. What if something sets him off and he turns back into who he was just a few days ago? I look to Jared and he has the same fear in his eyes as I do. The fear I feel is apprehension for being in the same room with someone I know all too well and yet, don't know at all. Who am I going to get once the door is closed, and I'm trapped on the inside?