Never Lose Love

CHAPTER ONE ~ 1879-1

CHAPTER ONE ~ 1879“Mama – Mama!”

Josina ran straight to her mother’s bed and bent over her.

“I am here, Mama,” she said. “What has happened? What is the matter?”

Lady Margaret Marsh looked slowly up at her daughter.

‘Y-you are – here – darling,” she murmured in a hesitating voice.

Josina sat down on the side of the bed.

“But you are ill, Mama!” she exclaimed. “Why did you not send for me sooner?”

“I – wanted to see you – darling,” Lady Margaret mumbled, “And now – you have come that is all – that matters.”

Josina looked at her mother with worried eyes.

Lady Margaret had, since her husband’s death, become extremely thin and pale and it seemed now to Josina as if she had shrunk into something much smaller and more fragile than she remembered.

Her mother was silent and she rose from the bed.

Taking off her hat she put it down on a chair.

She was wearing the plain dress that was almost a uniform at the Convent School in Florence where she had been living for the last two years.

When the Mother Superior had sent for her, she had wondered what had happened.

“I have had a letter from your mother, Josina,” the Mother Superior said quietly. “She wants you to go to her at once.”

“At once?” Josina replied. “What is wrong?”

“I don’t know,” the Mother Superior replied, “but I have arranged for Sister Benedict to take you in an hour’s time.”

She did not seem to want to answer any more questions.

So Josina hurried away to her room to pack her clothes.

She had been leaving the Convent anyway at the end of the term, but it was really surprising that her mother had sent for her three weeks earlier.

She could not imagine what could be wrong and, all the time that she was travelling with Sister Benedict in the slow train that ran between Florence and the small town of Pavia where her mother was living, she was turning it over and over in her mind.

In fact she never stopped until she entered the house and was told by the Italian maid that Lady Margaret was in her bedroom and that she was ill.

Now Josina knew perceptively that her mother was not only ill but very sick indeed.

She felt as if the knowledge was like a cold hand squeezing her heart.

She wondered frantically what she could do.

At the same time she was sensible enough to know that she must be calm and quiet and listen respectfully to what her mother had to say to her.

The windows were open in her bedroom and there was a cool breeze blowing out the curtains and the frill round the bed cover.

Forcing herself to walk slowly, Josina went up to the bed.

Her mother’s hand was resting on the sheet and, when she touched it, she found that it was very cold.

It was in fact so cold that she stiffened and her eyes were very apprehensive as she said softly,

“I am here – Mama darling.”

Lady Margaret opened her eyes.

“There are – some drops on the – table,’ she whispered, “that the – doctor has left. Please put – three of them on – my tongue.”

Her voice was very low and the words disjointed and without speaking Josina did as she was told.

The little black bottle looked, Josina thought, decidedly sinister.

She then pulled out the stopper and very gently squeezed three drops into her mother’s mouth.

Lady Margaret drew a deep breath.

Almost a minute must have passed before she opened her eyes again saying, and her voice was stronger,

“I-I feel – better. Now listen to – me, darling.”

“I am listening, Mama,” Josina responded, “I cannot think why you have not sent for me before. Of course I would have come at once.”

“I – know that,” Lady Margaret said, “but – I wanted you to – finish your – education, but now – there is no time.”

“No time?” Josina repeated beneath her breath.

Lady Margaret took a deep breath and then she said,

“I am going to – die, my precious little – daughter and there is nothing the – doctors can do – therefore we have to be – very sensible and face – the future for you.”

Josina made a little sound that was like the cry of a child.

She bent forward and kissed her mother’s cheek.

“I love you – I love you, Mama,” she exclaimed. “How can you – leave me – when I need you so much?”

“That is – what worries me,” Lady Margaret replied, “but you know – darling – that I shall be with – Papa – and that is what I want – above all else.”

Josina bit back the words that came to her lips because she knew that they were selfish.

She had known, ever since her father had died fighting a stupid and unnecessary duel, that her mother found it impossible to live without him.

She had never been strong and, from the moment she became a widow and alone, she seemed to wither more each day, so that it was frightening to watch.

She had sent Josina back to the Convent School telling her not to worry.

But Josina reflected now that she had really known when the summons had come to return home that this was the reason.

She did not speak, but merely raised her mother’s hand to her lips and kissed it gently.

“Now – listen to me – very carefully,” Lady Margaret insisted in a weakening voice, “because – I have everything – planned and you have to – promise me that you will – do exactly as I say.”

“Of course I will, Mama,” Josina replied, “but what – will I do – without you?”

Her voice broke on the last words.

Then, because she knew that to make a scene would upset her mother, she forced herself to be controlled.

“I-I have been – thinking,” Lady Margaret continued, “of – what you can do, darling – and the answer is – quite clear in my – mind. You must – go to my old home and I have – written a letter asking the – new Duke of Nevondale to – look after you.”

Josina stared at her mother wide-eyed.

“The Duke?” she queried, “but, Mama, he will refuse! None of your family have spoken or written to you since you ran away with – Papa.”

“I – realise that, my darling,” Lady Margaret said, “but you – know when my father – died he had no – heir as both my brothers were – killed when they were in the Army. The relative who will – have inherited the title – is a very distant cousin and I have never – even seen him.”

“Then – why,” Josina asked, “should he take any interest in me?”

“Because – my dear – he is Head of the Family and as the Head – he has a responsibility for every – member of the – Nevons, whoever and – wherever they are.”

“But – Mama – ” Josina began.

Lady Margaret made a very slight movement and then said quietly,

“Let – me – talk.”

Josina put her cheek against her mother’s hand, which she was still holding in hers.

“I am listening,” she nodded.

“As soon as – I die,” Lady Margaret said, “and the – doctor has told me that he will – make all the arrangements for my – funeral, you are to go to – England.”

Again she drew a deep breath before she went on,

“Alas, we cannot – afford a – Courier, but I have put by what I think is – enough for your First – Class ticket.”

Josina was about to protest that it seemed an unnecessary extravagance, but before she could do so, Lady Margaret went on,

“I hate the idea of you – travelling alone – and it worries me. You must therefore – darling, do exactly as I – tell you to do – and that is to wear – my Wedding ring.”

Josina stared at her mother in bewilderment, but Lady Margaret carried on determinedly,

“You will – travel as ‘Mrs. Marsh’ – and you will – wear my black gown and the widow’s hat that I wore at your – father’s funeral.”

There was a pause and then Josina asked her,

“I think I understand, Mama. You think it would be wrong for me to travel alone – as a young girl.”

“Of course – it would be — wrong,” Lady Margaret agreed, “and strange men might – take advantage of the fact – but I feel – looking like a widow – you will be left alone – and it would be wise, my precious, if you pulled the – veil over your pretty face.”

She closed her eyes as if what she had said had been a great effort and after a few minutes Josina declared,

“I will do exactly as you say, Mama, and now I think – I understand.”

“You will find – the money in my – purse,” Lady Margaret said with difficulty, “and – you will have to – spend it – very carefully because – we have nothing – nothing else left.”

Josina looked at her mother in consternation.

“N-nothing, Mama?”

“Nothing!” Lady Margaret repeated. “I have – had to – pay the doctor and I have also given – him the money for my coffin. You may be able to get – a little money for what is – left. But what is important is that you should – leave here – immediately I am – dead.”

With a struggle she made her voice firmer and louder as she persisted,

“Promise me – promise me – on everything you hold sacred – that you will – go to the Duke.”

“Of course I will – if that is what you want me to do,” Josina agreed, “but supposing, Mama, just supposing because the family were so angry with you that he then – sends me away?”

“He will – not do that,” Lady Margaret replied positively. “It would be – against the family’s pride to let you – starve in the – gutter and perhaps, just perhaps, one of the other members of the family – will have forgiven me – after all these years.”

Josina could not help thinking that this was unlikely.

She had heard the story so often of how her mother, who was the daughter of the fourth Duke of Nevondale, had learned that a marriage had been arranged for her with Prince Frederick of Lucenhoff.

Lucenhoff was a small Principality on the border between Germany and Austria.

It was a union that had pleased Queen Victoria and she had given a dinner party for the young couple when they had become engaged.

They received many presents mostly because the Duke was of importance and not only at the Queen’s Court.

He was well known in the Sporting world where his horses had won a great many of the most celebrated Classic races.

Lady Margaret, who had been only eighteen, had not been consulted if she wished to marry Prince Frederick.

She was merely told by her father that a marriage had been arranged, that her fiancé was a Crown Prince and in time she would reign over the Principality of Lucenhoff.

It was after the Prince had arrived in England and they were visiting their various relations that Lady Margaret met Captain D’Arcy Marsh.

At a party given by the Duke and Duchess of Devonshire she and Prince Frederick were the honoured guests.

There were about thirty people for dinner and afterwards a number of friends were invited to dance.

The ballroom opened out into a delightful garden sloping down from Piccadilly to Berkeley Square.

As Lady Margaret came from the ballroom with a partner, she accidentally dropped her little gold chain bag. It contained a handkerchief, a half-guinea to tip a housemaid with and a small comb.

As it fell to the ground, she gave an exclamation.

Before the elderly Statesman she had been dancing with could move, it was picked up by a young man standing nearby.

As she took it from him, she saw that he was without exception quite the most handsome man she had ever seen in her life.

“Thank you,” she smiled at him shyly.

“I am honoured to be of service,” he replied, “and I only hope that you will reward me by having the next dance with me.”

As he spoke, the orchestra behind them in the ballroom struck up a dreamy waltz.

Lady Margaret looked apprehensively at her previous partner.

“I enjoyed our dance,” he told her, “and that is the only one I shall attempt this evening. Now you go along, my dear, and enjoy yourself while you can.”

Lady Margaret thanked him and turned towards the handsome man waiting impatiently at her side.

He led her up the steps and into the ballroom and, as they moved around the polished floor, he began,

“I have been wondering frantically how I could get an introduction to you and I am more grateful than I can say to your little bag!”

Lady Margaret laughed.

“I mean it,” he said. “How can you be so exquisitely beautiful and yet be a real person, someone I am holding in my arms?”

The way he spoke made Lady Margaret blush.

At the same time there was a note in his voice that made a little quiver run through her.