Prologue
1152 Words
"Chloe your mama and I decided to divorce." Papa's words rang inside my head on a loop. He and my mother are seated beside each other and me infront of them - silent.
When they called me out here in the family room, I was hoping we would discuss their decision of moving back to the Philippines. We've been talking about it for months, I don't have problem with it. I have learned to love the Island with every visit I made there ever since I was a child. I love Amang and Inang and there simple yet satisfying lifestyle. I new I was sporting one hell of a smile when I got here, but that faded when Papa broke the news to me.
"Kailan pa 'to?" I asked. The both looked at each other beforr averting their gaze to me.
"Hija, hindi na mahalaga kung kailan pa naman napagdesisyunan. Ang mahalaga ay -"
"Mahalaga sa akin, Ma." Putol ko agad sa pagpapaliwanag ni mama. Katahimikan ang bumalot sa aming tatlo pagkatapos ng sinabi ko. Mukhang walang gustong masalita muli kaya minabuti kong ituloy-tuloy na ang mga gusto kong sabihin. "Pa, ma. Kailan pa kayo nagsimulang nagkaroon ng problema na bigla niyo na lang napagdesisyunan na maghiwalay? I've always viewed your marriage as the golden standard of how I wanted my married life should be. You never fought, but if you ever did, I never once saw any of it. Wala namang third party. All I want is to know why?"
More silence ensued after my sort of grand speech. I never once imagined that my 18-year old self would lecture my parents.
"Chloe, hija. Ang problema ay 'yong hindi kami nagkakaproblema. " Papa finally said. I looked at him, baffled with what he just said. I know he must've read the confused expression on my face so he went to expound more. "You're mother and I grew as bestfriend just like how her mother and my mother were bestfriends since high school."
"Grandlala and Inang?" I asked. Why am I only learning about this now?
They both nodded in sync. Mama looked at papa for a while and he just lifted his chin to her, telling her that it's her turn to share the story.
"These two were peas in a pod. I remember your Grandlala telling me that your inang was ugly crying when she learned that your Grandlala Corinne and your Grandlolo Louie decided to live in the US. But distance never became a problem to those two. They kept exchanging snail mails, updating each side with what's happening to both their lives." Mama was looking away, smiling at the happy memorie I know Grandlala had told her countless of times. "They were crazily wired to each other, they even had the both of us in the same year, just different months."
Papa nodded and he continued, "I think we were only three years old when your Grandlala decide to go back to the Philippines since your great grandmother felt really ill. And that's where we met. Like we always tell you, your mother and I have known each other since forever. We went to the same school from primary to college. We've been around for so long that it wasn't normal to not see each other everyday."
"I remember the look to your gradparents had when we announced that we were dating, how happy they were when we decided to marry, and how ecstatic they were when we learned that we were pregnant with you." Mama said, her smiling slipping into a sad one.
I felt my tears forming at the back of my eye. I tried closing them for a bit, not wanting to cry in front of them since I am trying to grasp as to why. Why they have decided to go on seperate ways?
"Hindi rin namin alam, siguro sa tinagal ng panahon naging komportable kaming dalawa sa isa't-isa. Sobrang komportable na hindi na kami nag-fufunction bilang mag-asawa, kundi bilang magkaibigan. Trust us when we say we tried, we tried making this work. Bata ka pa lang, nararamdaman na namin ito. Pero ayaw ka naming lumaki sa sirang pamilya kaya sinubukan namin."
"Pero ngayon puwede na akong mabuhay sa hiwalay na magulang?" I challanged. I was never the child to snap an answer to my parents. Pero alam kong naiintindihan nila kung saan ako nanggagaling, kung bakit ako nagagalit.
"Hindi sa ganoon, hija." Agad na bawi ni mama. "Alam naming sobra itong hinihingi namin, pero gusto lang naming maging masaya. Because right now, we're not happy to each other anymore."
And that's all it took for my walls to crumble. Naiyak ako kahit anong pigil ko. Sino ba naman ako para pumigil sa kasiyahan ng tao? Lalong-lalo na ang mga magulang ko?
Naramdaman ko na lang ang mga brasong pumulupot sa'kin at ang mga bulong na magiging maayos pa rin naman kami kahit nagdesisyon na talaga silang maghiwalay.
"P-paano ako, mama, papa?" I croaked.
My mother was hushing me while she runs her hand on my hair. "Ikaw ay ikaw pa rin, hija. Hindi mo kailangan magbago dahil magbabago kami. Kung ano ka rito ganyang kang uuwi sa Pilipinas."
"H-hindi nga kayo sasama?" I asked while I sniffed in between sobs.
Napailing si papa bago dumampi ang labi niya sa noo ko. "Kailangan kasi naming i-finalize ang divorce rito sa U.S bago ka namin masundan sa Pilipinas. Sabi naman ng inang mo, sila ang bahala sa iyo roon kaya wala namang magiging problema."
"Pero susunod kayo?" Muling tanong ko.
Napatango silang pareho at ngumiti. "Oo naman, Anak. Hindi ka namin hahayaang mag-isa at malayo sa amin."
With all that I'm learning right no, relief somehow washed over me. At least it's not bad as I imagined it woul be. They are just getting a divorc, but they are not abandoning their duties as my parents. I closed my eyes, I will try to make myself remember this once in a while.
"We're sorry you have to go through this, hija." I heard my mother whispered. I just nodded mh head, words suddenly becoming a luxury to me.
It still pain me to think that the perfect marriage I've been looking up to was all built on a lie. I want to ask them to try again, to try to fight for what they have now. But when I look all their faces, all I saw was relief, relief that finally they are both out of each other's lives. And that's the saddest thing I can ever think of, that after all these years of building something with someone you'll both realize that along the way you weren't what each other wanted needed. So, I vow, that when my life shows me what's it's like to have someone to cherish, I will make sure that I will fight for it as long as I can.
- Writer
