Searching for Sophia

If you have not read The Beast Within you need to read that book first, this one is the squeal Chapter 1 Warning. This chapter will be sad and if anyone has ever lost a child, then please just feel free to scroll past the first chapter if you think you will find it too upsetting.   Casey’s P.O.V   I woke up at two in the morning with the sudden need to pee and when I had finally finished I was hungry. I never had any cravings with Robin, but with this little one the only thing I craved was biscuits. I didn't want to wake Ryan up just so he could get me biscuits, so I decided to go down to the kitchen myself and start searching to see if I could find any. I started looking in the cupboards and biscuit tins, but I couldn't find any and then I noticed my mom and dad's old biscuit jar. I refused to throw it away and it was the only thing I never looked through after I brought it back home.    “I wonder if anyone has put any biscuits in that.” I said, but it was at the very top of the cupboard and I would need to get the small step ladders to get to it.    “What are you doing?” Ryan asked, making me jump.   “Are you trying to make me go into early labour? Don't sneak up on me like that. I...I was looking for biscuits.” I said, knowing how ridiculous it sounded, but no one should ever get between a pregnant woman and her cravings.   “Biscuits? Seriously? Then why do you have the ladders out?” Ryan asked, looking at me with a confused and amused look.   “Because my mom and dad’s biscuit jar is up there and I want to see if anyone has been nice enough to fill it with biscuity goodness.” I replied, making him laugh. He took the step ladders from me and climbed up, reaching down the biscuit jar and handing it to me. I quickly scrambled to open it, hoping for biscuits, but instead I was left with a huge surprise. There was a note and some pictures inside, with some money.    “Ryan look, my parents are at it again with this treasure hunt thing.” I said, slightly disappointed that there were no biscuits. I took everything out and laid it down on the island in the middle of the kitchen. I looked at the note attached to the money and all it said was for a rainy day, which made me laugh because it was throwing it down outside. Ryan counted the money and there was over $20,000 there. I looked through the pictures and they were old pictures of me with both sets of parents, but there was one and it confused me a little. My real mom was holding me and my dad was holding a little girl, I turned the photo over and on the back it read….. Mom, Dad, Casey and Sophia. I have or had a sister? I thought, but just as the thought hit me my water broke.   “What was that?” Ryan asked, looking at me wide eyed.   “My...my water broke, the baby is on its way.” I replied, looking at the soaking wet floor under my feet. Ryan ran over to me, wrapping his arm around my waist and just as he went to pick me up to carry me through the front door, my first contraction hit. My pregnancy with Robin was painful, but this felt excruciatingly painful.   “Okay, I mind-linked the pack doctor and she is going to meet us at the pack hosp….” Ryan said, but I cut him off.   “AHHHHHHHH!!! THE BABYS COMING!!! IT'S COMING NOW!!! AHHHHHH!!! WE CAN’T…..WE WON'T MAKE IT THERE!!!!” I screamed out in pain, squeezing Ryan’s hand and almost breaking it.   “OKAY, OKAY, I’LL GET HER HERE!!!” Ryan screamed out in pain, causing me to glare at him. Ryan gently and carefully picked me up, carrying me back upstairs and laying me down on the bed. I winced forward, grabbing my belly as another contraction hit me, but this one hit me full force and had me doubled over in pain.   “I’m here, baby, I’m here. Breathe….you need to do your breathing like you did with Robin. I know it's hard, but try to focus.” Ryan said, taking my maternity night shorts off and I quickly nodded, through clenched teeth. I inhaled and exhaled, trying to breath through the pain, hoping it would help, while Ryan went to the linen closet and grabbed a sheet. He laid the sheet over me, covering me from the waist down and then grabbed all the pillows on the bed, putting them behind me to prop me up. I felt the need to suddenly push, which was happening a lot faster than it did when I had Robin, maybe this pregnancy would be quicker, I thought, just as the Doctor ran into the room.    “Ryan, I need you to go and get warm water to clean the baby off and if you have clean towels then bring them as well. You need to hurry.” The doctor said, pulling out everything she would need to deliver my baby. Ryan ran out of the bedroom, going to get everything ready. I knew he was getting a pot of warm water ready, then he ran back in with clean towels and then ran back out, coming back in with the water.   “This would be easier if we were at the pack hospital, but it's way too late for that now. The baby is coming a lot faster than I thought it would, you are already crowning.” The doctor said, lifting up the sheet to see how far along I was in my labour.    “Okay Casey, like I said, you're crowning so you need to push to get the head out fully. Come on honey, you can do this.” The doctor said as Ryan helped me sit up a bit more and then got behind me, letting me push back on him when I needed to. I started to push as hard as I could and Ryan was helping me by counting how long I needed to push for.   “1...2...3...4...pushhhhhhh, Casey, push, you can do this, baby.” Ryan said, encouraging me, but the pain was already encouragement enough to push with all my might. I pushed as hard as I could again and felt as the baby's head came out, giving me a moment of relief from the pain.   “STOP!! STOP PUSHING!! CASEY STOP!!!” The doctor shouted at me and I immediately stopped, falling back onto Ryan.   “Whats….whats wrong?” I asked, feeling exhausted.   “The cord is wrapped around the baby's neck and she’s not breathing. I need you to stop pushing while I’m doing this. I’m cutting the cord.” The doctor said and I immediately started worrying. The doctor cut the cord fast and nodded for me to push again to get the shoulders out. I pushed as hard as I could as the doctor gently pulled the baby from me. She grabbed a suctioning thing and tried to clear the babys airways before turning the baby upside down and slapping its back then rubbing it, trying to make her breath. Ryan and I waited with baited breath, listening out for the cries of our daughter, but there was nothing, just deafening silence and then the doctor looked up at me with tears in her eyes.   “I’m sorry, Casey, but I couldn't save her.” The doctor said, but I just sat there in shock, shaking my head and looking at my stillborn baby. Ryan placed his hand on my shoulder and kissed my forehead. I could tell that he was crying as his tears hit my skin, snapping me out of my shock a little.   “Was it the cord?” I asked, confused as to why this happened.   “I’m afraid there's no telling how long the cord was around her neck or how long she was like this. I’m sorry, but there is just no way to know.” The doctor replied, causing me to nod. I looked at my beautiful baby girl and felt my tears slowly run down my cheeks. She looked so peaceful, almost like she was sleeping.   “Would….would you like to hold her?” The doctor asked and I immediately nodded. The doctor took a towel and cleaned her up, then wrapped her up in the baby blanket we had set to the side for when she was going to come out of the hospital before handing her to me. I cradled her in my arms, looking at my beautiful baby girl.   “Hello, my sweet, sweet daughter. Mommy and daddy love you very much and…..and….” I said, but then burst into tears, unable to speak any further.   “And we will never forget you, no matter what, you will always be our daughter and we will never forget you.” Ryan said, finishing off what I was going to say. I looked up at him to see that he was smiling down at our beautiful little angel. He pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around me and our daughter, hugging us.   “Ummmm, Casey, I need to get rid of your afterbirth and I also need to stitch you up a little because you have torn some, okay?” The doctor said and I nodded, not really paying attention to her. I was so mesmerised by my daughter and so in shock with the pain I felt emotionally that I barely registered what she said or what she was doing.   “Casey, I need to numb you down here, but I need you to tell me if you feel anything before I start to stitch you up, okay?” The doctor said and I just nodded. Numb me, I was already numb and there was no way that was going to change anytime soon. I felt the needle go into me, before feeling a deadening sensation. It was a weird feeling and when the doctor checked and asked if I could feel anything I shook my head no. she began to stitch me up, but I honestly didn't care, I was too busy looking at my daughter, wondering what color her eyes were, wondering what she would look like when she was older.   “Okay, I’ve had to give you four stitches.” The doctor said, cleaning me up. I nodded and after she was finished she came and sat next to me, looking at my daughter.   “I’m so sorry for your loss.” The doctor said and that was when my tears flowed freely, running down my cheeks. My baby, my beautiful baby girl, my angel was gone.