Not your honey (Leila Series #1) {IN PROGRESS}

7. So what?

    I'm tired as hell; I don't sleep deep anymore; my nightmares continue to make their appearances during the night and agonize me. There's not much time left for me in school, and I need all the sleep I can gather until my finals, so far; it's not going well. I'm exhausted all the time. I can't even sleep properly on my free nights when I don't do missions for the club. Tyler has been on my ass for over a week, begging me to contact Cameron. I guess that Cameron is bugging Tyler about this, making it all more fun than it was initially. I'm still annoyed at Tyler for telling private information, so why not annoy him a little in return?

    I've been looking over my notes on economic history for half an hour now, and I still have no idea what to make out of it, I need to pass this exam to get my degree. It doesn't help that my phone continues to vibrate in my pocket either, I know what you're thinking, 'why not put it on silent or turn it off?'; simple, Hale can call me any time. Since I'm his VP, it's my job to answer his calls when he needs me; I'm his right hand. Even though Cameron's calls annoy me a lot, it also kind of feels... Good? Someone cares for me and genuinely wants to speak with me, that warms my heart.

    Like I've said before, Cameron and Jason are astonishingly alike when it comes to caring. Obviously, I don't know Cameron well enough to tell if he's genuinely that way or if it's just a facade. It's incredibly selfish of me, but I somehow hope that Cameron is like Jason, even though I know that he never can or will be because Jason was and will always be the love of my life. I wish I knew where he is, not to disturb him or his life, simply to see him doing well, and be secure. The worst possibility is that he chose the same route in life that I have—the criminal biker life, or worse. I sure hope not.

    My mind is swirling like the softest breeze during summer, and there's no way I'll be able to study anymore. All I can think about is Cameron and his virus like way to sneak his way into my mind like some kind of magician. I'm not even sure if my attraction towards him is because of him or if it's because he's a constant reminder of Jason. Either way, it has to stop asap! How am I going to be able to make it through my tests if an unknown male is bouncing inside my mind like it was a trampoline? These thoughts make me feel lika the duracell bunny from the comercial on crack.

    I close the books with a sigh and lean back against the back of the chair. My head thumps off all the sounds and thoughts that do not want to calm down, but it's not a headache. Rather, it is too much going on at the same time that interferes with my focus, and once that happens, there is no point in even trying to continue at all. I unpack the books and throw my bag over my shoulder. There are many students in the school library, and several sit on the floor because all the seats are taken. Most of us have final tests soon, and that requires all the concentration we can find within us.

    Quiet as a mouse, I walk out the door and close it carefully after me so as not to disturb the others. In the yard, however, it is an entirely different situation. Students fart, laugh, throw a ball, and it's general chaos. You can compare it to the last day of high school when all seniors finish. We all have attended or at least seen on film how it is, and for some reason, that chaos has moved to campus. I'm not involved with lots of other students; hence I don't care. But I think it's disrespectful to all those who actually sit and study at the moment. The noise level interferes with those who make an effort to pass the tests, and then others can at least respect it by shutting up.

    I walk away and shake my head to myself. Respect for their fellow man is nothing they take to heart here obviously. As long as I am one of those who at least try to help those innocent by my silence, I am calm and satisfied with my effort. There's not much else I can do either for those who study. We are few who study the direction I go, and none of them were inside the library. There are only seven others who walk the same line and are in their final year as me; we always make sure to help each other if we can or need it. Okay, now it sounds like I have friends, which is not valid. They're friends and hang out all the time, but I stay away.

    I have been invited to go with them after classes at a coffee shop, have lunch etcetera, but it is not relevant for me to make friends that I will never see again after university. I am a lone wolf and do not work well in groups. Besides, I have a rule that I always follow; ' does this person manage to understand the life I live and the person I am, or is this only a weak link?'. The club and our missions are an exception to the rule, though. There's nothing I don't do for my family; even though we're not related by blood, we have each other's backs no matter what.

    My phone keeps vibrating, and just like before, it's Cameron calling. I grunt frustrated and stomp away across the school area in the direction of my motorcycle. He really does not give up, is he stupid for real, or does he make himself to be, is the question? I put on my helmet and drive from there towards the clubhouse, hopefully there are not many there; I really have to study. Unfortunately, I have no such luck, because when I park my baby outside, it's a full roll in there. I open the door and go in to get the biggest shock of my life.

    I freeze at the door, watching the men laugh before me. Cameron is sitting at our bar with Hale and some of our guys, drinking beer, laughing. His buddies are with him. Something inside me doesn't feel right by this, why the hell is he invited into our clubhouse like he's some long lost friend?! I throw my helmet and bag down at the floor; the whole area gets quiet. They're watching me with wide eyes, and I give Cameron a stern look. Without hesitation, I walk straight up to him and slap him over his cheek. I surprise everyone by doing so, but I don't care.

    "How the f**k do you dare interrupt me in school all day and then come here to my clubhouse like some neglected puppy?!" I roar at him in anger.

    Everything quiets down, and roughly twenty men are watching me curiously. Cameron's once happy expression changes into one of concern. I ignore him, walk up to the stereo, put on 'Castle' by Halsey, grab a bottle of Jack's and sing like never before. This is what I do when I'm about to lose it altogether; my members are used to it, and like always; I don't care what others think about it. I'm pissed off, stressed about school, club business, and Adam. Can't I ever get a break from all of this f*****g s**t?! When Halsey sings about a specific part, I sing along and look straight at Cameron.

"Sick of all these people talking, sick of all this noise. Tired of all these cameras flashing, sick of being poised. Now my neck is open wide, begging for a fist around it. Already choking on my pride, so there's no use crying about it."

    "What is wrong with her?" I hear Cameron ask Hale and Tyler.

    "She's about to have a break down," the both of them answer in fright, because they know it's not going to be a beautiful sight.

    I down the last of my bottle before smashing it against the bar counter, making it into a weapon before I smirk and launch for Cameron, ready to kill this bastard. I punch, claw and put pressure against the bottle to get it to his neck. He's a risk to the club and us, people like him don't live for long. Hale, Tyler, and two other of our members pry me off him. They're holding me in a police grip, and I'm seething with anger. Overdramatic? Rage is something I've been holding onto for years, that's the only feeling I feel comfortable with nowadays, and this fucker has played with my patience for a long time now.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you crazy?" Cameron's buddy asks.

"No, I'm mental," I answer with an evil smirk that makes him cower away. "You can release me. I won't hurt pretty boy here more than I already have."

    They let me go, and I dust myself off while looking at Cameron's beaten face. To my surprise, he's smirking and begins to laugh after a couple of seconds. The rest of us are watching him as if he's an asylum patient, but when he looks at me, I laugh with him. Me and Cameron are laughing like two maniacs that has escaped from an institution. He grabs a bottle of liquor and pour us each a glass. We clink our glasses and down the content. His ways impress me; he's a person that goes by the 'old school' methods. Fighting and then have a drink together.

"Well, what do you know? You're not that bad after all, pretty boy," I smirk at Cameron and he chuckles at me.

"You're one hell of a fighter, Leila. I haven't seen techniques like that since I learned how to fight," Cameron says with a smile that makes me blush, yeah you read that right. BLUSH. ME!

"Leila is one of our best fighters, she's practically lethal," Hale says and puffs his chest out in pride.

"I learned from the best, papa," I answer and kiss his cheek.

"That's my girl. What about a mission tonight?" he says and I look uncertain, because we have rival club members here. "There's no worries, we have an understanding."

"What am I going to do?"

"Three kills," he answers.

"Where?"

"Big town."

"Long distance it is then. I need a Sniper rifle with infrared sight and various bullets," I answer and walk up to my locker to grab a gun.

"Are you sure you can do this?" Cameron's friend asks which I answer by shooting through the glass in his hand.

"I'm an excellent sharp shooter, mister," I answer with a smirk.

    ~~~

    I'm on a roof with my sights set, ready to fire when the man walks out the door. Apparently, there were three from our sister city who had taken liberties to sell on our territory, that's a big no-no. The door opens, and I hit him in the forehead perfectly. His body falls to the ground, and I start packing up my things to move on to the next target. I'm sure you think I'm callous who can kill another human being without reacting, but then you also have to remember that life is not fair or straightforward. We do what we do to survive, just like they do to survive. The strong eat the weaker, as simple as that. I take a picture and leave.

    I climb into the car, and Tyler drives away. We swoop through the streets and arrive at the next place in no time. Tyler nods at me, and I hurry away. The next target is treated just like the first, and the third, fortunately, who is in the same place. Like before, I pack up my things, take a picture and hurry back to the car. Tyler takes us back to the clubhouse, and I don't take off my mask even when we step in. Cameron's there with his friends waiting impatiently for us. When he sees me, he looks at me with lust. I'm wearing dark military clothing, and my weapon hangs over my shoulder. In short, I look like a real warrior princess.

"Take a picture, it lasts longer," I say with a smirk and take off my mask. "Pay up."

    I hold my hand out to Cameron, who gives me the money. Tyler walks up to the bar to get me a beer; he knows that I'm going to need it when my adrenaline rush disappears. I thank him and take a big swig of the cold beverage, making an 'ahh' sound when I swallowed. Cameron is still watching me closely, almost in, awe? Adoration? I have no idea what's wrong with him. Don't tell me he's in love with me or some other p***y bullshit... I ignore him and pick up my money; something is wrong. Why doesn't it weigh more than this? Is he trying to hustle me?!

"It feels a little light there, pretty boy," I say and look at him suspiciously.

"It's big bills," he answers calmly and smiles.

"Here's the pics," I say and give him my phone to watch my work.

"That's three perfect bullseye's," he says in astonishment and looks shocked.

"Happy doing business with you," I answer and walk away from there. 

    I walk inside my room and flung myself on the disheveled bed with a sigh. My eyes are heavy, and I feel like I've been driven over by a train or something. Slowly, my eyes close, and I fall asleep. I don't know what time it is when I wake up from the bed dipping beside me. By reflex, I grab my gun from under my pillow, straddle the person and point the gun at the person's head. I relax a little when I see the familiar face of Cameron under me. I groan in anger and climb off him. He looks shocked with a hint of lust in his eyes when they roam over my body.

"What the f**k are you doing in here?!" I whisper yell to not wake the others up.

"I wanted to see you," he answers with a shrug.

"And you decide to do that in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping? What are you? A peeking Tom?" I hiss at him.

"Don't be mad, princess. I missed you and you never answer my calls or texts."

"Yeah, there's a reason for that. You're not just an arrogant pretty boy, but stupid too. But apparently, you can't get the hint and leave me alone."

"Why do you always do this?" he asks suddenly with seriousness.

"Do what?" I ask in irritation and pace around my room.

"Push the people who likes you away."

"Because it's safer."

"Safer?"

"Yes. I'm a time bomb and can explode at any time. It makes me a danger to others; moreover, I do not drag anyone into my private affairs. I don't want people I care about on my conscience when everything slams and goes to hell," I reply, thinking about everything I endured in my life.

"You like me?" he asks and I turn around with terror on my face. s**t!

"No. Yes. Fuck... I don't know, okay! Somehow you push your way into my mind and life, no matter what I think about it; leaving chaos behind," I answer with a sigh.

"Why is that a bad thing?" he asks in amusement and cross his arms over his chest.

"Because I'm the one who has to clean up the mess!  I've been there and done that before. I had to let him go in the end to make sure he continued to be safe, and that hurt like a b***h," I whisper the last part.

"What happened?" he asks in a sympathetic voice.

"I dated a guy for some time after I left Adam. Let's just say that it didn't go like we both wanted it to. To be able to ensure this guy's safety, and make sure that Adam couldn't hurt him, I had to let him go. I've lived alone since then and haven't dated. It's simply not worth the pain in my heart once again," I answer with a sad smile. "I'm a strong person, but even I have my limits. A bullet through my body; fine, torture; fine, but heartbreak is where I draw the line."

"You are a scary person, Leila."

"I'll take that as a compliment. We all do what we need to do in order to survive, and even though I don't regret what I've done, some part of me wants a family in the future. But that dream can't be reality until my life is danger-free, and it never will be," I say with a sigh and fill a glass with my dear friend Jack.

"Why can't it?"

"Come on," I say and turn to him with a rised eyebrow. "We both know what happens when you pass the threshold into this life. There will always be people who can't let go of you, and someway or another you'll be dragged back in. The only way out is death, and I intend to shoot my way through life in a way only I can," I say with a smirk and drink.

    ~~~

A/N:

Hi everyone!

I know that I don't update this story as often as I update my other books, but there's a reason for that. This book is my baby, the one I put extra time to make the chapters the way I want them to. Mainly because there's thruth in each chapter, even though most of it is dramatised there are also many elements that are based on my own life experiences. In addition, the school has just started for me again, and I need to prioritize it. I hope you all can understand and accept what it looks like. Believe me, I write as often as I can!

Lots of love!