Having Her

Chapter 9

"Thank you for meeting me."

"Jay," I couldn't help but smile a little. "I was the one who texted you to meet me. So thank you for meeting me today."

"Of course, sweetheart." Keeping the cup of coffee on the table between us, he leaned ahead on his elbow, his eyes fixed at me. "So..?"

"Right." I cleared my throat, reflectively shifting back in my chair. "I, um, I realised that I never gave you a chance to complete your story. Tell me how... you know, you got to know that you and Caleb are brothers. I just... I thought I should hear you out once."

"I and Caleb... we're twins." He told me, and I just stared at him blinking my eyes, not knowing if I should give him a knowing expression or pretend to be shocked.

"..You know." He added, reading my expression.

Reluctantly, I nod, not offering any other explanation.

"He told you?" He asked, "Caleb."

I nodded again, and didn't miss the way something flickered in his eyes, which made me quickly add, "But that's all I know. That's all he told me. I wanted you to tell me the rest... if you still want to, of course."

"Yeah. Yeah." He nods, pulling a half smile back to his lips. "Like I said, Caleb and I are fraternal twins. Born of the same parents, but uh... we were very young when they died in a crash. There was an option... between putting us into foster care or either of my father's brothers adopting us- my father had two real brothers. While they wanted to go for adoption, things weren't very well with my family that time financially- and so I and Caleb were sent to different brothers. A year or so later they had a major argument and never spoke again. One of them took Caleb to L.A. and settled there, while one of them brought me to New York. Uncle Smith and his wife are travel bloggers and they never hid the fact from Caleb that he was not their real son- Caleb grew up calling them Uncle and Aunt. Ones I was living with, on the other hand, never told me that I was adopted, and I grew up thinking they were my parents.."

As he paused, I gulped evidently looking at him. 

And then he went on. "Naturally, it was Caleb who knew that he had a twin brother whom he was separated from at five. I barely had that memory, but Caleb contacted me, explained the situation to me. I was in Idaho that time, and Caleb flew to Sun Valley to meet me. We stayed in touch ever since, but it was only acknowledgment that we were brothers- twins, there was never that twin bonding that you know.. you and Cole have." He sighed. "That's about it, I guess."

I blow some air from my mouth, my eyes still fixed at him. "I- I don't know what to say," I raise my shoulders in a sympathetic shrug. I really was tongue-tied. "I'm sorry about everything you two have been through.."

"Don't be," He shakes his head negatively, raising his index finger to push his specs further up the bridge of his nose, pulling in another gentle apologetic smile on his lips. "If anything, I am sorry. The more I think about it, the more I realise how wrong I was to hide the truth from you."

"I'm not going to say that it's okay because... it isn't." I tell him honestly, "But I just... I just wish you would have told me."

"I know I should have told you. I.. Can I just ask you something?"

"Mh-hmm." I nod.

"Would you have dated me again, knowing that I was Caleb's twin brother?"

"Perhaps not." I reply as honestly as I could, shaking my head slightly. "Truthfully? I wouldn't have been able to be with you for five whole minutes without comparing you to him with your every move." 

"Is that how it would be now?" He questioned, his gaze softening. "Would you not be able to sit with me without thinking of him?"

"I.. I don't know." I bite my lower lip, sighing helplessly. "I wish I knew... but I don't. I.. I.. F*ck." Why was I stuck in this situation in the first place?

"Hey, it's okay." He reluctantly let his hand across the table to put it on mine and give it a gentle squeeze. "I know this must be hard for you. And.. awkward. And I want you to know, that whatever decision you take regarding us, I will respect that and accept it."

My eyes snap to him. He goes on, "Daisy, I.. I can't change what I did or undo my mistake, but all I can do is try to make up for it. Only if you let me, of course. If you don't, I would understand. Trust me. If anything, it's my fault and I'd just hope that someday you forgive me and when you look at me you find someone you love and not just your ex's brother-"

"God, Jay, don't.. don't say it that way," I shake my head negatively, cutting him short. "Don't be so sweet to me, you're just making it harder."

"Sorry?" He chuckled with no remorse at all, making me smile as well.

"I spoke to Caleb last night," I tell him truthfully, "I told him that I didn't know that the two of you were brothers and I apologised if I had hurt him by being with you."

"And?"

I gulped, the smile on my lips turning sadder. "And he told me that it was okay. That I and him were long over and that if you make me happy, he doesn't mind that we date."

"Caleb said that?" Jay's voice was full of disbelief and I nodded in return.

"You make me happy, Jay, that's the truth," I tell him, turning my hand on the table such that his palm fell on mine and I held it gently. "I never thought I'd be able to move on from the kind of relationship I had once, but you made me see past it. You made me not think about him even once, and that kind of seems an impossible goal owing to fact that I know that you both are brothers and all now- God, I really don't know what I'm trying to say. I just.. I think we can give this another shot."

I watched Jay's eyes dance, an immediate smile spreading over his lips even though he seemed equally afraid to be hopeful. "Seriously?"

"Yes," I nod, smiling. "We have to take it slow, for sure. I don't want to pick up from where we left off- I don't know if that's even possible to do... but I want to give this another shot."

"I.. I would love that." He grinned, his voice getting louder. "F*ck, you have no idea how much I would love that."

I giggle. "I do have a few conditions though.."

"Accepted."

"At least listen once."

"Accepted." He repeated, still grinning. "But just for the sake of it, you can tell me."

"No secrets," I tell him firmly. "Only the truth. Whatever it is, however bad it is, whatever the consequences might be... Only the truth, please."

He gives a frantic nod in return. "I promise. You have it: no more secrets. What's the next condition?"

"That's it," I shrug, "That's all I have, I guess."

"That's it?" He c***s an eyebrow, repeating in disbelief.

"That's it."

"F*ck," He whispered, grinning. "There are no words made in this world for me to tell you how much I like you."

I just laugh in return. "So much for taking this slow, huh?"

He laughs with me, and I pause only for a second to think about how Caleb was correct. I deserved better than him. I didn't know what I deserved, but it was definitely not somebody who lies to me constantly over and over again and promises to love me only for it to end in heartbreak and tears. And finding him in bed with somebody else.

*

Later that evening, when I returned to my mother's house, she opened the door and the moment I stepped in, a little bunch of mischief came running to me and I immediately picked her in my arms, smothering her with kiss.

"Daisy," my mother seemed surprised. "I didn't know you were coming."

"Yeah, sorry to drop in unannounced, I just got done early." I answer, stepping in with Aliyah in my arms, providing no further explanation as to where I was or with whom.

"Hello, gorgeous." I said to the little one and she immediately started wriggling in my arms to free herself from the tons of kisses I dropped all over her tiny face.

Laughing, I let Aliyah be on her feet again. "Aunt Daisy," She scrunched her nose as she looked up at me. "Do you want to play with me?"

"Ah..." I pretended to think. "Only if you give me a kiss."

I leaned to my knees and she carefully trodden ahead to place a quick kiss on my cheek and run behind, afraid I'll catch her again, making me laugh.

"I would love to play with you, Al." I answer, making her grin as she wraps her little hands around my index finger.

"Where are you taking your Aunt? She must be tired, Aliyah.." My mother called out after the two of us as she dragged me up the store, making me laugh.

"I'm fine, Mum." I reply back.

Even though I didn't look behind, I knew she just shook her head in response. "Are you staying for dinner, Dais?"

"Yes." It was late in the evening anyway, and the last I ate food was with Jay in the café- just some snacks along with coffee. I was hungry.

"Aliyah, where to, sweetheart?" I asked her when she didn't stop by her room or mine.

"Up. Up. Up." She answered, and I picked her in my arms so I could carry us both up faster.

"Why do you want to go upstairs, love?" I tucked her hair strands behind her ear.

"We play." She only pouted in return and I chuckled opening the door of the rooftop.

"Who's we?" I asked her, but the question was answered when I saw the person standing on the rooftop.

Are you kidding me?

I let Aliyah back on her feet, the smile washing off my face.

"Daisy," Caleb seemed just as shocked as I was. "Sorry.. I.. Uh, your mom said you weren't coming here tonight."

"I wasn't supposed to." I answer in a dry little whisper.

"I'm going to get the castle so we can play!" Aliyah announced, making me tear my eyes away from Caleb.

"Aliyah-" I called after her to stop but she had already managed to run out, leaving me and Caleb alone.

Wow. Why? For years I don't see him at all, and now I suddenly see him every day when I didn't want to at all?

But again, I and Caleb were both here because Aliyah was alone with my mother. It was only until Cole and Sia return from their honeymoon and take Aliyah with them, and then I'd stop seeing him everywhere. 

I couldn't meet Caleb's eyes, and it felt like he wasn't particularly interested in doing that either. We were both probably trying to prevent a fight. Good. I was tired arguing with him because they were senseless and not required anymore, especially now that the truth was out there on the table. There was nothing to fight about anymore either.

"Zach and Anna left early this afternoon," He tells me quietly. "Justin is coming back next to next weekend for Zach and Anna's wedding rehearsal and they wanted to know if we would be there too."

"Didn't you tell them.. there's no 'we' anymore?" I scoff.

"That is not how I meant it, Daisy, and I'm not trying to fight again."

"Good, me neither." I turned to him. Calm and composed. I can do this. I can look into his forest green eyes without being reminded of how much I loved him and how much and how easily he broke my heart. "But you were right. There is no we anymore."

His eyebrows furrowed, his eyes narrowing at me. "Does that.. does that mean that you and Jay..?" He lets his question trail.

"Yeah." I answer.

"Wow... that's good. Great, actually. I'm really happy for you.. for both of you." He smiled.

"Thanks." I pull a smile on my lips too as both stare ahead and into different directions as I try to ignore the hollowness I felt in my chest. 

My heart hurt and although he was smiling, I knew his heart hurt the same too but neither of us could do anything about it even if we wanted to.. but I didn't, and from the looks of it, he didn't either.

Silence between us was good to remind myself that loving him was a losing game, and wanting to have him was like aiming for the stars. Impossible. 

Only this time, I was confident I wanted to keep my feet on the ground. Wanting the stars had never done me any good.

The only problem was... things very rarely worked out for me the way I planned for them to.