Fierce Nervous Beta

About our life

Getting off of the plane feels like getting out of a time machine. I feel 17 again. My chest butterflies start fluttering for the 1st time in over 3 years. I already want to go home but I made a deal to stay for a week. My dad and Laurianne (his second chance mate) come to greet me along with Chris, Luna Dawn, Gamma James and his mate Juniper, Connor and Leila (I suppose it's Alpha Connor now), Matt and Gina, Jackson and Kimmy (she's almost 16 now), Bee and Lizzy. Everyone bombards me the moment I set foot on solid ground. I just want to go home. Bee is the last person to greet me and we hug each other while walking towards my dads house (wow that doesn't feel weird to say). 

"My god I want to go home." I whisper to her. She just laughs at me. 

"I felt the same way my first week here but everything settled down and I'm happy now." She says reassuringly. 

"I think a lot of people are hoping I feel that way." I say and walk into my dads house while Bee walks over to hers. I rummage through the fridge to find chocolate milk and a fresh tray of peanut butter cookies on a cooling tray. I grab a few cookies on a plate and start walking upstairs. All of a sudden Carmela starts going crazy. 

'He's here! He's here! He's here!' She jumps around in my head. 

'Calm yourself Mrs Blatherwick!' I scold her while quoting Nanny McPhee and just as I do there's a knock at the door. I groan and take a bite out of my cookie before setting them down and answering the door. I open the door to see none other than Oliver Finley rocking nervously on his feet with his hands in his pockets. His head snaps up to look at me. I missed those storm cloud eyes. 

"Hey." He says almost shyly. 

"Hey." I say and lean against the door frame. 

"You're back." He looks so unsure of what to say to me. 

"Just for a week." I try my best not sound exited about it. 

"Unless you choose to stay here." His eyes glimmer at the idea. I don't want to ruin that for him so I just nod. There's a long silence between us. 

"What now?" He breaks the silence. 

"I don't know." I tell him truthfully. 

"Well I mean we could…" he starts but I cut him off. 

"Listen Oliver I'm gonna be honest with you. As of right now I don't think I'll be staying but I don't think that will change by the end of the week. So when I go home would you be willing to come with me? Because if not then I think this week we should choose a time and reject each other so we can both move on." I say emotionlessly. I can see the panick in his eyes and I can feel how hurt Carmela is. "You don't have to make a decision now but think about it before the end of the week, okay?" He nods at what I just said. "Oh and congratulations for graduation and taking over the businesses. For whatever it's worth I'm proud of you." I say with a small smile at him. 

"Thanks." He smiles back at me. He runs his hand through his hair nervously. I just stand patiently giving him a chance to say or not say what's on his mind. "I have so many question Kat." He eventually says. 

"Why don't we go for a walk?" I open the door to invite him in so we can go down to the beach. 

"That sounds good." He walks in and leads the way outside. We start strolling down the beach. Something about it isn't right anymore, it's not home anymore. 

"I want to hear the whole story." He brings me out of my thoughts. I tuck my hair behind my ear before telling him everything from just after that day at the estuary and how mad I was at him to getting wasted at the party and going to Bee's to the feeling of freedom to waving goodbye to Gavin on the plane. 

"And the worst part, it wasn't a hard decision at all." I finish and turn to see him lost in thought about my story. 

We then walked for a while in silence before he spoke. "It's not fair. How come I have to move for you but you can't stay for me?" He looks at me with sad eyes. 

"You don't have to come to me and I don't have to stay for you. We both have to decide what's more important to us, home or each other. I know for a fact that if i stay I'll go back to being that anxious girl who left. I was not okay because I was living for everyone else where as now I live for me. I know that I'm not willing to sacrifice my mental health for you because by doing that I'm hurting both of us but if I go it'll only hurt for a little bit. You shouldn't have to do anything you don't want to do Oliver but we can't drag a maybe life with us forever. We need to move on if that's what it comes to." I explain. 

"Why did you have to be so smart and make so much sense?" He sighs a bit defeated. "What would it be like if I moved to you?"

"Well you could still run all of your business and probably travel back and forth whenever you needed to. I live at Bee's old place which doubles as a club on the weekends. I'm also a partner in a local business and I drive boats so I have weird hours. I run some training. We could go for walks down the beach every evening or sit and read together while looking at the view. We could walk through the Saturday market and buy the most delicious fruits and vegetables. We could go to Maggie's everyday for the most devine bread or any baked good we want. We could throw dinner parties. We could have children that would grow up with no pressure to do or be anything. They could have a childhood we never had. What would it look like if we stayed?" I had to know what he had planned. 

"You would be Beta like you always dreamed off. You would run pack training like you love. You would move into the McCullugh's house with me. You could take your moms boat out whenever you wanted and drive that silly car of yours. We could have kids that would grow up with the same amazing childhood we had. What would be so wrong about that?" He stops me to ask me the last question. 

"Nothing." I say as an answer to his question and an answer to my own question about how I would feel towards that life. 

"So then stay and we can have that." He says excitedly. I shake my head at him. 

"I would be miserable and I know it's not all about me but if I'm not happy I can't be a good partner for you. And you deserve the world." I cup his cheeks in my hands. 

"Tell me again why you love it so much." He asks. 

"Where to begin. It's paradise. It smells like freedom when you first step into the thick warm air that hugs you. It's more calming than any weighted blanket will every be. The weather is amazing. It's almost always warm but we get these storms that just wash all the bad things away. The scenery is magical. I drive a buggy around just so that I'm never really far away from it. The people are just wonderful. They are all so friendly and accepting. Everyone not only accepts you as you are but embraces you. And the Alpha and Luna are so nice. They take time out of their day to walk around town and chat with everyone. We're such good friends bespit the 10 year age gap. Everything is just so chilled there. It's just…it's perfect." I explain. I must have the goofiest grin across my face because Oliver is looking at me weirdly. 

"Okay. Let's do it." He says with a smile spreading across his face. 

"What?" I ask so confused. 

"Let's move there. Let's start a life there and have a family there." He looks so happy at his new plan. 

"Why?" I'm happy but still confused because moments ago he wanted me to stay and now he wants to come with me. 

"Because you speak about that place with so much passion and love. You speak about it in a way I could never speak about here. And the way your eyes light up when you talk about it makes me love you even more. You talking about it made me realise I don't love this place I love you. I was only attached to it because it reminded me of you but you're here and you want to be there so I will go with you to the ends of the earth because I love you." He says and then leans down to kiss me. He kisses me like he never used to. He kisses me with confidence and surety. It always feels so right when he kisses me. He moves from kissing my lips to kissing my jaw and down my neck to that soft start where marks go. He grazes his teeth along that spot which sends shivers down my spine and earns a growl from Carmela. He slowly sinks his teeth into my skin and there's a split second of pain before it feels like colors exploding from my skin and twirling around us. It feels like nothing has ever or will ever matter other than the two of us. Nothing else matters because I am his and he is mine and till the end it's him and I.