CHAPTER NINE | WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!
1916 Words
Wendy POV
The conversation with Jake shook my whole world. I didn't want him back in my life. I can't. He's been treating me badly over and over again, making me feel like nothing. No one should have to feel like that. Ever. He is not worthy of my tears and above all not me. He's dead in my eyes. A small sand grain of the earth, that is what he is to me. Nothing. Insignificant. Now, if he really is insignificant to me, then why is he constantly circulating inside my brain? Because you're stupid, that's why!
My nap calmed my nerves but did nothing to the inside of my head. These are the times I've been told to talk to Aila, my shrink. I dial the number and wait for her to answer. I'm about to hang up when she finally answers.
"Aila Fanning."
"Hi Aila, it's Wendy."
"Hello Wendy! How are you doing?"
"Not so good actually... Jake called."
The line goes silent for a few seconds. If I couldn't hear her breathing, I would probably believed she hang up.
"How did that make you feel?"
"Sad, vulnerable, angry but above all confused."
"Yeah, I can understand that this is not something you wanted to happen right now. You're under a lot of stress and when he calls, the stress doubles. You need to try to let this things go, otherwise he will continue to dictate how you should live your life even though he has no right to do so."
"I know, I just... It's really hard to let someone who I loved and hurt me so bad go. I don't know how to process everything and this is really starting to freak me out. Please, tell me what to do."
"I need you to write a letter."
"A letter?"
"Yes, a letter where you write down everything you think and feel about him. It can be a poem, a thought, an opinion or something else. The important part is that you get these feelings out of your system. You're not going to send the letter, it's just for yourself."
"And when I've written the letter?"
"Then I want you to read it out loud to someone else, someone who is impartial in this situation. Share your thoughts with someone you trust. You will feel better when you've done this, I promise you that."
"Okay, I will. Thank you and good bye, Aila!"
"There's no trouble at all, that's what I'm here for. Good luck Wendy and try to take care of yourself."
I hang up the phone and think about her idea. Is it really something I should do? Who would I even read it to? I walk up to the desk and sits down to write. My tears makes the paper "wobbly" but I know that this is something I have to do.
*
Damien and Jaxon are sitting in the living room, watching football. They smile at me when I walk inside the room and immediately turns off the TV. I stand before them dead silent and hesitate about what I'm about to do.
"So um... I talked to my shrink and she said that I should read a letter to Jake for someone I trust, just to get my feelings out. And since I don't really have anyone to turn to, can I read it to you guys?" I ask anxiously.
"Of course you can. We're here for you whenever you need us." Jaxon says with a smile on his face.
I clear my throat and breath deep breaths a couple of times before the reading begins.
"I dreamt about you last night, the one who hurt me. You always made me feel like I was worth nothing. You who hurt me so brutally that I never will be able to heal again. You broke me down piece by piece and stomped me down so far that I couldn't get up. You who made me fear for my life, you who made me not to be able to trust people. You made me fear people and embrace a darkness that I cannot escape. You took my life away from me. YOU did that. You are still tormenting me today even though this was months ago, you are tormenting my mind by your presence in my nightmares. You torment me when I wake up crying, you torment me when the voices get out of hand and I have to yell at them to shut up with tears in my eyes. You torment me with your mean words echoing in my head as voices. You made me never to be whole again. It's already too late. A plurality of psychologist and medications that do not help, notes the same thing. I'm gonna get better, but I'm never gonna be okay. My psychic chains are what keeps me down to a depth that I can't get out of. A longing for something you took from me. A void that cannot be filled. All this you did, and yet you sleep well at night. I hope and pray that in time people will see you for who you are. A mean and icy person who lives to hurt others. You feed on the misery of others. You hurt, beat, spit and yell at all people who have other opinions than you. 'Cause I guess it was just that your feelings, your conditions, your opinions, they were the only things that mattered, wasn't it? I hope one day you will experience the same pain that you inflicted on me. However, I have learned something from this... It wasn't my fault. It wasn't me that was wrong, it was you all along. You man with a terribly damaged psyche who can not feel sympathy for other people. I'm good enough as I am, I'm not going to condescend to ever feel like that bad again, no one shall ever make me feel like that and you know what? There's NOTHING you can do about it. I hope you had suffered as much as I have... If not, your time will come. You should pray to God to forgive you, because I won't."
I exhale and cry softly. Damien walks up to me and hugs me close. I sob on his shoulder and he caress my back cautiously. He don't say anything, he's just there for me. It feels wonderful to be in his arms. He exudes security and thoughtfulness. Why couldn't he've been the one I met all those years ago? We would be a wonderful couple, even if it's just wishful thinking. Why would he want to be together with a single mother of three? That's just plain stupid...
"Thank you." I whisper into his chest.
"Anytime, Wendy. I'm here for you, all the way."
His words confuse me but I brush it off. He's just being nice after all. There's no need to read too much into it, it's just going to complicate things further and I don't want that. Right now, this is all I need. A hug and someone who says that I'm not alone. Thank god it's saturday, otherwise I wouldn't be able to process everything until my first workday. I need to stay sharp and show Damien that I'm worthy of being one of the representatives of his company. I break away from the hug and wipe my tears with the sweater. I try to smile but it probably looks more like I'm constipated. It doesn't look like he mind though. He probably understand the pressure I've had inside me for a long time, the call from Jack was just the last drop who made the glass tip over.
"Don't ever feel bad about asking us for anything or needing us to listen, we are here for you no matter what. Don't you ever forget that." Damian said seriously and looked right into my eyes. Oh those royal blue eyes made my heart flatter. He was so damn beautiful both body and soul.
"Okay, I will try." I said with a shy smile and looked at him through my long eyelashes.
"That's all I ask. Now from one thing to another, we have to talk about your job." he said and indicated for her to sit down at the couch, which she did.
"Alright."
"Do you have anything to tell me that I might need to know?"
"Like what?"
"Special needs, allergics etcetera?"
"Well, the most important thing you need to know is that I'm not allowed to be exposed to a lot of stress at once, considering I'm carrying precious cargo."
"Would you mind telling me about which precautions we should have towards you and your situation?"
Damn, boss-mode on... And it was hot as hell! I could already feel my panties moisture, which made me squeeze my legs shut. Focus!
"Since I wear triplets in my womb, the space is very limited in there. It is very common for the babies to come out too early precisely for this reason. To bear these three at the same time is exhausting for my body and hence I must not move too much either. I actually only have a month left that I can still walk around, after that I should really be bedridden. But Jaxon was kind enough to talk to a doctor about the situation that told him that it's okay for me to work, provided that the stress is kept to a minimal level and that I can sit down all the time while I work. He also mentioned that a wheelchair could be a solution to that problem."
He bobbed his head and looked interested.
"How likely is it that you will be able to undergo the entire pregnancy without them coming out prematurely?"
"Like I said earlier, triplets are often born earlier than calculated because the uterus becomes more stretched out. About half of all triplets are born before pregnancy week 36, which is the whole pregnancy, but many earlier than that. Then they may need to be in the neonatal department for the first time. About half of all triplets are born by caesarean section and most weigh less than a baby who has been alone in the stomach."
"So you mean that it's a fifty-fifty situation?"
"Yeah, sound about right."
"Okay, thank you for telling me. I didn't mean to pry, but as your boss, it's my job to know about stuff like this. I need to ensure the best work climate for each and everyone of my employees. If it ever gets to hard for you or that you rather work from home, that can be arranged."
"Thank you. I'm also not allowed to eat fish, it can hurt the babies and I'm deathly allergic to seafood like crab and so on. Oh, also cats. Which doesn't really matter, I don't like cats anyway." I rambled, suddenly flustered.
"If it's any consolation, I believe in you. I have looked over your qualifications for this job and I think it will suit you as a hand in glove. I'm really looking forward to working with you, Wendy. We will spend most of the days together and I need you present. Commitment is what made this company successful and I feel that you will do great work as my assistant." said Damien and smiled big at me.
"Is there other important names I should know in the company?" I asked with my notepad in hand.
"Yes, there's also Laura Stone. She's probably the most important to know except for me..." he answered with a dark expression.
"And who is she?"
"She's my wife." he answered with a sigh.
And just like that, alla my dreams of him being closer to me, flew out the window.
- Writer
