My baby daddy (baby daddy series #1) {COMPLETED}

CHAPTER TWO|SWIRLING DARKNESS

"Looking up to the darkness, the roof swindles over me, can't breathe even though I calmly try to. The clouds pop over me and lie down like a catch; every day, I hear that I have to fight against my will. Live for others, but never for myself. Sitting alone in the silence, the panic has scared me. My writing has formed speech because I can't talk, walk around in circles and try to find my way back. But, what is the difference, what is black and what is white? It hurts so badly without knowing when life gets better. I have been seen as the girl who always complains about everything, but do you know of the s**t I've been through?

"You know nothing about it. And if I had told you, you would have understood why I feel the way I do or feel the way I feel. I can't trust anyone after all the knives in my back, and people have the guts to ask why I don't feel safe. I've gotten the hate and the betrayal thrown at me again, brushing it off and moving on. But I know at the same time, it has set its mark; I'm so mournful and angry, I have lost my teenage years. What did I do when everyone else had fun? Just sat alone, waiting for everything to end. How would I have time to laugh and be happy when my only goal was to survive yet another day?

"So many doctors I've met who told me that they honestly don't know how to help me. I've been eating all those medications without it helping, walking around, hoping that the next car will hit me. I am hiding my body because it reflects my soul. My soul is like my body, full of scars, and I'm not f*****g stupid; I know how you talk, but I also know deep down that I'm stronger than others. I've understood lately how I screamed at people when I was hurt, have gone from calm to furious in a second. For all the emotions have come up and gnawing on the surface, exploding inside, which I should have processed before.

"But instead, I sat there and lied like a 14-year-old child when the therapists were asking, but I always said everything was fine. If I had only dealt with the hard things in my life, I wouldn't be sitting here with complicated feelings and no one to talk to. Easy to be afterwise, but should grab the help now. To give the treatment an honest chance. It'll be over now hand in hand with my illness, traumatized best friend, if you're going to come with me, we'll try to get along. But I hate you, how you control my life. I don't have a choice, because you're always in charge.

"It is said that the last thing that leaves man is hope, but it has to be a lie; because I can't take it anymore. Can you understand me, can you understand that feeling many people feel? But I feel so alone, can you for a while sit down and just listen, hear the silence, please tell me you want to listen!"

    I wake up with a jerk and a heavy breathing; the dream about what I told my mother all those years ago haunts me still. The sweat flows over my forehead. The nightmares have made themselves felt again. It's alright, I haven't forgotten you, although I wish I could...

    The babies play trampoline with my bladder, as usual, which makes me hurry into the bathroom. It is typical for the small thugs in there. It's five o'clock in the morning, which means there's no point in trying to go back to bed. I'm still going to have to wake up in an hour to prepare for my work.

    I work in a small cafe called 'Destimona,' it íss my landlord's wife who owns it, and it was also through Steve that I got the chance to work there. It isn't a big cafe, and I'm the only employee there. I take care of the customers, the cashier, and wipe the tables while Giselle takes care of the kitchen.

    Giselle is Steve's wife. They're both in their sixties, a tranquil and friendly couple; they roughly remind me of a grandmother and grandfather. They never had any children of their own; I suspect that's why they are determined to help me at all costs. They know about my story and that I am now pregnant, with triplets more or less.

    Thanks to that, Giselle does not allow me to do too much around the cafe. If there are more than five customers simultaneously, she always runs out and tells me to sit down to rest. It isn't enjoyable, while I am also always happy about it because, in the end, it is about her caring about me.

    I sit down on a bar chair at the kitchen island and eat my cereal. Adrian always scolds me for consuming "junk," but I can't help it! My triplets demands 'Captain crunch'—especially those with berry taste. I have no say about it, or yes, I do, but he doesn't need to know about that. I try to eat as healthy as possible.

    But it isn't easy when you have a minimal budget. The majority of the money I save and earn I spend on baby gadgets. Cribs, diapers, clothes, changing tables, pacifiers, baby bottles, and the list continues. It's not cheap stuff. Even though I got a lot of clothes from Mrs. Colt, it's not enough by a long shot.

    Babies grow much faster than you might think and therefore need a lot of clothes, especially the first year. I quickly rinse my bowl and walk out into the bathroom to prepare myself. My mid-back brown hair, I braid and throw over my shoulder. A little mascara and a toothbrush later, I'm done.

    I took a long time to eat my breakfast, time has run away, and it is now only half an hour left before I start my shift. It takes about twenty minutes to drive there in the morning because of the rush-hour traffic when everyone is going to work at the same time.

    The journey to work goes by faster than expected. I get out of the car and lock it up before walking into the building. Giselle sits at one of the tables with a coffee cup in her hand and a newspaper in front of her on the table.

"Crossword of the day?" I ask.

"You know it. Today, however, it's more difficult than usual," Giselle says and smiles at me.

"Do you need help?"

"You're welcome to take a look while I go out to the kitchen and prepare your tea."

    There is no point in discouraging her with this; she always arranges me a cup of herbal tea when I'm early. She insists that it helps both body and soul. What I think of it is no point in bringing up; she's made up her mind. If it makes her a calmer and more harmonious person, then sure.

    I fill in all the boxes she marked that were difficult for her. For me, there was no major problem, and she knew it; hence she always lets me help her when she gets stuck. After I've finished everything, I put the crossword at her place and lean against the backrest with one hand against my massive belly. I can feel the kicks against my palm; it makes a smile spread over my face.

"How's my little kickboxers today?"

"They're fine. If you can trust my poor bladder, they always kick it like it's a football."

    She laughs low, puts the mug in front of me on the table, walks around me, and starts massaging my shoulders. I can feel how the tension in my shoulders gradually release.

"Oh dear, how can you carry this tension around? It feels like you're about to break."

"I have three people inside of me; I can promise you that I'm far from breaking," I answer her, chuckling.

"That's right; I forget that sometimes."

"How the hell can you forget that? I'm huge!"

"Well, when I met you, you already had a baby bump. I'm used to it."

"I feel like a walrus," I exclaim, and she laughs heartily.

"If you feel like a walrus now, then at the end, you will feel like an elephant," she answers and wipes away a tear that snatched from her eye during the laughter.

"I hope not. I do not want to be pregnant for almost two years! Nine months is enough for me; I do not need a year and ten months too," I say with a smirk and get up from the table.

    The last sip of tea flows down my throat when I swallow it, and it is now time to start working. I give Giselle the mug, who takes it, smiling before she walks out into the kitchen to begin breakfast. I start with my morning routine. Unlock the door, turn the 'open' sign, start the checkout and wipe the floor.

    I have almost finished when a young man walks in and stands at the checkout; he carefully reads through the board set above the cash register with all our drinks and edible options. I put the mop away and get ready behind the counter.

"Good morning sir, what can I do for you today?"

    He looks at me with his golden-brown eyes. His mouth gives me a million dollars smile.

"Good Morning, Miss, I'd like to have the eggs and bacon plate with a couple of tomato slices on the side. A blueberry muffin and a coffee." I write down his orders on a note that Giselle needs.

"Are you going to eat here or bring it with you?" I ask in a pleasant tone.

"I am going to eat here."

"Please sit wherever you want, I'll come out with your breakfast as soon as it's done."

    Smiling, he walks off to a table, and I put the note on the order rail. When I turn around, a woman is waiting for me.

"Excuse me, miss, what can I offer today?"

    She taps a well-manicured finger against her cheek in thought.

"An almond macchiato with diet milk."

    I nod and work fast to get her coffee ready. It only takes a few minutes to get it ready and hand it over to the woman. She pays and then walks out of there. The same second as the door closes, the kitchen clock rings indicating that the order is complete. I take the tray and walk up to the man's table.

"Bon appetit," I say and smile before I walk back to checkout. I'm reading our liquidity report when the man calls for me.

"Miss?"

"Yes?"

"Forgive me, but I could not help but notice that you are pregnant." I laugh heartily.

"I am indeed; my residents have been arguing with me for months now, but refuse to leave the premises. I am very well aware that I am pregnant," I answer, smiling.

"You wouldn't want to sit down for a while?"

    I'm looking at Giselle, who gives me a nod.

"As long as there aren't any other customers, I can sit here," I say and sit down opposite him.

"It must be hard to stand up all day with that stomach."

"I stand rather than lie down all day as my doctor proposes on me to do."

"Why should you lie down?"

"Because I'm pregnant."

"Yes, yes, I understand that. How far along are you?"

"Five months."

"And you already have such a big belly?!" he exclaims with his eyebrows high up his forehead and big eyes full of surprise.

"Yeah, it's more than one in there."

"Twins?" he asks, and I shake my head with a smile.

"Triplets."

"You guys must be so happy!"

"You guys?" I ask with confusion written all over my face.

"Yes, you and your husband?" he asks uncertainly, and I laugh at his supposed meaning that I would be married.

"Firstly, I'm only nineteen years old. Secondly, I'm not at all ready to be married yet, and thirdly, I am alone in this."

"I'm so sorry! I thought..."

"It's okay; most people usually take for granted that someone else is involved," I say and wave my hand casually.

"And you're still working even though you're pregnant?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's not like I have a choice," I answer and look down at my hands in shame, which makes him give me a sympathetic look and put his hand on my arm.

"You're never alone, okay? Even though we don't know each other, I feel a great need to help you."

    I look up at him through my eyelashes and smile a little bit. He picks something out of his pocket.

"Here's my card. If you need work, money, food, a place to stay, anything at all, you call me. Even if it's in the middle of the night!" I nod slowly.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

    He puts a few twenty-dollar bills on the table and rises.

"Have a nice day, beautiful!"

    A smile is on my face a long time after he had left. s**t! I'm in so much trouble; I can't have friends; not when it isn't safe...

A/N:

Hello everyone!

I've just started to edit the chapters in this book and I will continue with the others shortly. If you're wondering about the structure it's to help the readers to read easier, many find this structure better. I hope you don't mind! Please let me know your thoughts! Lots of love!

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