The End of Us

Prologue

"Nakikiusap ako, Azyra..."

Iniwas ko ang mga mata ko kay Tito Jarius at itinuon sa mga bakanteng silya at mesa ng bar na kinaroroonan namin. I rented the whole place to give us privacy bilang pagpapakita na rin ng respeto sa kanya kahit pilit iyon sa parte ko. Sinadya niya talaga ang bumiyahe dito sa Russia para lang makausap ako. O mas tamang sabihing para pakiusapan ako.

Ayoko sana siyang makaharap pa but Sachi wanted me to talk to him kahit na may sama ng loob pa rin akong kinikimkim kay Tito Jai. After all, connected pa rin ang mga pamilya naming lahat.

My eyes made contact with the wall clock of the bar. Alas onse na ng gabi. Sa mga oras na ito, alam kong tulog na si Sachi. I just wanted to go dahil iisa lang naman ang isasagot ko kay Tito Jai. Ngunit dahil marami pa ata siyang sasabihin ay tiniis ko na lang ang maupo pa at uminom. But I still don't want to look at him. Ayokong makita ang paghihirap niya. Ayokong maapektuhan ng pagdurusa niya ang magiging desisyon ko. Not for revenge sa ginawa niyang desisyon para sa amin ni Kenji some years ago but for me to think things over fairly.

The separation that he forced upon us made me suffer so much. I almost lost myself during those times I was desperate to have Kenji back. When he talked to me, I almost begged him on bended knees then not to do to us what his father had done to him and his husband but my pleadings fell on deaf ears. And during those times that I almost crawled out of my bed just to see the sun, someone was there for me, selflessly helping me get out from the suffocating shell I surrounded myself with. He loved me during my worst, I could not leave him now that I am at my best.

"Azyra, Kenji needs you."

His voice was almost like my voice before, pleading and begging.

"Sachi needs me as well, Tito."

Hindi ko na napigilan pa ang magsalita. Itinaas ko ang basong may lamang brandy at inisang inom ang laman nito. Napatiim-bagang naman si Jarius Martenei sa sinabi ko.

"He is Kenji's cousin. Out of all the people you could've gotten yourself involved with, bakit sa pinsan pa ng anak ko?" panunumbat niya sa akin.

Napatawa ako nang pagak sa katanungan niya habang muling sinasalinan ng alak ang baso ko.

"When you asked me to end my relationship with your son, you have already forced me to unlove him. It wasn't my fault that I fell in love with the person who was there when I needed to be loved. Ayokong manumbat gaya ng ginagawa mo sa akin ngayon Tito pero kung hinayaan mo lang kaming dalawa ni Kenji, wala sana tayo sa sitwasyon ngayon kung saan nakikiusap kang balikan ko ang anak mo," matigas kong saad sa kanya na ikinakuyom ng kamao niya.

"It wasn't my fault that Kenji lost his chance to graduate. It wasn't my fault that he lost his writing career. It wasn't even my fault that he lost his confidence in you for separating us. Let me remind you that when you forced me to break up with your son at balikan ko na lang siya pagkatapos ng tatlong taon ay wala akong ipinangako sa'yo noon na babalikan ko pa siya pagkatapos kong makipaghiwalay sa kanya. Wala akong ipinangako na patuloy ko siyang mamahalin sa loob ng mga panahong iyon. Wala akong binitawang salita na ikukulong ko ang sarili ko sa nararamdaman ko sa kanya sa mga panahong wala na siya sa piling ko. Ikaw lang ang nag-assume na mangyayari rin sa amin ang nangyari sa inyo ni Tito Zeke, na patuloy naming mamahalin ang isa't isa sa mga panahong magkahiwalay kaming dalawa. On Kenji's part maybe it happened pero hindi sa parte ko. I loved your son. I lived with him for 2 years para alagaan at bantayan siya when you were all busy with your other son and Zion. When I was needed to take care of my family's businesses, I almost flew from Russia to the Philippines every week just to be with him kaya wala kang maisusumbat na minsan man ay pinabayaan ko siya."

Ako naman ang napatiim-bagang ngayon as I saw regret passed his face.

"But you were not contented. Hindi pa rin sapat para sa'yo ang ginagawa ko para sa anak mo. You wanted more, Tito, more than what I could already give. You had your ways and it happened. And now you want me to sacrifice the person I love for your son whom you thought did not deserve someone like me? Gusto mong iwan ko ang taong mahal ko para sa anak mo? Gusto mong saktan ko ang taong tumulong na hilain ako pataas noong ihinulog mo ako pababa? What for? Para magkabati na kayo ng bunso mo? Para maibalik ang tiwala at respeto niya sa'yo? Para umayos na ang buhay niyang sinira mo?"

"Sachi is still young, Azyra. Makakatagpo pa siya ng higit sa'yo. Makakakilala pa siya ng taong muling magmamahal sa kanya," pagpupumilit niya.

Napalatak ako.

"And now you are forcing me again to break up with the person who already has my heart. Ano ba ako, Tito? Robot na pwedeng utusan na lang? Nagawa mo na iyon noon, hindi mo na pwedeng gawin iyon ulit ngayon. You are not even my father for that matter to enforce something I do not want to do."

Natameme siya sa sinabi ko.

"Yes, Sachi may be young and he could find another person who will love him and own him. I have no single doubt that he would. But the problem is, I do not want to be separated from him. Besides, his fathers trust me. They have confidence in me that I could and I would take care of their son. I already belong to him and he belongs to me. Kasal na lang ang kulang sa aming dalawa and it will happen soon. I'd die first before I would hurt him for the sake of another person. Even if that person meant the world to me before. I'm sorry but this time, hindi na ikaw ang magdidikta ng gagawin ko sa buhay ko."

Napayuko at nanatiling tikom ang bibig ni Tito Jai.

Inisang lagok ko ulit ang alak na nasa baso ko at saka ako tumayo. Kinuha ko ang wallet ko at naglagay ng pera bilang bayad sa ininom naming dalawa at sa rent ng bar sa ilang oras na pananatili namin roon. I was about to leave him when he said...

"Azyra, Kenji is dying..."