Sadkey Tumhare. (For Your Sake)

sixteen

Aaina.

"Salam alaikum, aunty." While it was true that I absolutely didn't like Minal, it was also true that her house resembled a Palace and she looked like a princess.

Her mother was a regal wife, charm oozing out of her while her father, General Ashfaq, friend of my father in law, he looked as disciplined as a General would look like.

There were rumours that he was going to be named the next chief of army staff. I was sure that the Prime Minister would name him anyway, considering their friendship.

Minal's mother embraced me into a tight hug, it didn't feel fake at all, infact it felt warm.

"How are you, MashaAllah you're gorgeous." She complimented, I smiled thanking her.

Zaydaan, who was stood by my side greeted the whole family with a simple hello. He didn't say Salam, something that I noticed.

"Hello." My husband murmured. And then I saw her.

Minal Ashfaq.

Black hair, pink dress, full lips. I hadn't seen her so closely at the wedding, I was too consumed and overwhelmed at that time but now I observed her face.

She was beautiful. There was no other way to describe it.

"Zaydaan." She whispered, passing my husband a smile and completely ignoring me.

I ignored her too. Zaydaan, however gave her a polite smile too. Not too friendly but not too rude either.

"Minal." He greeted her back, walking ahead of me.

"Come, sit."

Minal's mother invited me to sit with them, but Zaydaan had already left a space for me by his side.

So I sat there, feeling jealous. I had never experienced the feeling before but it was a bad, bitter feeling.

As we got served with drinks before dinner, the conversation started to change.

At first, it was the weather talk, then the Prime Minister started to share his stories of the past five years and his experience as leader of the country, then the first lady talked about her work with a new NGO.

My mother in law was absolutely passionate about making life better for the orphans and widows living in Pakistan.

I loved her spirit.

Zaydaan hardly talked, often saying a word or two. I, on the other hand remained pretty much quiet too, only answering the questions being asked to me.

It wasn't until Minal's mother questioned Zaydaan about his recent trip that the conversation took a turn.

"So Zaydaan, how was Saudi Arabia?"

Everyone looked at Zaydaan and since I was sitting right by his side, they looked at me too.

"You should ask Ashfaq Uncle that. Hectic and stressful."

He replied.

Had General Ashfaq gone to Saudi Arabia too?

I was not much interested in the conversation, not until Minal let out a laugh, glancing at my husband and batting her eyelashes.

I was not sure if she had actually done that or if my jealousy was only making me see things.

"Oh come on, I was there and I didn't think it was that bad."

I almost gasped at the information. The only way I got to guard my expression, was when Ahad stood up from the opposite end of the room and sat by his brother's side.

So he had fought with me and had lectured me about Ahad, but it was okay for him to go on a government trip with his ex.

Was it not hypocritical?

Even before I could think of all the things that could happen or were happening between them, General Ashfaq looked at his daughter.

"You were there in fancy abayas and eating the traditional dishes, my daughter. Only Zaydaan and I know how consuming it was."

He told everyone. My husband sensed my mood, looking at me with a blank face.

"Ashfaq uncle has family in Jeddah. So Minal decided to visit them." He whispered, only audible to Ahad and I.

I did not need to hear this explanation. I never questioned him about anything, I never doubted him but I should have.

I mean, I was forced to marry him and he was forced to marry me, and he had someone in his life before me. How could I expect him to break all kinds of contact with her?

Ahad let out a sigh, throwing me a look as he was the only person I was staring at with a vulnerable face.

"Yeah, and how would you know Minal? You were in Jeddah, you left before them and they were in Riyadh and bhai came a day before you. No?"

Even though, he had managed to keep his tone neutral, I could hear the indirect elaboration in his voice, for me.

I had never felt so grateful. I was still a little cautious and doubtful about Zaydaan and Minal but Ahad's words had calmed me down.

"Yeah, thanks for the elaboration, Ahad. Always looking out for me."

I realised that, both of them did not share a very good bond. Ahad clearly did not like her and she also looked at him like he was the last person she would ever want to look at.

"Ofcourse."

"Tayaar ese hui wi hai jese iska rishta maangne aye hain hum."

He had whispered the words to his brother but it still reached my ears and I almost laughted out loud.

In this living room, filled with pretentious people, he was the only one who seemed real. Even Zaydaan had a shell around him, a shell that I didn't think even I had broken yet.

"So bhai, about Saudia. How were the things there?"

He said out loud, prolonging the conversation.

"As I said, tiring but good." Zaydaan replied.

"Oh well, as long as it keeps our bilateral relationship going." My father-in-law spoke, letting out a tired sigh.

And Minal, once again interfered. Even I had never interfered in any of my father in law's conversations. Only greeting him with a Salam and asking him about his health when I could.

"But uncle, don't you think it's wrong? I mean, their crown Prince is accused of murder. That means something."

"Well, it does but it doesn't." He answered her.

"Baba's right in a way, at first I was also vary but now that I think about it, in a longer run, it's for the best. Why should we compromise on our relations?"

The Prime Minister looked at his son like he was glad to finally be understood.

This world was political, all about power, morals have no part to play in it.

Zaydaan had once told me.

Minal, who seemed quite political and aware of everything, started to talk again. She was kind of arguing in a way and no one seemed surprised.

It felt like it was nothing new for all of them. Even Ahad wasn't passing any comments.

"I mean, look at the US senate. How have they stood up against all this, how they're acting up. We need to learn from the west. I think that it was a mistake, uncle."

She said bluntly. Nobody stopped her from doing so, not even her own father.

I didn't think there were alot of women who could tell the Prime Minister that he made a mistake. Did Zaydaan want a woman like her? Was that it?

I was deep in my thoughts when her eyes fell on me, her mouth twitched, a side smile on her face.

"What do you think, Aaina?" She asked, putting me on spot.

Even Zaydaan, who was looking ahead started to look at me.

"Uhh,"

I felt nervous. I didn't even know what to say, I knew what I thought of it all but I didn't know how to say it.

She faked a laugh, I could see that.

"Oh, I'm sorry, you must not know about this stuff,"

That angered me.

Fuck it, Aaina. Say what you feel like, you're not dumb. You're younger than her but you're not dumb. You might not know alot, but you know this. So speak up.

So I spoke.

"I think that we should not be learning anything from the west. They're hypocrites. They say that he got that journalist murdered, but then they also reach out to the same Saudi pockets and take money from them."

I said out loud. She shrugged.

"Well, money is important. I believe that it's not just about ethics but also money. Money and morals are too different from each other. That relationship is pure business."

She defended the US like she was a citizen. It angered me.

"It's hypocrisy, not business. I mean, even UK sells arms to Saudia to use in Yemen and then they also condemn what's happening there. So it's like stabbing someone with a knife and then putting a small piece of medicine on that wound too. Makes no sense."

My voice pitched higher than usual, but when I saw the satisfied look on my husband's face, the way his body visibly relaxed, I realised that I had said something right.

"Truly Zaydaan's wife," Minal's mother commented. So far, she was the only one who had seemed genuinely nice.

I liked her.

My husband's hand lowered to my waist, his fingers tapping there.

"She is."

This, happy Zaydaan, I absolutely adored.

"Has my son been feeding you with his ideology, daughter?" My father in law asked, I simply smiled.

Zaydaan started to talk, all the attention going back on him.

"Aaina's right. I think that I also proved to them that we're not going to compromise on our bilateral relations by going there,"

"But at the same time, we supported turkey's statement that who ever is responsible should be found."

As Minal was about to say something, her father stood up.

"Alright, no more politics please. Let's go upstairs, I have a few things to discuss with you and bhabhi."

He announced. The elders stood up, only Ahad, Minal, Zaydaan and I were still sitting.

"You children talk, okay?" Her mother said, looking directly at me. It seemed like she was trying to put me at ease.

"Zaydaan, come." Zaydaan was about to stand up, as his father called him but my mother in law interfered.

"Let him sit with his wife, stop putting everything on his shoulders."

They all chuckled, leaving the room.

Could we go home now? The last thing I wanted to do was sit in front of my husband's ex.

"So Aaina, what are your hobbies? I mean, what do you do all day?" She enquired.

I wasn't a mean person but her beauty and her cleverness was really annoying me. I wanted to leave before I could say something unkind to her.

"Except for horse riding, ofcourse." She taunted. Zaydaan's fingers on my waist tightened.

"Minal here lays in bed all day and stalks her exes, isn't that right?" Ahad jumped in, winking at me.

I had never appreciated someone as much as I appreciated him right now.

"Shut up, Ahad." She murmured, not saying anything after that as a few people came and served us starters.

Both sweet and salty. While there was soup with crackers and fish with chips in the salty items, there was pudding and cheesecake in dessert.

I didn't want to eat, but pudding was my weakness. So I took some and decided to focus on eating instead.

Zaydaan was still drinking his lime water, not eating anything.

Ahad was busy with his soup and Minal, who was sitting right in front of us, decided to cut a slice of the cheesecake.

She had just taken a bite when she looked at me, then at Zaydaan.

"Zaydaan, you should try the cheese cake. The chef made it specially for you."

She told him. She actually held out her spoon for him, in front of me. The audacity.

I wanted to throw away that freaking spoon.

Zaydaan shook his head.

"I'm good, thanks." He declined.

"Oh come on, try it. Open your mouth." She insisted yet again.

"I'm good, Minal. Thanks."

This time, he was a little firm so she lowered her hand, defeated.

Zaydaan stared at my plate, and at my sour mood.

"How's that pudding?" He asked.

"Delicious. Do you want some?" I questioned.

Ya Allah, don't let him decline. I want him to eat from my hand. That's all I can say to stake my claim in front of her.

Zaydaan nodded, opening his mouth and I put a small spoon in his mouth.

"Thank you, darling."

For a minute, I only looked at him, and he looked at me too.

And then, we heard the clink of a spoon.

She stood up from her chair, as if a sudden nuisance had been caused As if she had seen something she didn't want to see.

"Oh so you can eat from your wife's hands and not mine? Oh how the times have changed."

"That's enough, Mina." Zaydaan stopped her from speaking.

If he had told me to not say a word, I would have been quiet in a second. But this woman was so different.

"What's enough? Sitting here pretending like we're buddies when we had something? Talking like some casual nobodies when we both know what we had was special."

She yelled. I just sat there shocked.

"You don't talk to me, you don't call me. How am I supposed to know what suddenly happened?"

She kept on talking and I just sat there, listening to all that she had to say. I felt numb. Had Zaydaan really felt something for her?

What if their marriage wasn't arranged?

No. I would have known if it was. I would have.

She was trying to manipulate me against him, I had to be stern.

"I don't want to hate you, I don't want to degrade you but if it weren't for you, I would be there by his side."

She said to me, looking at me like she could burn me alive.

"You know how that f*****g feels?" I spotted tears in her eyes.

For some reason, I felt slightly sorry for her, even in this jealous state, I felt sorry for her.

"I had no control over what happened, I-" I tried to say something, Zaydaan held my arm standing up.

"No, Aaina. Don't answer her." He told me.

I became silent.

"Why not Z? Because I'm no one to you anymore? We studied together, Zaydaan. We travelled the world together. We had to build a life together."

They travelled together.

They studied together.

They had to build a life together.

Had I came in between them? Was there love between them?

I didn't want to believe it. And if Zaydaan had loved her, he would have looked at her with affection. But he didn't.

Maybe, she loved him. Clearly, she did.

"I am not that b***h, that jealous ex who tries to create rifts between husband and wife. But I'm the same age as you, your father said we will marry, you told me that we'll be good for the people. And now? It's all over? Like that." She clicked her fingers together, looking heartbroken and hopeless.

"My dad says he can't end a thirty year old friendship over an engagement of words. But I can't get over the fact that you would do this to me. We had to build a life, dammit Zaydaan."

She said so many things that I lost count. All I could do was stand there and listen to her.

"My life is with my wife now. So kindly stop bringing up the past." He answered, tone still polite but firm.

She stared at me, eyes narrowing.

"You wife? Really? How much did you father give to him? How much money did you get sold for?"

I gulped, finding it hard to even breathe. It felt humiliating, her words were cheap and they were directed at me.

The sad part was that she wasn't lying.

"It must be a hell lot of it for him to forget about me all of a sudden. What happens when he is done using you? Toys either break or they get thrown away."

I was a toy. Was I?

Was this how they all viewed me? As a toy to use for their convenience? I was a person. I did not deserve her harsh words, her arrogant stares and her taunts.

But I had no response to her. I didn't know how to fight my own battles. And right now, all I could do was try and normalise my breathing, just so I wouldn't cry.

Zaydaan took a step ahead, eyes enraged.

"Minal. If you ever talk to her, or cross her path ever again, I swear, I will make your life hell."

I didn't know how to fight my own battles but someone was doing it for me.

His words were so deadly to hear, his tone so crude that I almost shivered. And Minal, cowered.

"I won't given a f**k about your father, or our friendship. I will destroy you. And that is a promise."

Before he could say anything else, I held his arm, looking at him with all the vulnerability I had in myself.

"Let's go, please." I whispered.

He didn't say that it was inappropriate. He didn't tell me that I had to be strong or that I should have shouted back.

He simply nodded at me, holding my hand. We were half way out of the house when Ahad rushed at our side.

"Bhai, atleast tell everyone you're leaving." He said, his eyes showed concern for me, as if he wanted to ask me if I was okay but stopped.

"I don't care."

Zaydaan replied and took me towards the car.

--

----

As his security waved for us to wait since we had left the house early and they wanted to check before leaving, Zaydaan made me sit in the car, sitting on the driving seat himself.

"I'll talk to General Ashfaq tomorrow. He'll teach her a lesson."

He said, as if that brought me any comfort.

"Don't believe a word she says, we were very good friends but there was nothing more than that."

He explained, I took deep breaths, nearly in tears.

"You don't have to be upset, she's no one to me."

That made me turn around, I didn't care whether I looked stupid or whether I was crying, I spoke my heart out.

"But she is. Is this how it's gonna be Zaydaan? Am I always going to get humiliated because my father used me for power? Because I was a pawn in your political games?"

I questioned him, he sighed shaking his head.

"No. No one is going to say anything to you. I won't let them." He promised but it only made me cry harder.

I was not this person. I hardly cried. In fact, I was always so happy and cheerful, I enjoyed life, I enjoyed my University and enjoyed spending time with my friends and sister.

My life had taken a complete turn, instead of sitting with my old friends and joking about random things, I had to sit by my mother in law and observe how she dealt with things.

Instead of going out for coffee in casual kurtas, I had to get properly dressed even at home, and instead of falling in love with someone, I was forced into a marriage and yet I had deep feelings for my husband.

Maybe I was in love with him maybe I just thought that I was. But whatever changes happened in my life, I still wanted to be happy.

Which seemed so hard right now.

"Stop crying, we shouldn't have come here." He tried to console me, I still weeped.

"I am always trying to do better, I'm trying so hard. And things between us are so difficult at times. But I try. And then she comes along bragging about how you both did everything together."

I told him one of the many things that were bothering me right now, her talking about their friendship, travel plans, marriage, it had stung me.

Zaydaan clicked his tongue, cupping my face.

"Listen to me, darling. Do you know how proud of you I felt tonight? You showed them that you're not just some spoiled twenty two year old. Your grace and your intellect, it was incredible."

The smile on his face, the fond smile and the way he talked to me, this was the man I wanted to love. This was a part of him that I had hardly seen before. And I loved it.

"Don't cry for people who are jealous of us. Of you. They say things because they can't be in your place."

Was he right? Did she just say that out of spite? Maybe, but it still hurt.

"She said that I was a toy, that you'll throw me away."

I tried to wipe off the tears but they kept leaking.

"She said alot of s**t. Don't take it seriously." He replied.

I still didn't look convinced and he sensed that. Both of his hands held my face and I took a deep breath, his stare catching me off guard.

"Aaina, you're my wife. My honor, my dignity is with you and yours is with me. Nothing can shake that."

My heart warmed and for a second, it felt like it would stop beating. All I wanted for Zaydaan was to appreciate me, to make me feel equal. And he had acknowledged that. For the very first time.

"Not your mistakes, not her bitterness." He whispered, putting his lips on my forehead, deepening the kiss there.

I closed my eyes.

"No more tears, okay?" I nodded.

"They're not even half of the tears that I've shed for you." I didn't mean to say it but it still got out of my mouth.

"No more, then." He leaned back, Sami knocking on the door to inform him that it was time to leave.

"But I'm starving, why don't we grab some dinner and then go home?"

"Like a dinner date?"

I asked, surprised.

"If that's what you want to call it." I nodded.

"Or I can drop you at your mother's for the night if you want."

All I wanted to do was meet Saira but somehow my heart didn't agree with me.

"No. I want to go home. With you."

Even though I had cried that day, even though it felt sad, somehow there was a smile on my face at the end.

And that, that was what truly mattered.

Who was Zaydaan?

The controlling husband or the caring partner? I still didn't know.

--

Thoughts?

Zaydaan? Aaina? Is it going okay?