Student from Hell

Ch.15-f*****g feelings.

ADAM'S POINT OF VIEW

“I’m going to call it a night.” Martin pulled me out of my endless self-interrogatory.

“I will give you a ride.” Ryan jumped to his feet, offering to drive him with a flirting smile, but Martin shook his head lightly.

“It’s ok, I’ll take a cab.” Martin refused politely, but apparently, Ryan won’t have it.

“It’s not safe. I’ll take you.” He insisted, and I sit back and watch how Ryan from all people is acting like a gentleman, and a soft chuckle escapes my lips. He’s whipped.

“No offense. You’re nice and handsome, but it will take more than a few drinks and a few hours of conversation to give me a ride home.“ Martin said with a cheeky voice but blushed cheeks.

“And I’m not even gonna say what you would have to do to get where you’re mind is right now.” He continued with even more sass but also with redder cheeks, and I have to admit that he is... a harmless little thing. Like a puppy...

“Don’t think that I haven’t noticed how you look at my ass.” Martin threw another hit, and it got Ryan head-on. I mean, the little thing stomps on Ryan’s ego as if he’s walking on a boulevard, and it’s amazing to watch how Ryan’s smile falters, and damn, I can’t help but laugh at that.

“I... didn’t... It’s just... a ride.” Ryan stumbles over his own words, and I laugh even harder, to which he shoots me a deadly glare, and Martin chuckles, which made Ryan’s glare turn into an idiotic smile.

“Have a nice... well, it’s not evening or night anymore, so, have a nice morning,” Martin greeted, then leaned in and planted a kiss on Ryan’s cheek, very close to the corner of his mouth, letting his lips linger a little longer.

After watching the miracle unfold in front of me, I rubbed my eyes and looked better at Ryan... and... in-f*****g-deed, a crimson red blush stains his cheeks, and he’s smiling bigger than he ever did.

“Thank you. We’ll keep in touch.” Ryan responded almost f*****g giddily, and I burst out laughing again.

God, this is soooooo good. I’m gonna make fun of him for the rest of his life.

“Bye.” Martin extended his small hand for me to shake, and I take it.

“And don’t worry. I won’t tell a soul.” I reassured him once again, and he smiles gratefully, looks at Ryan one more time, then turns around and goes with a very similar smile to Ryan’s.

“What???” Ryan asked angrily when I burst out laughing again due to the childish disappointed look on his face that resembles a kid that lost his newfound puppy, and how his broad and big shoulders sag when Martin is out of view.

“You... blushed...” I force myself to say through sobs of laughter and hard attempts to breathe, and he rolls his eyes.

“I didn’t. It’s the light.” That made me laugh harder.

“The fucking... light... is blue!” I barely replied, and he rolls his eyes and scoffs.

“Stop laughing. You’re annoying. And look who’s talking. You’re under the teacher’s spell. All in love and shit.” He shot back, and my laughter slowly faded.

“Not so funny anymore?” He asked smugly, getting a deadpan expression from me.

“I’m not in love, Ryan. Don’t be ridiculous. I want to f**k him! You said it yourself, he looks like a God.” I tried to explain, but he shakes his head, somehow amused by the change of situation.

I’m not in love, for God’s sake.

“Yeah. Right. When was the last time you f****d?” He asked with a raised brow and a smirk that tells me that he knows something that I don’t.

“I don’t know. I didn’t have time.”

“Really? You have time now. There are still some good f***s around. Pick one.” He gestures all around the club with the same smirk, maybe even bigger, happy that he turned the tables on me.

“I’m tired, Ry. I want to go home.” I replied truthfully because I’m really tired.

“But I bet that if you could f**k him, you would miraculously be fresh and ready for a f**k marathon.” The fucker just has to... f**k.

Maybe I would make an exception. Ok, I would make an exception. Ok, I’m not that tired, but I’m just not in the mood.

But then again... I’ve never been ‘not in the mood’. Is it because of him?!?!?! No. It can’t be. We’re not even together, and we won’t be. I don’t think that he’ll accept my profession. He’s a teacher and I’m a drug dealer. Not the point! The point is that... what was the point? God damn, I’m losing it.

“I gave you something to think about, didn’t I?” He brags, and I give him the finger.

“At least I haven’t blushed like a 15 years old school girl.” I shot back and flashed him a smug smirk, and he gives me the finger as well.

Well, I blushed as well, but he doesn’t need to know that.

“What can I say? He’s sweet, even the way he rejected me was sweet.” He said in a soft, dreamy voice that I never heard before, and I try not to burst out laughing again, and do my best to hold it in because I know that if I will, he’ll try to turn the tables again, and I don’t want that, besides, like this, I enjoy torturing him mildly, and it’s enough.

“Well, he doesn’t seem the kind of guy that you’re used to. I really think you’ll have to work your ass to get into his pants.” I warned, and he shrugs as if he doesn’t care if he will have to climb Everest without oxygen to have him.

He looks like a lovestruck puppy, fact that concerns me because I recognize some of this strange behavior. I felt anxious and happy... Oh, God... do I look like him when I think about Cassius? If yes, I need a gun and a bullet to blow my brains out.

“I know. He’s definitely different. And we actually had some interesting conversations. He’s smart and he’s very honest. I mean, he doesn’t avoid telling you his opinion.” The way he talks about him tells me he’s f****d.

Well, at least a good thing came from tonight. I’m not the only f****d one. I have Ryan’s company with me on this dark and confusing path.

After a small silence in which both Ryan and I lost ourselves in our thoughts, I asked one of the guards to drive us home, and just like before, we sat in silence until we reached my place, then said goodbye and I went back to thinking about Cassius while going inside the house.

I did try to think of something else after a while, but I accepted defeat after not only five minutes, and I granted my brain the approval to knock itself out and think of Cassius as much as it wants.

The kiss was ethereal, his smell is a pure aphrodisiac, his voice is a s*x lullaby, his touch is hot and even if it’s shaky and conflicted, it’s also strong, his eyes up close are like a hypnotic swirl of light brown, gold, green and blue.

Everything about him fascinates me, intrigues me to no end, frustrates me, and that makes me want him more. I want to know ‘him’. The real him. Not Mr. Bourne, the English teacher, but Cassius, the hot guy with hazel eyes that stole my mind, barged into my being and took full residency.

P.S. Admitting all that doesn’t mean that I’m in love with him.

So it’s not love, but he makes me feel things. All kinds of things.

I don’t know how, but I found myself standing in a room where I haven’t been for 8 years. The room where I spent all my after-school time with my mom, having fun, and putting our feeling on a canvas every day.

I pull off the sheets that cover them, and a bitter-sweet smile covers my face, and the mixed feelings that wash over me make it difficult to decide if the mix hurt me or brings me bliss.

In some paintings, I can see her calming beautiful smile, and in others, the pain that only me and she knew she was caring in her fragile heart.

Pain inflicted by the man that was supposed to protect her with his life, love her unconditionally, cherish and worship her like the Goddess she was. Because she truly was. A beautiful angel that was broken by the devil itself.

I wipe the tears that fell without even realizing it, and a genuine smile came across my face when I saw my first drawing, which, I have to admit it’s f*****g terrible, but she made me believe that it’s the most beautiful painting there is in the world. I can still see and hear her waking me up in the mornings with hot chocolate as praise for how good it was, smothering me with kisses and hugs.

A few lines and circles that were supposed to be my mom on a field with what, at first sight, man would think that they are monsters that came from the ground to eat and destroy Earth, but they are actually flowers, and the sun shining high on the sky surrounded by... stars. I have to give it to myself, I did have a big imagination.

“I miss you, my Queen.” I talk to her for the first time in 8 years and wait for her to answer me, but no answer comes.

But then again... her prince is long gone and all that’s left of him is a f****d up motherfucker.

I open the big closet where we kept our tools, and my eyes land on the brush that used to be my brother’s, but he painted once and threw the brush across the room because he pocked himself with it in the eye.

I remember Mom’s look of worry and how her soft voice got a bit louder as she asked Blaise if he was ok because I was laughing my ass off, and that made it difficult for her small and fragile voice to cover my laughter.

I turn and see that one of the easel stands has an empty canvas on it, and I’m tempted to use it, but the paint is more than certainly useless.

“But you’re not,” I said, looking at the big box of sketch pens, grabbed it, and in no time, I was drawing.

Fucking feelings!