Let Me Love You Again

Chapter 1

Five years later.

Maya POV

I placed the last box on the floor and closed the door with a kick, remaining with my eyes glued to the car seat in front of me. My baby slept blissfully, the pacifier between his lips, his favorite puppet squeezed between his hands. Willy the giraffe we call him.

A few tufts of light brown hair came out of the hat he was wearing. He was breathing heavily.

Axel had collapsed while we were traveling in the car, my little man was so devastated by this trip that he had not opened an eye even while I was carrying in our new apartment all the boxes I had in the car.

It wasn’t an easy trip from New York to Philadelphia, especially for a nearly two-month-old boy like Axel. We had to stop several times because the young man did not like the view that was in front of him.

I looked around the small apartment, which was my new home, the whole living room was full of boxes, as well as the kitchen table and the sofa.

It was so weird being back in Philadelphia after all those years of being away. After I left to study first in Boston and then in New York, where I had spent the last two years.

I sat on the ground and tied my light brown hair in a high tail behind the back of my neck, before taking a box and opening it. It was a Friday afternoon, and I didn’t have any plans until Monday morning when I started my first shift at the hospital. Thanks to my father, a retired orthopedic surgeon, I was able to get a job as a nurse in the emergency room of the Lankenau Medical Center and thanks to my mother’s help I was able to get that apartment near the hospital.

I started to pull several clothes out of the box, they all belonged to Axel, but I still had no closet to put them in. My phone rang so I reached out to get it in the bag on the couch.

"Hello?" I said by blocking the phone between my shoulder and my ear while I kept pulling out clothes.

"Maya!" cried my mother from the other line, "Are you home yet?"

"Yes mom. I just put down the last box and I’m starting to pull out a few things, although I don’t know exactly where to put them." I said looking around.

"Axel?" he asked with a concerned tone.

"He sleeps blissfully in the car seat, the journey tired him very much." I told her looking up at my child.

"Have you heard anything about him?" she asked with caution.

"Mom..." I say sighing, "He hasn’t been around or heard from in the last year, do you really think he would do it now?" I got up and grabbed the seat before I moved to the kitchen and put it on the table.

Brad, my ex and Axel’s dad decided to disappear when I told him I got pregnant, disappearing is an understatement. He yelled at me, calling me w***e, that had tried to frame him with a baby so he could put a ring on her finger.

Brad and I dated for two years before I get pregnant. I met him in college.

The beautiful and dark boy that everyone wanted to have but had eyes only for me. He made me promises of love. He said once we finished college, we’d move in together, get married, and have a family. But after college, it was never the right time.

First, we had to get a job, then we had to find the time, then we had to stabilize until he stabilized between the legs of his colleague, and even then, I forgave him. Because I loved him, I loved him so much.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was so happy, that I couldn’t wait to tell him. I already imagined the tears of joy on his face, but I never saw them.

Brad threw the test at me by yelling at me and smashing the table in half, shouting that I had to get rid of that problem.

Problem.

I could never do that. So I told him to go to hell and continued that pregnancy on my own, alone. I continued to work until a few months before the birth, I was supposed to go on maternity leave and then continue to work, but shortly before returning my hospital fired me.

So, I ended up with a baby, a scholarship to pay back, an apartment to support, and no job.

My parents were so sad for me that they convinced me to go back to Philly, they helped me get back on my feet. They even offered me to go home with them, but I didn’t feel able to weigh on them, not with Axel in my life.

So, I rented a small apartment in a neighborhood not far from the hospital, enough for me and my baby, and I planned my new life.

Maya?" I heard my mother’s voice.

"Sorry, Mom, I was a little overwhelmed." then I picked up a box and opened it, and I started to pull out some kitchen utensils.

"Later your father will come with your old crib and put it together so that you can put Axel more comfortable."

"Oh beautiful. I must go buy some furniture too. I don’t have a changing table, I don’t even have a dresser for his things, the closet in the room is old and it stinks, I’ll have to buy a new one. And on Monday I had the first shift." I began to say exasperated.

"Quiet, breathe. We have all weekend to deal with this. You don’t have to do it all by yourself, you know we’re here for you." my mother gently told me.

I took a deep breath and rested on the kitchen table as I watched Axel stretch imperceptibly, before falling into a deep sleep.

"Why don’t you come with Dad? We can order a pizza so you can spend some time with Axel," I said quietly.

The truth was, I needed my mother. Since everything happened with Brad, I had never asked anyone for help, I wanted to manage on my own, I had been alone, I had not allowed the people who loved me to be with me, and I had pushed everyone away. When I got fired, I almost fell into a depression, if I hadn’t had Axel, my reason for living, I wouldn’t have been able to get up again.

It was time to let the others help me, and that was the first step.

"Really?" my mother’s voice was hopeful, I dare not imagine what she had to face because of me.

"Sure. The house is not the most comfortable, not yet, but we can arrange something. So, we can create a program for Axel and for when I start working."

"I think it’s a good idea!" she said enthusiastically, "I can bring something I saved of yours, I can also pick up milk powder!"

"No need, I’m still breastfeeding, and I still have the breast pump that my colleagues gave me at Axel’s baby shower."

"You should start taking it off your breasts or you’ll end up with swollen t**s while you’re at work."

"When the time comes, it has not yet arrived." I told her as I began to put the plates in the cupboard.

"Yes, I am sure. I will begin to prepare what I need!" she said cheerfully before she hung up.

I looked for a moment at the now black screen, before putting the phone on the coffee table and starting to fix everything.

By the time Axel woke up crying, I’d already fixed all the boxes with the kitchen on them.

Immediately I untied him from the car seat and took him in my arms, while he cried desperately grabbing the collar of my shirt with his little hands, clearly trying to get to his food source.

Immediately I lifted my shirt and discovered a breast before Axel rushed over it with voracity, eagerly drinking milk while looking at me with his blue eyes like the ocean.

I moved to the living room and sat on the couch, moving some boxes while I took off his hat and put it on the coffee table.

Axel drank until he was full and then he fell off, I rearranged my shirt and bent my knees, resting on it my little wad waiting for the moment my parents arrived.

The bell rang, rumbling around the house as Axel watched his hands carefully.

I got up with him in my arms and I went to open the door, finding my mother full of bags in front of me, and she went into the house like a fury, leaving everything on the ground and rushing on Axel.

"Here he is, my little prince." she said, taking him out of my arms and filling his face with kisses that he accepted happily.

"Where is Dad?" I asked looking out the door.

The hallway light on the floor was on, but there was no sign of my father.

"Oh he’s unloading the car. Right? Grandpa is coming" she continued with a sharp voice as she watched Axel relax blissfully in her arms.

"And you left him alone?" I asked in dismay.

"She’s not 80, he can do it, just chill out." she says on the way to the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes and followed her meekly, ready to be run over by my mother’s storm.

*****************

The next day I got up early, although Axel woke up several times, I felt rested enough to finish the boxes. The day before my parents had helped me enough and most of the work was over, I just had to fix a few dishes and the clothes I kept keeping closed.

That day I was supposed to go looking for a closet but first, I had to go shopping first, I had my fridge completely empty and I had to buy some supplies for Axel, otherwise, my mother would panic.

Speaking of the devil. The silence was broken by the ringing of the doorbell. Right on time to wake up Axel immediately began to cry in despair. I opened the door and ran into his room, finding him in his cradle completely red and his face streaked with tears. I immediately picked him up and went to the kitchen with him. My mother was already trying to turn on the coffee machine while Axel was reclaiming his food again. I sat down on a stool and immediately settled down before I attached it.

"You have nothing." said my mother, opening all the doors.

"I was going to go to the supermarket to buy some food, I didn’t have much time." I told her as I began to cradle Axel gently.

"Your father says that for the first few months you will have few shifts from a few hours so that you can get used to and even spend time with Axel, after all he is still too small to stay so long away from his mother."

"I know, Mom, but it’s just me and I can’t afford it without work."

"You have us too." my mother almost insulted.

"I can’t put the weight of my decisions on you, I’m not a child anymore."

"I know very well, but you could still stay with us the first few months and then look for a home, you know you will never be a burden to us."

"I need to manage on my own, I can’t always rely on others."

After I finished feeding Axel, I passed him on to my mother, and rearrange my shirt.

My mother began to cuddle him again by filling him with kisses all over his belly while he laughed ecstatic.

Scoundrel.

"I’ll stay here with him if you want to go shopping." my mother said without looking at me.

Axel took a few strands of her blond hair in his little hands while my mother kept pounding him with kisses and making him rejoice.

"Are you kicking me out?" I asked, pretending to be shocked.

"Go, go, my prince and I must spend some time together." she said to me with a gesture of her hand.

I snorted and walked to the bathroom.

I was grateful that my parents had accepted with good heart my decision to keep that child, although it meant raising it alone. My parents had never judged me, no matter what I decided in my life, I always had them to stand behind me and support me in every circumstance, and I was very grateful to live for that.

********************

I pushed the cart along the lane while I was looking for the pasta department, I already had the cart half full of food, then I had to stop to buy some diapers for Axel since the supply I had was about to end. Luckily my mother kindly lent me her car while she stayed home with the baby, she didn’t even look at me when I left.

That woman now had eyes only for Axel, there was no one else for her, not even my father received all the attention that she gave to that child.

I looked around and finally spotted the department with the pasta, taking a good supply.

I continued my journey and found myself in the wine department, God, I would have liked a nice glass of wine, but no alcohol when breastfeeding. By now, my runaway days of spending a drunken weekend twisting in a stranger’s bed before I met Brad, then my boyfriend’s bed, were over.

The Maya bad girl was now dead and buried to leave room for the single Maya mother.

I looked bitterly at a few bottles of wine, of course, I could have taken one and opened it when I finished breastfeeding, but I knew that if my mother had seen me bring home a bottle of wine at home, she would scold me until the end of my days.

I kept walking without looking in front of me until I hit someone with the cart.

"f**k!" I said, looking in front of me, "Excuse me, sir, I was distracted, I hope I didn’t hurt you." I said, looking at the gentleman in front of me.

More than a gentleman, he was a young man.

Perhaps of my age, or perhaps older. The blond hair was arranged on the side, the gray eyes looked at me. I thought it looked familiar, but I wasn’t 100% sure.

"Don’t worry, miss, I was in the middle too." he looked at me as he passed a bottle of wine in his hands, then squinted his eyes, almost as if they wanted to come out of his head "Maya?!"

I blinked several times without saying a word.

"Maya Sheppar?" he asked again, shaking his head in disbelief.

"Yes?" I answered uncertain looking at him and remaining gripped to the cart.

"Damn it, Maya! It’s me!" he said, beating on his chest, "Andrew! Andrew Spring!" he said, cheerful.

I looked at him.

Andrew.

It occurred to me that the guy who was always following us, who was always making hearts eyes to Jess, how was always courting her with no shame.

"Andrew?" I asked in amazement.

"For God’s sake!" he said, holding me in a warm embrace, "How many years have passed?" he said, cheerfully looking me in the face.

"Five." I said with a little voice.

"Five years!" he was amazed, "Damn it, Sheppar, you’ve become a bomb!" he kept checking me out and making me blush from head to toe.

"And you’re cooler! With age, you’ve improved Spring." I said more restrained and keeping a friendly tone.

"What are you doing here, Sheppar?" he asked curiously.

"I shop?" I said insecurely.

Andrew looked at me startled and then shook his head "I see this. But here in the city, I meant."

"Oh, what a fool." I said, "I moved here from New York." I said, putting my elbows on the cart.

"New York? f*****g Sheppar, you’ve come a long way, I thought you went to Boston."

"I studied first in Boston then I got a scholarship to the University of Nursing in New York so I moved." I said by moving my hair behind my head.

"Nurse? Are you a nurse?" asked Andrew surprised.

"For the time being. Last year I applied to medical school, but then I had to quit for some reason." I said without saying anything else, I didn’t want to talk about Brad.

"That’s so cool." said Andrew.

"What about you?" I asked curiously.

"Me? I stayed here in town with Jess! I got my medical degree in record time and am now in my second year of specialization." he said proudly.

"Wow, well-done Spring!" I said happy for him.

Together with Jess, Andrew had always been the best of our year, I knew he would come a long way.

"So you’re back here for good?" he asked me.

"Yep. Or at least I hope. I accepted a job offer in a city hospital, so I thought it was time to go home." I said quietly.

"Cool!" At that moment his phone rang and he looked at the display, immediately his eyes shone "It’s Jess!" he said cheerfully.

I looked at the phone and saw that I had a message from my mother telling me that I had to go home "Sorry Andrew but I really have to go" I said without looking at him "See you!"

I took the cart and headed for the nearest box.

*****************

I spent the rest of the weekend sorting out the last of the boxes after my dad dropped me off at Ikea to pick up some things I missed.

Finally, I had a new closet for me and Axel, a chest of drawers for him, and a new bed, all as a generous concession from my father who had insisted on buying me the new furniture, although it was not necessary but when dad ordered something, better to keep quiet.

All weekend I hadn’t thought about meeting Andrew, but I had a strange feeling.