The Soldier Who Taught Her To Trust (#2 The Soldier Series)

Chapter Five - Apologies

Chapter Five – Apologies

Izzy slumped down onto her bunk, the tears running freely from her eyes, she felt wave after wave of anger pulsing though her, but more than that she felt a pain in her heart that just never seemed to disappear. Curled up into a ball, she felt the bed dip, and a hand rest gently on her shoulder.

“Izzy” Kyla whispered, softly, then began to stroke her best friend’s hair

“I hate him, I really f*****g hate him, so why do his words hurt so f*****g much” Izzy cried out

Kyla did not feel her friend wanted the answer, because deep down Kyla knew Izzy already had the answer, but was hiding behind a protective wall of hate, and anger.

“Like, why do I care he would not touch me with a barge pole, f**k, he should be so lucky to get the chance, he isn’t exactly catch of the year, f*****g arrogant prick” Izzy continued to rant, venting out her frustrations.

But no matter what she shouted out in her anger; the tears still fell as the pain of his words took root in her heart. Nobody who was a decent person would touch her with a barge pole, she was used goods, a junkie, not to be trusted, hell she could not even trust herself most of the time, all she brought was pain and suffering to those who loved her, or who she loved. Yes, Cigs was right he should not want to go anywhere near her.

“You know words are more deadly than any gunshot Izzy, they take root, fester, make us feel less than we should, not worthy, they can feed us with lies that cling to our insecurities, and they grow choaking out the good inside of us” Kyla said, blinking back her own tears, remembering how she had struggled for years, because of the words of others

“But words also can heal, or they can lift us up, and bring life back to us, like water in the parched desert. Cig’s, he was point scoring, and he was so, so wrong, and I love you Izzy, but you do the same to him, and that is equally wrong, because all you are doing is hurting each other, and yourself in the process” Kyla soothed

Izzy sighed, it was true, she had for a year constantly put Cigs down, jumped on any little thing he did and lashed out at him, she needed to put away her anger and hate so that everyone can move on.

“But he thinks I was with Stan, I mean, eww Stan, really?” Izzy shuddered.

Kyla let out a small laugh.

“I know, but to be honest even Kermit wondered if you two had something going on, till I put him right. You trust Stan more than most Izzy, you are more confident around him” Kyla smiled down

“Yeah, because he is our i***t friend, he is like a brother Kyla,” Izzy protested

“I know, and he is safe, because you have only friendship feelings for him and nothing more, but Cigs, he is jealous of that Kyla, because I do not care what you say, or what he says, there is a very fine line between love and hate, and I don’t think either you or Cigs truly hate each other”

“Hey missy, I brought some marshmallows and some hot chocolate for you both” Kermit smiled at the door with two mugs.

“See you have a good one, he knows chocolate solves everything” Izzy laughed

“Not really, I have f****d up before as well Izzy, now, you and Cigs need to talk this through and be honest with each other, because if not, then Tank will have to bring in the big guns, and trust me you don’t want that” Kermit chuckled

“Oh, I don’t know Vicky managed to straighten your ass out when you were being just that, an ass” Kyla giggled.

“Very true, but honestly Izzy it is scary s**t when Tanks Mrs goes on a rant” Kermit pretended to shudder.

“Aww my big brave soldier, scared of a small woman” Kyla teased stroking Kermit’s face

“You are not wrong Missy, we are all s**t scared of Vicky” Kermit laughed.

Cigs walked out of the interview room, after composing himself, then decided to head for the shower, wash the day away. He could not help but feel s**t for saying what he had said to Izzy, but not so much about his behaviour towards Stan, damn why was he so jealous of him! Yet it was not Stans fault, and Cigs knew he had to apologise and as he rounded into the shower block, he saw the man himself stood underneath the tepid flow of water. Wordlessly Cigs got changed and pulled the cord for his own shower, time to make it up to the person he once thought of as a friend. Remembering Stans quip to the girls the last time they were all here about sharing razors to shave their balls, Cgs smiled to himself.

“Hey Stan, you got a spare razor, my balls are prickly” Cigs asked

Stan started to laugh,

“Yeah, but the frog wanted it you know, after Kyla told him our secret, but I told him I only share with a mole.” Stan laughed

Cigs chuckled, and began to wash himself, silence descended between the two men.

“Cigs, look, I do not know what the f**k is going on with you and Izzy, but mate, she is like my sister. Do I flirt with her, and Kyla, yeah I do, but that is just me, because if I actually fancied either of them in that way I would not flirt, I kind of ignore or dismiss the girls I actually want to get some off, probably why I am best friends with my right hand for the past year.” Stan shrugged

“That is f****d up mate” Cigs laughed shaking his head

“I know, but hey, it is easy to get rejection when it means f**k all. But that is not the point, even if I did fancy Izzy, I would have lost out anyway, because, and if you ever tell her I told you this, I will deny, deny, and then deny, but f**k mate, she has feelings for you, but she is s**t scared that if she gives in, you will realise she is nothing more than a junkie and leave her heartbroken, and given she is dealing every day with her sobriety she does not need that pain” Stan confessed.

“How do you know that?” Cigs asked, looking over at Stan

“Because being like her brother she confides in me” Stan raised his eyebrows.

“And you f*****g like her, because being a friend once upon a time, you confided in me as well, so Cigs, stop being jealous of my friendship with her, and develop the relationship you want with her. But trust me on this, you have some work to do to get her to trust that you won’t just up and leave when you have had your wicked way with her.” Stan said, then switched off the shower, and grabbed the towel, and dried himself off.

“Thanks Stan, and for what it’s worth, I am f*****g sorry mate” Cigs sighed.

“And I do not see Izzy as a Junkie” Cig countered, he never thought of her in that way, she was the strongest girl he knew, a fighter, her past addictions did not define her.

“That is half the problem Cigs, you need to face the fact she is an addict and sober or not she will always be an addict. I think you forget, then say s**t or put her in situations that cause her to crave or have to battle that monkey on her back, because you don’t see her like that. You need to accept that side of her, and protect her from herself sometimes, and show her that you accept that fact about her, but will stay anyway, because she thinks you will suddenly realise one day when she is rattling and run for the hills making the whole damn thing even harder on her” Cigs continued, then fully dressed walked out of the shower block and headed back towards the barn

“Oh a heads up, you may want to wear your thong tomorrow” Cigs chuckled

“Got you, will do” Stan winked then started singing the old classic by Right said Fred

“I’m too sexy for my thong, to sexy for my thong, bright pink and neon” as Cigs shook his head and laughed.

As Cigs stood under the water that had changed from Tepid to freezing cold, he thought on what Stan had told him.  He was right, he did forget Izzy had once been addicted to drugs, and he needed to also accept that side of her, which he did, for her to ever accept him he had to show her, he saw it, accepted it, and would help her with it.

Getting ready, he made his way back to the instructor block, then found Tank and Kermit with Kyla sat in the mess room,

“Hey guys, look, I am sorry for earlier, it won’t happen again, where is Izzy?” he asked

“In her room, she is mightily pissed off with you” Kermit said

“Yeah, I get that, look I am going to go apologise, and knowing Izzy she will tell me to f**k off, but I am not going to retaliate, because for what it is worth guys, I really am sorry” Cigs sighed

“Hey bro, we all f**k up sometimes, just got to do the right thing in the end” Tank smiled

Cigs nodded, then headed round to Izzy’s room. Taking a deep breath, he knocked on her door

“Hey girl, can I come in?” he asked softly

Izzy nodded, and blew out a breath, trying to calm herself down as Cigs sat on the bottom of her bunk

“I saw Stan and, kind of apologised to him”

Cigs smiled down at Izzy as she sat on the bed staring straight ahead, she snaped her head to look at him, then took a deep breath so as not to shout at him.

“Kind of, you either apologised or you didn’t” Izzy retorted

“I asked if he had a spare razor to shave my balls” Cigs smiled

Izzy let out a small laugh and nodded

“I also apologised to the guys” Cigs continued

“Yeah, I need to do that as well” Izzy sighed

“Izzy, I am f*****g sorry, being honest, I was a jealous d**k, and well, to say what I said was a d**k move, so please feel free to f**k me and my horse, whilst I wait patiently in line for you to give a f**k” Cigs smiled, nudging her arm with his elbow.

Izzy laughed a little, relaxing and deciding it was time to do the right thing, and forgive cigs and herself for both of them being class A idiots.

“Truce” Cigs asked holding out his hand

“Truce” Izzy smiled and shook the outstretched hand, ignoring the pin pricks of pleasure that moved around her body from his touch.

The next morning, the team all set about preparing for the day, Tank was busy bellowing at the contestants on the parade square, as Cigs and Izzy loaded up the SUV with day bags filled with lunch and a change of clothes for each of them. Kermit and Kyla were moving the SUV’s round ready to transport the team to the location, whilst the production crew, drove the others that would move the contestants out.

“MOVE” Izzy heard Tanks order

“Guess we have to head out now” Izzy smiled

“Yeah, it is the link hands in water task, only doing it for longer, then 15 klick hike, although we will probably only do five Klicks of that walk without the bergen just a small day back with a first aid kit” Cigs laughed

“Oh, we are a bunch of bastards, that one was f*****g horrid, let alone for a longer period of time” Izzy grimaced

“Yeah, remember number 10 pulling us all under” Cigs laughed

“Yeah, that was when you were good old farmer Steve” Izzy smiled

Cigs laughed and shook his head, pleased that the pair of them had put last night behind them.

As they drove to the side of lock ness, the contestants were lined up at the waters edge, Tank, Kermit, Kyla, Izzy and Cigs all stood in a line facing them.

“You all know the drill, on my command strip down to your underwear and stand at the waters edge… MOVE” Tank ordered.

Izzy could not help but start to laugh as she watched Stan, slowly unbutton his shirt, then throw it round his head, down towards Tank, then take off his boots before doing a sexy little dance and dropping his trousers.

“Get a f*****g move on number one” Kermit shouted, but Kyla as softly giggling beside her.

Stan shrugged off his trousers leaving just a see though neon pink lacy thong on, as he stood a bowed towards the other contestants, as they all laughed, showing his arse to the instructors.

“Very good number one, very f*****g funny, now get to the water” Tank shouted. Supressing a laugh.

Number 8 Una Thirwell, who was the first transexual on the show from season five laughed.

“Hey number one, can I have that when you are finished, I think it is my size” she laughed

Stan gave her a wink, “you can have my knickers anytime you like girl” he laughed.

“All right you fuckers, get into the water, enough of the play time shite” Kermit shouted

The contestants all line up going shoulder deep into the water arm in arm, and then linked arms and  lay back. Izzy and Kyla ran up the shale pathway, to grab the day bags, that contained dry kit for them all, then ran back down, lining the bags up with the contestant at the waters edge. 20 minutes later, they were still in the water, when suddenly number 10 Sallyanne Tucker, jumped out and passed her arm band to Kermit, with a big smile, then fluttering her eyelashes at him said

“I am too cold to continue as he could probably tell by my… hee hee hee”

Kyla rolled her eyes, and shook her head slightly.

“Get changed and get the f**k out” Kermit said, ignoring the girls attempts at flirting. Before turning round and smiling at Kyla and whispering

“One each” waving the arm band to her.

Kyla rolled her eyes at her fiancé,

“Let’s be honest she only gave it to you to try and flirt, now let me see who my next victim will be” Kyla giggled

“Missy, you are an animal at this” Kermit laughed.

Izzy turned to Cigs, “I want one on the hike” she whispered in his ear.

Cigs laughed and nodded.

“Yeah, we cannot let Mr and Mrs Muppet over there get any more, let’s team up” Cigs grinned.

And soon they were both screaming and shouting at contestants as they hiked up the mountain, cold, exhausted and in pain. Moving towards the back of the contestants where number 2 lagged behind, despite being a previous winner on the first ever series, but having started to party and enjoy the fame it brought him a little too much and now was not totally unfit, Izzy and Cigs tag teamed him, shouting for him to move, telling him his effort was pathetic, till finally he gave up, and passed his armband to Izzy, as she grinned Cigs, both of them laughing as they swapped with Kyla and Kermit and made their way to the SUV to transport them further up the hike to take over once more, as they got into the vehicle, Izzy let out a squeal of delight for claiming her first armband, and Cigs high fived her.

“That’s my girl” he grinned, and Izzy let out a small gasp, she was letting him in, and she did not have the strength left to fight it or him anymore.