Shameless

Prologue

Sounds throughout the night blended with the boy's dreams, and he was unaware of the sounds outside his dreams until a glass broke on his bedroom floor. He jolted awake, his heart racing and his ears ringing as he listened carefully. It took a minute for his eyes to adjust to the blackness of the apartment, aided by the dim light of the street lighting.

A figure's shadow was squeezing through his half-open bedroom window. He constantly shoved a stick on top to prevent it from opening any wider from the outside. Because his bedroom was on the second story, he'd never been concerned about someone trying to get into the house in this manner.

The intruder unintentionally kicked another object to the floor, which landed with a strong, solid thud, then cursed softly as they pushed their way through the half opening and slid to the floor.

The boy let out a loud gasp and grasped his headlamp, his hands trembling. He struggled with the switch, but he only managed to turn off the light. It fell off the nightstand with a loud crash, and he groaned, sucking back into the bed, his back against the headboard as the intruder climbed to his feet and approached the bed.

The stranger whispered, "It's me," just as the boy was ready to shout at his parents.

The boy's pulse shuddered briefly before gradually calming.

"Nico?" His voice trembled as a result of his overwhelming fear. "What exactly are you doing here? How... "How did you end up here?" In the dim light, his voice was barely heard.

"I ran away from home." Nico muttered. He crept to the edge of the bed, and the boy could see his hooded sweatshirt, but his face was covered by shadows. His statements were strained, which terrified the boy for some reason.

"Run from what?" he wondered. "What were you up to?"

Nico's eyes were filled with tears. "My parents...sent me to a facility to...fix me."

"To fix you?" The boy scowled. "What exactly do you mean? Where?"

 "I’m..." Nico began sobbing. "I'm ill. I tried to get better but... I couldn't. And my parents... they don't want me to come home until I'm no longer sick. "

Sick? Anger started to simmer, then boil, in the boy's blood. Nico had admitted to him at school over a month ago that he was gay, and his church was getting him the help he needed to be cured.

He appeared ill at the time, with thin features and a pale complexion. He'd lost a lot of weight and was even vomiting at times. The stress, shame, and dread of who he was had taken their toll—not without the assistance of his parents and church, who had pushed him into programs that were supposed to ‘heal' him but just appeared to make him loathe himself more.

 "You are not ill, Nico." The boy protested gently, but he realized it wasn't going to work. Nonetheless, he tried. "Nothing is wrong with you. You can't be cured since you aren't sick. "

"I am," he said. Nico sobbed. "My parents despise who I am. God hates me." He gulped back a sob. "I'm on my way to hell!"

The boy picked him up and held him in a tight embrace, his face against his throat. "No, Nico, you aren't!" He growled angrily. "God does not despise you. You're stunning, wonderful, and really talented. "You are not going to hell."

Nico sagged into him, sobbing and trembling. "May I...may I stay with you tonight? Please?"

"Of course you can," I said.

Nico lifted his head to look at the boy. The boy could see a glimmer of blue in Nico's sparkling eyes from so close. "I love you." Nico muttered, his words constricted. "I've always adored you. I know it was wrong...but...I can't help myself. "

The boy carefully removed Nico's hood and ran his fingers through the boy's silky wavy hair. "I adore you, Nico." He was tenderly kissing the boy before he realized what he was doing.

"I'd want to spend the evening with you." Nico groaned during their brief kiss. "I'd like us to..."

He wasn't required to finish his words. The boy understood what he was asking.

He pulled the sweater up over Nico's head with steady, careful hands. He didn't have a shirt on beneath. The boy softly stroked his naked chest, brushing his hands over Nico's flesh. Nico's hands encircled his.

"Have you ever..." Nico began, his voice faint and shaky, and then stumbled.

Slowly, the boy shook his head. "No." He muttered something. His throat felt constricted, and he had no idea why. The longer he caressed Nico's skin, his pulse began to beat harder and quicker. He felt pain in his groin. He'd had feelings of attraction before, to specific guys at school. But it had never felt this way before.

He'd never been that close to another boy before. And the way that Nico held his gaze on him... no other boy had ever looked at him like that.

Nico moved in and kissed him nervously. His trembling lips lingered. Heat invaded the boy's body and seeped between his legs. He was having a hard time. He was tougher than he had ever been. And the pain was making his eyes wet. He knew exactly what to do...even though he'd never done it before.

"Are you sure... that this is exactly what you want?" he asked, brushing his lips against Nico's.

"Yes." Nico was trembling, and tears were gathering on his cheeks.

The boy stroked his fingers over Nico's eyes, brushing away the tears that were about to fall. Nico's eyes were kissed by him. "It's okay... to adore me." He said. "It isn't improper, Nico. All love is wonderful. That is not something that everyone understands."

Nico sagged into the boy, shuddering and crying quietly. His arms were wrapped around his neck. He choked on his words, "I hope... I hope I can believe that. "I wish I wasn't feeling so... filthy and ill."

Tears streamed down the boy's cheeks as he cradled Nico in his arms. "Let me show you how wonderful it is." He kissed his hair before placing him on the bed. Nico did not resist, instead gazing up at him with complete faith and affection. How could he believe he was filthy or disgusting? He resembles an angel, so pure and gorgeous.

The boy slid down and gently kissed Nico's chest, then up to his neck. Nico closed his eyes and groaned softly, his hands raised and delicately stroking the boy's back with his fingertips. His touch, even if it was gentle, felt like small electric shocks to the boy's skin.

His lips followed Nico's jawline and found their way to his mouth. Their kiss was deep and more promising this time. Nico wrapped his arms around the boy and drew him closer, deeper into the kiss. The boy's body slipped over to cover Nico's. Nonetheless, Nico did not fight back, but rather clung to him almost urgently. More tears streamed down his cheeks.

"Make love to me," he said again, gently and shivering. "I just... I'd like to know how it feels...just once...to make love."

Nico's warm, moist face was stroked by the boy's hands. "Stay with me, Nico," he said quietly. "And it won't have to happen just once. I want you to be with me at all times. "Everything will be fine."

Nico embraced him even tighter as his tears became more intense. "It'll never be fine." He sobbed. "Never, ever."

 "Don't say that," the boy said quietly as he kissed him again. "Yes, it will be. I guarantee it. It'll be OK. I'll find a way to make it so. "

"You can't." Nico choked.  "Don't make any promises. Please don't do it.”

The boy tried to speak again, but Nico hushed him with a kiss as his hands began to roam all over his body, triggering emotions he'd only read about or heard about previously. His lips began to puff out as his heart raced faster and harder, and his body began to come alive in a manner that both scared and aroused him.

He had no idea when their garments came off, but he did notice their warm, naked flesh touching. The boy was taken aback by his own apparent talent as he carefully moved Nico to his stomach, used his own saliva to lubricate himself and Nico's entrance, and then embraced the boy in his arms as he gently began to enter his body.

Nico drew in a quick breath, followed by a sobbing cry. The boy kissed his shoulders, paused, and then pushed in a bit more deeply. Nico clutched the blankets as she sobbed in a shaky wail. Nico shook his head as the boy stopped, as if to retreat.

"No," he shivered, silently sobbing. "Please don't stop."

The boy's eyes welled up, and tears streamed down his cheeks, falling into Nico's hair at the back of his neck. His feelings for the child erupted, shaking his heart in his chest. He'd always known he had feelings for Nico, even before he realized he was homosexual.

However, it has never seemed so intense and overwhelming. He placed his lips on the back of Nico's head and sobbed as he pushed deeper inside the boy, his mind spinning, his breath cracking and spilling from his lips in trembling chunks.

"I love you." The boy shivered, crying, clutching Nico deeper in his arms, his palm pressed against his neck as his hands flattened against his chest. "I love you, Nico... "I love you so much..."

Nico wept even more, his face buried against the boy's pillow, but not because the boy had penetrated him. His pained moans were forcing themselves out of him. It terrified the boy, and he clutched Nico even harder, as if his hug might somehow conceal the child from what was causing him pain.

"Please, Nico, don't cry." The boy became engulfed by his own emotions.

"Please. Things will be fine. It certainly will. I'll make things right and guide you. I’ll be there for you at all times. "

Nico pulled his body back into the boy, covering his hands with his own. The boy's parts were encircled by his inner heat. I squeezed him and encouraged him to take full command. He began to move in opposition to Nico's stiff but eager body.

Nico shivered and cried, but then began to move with the boy until they were in perfect sync and everything around them appeared to fade away. It was wonderful. He could feel Nico's tension lessening, as well as the boy's misery and loathing of himself. While the boy held him, made love to him for a little period. Nico knew he was loved just as he was, and he accepted it without reservation or shame.

In some aspects, it looked as though they had been having s*x for hours, yet it ended far too fast. Both the boy and Nico felt their muscles stiffen almost instantly. The boy held on to Nico as their breaths blasted out of them in weak gasps and whimpers, and they held him together, harsh sobs breaking free.

The darkness was shattered. The boy wondered whether his parents could hear them somewhere in the back of his mind. Their room, however, was at the far end of the corridor. He didn't believe they could hear him.

His body shook and trembled, his breath rough and hot against Nico's moist shoulder. "Please stay with me, Nico." He muttered something. "I promise everything will be fine."

Nico didn't say anything as they shifted and the boy wrapped him into his arms. They cuddled beneath the blankets, and he lightly stroked Nico's back while the child rested his head on the boy's breast.

"Thank you so much," he whispered as he drifted off to sleep.

"Please don't...let yourself be blamed. You loved me... when no one else did and when I neede love the most."

The boy scowled and began to clarify as to what he meant, but the boy had already fallen asleep. He made a mental note to remind him in the morning, then closed his eyes, embraced Nico tighter, and fell asleep.

…

The boy awoke with a start, as though jolted awake, but nobody was there.

No one.

"Nico?" The boy sat up and wiped his eyes. The sky was gloomy outside the bedroom window, and raindrops ticked on the glass. Had he imagined Nico's presence? He moved beneath the blankets, feeling the sheets slip across his bare body. It wouldn't have been a hallucination. But where was Nico if it wasn't a dream?

He pushed the sheets aside and walked out of the room, grabbed his underpants and pulled them on. He changed into a pair of jeans and went to the window to gaze out at the dismal day. What had prompted Nico's departure? What would he do? He'd stated that his parents didn't want him to return home till...

Until I’m not ill anymore.

The boy's face tensed and his eyes hardened. What was the matter with his parents? What about the church? Heaven? Did they all feel anything terrible when they glanced at Nico?

"Nico." The boy's throat tightened as he muttered. As he watched the rain drip across the surface like Nico's tears from the night before, his fingertips caressed the cool glass.

"Where have you gone? Please return."

He was startled when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. He turned as the door slowly opened and his father entered. The man's face was pinched with stress, his eyes were glistening with tears, and dread gripped the boy's heart and thoughts.

"Dad..." He was already trembling and had no idea why. He clutched himself but couldn't stop the goosebumps from running through him. Tears welled up in his eyes before he realized why he was sobbing. "Dad... what's the matter?"

The man merely stared at him, intense anguish in his eyes. As his jaw clenched and the muscles in his face flexed, tears began to fall from his eyes and stream down his cheeks.

"Paps...what is it?" asked the boy.

"It’s..." His father chewed his lower lip as his chin shook violently. On unsteady legs, he approached the boy. "It's about Nico."

The boy shook his head. He tried to back away but hit the window.

"He..." The man was openly sobbing. He took the boy's hands in his.

"He committed suicide early this morning."

"No..." The boy bowed his head harder, his jaw clenched, tears running down his cheeks. "No! You're not telling the truth! You're not telling the truth! Quit f*****g lying!"

The man scooped him up and drew him into his arms. The boy resisted him, screamed and cried, but his father would not let him go.

"No-oo!" He screamed, and his cries suffocated him. He grasped the man's arm and clung to him, his strength failing him. His legs buckled, and the guy cradled him in his arms, crying and embracing him tightly.

"I'm sorry, son," he sobbed. "I really apologize."

The child trembled against his father's quivering body, his eyes clenched tight, memories from the night before flashing through his thoughts, and Nico's final words lingered in his mind like a ghost.

"Please don't take it against yourself...You loved me...when no one else did, when I needed love the most.”