Shameless

Seal Your Mouth

Just concentrate. It doesn't mean anything. You're all good. It's perfectly fine. Consider Ashly. She is your future. Your prayer was answered by God. You have been cured.

"Quit fidgeting." Ashly let out a gentle chuckle. It was a pleasant sound, reminding Cristian of a nice summer wind. He fixed his gaze on her as she fiddled with his tie, tightening the knot and adjusting the collar of his white dress shirt. He could spend his entire life with her and be the man she needed and deserved. She had come to be the answer to his prayers. He grinned, knowing that her love had delivered him. He didn't require anything.

What about the other night?

The smile vanished like ice in the searing heat of the sun. His stomach twisted and he felt lightheaded as memories from his dream flashed back to him in his sleep.

His hands were caressing his body. Hands of a guy.   His kisses found their way into Cristian's mouth. Cristian opens himself to him in every way. He took it, consumed it, and used it for pleasure. And it will happen willingly. It's something I want and something I need. It's killing me.

A rapid twitch behind his hidden cotton briefs filled him with worry and dread. His crotch expanded somewhat, but it was enough to set off alarms in his brain, like church bells ringing, so that he couldn't hear anything else.

He woke up from the dream with a raging hard-on, still sensing the man's hands drawing patterns on his skin, his warm lips caressing areas of his body that no man had ever gotten close to. His erection had been so strong, so demanding, and so persistent that he had had no option but to attend to it.

He woke up from the dream with a raging hard-on, still sensing the man's hands drawing patterns on his skin, his warm lips caressing areas of his body that no man had ever gotten close to. His erection had been so strong, so demanding, and so persistent that he had had no option but to attend to it.

When the memories of m**********g to the wicked dream made his shorts tighten even more, Cristian shuffled his feet. The sickness he'd felt that morning after getting returned to him now. The shame had hit him like a divine judgment the moment he was released, filling him with disgust for himself. He had knelt before God, begging for atonement, begging God to cleanse him of his filthy thoughts and sensations.

You did not have to repent. You did nothing. It was all a nightmare. No one has power over their dreams. It has no meaning. You are still OK.

 “Cristian?”

Christians squint. Ashly's forehead creased as she looked up at him. "Huh?" The memory of his dream and what he had done thereafter caused heat to pour into his face. He hadn't informed Ashly about it. None of it is true. He was too embarrassed and horrified by it all to admit it to them. Ashly was completely unaware of his... issues. And she didn't need to know because the problem was no longer a concern. He was very much in love with her. That’s what he wanted to think.

 "Are you all right?" Her gentle voice was tinged with worry. "You seemed to be not in the mood." With the back of her palm, she stroked his cheek. "You seem a little flushed."

More heat burned his cheeks, increasing his blush. "I'm OK."

He was shocked by the sudden harshness in his voice, and understood where it came from. "I just didn't get enough sleep last night." He feigned a grin. "I think I was just nervous."

Ashly grinned as she softly stroked her hands down his chest, smoothing his shirt. "There is no need. It was just an engagement party, Cristian. It has nothing to do with the wedding." She winked and grinned. "You have my permission to feel anxious about that."

 “Thank you so much, dear." Cristian grin at her. "I do appreciate it."

"You are welcome." Ashly laughed again and took a step back. "Let us now go welcome our guests."

She extended her hand. Cristian exclaimed and squeezed it affectionately. This was correct. His thumb glided across the engagement diamond he'd given her when he proposed. This was God's plan for his life. What he had hoped for...for years. Simply being a man in love with a lady.

And that's exactly what he was.

He wasn't a homosexual man.

…………..

From across the huge room, sharp eyes caught Cristian's gaze, probing him into the face of a guy that Cristian didn't recognize. The masculine guests towered over the majority of the other guests milling about. His focused gaze was fixed on Cristian, which irritated him. He didn't like the strange tickling sensation it gave him in his lower belly.

Cristian avoided his gaze. It was meaningless. He hadn't been affected in that manner by a man. As he'd said to Ashly, he was merely anxious, and having others look at him too intensely always made him uneasy, as if they were searching for his soul and catching a glimpse of his hidden sin.

He threw a peek back in the direction of the man, but he was gone. Uncomfortable disappointment pierced his scalp. He didn't try to explain it. Instead, he pushed it aside, unnoticed. It couldn't trap him if he didn't look it in the face.

When he returned his attention to Ashly and her cousin, Kevin, who had come over to congratulate them, he was confronted by the stranger's strong gaze. Cristian's breath stopped in his throat, luckily not loud enough to disturb Ashly—but the guy hadn't ignored it. Cristian's mouth twitched playfully, and that strange tickle in his belly returned with force, pressing deeper towards his crotch. His cheeks quickly heated up, and the man caught them again.

He'd been so preoccupied with the stranger's appearance that he'd missed Ashly's sudden tension. Her grip on him was tight. Cristian casts a glance at her. A coldness she wasn't used to chilled her eyes as she glared at the man, but she kept her cool.

"Isaac." She spoke with her lips pursed. "What exactly are you doing here?"

"I just wanted to express my congratulations." Isaac's voice was just deep enough to be seductive, with a smoothness that caressed the ears. His gaze remained on Cristian's face.

"You seemed to have made a good catch."

Cristian's skin tingled, and his hairline fizzled. The man's beautiful blue eyes were practically purple up close, and his long black lashes complemented them wonderfully. His short ebony hair perfectly gripped his head. Just long enough to run one's fingers through.

The thought had left and was now running quickly through Cristian's mind as he fought to grasp it and lock it back up. He wanted to look away, to get his attention away from this man's intrusive stare. He truly did. But he was unable to do anything but stand there and admire Isaac's beauty.

Ashly drew closer to Cristian, her grasp on his hand tightening. "I don't want you here, Isaac," she stated flatly. "You weren't invited."

"But I am," Isaac said, pulling an invitation from the inside of his tux jacket. "I take it with me at times like this."

"How did you..."

"Mom." He gave me a sly grin.

"Mom." In hushed tones, Ashly repeated the words. She took a big breath and exhaled slowly. "Well, I'm not sure why she invited you to my engagement party, but-"

"I am your brother." Isaac explained, as if she needed to be reminded. "Why should I not be here?"

"Step brother," he says. Ashly corrected firmly and emphatically.

Cristian fixed his gaze on the man. What about her stepbrother?  For two years he'd been with Ashly, she'd never mentioned having a brother of any kind.

Isaac shrugged and returned his deep violet gaze to Cristian. Is that his true eye color? Cristian was taken aback. Or are they simply contacts? He'd never seen someone with those eyes before. Suddenly, Isaac extended his hand to Cristian.

"My name is Isaac," the man said, his eyes sparkling as if they were sharing a secret. "Ashly's brother, Isaac Brown."

"Stepbrother," Ashly corrected once again. She spoke to Cristian while keeping her eyes on Isaac as if he were a predator who needed to be observed at all times. "His father is my stepfather, Faustino."

Isaac's hand remained extended to Cristian. Cristian hesitantly slipped his palm across Isaac's, unable to do anything but shake his hand without being impolite. The man quickly curled his fingers around Cristian's hand and softly squeezed it. Again, there was a feeling of mystery. As Isaac gripped Cristian's hand, a trembling breath rattled through his chest, and it seemed like the man was holding his hand rather than engaging in a handshake.

The tickling feeling inside him began to energize and ignite. Cristian hoped that the amount of heat he felt on his face wasn't truly visible. His members stiffened slightly as heat appeared to flow from Isaac's and into Cristian. Isaac's hand was firm, yet it also had a tenderness about it. Cristian's dream came back to him, and he was terrified of how easily he could replace the dream guy with Isaac.

His breath became constricted, and he drew his hand away. He had moved a bit too soon, he thought, but he needed to break the contact, and Isaac didn't appear to be the one to do it. Cristian swallowed and cleared his throat. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you." He muttered something.

"And what is your name?"

Cristian had forgotten to introduce himself due to his frazzled state of mind. "Oh, uh...Christian...Goodson, Cristian."

Isaac's chest rumbled with a deep chuckle. "That is a really sacred name." He grinned, but his gaze was drawn to Cristian's face. "It seems appropriate that Ashly would marry a man named Goodson. Isaac gave a sly grin. "Are you?"

 “Am I what?”

“Good.”

"Ahmmm…" Cristian said as he shook his head at Ashly. "No. I mean, I do OK. But I'm not good in any manner."

"Don't get sucked in," Ashly said, her lips taut and her eyes steely. "He enjoys playing word games. He believes he is clever."

Isaac's lips twitched with a hidden grin. "Yes, Cristian...don't let yourself be sucked in." The slight emphasis he placed on the word suck felt like a cattle prod was being poked in the ribs.

Cristian's groin coiled with a scorching feeling that pooled in his testicles and filled them up, causing a slight erection. As Isaac smiled at Cristian, his lips parted ever so slightly, and he was struck by the abrupt, unbidden vision of Isaac on his knees before him, those enticing lips wrapped around Cristian's manhood.

He took a deep breath and took a step back, looking away from Isaac. He massaged his heated cheeks with a trembling hand. Ashly was now staring at him.

"Cristian?" Her voice had lost its tightness. "Are you all right?"

"Yeah," he said, his voice roughening again. "I just-"

"Well, Isaac, I see you have met the bride and the groom-to-be."

Cristian turned around when he heard Faustino Brown's deep and strong voice. The man was tall—clearly Isaac's source of height—and hefty, yet slender. He was a gorgeous man, and it was clear where Isaac got his good looks. Cristian, like Faustino, had been drawn to him from the moment Ashly introduced him as her father. Given their closeness, it had come as a surprise to him that Faustino was her stepfather. Apparently, the relationship she shared with her father did not extend to her son.

"Indeed." Isaac smiled. Under the glare of that grin, Cristian's knees felt rubbery. "I was only congratulating you."

"Cristian." Lizella Brown softly clasps her hands together.

"Would you be so kind as to fetch another bottle of wine from the cellar?"

He nodded and cleared his throat. "Certainly." Then he pulled away from the little group, hoping his legs wouldn't give out and he'd fall to the ground. Isaac's gaze was heavy on his back as he sensed the man observing him until he was no longer visible.

Only then did he begin to relax a little, but his heart continued to race irregularly and beat hard against his chest wall. He leaned against the wall and took in long breaths as soon as he was out of sight of the visitors, trying to calm his racing heart.

This was not correct. This was not meant to happen. He was head over heels in love with Ashley. This was all part of God's plan. He had been cured by God. He was no longer attracted to guys. He certainly wasn't!