Chaos of Serenity

“Paglaki mo, ano gusto mong mangyari?” I asked with my little voice. He laughed and I don’t know why. There’s nothing wrong with my question, why is he laughing? Is he high or something? He couldn’t be high; he’s aura is not intimidating! “Why are you laughing?” He glanced at me and I saw his blurry face. Why does he have a blurry face? But I could sense that he’s already old or teenager or something! I don’t know why am I with an old guy, what is happening? “You can’t just ask someone what they're gonna do when they grow up, my love.” He stated with his lovely voice, it’s soothing and I think I am blushing… why am I blushing at this old guy? I am freaking 9 years old!  “Are you a pedophile? You are kind of flirting with a 9 years old while you look older than me?” I asked curiously. After I asked that, he suddenly hugged me, which made me flinch and I didn't feel scared at all. I feel like I am home; I feel like I reached the stars and all of my impossible questions got answered. Why do I feel like this? Is he kind of God? I heard him chuckle again. “You look so innocent mahal, you look so adorable!” He exclaimed. “You are creeping me out, old guy! But why do I feel so comfortable around you? Why does my heart beat so fast? What did you do, old guy?!” He smiled but there’s a glint of longing in his eyes. “I miss you mahal, talking to your younger self feels weird! Haha! I feel like I am committing a p********a! You are so dumb for doing this to me!” His voice is excited but I could still feel the longing in it.  I don’t understand him, why is he like that? I don’t know what is happening! Should I tell mom? Should I call a police officer? Should I just rant this to my puppy? What should I do?! “Kunin mo na po ako mahal… I appreciate your sacrifice a lot but my heart is still weak without you…” He said that with a slow voice, he looked so down… The excited voice is now gone; his pretensions didn’t make it. His true feelings showed up. I suddenly heard him sob. His cries are full of sadness, it’s full of longing. My heart ached so bad; I can’t handle it. My poor little heart is aching and I don’t even know why. He’s making me question everything.  I suddenly screamed when I saw my hands disappearing! My hands are disappearing! This is so unreal!  He suddenly looked at me and his eyes… I saw his eyes. It’s frightening. He suddenly hugged me and kept on shouting stop. His hug is so tight but I don’t feel suffocated at all. I feel so sad. “Mahal, please no! I am done with this pain! I already want to be with you! If living means without you, then I don’t wanna live anymore!” He is crying badly and I could also feel my tears. I could feel his pain. I could feel his regret for some reasons. And I suddenly woke up, catching my own breath. What the fvck is that?  “Nakatulog ka na naman sa kakanood ng practice lods!” Deborah stated. Tinitigan ko lang siya then she suddenly wiped something from my face. She looked so confused, why is she confused? “Did you have a bad dream again?”  “Again?” I asked, why did she use the word again? She nodded. “You’ve been having nightmares, beh. And you are always in the same situation again. You tend to forget your bad dreams.”  That’s weird but that’s not what matters now, tiningnan ko ‘yong court at laking gulat ko nang iba na ang kalaban ng team namin. Hindi kasi ako makasali sa laro ngayon dahil bigla akong nahulog habang inaayos ko ang ilaw sa kwarto, may na-dislocate na bone sa ankle ko kaya kailangan kong ipahinga ito kung ayaw kong lumala pa. “Matagal ba talaga akong nakatulog?” She nodded “You were in a deep slumber, beh. I don’t have the guts to wake you up.”  Nginitian ko na lang siya ‘tsaka bumalik sa pano’nood. Ang saya-saya kasi nasa match point na sila, malabo nang makahabol ‘yong kalaban. After no’ng laban ay pinuntahan ko lang ‘yong team ko at cinongrats sila. Tuwang-tuwa naman sila dahil nanood daw ako. Bakit naman ako hindi manonood? Baka nga kung wala lang akong injury, ako na ‘yong nag last point eh! Charot!  Paglabas namin ni Deborah sa gym ay sobrang dami ng tao, nakakahilo but this is what I want! People.  Bigla ko namang naalala na may peta pa pala ako sa math kung kaya’t nagpaalam na lang ako kay Derah na mauna, hindi kasi kami mag classmate ni Deborah kung kaya’t magkaiba kami ng deadline. Hindi pa naman malapit ‘yong deadline pero gusto kong matapos agad. Pumunta muna ako sa pinakamalapit na school supply na alam ko dahil nagmamadali ako. Ewan ko ba kung bakit pero sobrang halaga talaga ng oras sa akin. Junior High School pa lang naman ako, marami pa akong oras pero hindi natin alam ang future. Mamaya baka bigla na lang akong saksakin sa kanto. Habang pumipili ako nang color ng bibilhin kong correction tape ay may bigla na lang humila sa akin. Nagulat ako kaya hindi agad ako nakapag reklamo. “Huwag kang magsalita Miss, patulong lang sandali,” bulong niya ‘tsaka niya ako inakbayan. “Ito ba ‘yong gusto mo mahal? Bilhin mo na para makauwi na tayo,” he said, ‘tsaka niya kinuha ‘yong nahulog na correction tape sa ibaba. Ano’ng pinagsasabi nitong tangang ‘to? “Ay sis! Sayang! May girlfriend na pala si koya, ‘wag na tayo magpapicture! Pangit din naman taste ni koya sa babae! Mas bet mga pilay. We don’t settle for less!” ani no’ng babaeng naka rainbow t-shirt tapos may super red shade na liptint. Nakuha ko na ang gustong mangyare nitong lalaking ‘to kaya nginitian ko lang siya at sinabayan. Nakita naman iyon no’ng mga babae kaya tinarayan na lang nila ako at umalis. Ano ba ginawa ko?  Pag alis nila ay ‘tsaka ako bumitaw sa akbay niya at ‘tsaka ko tiningnan ang mukha niya. Pagtingin ko ay hindi naman sa nagulat ako… nabiglaan lang sa lapit niya sa akin. Lumayo naman siya agad kung kaya’t mas natitigan ko pa ang mukha niya. He looks familiar though; not the face but the aura. He is tall and has a lean body; He also has tanned skin, brown fluffy hair, and probably has a sweet smile assuming to the aura that he’s been giving to me. His eye shapes are round and his brows are thick, he also has a little bit of wide lip which is sexy…for me. Feel ko Pisces ‘to! Charot! “Salamat, tol! Sa susunod ulit, bye!” sabi niya, ‘tsaka siya bigla-biglang tumakbo palayo. Ang kapal ng mukha niya, ang tanga-tanga niya, feel ko rin bobo siya, pero one thing caught my attention. Ang bango niya, gag0! I just chuckled with my own thoughts ‘tsaka ko lang naalala ‘yong peta ko sa math kaya binilisan ko na ang pamimili. Papagalitan din ako ni papa kung magtatagal pa ako sa pamimili dahil mag gagabi na pero puwede ko namang idahilan ‘yong injury ko. Magsasaing muna ako bago ko sabihin kay papa kung bakit ako late umuwi para kunyari, good girl! Pagdating ko sa bahay ay sasalubungin ko sana ng masiglang hello ‘yong mga tao sa bahay kaso ay wala pa naman palang tao. Badtrip! Edi sana nag street foods pa ako kanina!   Nagsaing muna ako at hinugasan ‘yong mga natitirang hugasan galing sa lunch siguro kanina bago ako pumunta sa taas para gawin na ang lahat na dapat tapusin. Naligo muna ako at nilagyan ng ointment ‘yong namamaga kong ankle. Hindi naman na siya gaano masakit kung kaya’t nakakapaglakad at medyo takbo na ako pero may mga times pa talaga na bigla-bigla na lang kikirot. Tinapos ko na ang lahat ng dapat gawin kahit na matagal pa ang deadline, itinabi ko na iyon lahat ‘tsaka ko na sinirado mga pintuan sa baba para makatulog na ako. Napadaan ako sa terrace namin kaya napag-isipan kong tumambay muna doon. Ang ganda ng tala at buwan, ito talaga ang gusto ko kapag gabi. Hindi ko nafefeel na mag-isa lang ako sa bahay. Hindi ako natatakot kung bigla mang mag brownout dahil alam kong nand’yan ang tala at buwan para bigyan ako ng liwanag. Tinitigan ko ang buwan… Takot ako pumasok sa isang relasyon pero ang sarap sigurong umibig. Biglang sumagi sa isip ko ‘yong mukha no’ng tangang lalaki kanina. Ang bango niya talaga pero bwiset talaga siya kaso mabango siya kaya hindi ko magawang mabwiset. Ilang minuto ko lang pinanood ang pag kinang ng mga tala ‘tsaka na ako pumasok para matulog. Pero ayaw ko pa kung kaya’t nag online muna ako at nanood sa t****k. Habang nanonood ay nag dm bigla si Deborah. @dbrhsy_ :Mease pacind pue s math,,,, thnx! Napairap na lang ako ‘tsaka ko pinilit ang sarili bumangon dahil alam ko kung gaano ka demanding itong punyetang ‘to. Pagkatapos ko isent sa kaniya lahat ng answer ko sa assignment namin sa math ay blinock ko siya. Alam ko kasing magpapaturo pa ito kahit alam naman niya kung bakit naging 2 ‘yong answer. Kinukulit lang ako kasi iyon daw ang meaning niya ng lambing, tanga-tanga nitong gagang ‘to eh. Ipinikit ko na ang mga mata ko dahil sa sobrang pagod at iyon na naman… Iyon na naman ang panaginip ko pero this time, mas ramdam ko pa ang sakit sa puso. Sobrang sakit sa puso.