My Laughable Fate

11. Why?

LEIA POV

Why do I feel bad? Seeing the dejected and humiliated look on his face made me want to take back what I said, but just as soon as that thought crossed my mind, he scowled and opened his mouth. “For EVERYONE!” He growled as if that would somehow make the fact that he was taking a chosen to please his daddy and to gain an alliance any less true.

As much as I wanted to rub that in his face, the why didn’t matter. Not after he just questioned my worth as a shewolf. As his mate. “If that’s the case, then reject me, mark and mate with Natalia and let’s go our separate ways. I’d rather not feel anything but indifference towards you.” I said casually, and turned my nose up at him. Not one tear, or I will gouge you out, eyeballs!

A nasty ball started forming in the pit of my stomach as I watched his eyes grow wide and panic set in. Did he feel what I felt? The pull that told me I should run to him and forget everything that’s happened so far. That I should tell him that even if I'm not everything Natalia is, I'm more than worth being his or anyone else's mate.

The silence that followed as the wheels spun in his head and I evaluated all the emotions and thoughts going through mine was defining. Part of me wanted him to reject me right now so that I could move on, but at the same time my heart ached just thinking about it. It wasn’t any better than the fear I felt at the thought of him changing his mind suddenly.

This conversation should have happened when he introduced me, his mate, to his chosen mate. Because at this point, aside from the bond that’s driving me nuts, there isn’t any reason for me to want to work it out even if he did. “Why are you so clinical about this?” Sian huffed in annoyance. “Because if I didn’t make this a logical thing, I will act on my emotions and kill the shewolf and bury her in the woods.” I hissed at her.

Why was she asking me such a stupid question? She can feel the dread that’s creeping up the back of my neck. My heart is halfway up my throat and I might just throw it up. It shouldn’t feel this horrible to lose someone you never really had or barely know. Somehow, I find myself missing a smile I never saw. That seems like some bullshit Moon Goddess hoodoo to me.

No, I needed to remain strong and put some finality to this mess. It’s obvious what’s about to happen, and it’s for the best. Before any sadness could creep in, I remembered his attitude towards me not that long ago. I ignored the pathetic lost look he was currently sporting and replaced it with the smug smile he gave when he asked everyone to leave the room. When he thought he could use his nonexistent charm on me.

He thinks he’s some hot s**t! Not only because he’s an Alpha, but because his delusional father brought him up to believe that he was better than everyone else, that ranked wolves are better than Omegas and Warriors. He doesn’t even consider the fact that some warriors are ranked wolves. Or the fact that some Alpha’s aren’t as strong as some of the best trained warriors out there.

Okay, now that I’m leading with anger instead of angst, I’m ready for him. I couldn’t help smirk when his eyes finally landed on mine. There was a hint of fear in them. “Rejection is scary. Only you talk about it like you’re taking a poop.” Sian sneered at me. “The similarities are daunting, don’t you think?” I quipped and she growled at me. "Sorry for trying to lighten the mood then." The time for jokes is over.

The scoff that left my lips, which was intended for my wolf, startled him back to reality. His eyebrows furrowed and he cleared his throat. “Sargeant Master Leia.” The fake smile he plastered on his face made him look equal parts handsome and slimy. Based on the change of his body language, it was obvious he was trying to appear relaxed and confident.

I tilted my head to the side as he walked over to me, his eyes analyzing me. Of course, this can’t be the simple rejection most wolves fear. There is more, and I’m not going to like it. With leisure steps, he walked around his desk and when he was in front of me, I turned my body to face him. “Face to face then. Good. You’ll need my full name and…” When his hand came out and covered my mouth, I frowned.

The tingles that were shooting through his fingertips and palm felt like Nirvana on my skin. The look of amazement on his face took away the coldness that’s usually there. Not even a second later, he blinked and dropped his hand. “I’d thank you not to touch me.” I gritted through my teeth, and he nodded his head. “Yes… sorry... Um…” Taking a few steps back, he composed himself.

“It felt good.” Sian whispered. “Quiet. He’s up to something and I need all my brain cells right now. You can feel mushy silently.” I hushed her. “Spit it out Alpha Paul.” The awkwardness left the room when he squinted his eyes at me. “Why are you avoiding the very thing you want to happen?” I can’t force him to accept me, and he can’t force me to be whatever he thinks his mate should be.

I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and squared my shoulders, but stopped myself from getting into a battle stance. It was how I got ready for a fight, but this was a very different kind of battle. Still, there is no point in prolonging the inevitable. He thought the same because he cleared his throat and stood straight. Here it comes.

“I'm not avoiding it... I just.. I can’t go through a rejection right now.” His words sounded like nonsense, so I blinked a few times before taking in his facial expression. He had a pleading look on his face, but I was too confused to feel any pity. “What?” Did the timing of our rejection not align with his schedule? Did I have to make an appointment? What the f**k was he talking about?

My face contorted from confusion to anger, and he quickly held his hands up. “Just give me a week… a few days.” He pleaded, but my focus was on the fact that he wanted us to reject one another, just not right now. “Why not now?” I finally found my words and used them to push him to explain why on earth I would prolong…. This.

Alpha Paul looked like I had asked him for his deepest darkest secret. “Look… What I said before, is true. You aren’t what I expected even though you are amazing in your own right.” He smiled sheepishly at me after kissing my ass unsuccessfully. “But you can’t reject me now. Why?” I repeated my question in a dry tone. Charms don’t work on me.

Letting out a sigh, he sat back on his desk and put his hands in his pockets. “I have a very important event in a few days. I can’t be…” He paused and looked down at his lap before looking back up at me. “I have to be at my strongest.” He finally explained. “So?” I shrugged because what did that have to do with me?

Rejection can weaken a wolf for hours or days depending on how strong the bond is and if it has a chance to grow. Ours feels… strong, but that’s not uncommon since we're Alpha’s. Either way, how is it my problem that he will be week for whatever event he has going on. My "don’t give a s**t" vibe was on full blast and that managed to break his act.

Like a spring, he popped up from the desk and stood practically nose to nose with me. Why did he smell so good? Spicy and yummy, jerk. “I think we can both agree that we aren’t what each of us expected.” He frowned as if just thinking about me, as his mate, disappointed him. It's not like I don't have SEVERAL reservations about him. I just thought my mate would want to get to know me first. Before marking, mating or rejecting.

My wolf was whining in the back of my head, the realization that a rejection was imminent had finally hit her. “Sian, he doesn’t even want to get to know us before deciding we aren’t what he wants or needs. I would have been willing to do that for my mate. We need to let him go now.” It may be mean of me to kick her while she’s down, but ending this now is what’s best for everyone.

“Agreed.” I nodded and reminded myself of Daniel, the potential older version of Paul. No, thanks. “We both have a lot going on right now, and it would be best if we rejected one another when things aren’t so…” He trailed off, still forming the bullshit in his head. What nonsense was he spouting? Wait a week and let our bond grow more? Hell no!

“No. I’m strong enough to go through a rejection and do what’s expected of me.” I asserted. His mouth dropped open and his eyes narrowed. Yes, I implied he wasn’t as strong as me, and? I’d like to see him prove me wrong. “Fine. Since you're so strong, you can reject me now, but I won’t accept it until I’m ready. Or you can wait until the next full moon, then you won’t need me to accept it.” The bastard said with a shrug.