The Captain's Mate

4 - Love Life - Part I

4 - Love Life - Part I

ARIADNA

So this will be my second day at work on Synerty. I know that technically I'm still on probation, but I couldn't resist updating my social media with this new achievement.

I woke up quite early today, way earlier than needed, given that I live 30 minutes away from work. Because I am the new girl I am nervous and I can't sleep. I spent the whole night tossing and turning and thinking of different scenarios on how my second day could go.

I also have HIM on my mind. Just thinking about this man that I literally only met for a couple of minutes, makes my insides turn with desire.

I have been single for about 8 months, and haven't felt the need to be with a man until now.

To be completely honest, even though I'm 23, I only had 2 boyfriends so far, and both times I wasn't really that invested in the relationship. I often thought that maybe I am not meant to be with anyone, and it's all right, because I never actually wanted with all my being to be with someone.

I had caved to the pressure put on me by my friends in high school and dated a boy 2 years older. We went on a couple of ice cream dates, all were really nice and sweet, and with him I had my first kiss. His name was Jamie and was a good and decent guy, he never pressured me into anything I wasn't comfortable with.

To be honest, I wasn't a fan of dating, kissing, all that PDA in general, but all my friends were telling me how lucky I was, and I tried to convince myself I just needed more practice, or a new boyfriend.

After the school year and summer holiday ended, Jamie went away to University and we drifted apart quickly after that. We went from texting a few times a day to the occasional liking of each other's pictures on social media. I don't think either one of us minded; it was actually good while it lasted and it ended organically without anyone getting hurt. Oh, how I wish everything was as easy as that.

I was in my first year of University when I met Sam. He was in my "business strategy" class and would always ask me for a pen. About 3 weeks later I caught a glimpse of him hiding a pen.

"Here we go, he's going to ask me again. I really think he's doing it on purpose, just so would have an excuse to interact with me." I told my classmate Minnie, who was also my roommate, while trying to suppress my giggles and not seem like I was expecting him to ask.

'I think you're reading a bit too much into it, Ari. He only asked you for a bloody pen, that's far from a marriage proposal."

Two minutes later he was asking me for a pen, again.

"Here you are." I lean over Minnie to give Sam a pen, sporting a huge grin on my face and glaring at Minnie, my eyes giving her an 'I told you so' look.

Sam was ridiculously handsome, really tall and dreamy, and I could see from the way his shirt fit that he was muscular also.

"I don't mind me some abs" I whisper so that only Minnie can hear me. "Did you see his shirt buttons almost popping when he leaned to take the pen?"

"God, Ari! I say this with a lot of love, never forget that, but you really need to get laid, hun. Being a virgin at almost 20 is so last century!" We both burst out laughing, everyone turning their heads towards Minnie and I, and earned ourselves a scolding from the Professor for interrupting his lecture.

Sam looked at us with an amused look on his face and I could feel my cheeks burning even redder. His eyes were a golden brown and would turn just a shade darker every time we locked eyes. I would be lying if I didn't say I liked him, and the attention he was giving me.

"Thanks for the pen, again." Sam said while handing it back to me like he always did at the end of the class.

"No worries, I'm glad I could help, since yours appears to like staying in your bag." I smile nervously not believing that those words actually came out of my mouth. I was flirting, or at least trying desperately to.

"Ha! You saw that, didn't you? Well, I guess it was about time I got caught. People were starting to look at me funny when they offered me something to write with and I declined only to ask you for a pen 10 seconds later." He chuckles and I can see him blushing just a tiny bit. "Could I maybe have your number? I could text and remind you to bring a spare pen to class." He flashed a dazzling smile and handed me his phone.

I eventually gave him my phone number and we would spend hours on the phone late at night.

Texting, and talking on the phone soon turned into coffee dates and short and steamy make out sessions between classes. After a couple of weeks Sam asked me to dinner and formally asked if I would be his girlfriend. I accepted with a huge grin on my face, and that smile stood plastered on both our faces for the first 2 months of our relationship.

I can honestly say that it was great, a freaking modern day fairytale. He knew I was a virgin and seemed happy with taking things slow.

We had been together about 3 months, when for Valentine's Day Sam announced that he had planned a romantic weekend getaway.

"This is it, right?" I look at Minnie with big eyes, both scared and excited.

"This is definitely it! You are getting laid! Finally!" She announces fist bumping into the air while singing Joe Cocker's 'You can leave your hat on'.

Minnie was always bringing someone in our shared dorm room to 'study'. Even though I would always find an excuse to go out so as to not disturb them, the next day I would have a play-by-play from Minnie regarding the previous encounter. She always gave way to much information and way too many details, so I had heard a lot about what it's like to have s*x. And it scared the s**t out of me. The internet wasn't that much help in calming my nerves, either. I mean, do guys really expect all women to move like a pornstar? They make it look more exhausting than a kickboxing session. Part of me regretted waiting so long before having s*x, while another part of me contemplated celibacy for life.

"Ready, baby?" Sam asks while loading my bags into his car.

"As ready as I'll ever be" I reply with my voice going up 2 octaves before clearing my throat.

"Hey, we're just going away to relax a bit. Don't be so nervous, nothing that you don't feel comfortable with is going to happen. I just want to have you all to myself on Valentine's day, so I can properly spoil you."

I smile back at him lovingly. He really does know exactly the right thing to say, and he has been so patient and respectful, that I feel I am ready.

We went to a really nice cottage up in Lake District. Everything was so dreamy and cosy that I felt I never wanted to leave. On our second day at the cottage we had brunch delivered to us and Sam started showering me with gifts. He was really spoiling me, and I also had a very special gift for him.

After dinner I excused myself and went into the bedroom. After a normal amount of time spent freaking out, panting, and frantically texting Minnie, I started to calm down and went into the shower very determined. I was a woman on a mission and my task was to lose my virginity to the man I lo... to the man I really like who I might possibly grow to love someday. Or maybe I loved him already and I was just being silly.

I put on a black lingerie set, with some intricate pink lace detailing that accentuated my bust and my hips. I covered myself with a black silk robe and softly called Sam to join me in the bedroom.

"Wow" Sam's eyes were undressing me as soon as he came into the bedroom. His mouth slightly open and his brain trying to catch up with what was happening, and also with what was about to happen. "You look very sexy, baby!" He finally managed to get the words out. I smile, and without a word I get close to him and give him a soft kiss on the lips.

We started kissing more passionately, with his tongue fighting with mine and the room seemed to get hotter and hotter.

Sam was kissing my neck, holding me into his arms from behind, and I could feel his erection as he was rubbing against me. I could only think that I wanted this to happen, but I wasn't actually feeling like I wanted it to happen. I tried to convince myself it was just nerves and the next thing I knew I was lying on the bed, my legs slightly parted and a naked Sam was asking me if I was sure about this.

"NO"

I shoot up, nearly knocking him over and look around to see who said that.

"Babe, you ok?" Sam looked at me and I could read the confusion in his dark golden eyes.

"Yes, sorry, babe. I'm sure." I look deep into his eyes and pull him closer for a kiss.

Everything felt uncomfortable, and even though I tried my best to, I really didn't enjoy it. Sam was gentle, and did everything to make us get over the awkwardness, and for his sake, I pretended like it was a magical night.

To my absolute surprise and horror, the second time was no different, and neither were the following times.

I began to think that it was normal, the way it was supposed to be, and hid this deep in the back of my mind, feeling embarrassed.

What I told Minnie, and what I was expressing to Sam was that I am thoroughly enjoying having s*x.

The way I see it is like celebrities looking runway ready 2 minutes after pushing out a baby. I mean, let's be serious, there is no way- who even wears full glam make-up in the delivery room? And I've seen those i********: vs Reality pictures, it's literally how I feel about having s*x.