The Apha’s Last Virgin Mate

JASPER'S POV “I honestly don’t think I can do this anymore, “ I said, wiping blood off my forehead. I had been doing this for years and I just couldn't get used to it. I knew it was necessary but I was just tired of how it always made me feel. “You know that you don’t have a choice, if you don’t do this your mother will not get well,” Silas said as he helped me carry the heavy body of my latest partner and my mate. Wanting my mother to get well was no excuse for doing this and every time I did it, I felt like I was losing a part of myself. It was as if I was killing myself over and over again. “Why does it always have to be my mate? I mean Ruth also has the potential to find a mate and why can’t she sacrifice hers for once?” I complained as we watched the body we had just thrown into the huge fire burn. “You need to remind yourself of how badly you want your mother to be well again, and besides, you know that it’s only female blood that is needed” he reminded me and I sighed as I started walking back to the car. “ I know, I am just tired of living this life. I want a family one day and I want to settle down before I take over from Ruth" I said as I got into the driver's seat and started driving back home. The fact that I always had to sacrifice my mates meant that I could never start a family until my mother got well, and I was honestly losing hope in her ever getting well. “Your time will come. Do you think Ruth will ever hand the reigns over to you again?” he asked me and to be honest that, was a question that I had been asking myself for a while now. What if my sister was now considering keeping the throne? “No, she would never do me like that, and besides, the elders won’t allow it,” I said. “ The elders lost control of the pack the day you and your sister decided that you were better off living in a separate mansion from the rest of the pack”, he said “ We were only doing what we thought was best,” I said. I never admitted to this, but I did kind of miss the pack atmosphere. I didn’t understand how my sister was running the pack. However, I never dared to ask her or question her about anything. I hated it when she made me feel bad just for asking her to explain to me a decision she had made. I loved my sister and I had learned early on that it aas best to allow her to have her way whenever it was possible. Ruth knew what was best for us and this was something that I had grown accustomed to. I had gotten used to mu sister making important decisions for us and I never questioned her. I knew that she would never make a decision that would turn around to haunt us later on, it had never happened before and I knew it would never happen even in the future. I trusted my sister and even though most of the decisions she made didn’t make sense to me, I knew that she always knew what she was doing and she always had the family’s and pack's best interest at heart. This didn’t mean that I hadn’t grown tired of the senseless killings that we were doing yearly and all in the name of my mother' health. I loved my mother and wanted her to get well and be herself again but it was getting too much for me. Sometimes I felt like Ruth didn't see a problem in what we were doing because it wasn't her mates that we were killing, she didn't really lose anything each time she slipped something in their tea. Euth didn't even take part in draining their blood so she never witnessed the gruesomeness of what we were doing. In recent years, it had become something that I did with Silas but it didn't make me feel any better. I often wondered if my mother would allow me to continue doing this if she knew that it was bringing me so much sorrow. I knew that my mother probably wanted to spend time with me and also be able to talk to me because we had always been so close but sometimes I wondered if she didn't. What if we were holding on to her forcefully and in so doing causing her pain? what if she just wanted to cross over and be with my father...her mate? I asked myself about these things a lot of times because it was very hard for me to imagine that my mother would want to spend the rest of her life alone when my father was not only her mate but her best friend too. If it wasn’t for my mother’s illness, I would have taken control of everything already, but because of our stupid customs that Ruth insisted on following, I couldn’t do that without a mate. I couldn’t do that without settling down and I couldn’t settle down because my mother was sick. Our custorms didn't allow any prince to be an alpha if he didn't have a mate and I knew that tye elders would object to it if I insisted on being the alpha. of course they didn't have the power to stop or control me but it wasn't like I could lead this pack on my own. I needed their guidance especially because they had been guarding my father and his father before me. I couldn't just change our custorms to what suited me best because then I would be an unfit alpha. My mother's sickness seemed to affect me more than anyone else, her mysterious illness put a hold on my life and if I didn't know better I would say that whoever was behind it did it so that I wouldn't be able to take over the throne. our pack had a lot of enemies and Ruth and I realized that searching for tye culprit in this would not only be a waste of time but it would also be futile and yield no results. I missed my mother, she had always been the voice of reason in my life and now that she was incapacitated, I felt so alone. I couldn’t tell all my concerns to anyone because I had a duty to fulfill and if I didn’t do it then no one would. of course Ruth, my sister was still there and this situation had brought us closer than ever before but sometimes I felt like it was too much for her. sometimes I felt like I was burdening her with all these expectations, and although she never complained I always felt like it was too much for her. this was the reason why I felt like it was time for us to reconsider the way we had been doing things and try to find another solution to our mother's illness. After about an hour on the road, we were finally in pack territory and on our way back to the mansion. The mansion that we stayed in was nothing like the packhouse that we had grown up in. This mansion had been built right in front of our eyes and it was originally intended for everyone who was of some importance in the pack, but Ruth insisted that we didn’t share it with anyone. Aside from the guards that were keeping us safe, it was just the two of us and my mom. No one else knew of my mother’s condition because it was a well-kept secret. There were a lot of things that I didn’t understand and this was one of them. However, I didn’t ask any questions until now. I now wanted to know the reasons why we were doing thungs the way that we were doing them and I wasn't going to let anything go simply because Ruth threw a fit each time I asked her. When we got home, Ruth was waiting for us at the entrance of the mansion. “Is it done?” she asked us and I nodded and as I was about to pass her she held my arm and whispered in my ear. “We are only doing what we must, there is no other way but this one,” she said, my sister knew me well enough to know that I wasn't in a good mood. she knew that I hated doing this and I was desperate for another solution. “Is there really no other way?” I asked her. I had intended on saving this conversation for later but I just couldn’t hold myself. “ We will discuss this later” she whispered while applying pressure on my arm. I snatched my arm from her and stormed off to my mother’s room... Ruth hated it when I questioned her but I also hated it when she treated me like I was a child. I was grown up now and soon I woild take over that throne. the only thing that u had to do was to make sure that I found another solution for my mom. Ruth wasn't affected by the loss that I was suffering because it was my mates that I was sacrificing and that was the reason why she wasn't trying to find another way out of this. My mother was the only one who could calm me down after an argument with Ruth. Even though she couldn’t speak, being in her presence was enough to calm me down. My fights with Ruth often involved the same things, she would be upset because I wasn't doing things the way she wanted me to and I would be upset because she was treating me like a child and being a little too controlling. back when my father was alive and my mother was well, my father would often take my side while my mother often tried to be neutral in the situation and not take any sides. one thing that Ruth hated now was how much I complained when I didn't like something, Ruth hated it when I complained. Whenever I did complain about the way she was doing things, she would throw a fit and accuse me of being ungrateful. She was five years older than me and when our mother got sick, she was twenty one and I was sixteen. She took on the role of a leader and a mother all at once. This was the reason I hated fighting with her because I hated it when she felt like I didnt appreciate all the sacrifices she had made for me. The fact that she hadn't really given up her mates for our mother didnt mean she hadnt made any sacrifices. I loved my sister and I would do anything to make her happy. At this point, I was just tired of giving up my joy for others, I was desperate to find another way to help my mother and I prayed that somehow the moon goddess would answer my prayer and allow me to have to enjoy having a mate.