Second Thought

Chapter 35

Liam’s POV

            Erina walked into my room with me. Her eyes followed my every move while I showed her certain things within my room. The bed and where I purchase it, the sofa and the story of why I needed one in the bedroom, the huge master bathroom, and lastly my ginormous walk in closet.       

            “Um. Its nice. Exceptionally large for just you though. Don’t you think?”

            My mind was saying it doesn’t have to be. That she could join me, but I knew that would not be the right thing to say right now. She needed to see how much I still care. Being around her tonight has brought back so many memories. Great memories. We decided to get married for a reason. When we got married we were crazy in love with each other. Both just nineteen years old. Honestly, my love for her has never strayed away. Seeing her now proves that. It proves that I am head over heels still in love with her. I knew right there that I couldn’t allow myself to pursue Serenity. It wouldn’t be fair for me to lie to her like that. Serenity was amazing and she has helped guide me into a better version of myself, but it would be a lie to try something with her when my heart was with another.

            “Yeah, I guess it is kind of big.” I let out a small chuckle. Erina stared at me, starting to laugh herself.

            “Come sit with me.” She motioned for me to take a seat beside on her on my overly large bed. That is exactly what I did. Anything this woman asked of me right now, I would happily oblige. “It is still hard to believe.”

            “Believe what.” Turning to face her I was eager to know what she was thinking.

            “That your brother found love. Personally, I always thought he would be alone for the rest of his life. He usually never lets people in. I can only assume that he was so suddenly interested in her because of the relationship you began to develop with her. You know how Alexander can be sometimes.”

            She was right. My brother was a hard man to get along with. Anyone that ever knew him was either exactly like him or didn’t mind being treated like s**t. I’ve thought the same. That my brother would have never really took a good look at Serenity if he never found out what we were doing behind his back. I wouldn’t take any of it back though. Serenity helped me through a difficult time and I with her as well. We were there for one another when we both needed it. I was also proud of my brother. If it weren’t for the things that happened and got us here today, he would have never fell in love. Serenity has changed him for the better and that was exactly what I wanted all along.

            “Alexander was a lost soul. He was going to be his own downfall. We had discussed him following in fathers’ footsteps like he always had by having an arranged marriage. I knew that father never really loved our mom, but I thought that if I could find the right woman, he could fall in love and be happy. Serenity has done just that. She has changed my brother to be the best version of himself. The version I haven’t seen in a very long time. Honestly, I don’t really care how he fell in love with her. Only glad that he did. She is an amazing woman who has been through some exceedingly difficult times. Alex treated her like pure s**t at first. But now he says he can’t live without her. That he doesn’t want to, and I can’t blame him. Serenity is a one of a kind woman. She sees things in a different light. She makes you want to be a better person. If it wasn’t for her, I don’t know how I would have managed to get on with my life after you left.”

            Erina’s voice was shaky. I haden’t noticed the tears that streamed down her face. “It sounds like you both really care a lot about her. What I don’t understand is why you two aren’t together. It sounds like you both made quite an impression on one another.”

            She needed to understand what transpired between Serenity and I. She needed to know why I knew deep down that Serenity would have never chosen me. “I do care a lot about her and she has made a huge impact on my life. The truth is before I saw you tonight, I was there at the restaurant to confess my feelings to her in depth. I was struggling. We both knew that my heart had already been taken by another, but I was willing to try. The other truth is that I knew deep in my heart that I would never be chosen. She would always run to Alexander. Seeing you tonight has confirmed that she was in my life for a reason. She came into my life to help me through what happened. I understand everything in a different light because of her. I wouldn’t take meeting her back for a second. I know that in a sense I was her first choice. I knew that she never even thought about Alexander being as important to her as he is. He was her second thought and the right one. My place here was to help lead her to him and him to her.”

            “When I decided to walk out, I never thought about truly walking away from you forever Liam. I want you to know that. We are bonded by marriage and a promise to each other. Mistakes were made on both ends and over time, I have come to understand that. Over our time away, I thought about sending you divorce papers. I even had them drawn up and ready to send out. Every time I went to send them out though, I couldn’t. My love for you started when we were so young and I just thought that we were too young for marriage. But that isn’t true either now is it. Seeing you here tonight, I sense something different about you. Something more mature and relaxed even. I’m not sure how you would feel about it, but I was thinking maybe we can go on a date. See how things go. Our love has conquered so many things in the past. We can start over. Well we can’t really start over because we are sort of married.” She let out little laughs in between her sobs. She has never looked so more vulnerable, more beautiful.

            “Really? You are willing to try again even after what I did?” My excitement took over in my words and she caught on to it.

            Still laughing at my words. “Yes. I would really like to make this marriage work if you do. I love you Liam. I always have. You have only ever been the man for me. With you here now, I couldn’t let you go if I tried. We owe this to ourselves and to each other to see if we can make this work for the sake of our marriage. You are not the one to blame in this situation. I am. Cheating on you with your brother was the most horrendous thing I have ever done. You do deserve to know that it meant nothing between either of us. I know that doesn’t really mean much but it is true. My drunken behavior wasn’t an excuse. It will never happen again. I’ve actually gave up drinking altogether. Also, when you slept with my friend that wasn’t all you to blame either. I pushed you to that and I know you were just doing it out of spite. No, it doesn’t make it alright. But if we can both acknowledge what has happened in our past then we can move on with our futures.”

            “Erina, you don’t know how many nights I dreamt of you saying those words to me. Not those exact words but pretty close.” We both laughed. “You are the love of my life sweetheart. Nothing and I mean nothing could change that.”

            She inched closer to me putting our lips in direct path of one another. Her eyes locked into mine. Searching. Seeing if it was okay to proceed. Instead of giving her an answer, my lips pressed against her softly. This wasn’t a s****l kiss. This was a pleasurable sensual kiss that let us both know how much we missed one another. This was the kind of kiss that you saw in the movies. I’ve missed the way her lips fit perfectly with mine. So soft, so slender, so remarkable. Her lips were always my undoing. They would break me. Just having her lips alone, I would give her anything she ever wanted. We didn’t need to rush anything. This was simply perfect. It was as if we were never apart. Our lips moving in a way only hers and mine did.