Second Thought

Chapter 21

Serenity's POV

            As I awoke, I took in my surroundings. That is strange. The last thing I remember was being in the tub after getting into it with Liam. I was now back in bed with machines beeping all around me. What the hell was this? I sat up and looked to my right to find a nurse checking one of the machines. "Hello, excuse me but can you please tell me what is going on?"

            The nurse turns to me, startled, "Oh your finally awake. I was wondering when you might come to. I think you should lie back down and take things a little easy for a while."

            "I'm fine thank you. Can you just please explain to me why your here along with all these unnecessary machines?"

            "Well, for starters, I was called here by Alexander and Dr. Garrett will be here in about fifteen minutes or so. He will have to be the one to explain everything to you, my dear. I'm just here to keep an eye on you and periodically check the machines." Her hand waves over the room to where the machines were and motioned at the IV in my hand. I was extremely confused, and I needed some answers.

            "Can you at least grab me a glass of ice water? My throat is killing me.”

            The nurse took a moment before answering, weighing some dilemma in her head, "yes, that should be ok Ms." She heads out of the room. I was about to take the IV out of my hand when a man walked in wearing the same hideous green scrubs. Okay, this was officially getting a little weird. Was I being watched for some reason? A little less than two minutes went by and the nurse returned with my water. She walked right over to me and extended her arm to hand me the glass. I took the glass, my eyes on her the whole time, and took a big gulp. I did not know why my throat was hurting so bad or why I didn't remember much of last night. A soft knock came from the door, a moment later Dr Garrett walked in.

            The doctor just stared at me for what seemed liked hours, debating on what exactly to say to me, I guess. "Ms. Williams, how are you feeling?"

            "How am I feeling? Confusion, that is what I feel. I'm not really sure why you are here, why are these nurses are here, or why I am hooked up to a bunch of machines."

            "I understand why you might be confused." He took a seat at the chair beside the bed. "What all do you remember from last night?"

            "Not much. I remember Liam coming in and I got angry, so I went to the bathroom to run myself a bath. I just wanted to relax myself because you told me I would need to take it easy with my concussion. I was feeling overwhelmed with everything that has been going on in my life lately and I just wanted to do something for myself, no distractions. I filled my bath got in and put a rag over my eyes. I must have been so relaxed that I dozed off to sleep."

            "Serenity, I need you to be completely honest with me here? Okay? I can't treat you properly if you don't explain to me exactly why you tried to kill yourself."

            "Kill myself? I was not trying to kill myself! Look, I know that I have been having a rough time, but I would not kill myself. I am telling you exactly what happened. You must believe me! I know the evidence against me looks pretty solid, but I didn't have a reason that would be so bad that I would want to kill myself."

            He looked at me as if he were considering what I was saying. He looked almost as if he did not quite believe me. "I know you have been under some stress lately and it’s okay if you did try to hurt yourself. It helps me to understand your situation a little more and it makes it easier to treat you."

            "Did you not just hear what I said? I DID NOT TRY TO KILL MYSELF! If you want to understand anything, understand that!" I got a hold of the IV and yanked it right out of my hand. I did not care about the pain, I was angry. I was upset. No one believed me. The nurses ran over to me and tried to hold me down so I would lay back on the bed.

            Suddenly, the door swings open and in walks Alexander. He rushes over to me and pushes the nurses out of the way. "What is going on? I heard yelling."

            Dr. Garrett spoke up before I had the chance. "Ms. Williams is highly upset, saying that she didn't try to kill herself. I was just telling her that in order to do to my job, I needed to know the truth. She got angry, ripped out her IV and my nurses were trying to get her back on the bed."

            "Serenity baby, you can't just rip out your IV like that. You can cause serious nerve damage. Also, doctor, if she said that she did not try to kill herself, then she didn't. I believe her, why don't you?"

            "Mr. Woods, we have to look at these situations carefully. With what you explained, as well as your brother, everything points to attempted suicide. We have to bring in someone more qualified for these situations that can help her."

            Alexander stood up and walked right over to the doctor. "No one needs to be called in here to help her. She is not crazy or suicidal. She must have told you what happened. You are going to jump to the first thing we all thought instead of listening to what she is telling you? She isn't one that lies, so whatever she told you that happened, it’s the truth."

            "Fine. It could have been that when she went into the tub and feel asleep, that she lost continuous of her body. Technically, she could have been drowning and not knew what was happening to her. The argument she had with your brother must have triggered it. That is why I said it is extremely important that she takes it easy. We will pack up everything and leave and I will mark it as a misunderstanding. However, because the state her mind is in right now, I will be sending in some new medication that will help her along with her concussion. It may speed up her recovery time a little, but again I warn, strict bed rest only. If she is to take a bath or a shower, she will need someone to accompany her. Start the medication today and I will send a nurse to check on you in one week exactly. If you are better and we are showing signs of improvement, we will take you off the medication. Does all of that sound okay Ms. Williams?"

            It was nice to have someone that believed me. I am glad Alexander was here to stick up for me even though I would have loved for the doctor to believe me himself. "Yes, that sounds fine." The doctor left with no more than a nod as he walked out of the bedroom door. Nurses were in and out for about two hours removing all the equipment.

            Alexander stayed with me the whole time. After everyone left, he recommended that I lie down. I was not tired though. I mean my head and throat was killing me but other than that, I felt fine. I decided it was useless to argue with him though. He would somehow make me do it anyway. I turned over to my side and heard him heading for the door. "Please don't go. Will you lay with me?"

            I heard him sigh, "sure Serenity, I can do that." He walked back over to bed, slipped off his shoes, and climbed right in beside me. He was staying his distance. Something was wrong. I did not know if it was because he thought I was too fragile right now or if it was something more.

            "Is something wrong Alexander?"

            "Why would you be asking me that?"

            "Well because you are miles apart from me and I'm not just talking about our physically distance right now. This is not like you. Normally if I would ask you to lay with me, you would have pounced on the idea. Instead, here you are distancing yourself from me."

            "I'm just not trying to screw up like I always do. You are in this whole situation because of me. I could not stop myself. I just had to have you and I had to do it in the most selfish way possible." We both turned to face each other, closing the distance a little. "I know how I feel about you and it’s hard to understand these feelings I have when I have never had them before. You deserve only the best and I am the worst possible thing for you. I am selfish, very selfish Serenity. I do not know if I will always be that way and I can only hope that I will not be. I do not want to be selfish with you. I want you to love me and be consumed by me, the way that you consume me." He reached up to touch my face. "I want you to want me the way that I want you. More importantly, I want you to be my wife and spend the rest of your life with me. You are so beautiful. Everything about you is perfection and I love every part of you. Even with that said, it will never be enough. I will never be enough, and you deserve better than this. Then me. I want you to be happy and I do not know if you ever will with me. I know I can't force you into anything and I promise I won’t try anymore."

            I reached up to cup his face and moved my head, so our foreheads were touching. This the sweetest and most open he has ever been toward me. I knew something else was coming and something just felt off. "What is it Alexander? It seems like there is something bothering you."

            "Serenity...I.." He stopped and took a deep breath. Before he could say anything else, I placed my lips onto his, grabbing the back of his head while I did. At first, he did not even kiss me back but after he moment, his lips crashed on mine. He moved his lips so gently against mine, moving them slowly. It was not the kind of kiss we normally shared. Usually, he was rough with me and the time that he was gentle, it was sexually pleasant. This kiss though, was something else entirely. He pulled his lips away from mine and looked deep into my eyes. He looked hurt and said. "Serenity, I have to let you go."