The Dark World

Chapter 17: Too dangerous to love

Cairn

I pulled my shirt on along with my trousers as I walked, when I reached the village Ezekiel looked me over, taking in my bloody clothes and bloodied face, his eyes fell to my fists, the knuckles bloody and bruised, and he shook his head. “Seriously, you and Marisoll had another fight?”

“Something like that,” I muttered as I walked past not even bothering to look at him.

Esther came out of the house and ran over to me, if she was bothered by my bloodied and violent state, then she hid it well. “Daddy!” She ran into my arms forcing me to have to catch her as she wrapped her legs around me. “You need to stop calling me that kid.”

“Why?” She looked at me with those big blue saucer eyes and I could not bring myself to explain.

“Doesn’t matter,” I replied.

“Can I play with you when you wolfie again?”

My eyes shot to hers and I dumbly asked, “what?”

“You a wolfie, I saw you playing alone.”

I put her down and pulled her somewhere more quiet and bent down to her level. “Listen, Esther, you cannot tell anyone what you saw, ok?”

“Why not?”

“It’s a secret, please do not tell anyone.”

“Ok, I can keep secret.”

I gave a nod and replied, “thank you.”

“Can I play with you?”

“It’s not safe.”

“Why?”

I sighed at all the questions and tried to explain, “I am more wolf in my mind too, not just my body, I might not recognise you as a friend and I might hurt you.”

“You not you anymore when you a wolfie?”

“Not always no, it takes a lot of effort and concentration and every so often the wolf side of me wins, and I cannot control what happens.”

“Ok.” She looked so solemn for someone so young, and then she put her little hand to my cheek, “that must be lonely, wolfies like packs.”

I gave her a soft smile and nodded, and then I scooped her up in my arms again, “I’ve got you now though, you can be my pack.”

She giggled and let me carry her back to her mother.

When evening fell and everyone was eating, Marisoll was sat opposite me across the fire we had made outside, she could barely keep her eyes off me, I noticed her look up at me every time she thought I wasn’t looking, whenever I met her eyes she would look away shyly.

I grew cold and admit I behaved appallingly, I had to, I could not risk her falling for me, not when I was what I was, a monster. The second she found she would be repulsed, would more than likely try to kill me along with Ezekiel’s help, so it was better if I made her hate me instead.

When she next peered over at me, I leaned back on my hands and looked at her with a smirk, “you keep looking at me like that Marisoll, I’m going to think you are remembering how big and good my c.ock felt inside you earlier.”

Her eyes grew wide, and she looked both mortified and vulnerable, I hated putting that look on her face, but I had to, it was not just to protect myself, it was to keep her safe too, I could not be with her, we could never be anything romantic, she would always be in danger from my wolf, no, I would not blame it on the wolf like it was some separate entity, it was me, she would always be in danger with me, I was the wolf, and while I could control myself for the most part, having an intimate partner would bring about risks.

What if I chose to court Marisoll, or any lady for that matter, it would only be a matter of time before something bad would happen, it was one of the main reasons I argued so vehemently with my father about marrying the princess Rosaline, I’d seen enough fatalities when werewolves tried to court humans.

Ezekiel drew me from my thoughts and said, “you had relations with Marisoll?”

I kept my eyes on Marisoll when I nodded.

She glared at me and I licked my lips and kissed the air at her. “Want to stay in my tent tonight, or would you rather Ezekiel have his turn on you? I’m sure we can share.”

“Don’t talk so vulgar to her,” Ezekiel snapped at me.

“It’s not vulgar, it is honesty, you had some fun last night right? I f.ucked her earlier and if you want a go I am sure she would not say no.”

“I hate you,” she growled and getting up, stormed off.

I almost went to apologise, but I thought about the high risk of her falling for me, all it would take would us being comfortable with one another, living together, she could be running home or having a jog to warm up and if I were in wolf form, I would lose control, the urge to chase would consume me and I wouldn’t come back to myself until she was dead and bloody on the floor, half-eaten. Or what if she went into heat like she was now? I could control it mostly, but what if one day I could not, what if I Iost control and did not stop? I could not risk any of that, not that I was admitting I cared for Marisoll romantically, but I needed to crush her feelings for me just in case.

Ezekiel glared at me and went after her, I snorted in response, he was much more her type anyway, I was the bad boy that could not be tamed, literally, a beast, Ezekiel could give her what I could not, he was (and I hated to admit it) kind, respectful, and I had a feeling that he was the type who, if he gave you his heart, it would be a lifetime.

Esther came out of the house and sat on my lap, still leaning back on one hand, I stroked her hair. “Where’s your mother?”

“She tired,” she yawned when she said it and I replied, “so are you, go get some rest.”

“I want dada.”

I sighed and let her lean back against me to get more comfortable, for whatever reason she was adamant I play a father role. I stroked her hair until she fell asleep, and then I gently lifted her and carried her back inside to lay beside her mother.

Her mother woke up and smiled softly at me, putting a finger to her lips she slowly got out of the bed and led us back outside. “You are so good with her,” she whispered.

I shrugged, “I’m just trying to give her what little comfort I can.”

“Well, it’s very attractive.”

Oh. I wasn’t expecting it when she placed her hand against my chest and reached up to kiss me on the lips. She was a beautiful woman, long wavy locks of chestnut brown hair, blue eyes, slim and dainty frame with small b.reasts, what man wouldn’t want her? But I was not really in the mood, a first for me, werewolves had raging hormones we were always up for s.ex, but I’d not that long been with Marisoll and I, well, I do not know why I was not in the mood.

Marisoll came strolling back with Ezekiel, my eyes dropped to their hands, their fingers laced together, so she could move on that fast? That was fine, good. When she looked over at me, I pretended not to have noticed them and leaned down to kiss Esther’s mother, Cynthia her name was. I led her somewhere more private, and she needed no help from me, she was already tugging down her dress, letting her b.reasts out on display.

I kissed them, moving on and tracing my tongue over her n.ipples and drawing moans of pleasure from her lips, I bunched her dress up around her hips, unbuckled my trousers and pushed myself inside of her. She gasped at my size and I stopped, “is it too big?”

“No, it’s perfect,” she smiled and jumped up on me, wrapping her legs around my waist.

I pushed her up against the wall and thrust hard and fast, giving her what she wanted until she was moaning and crying out. I couldn’t finish, but that did not matter, when she was done, I put her down on her feet and pulled my trousers back up while she redressed herself too.

It was the first time I had not finished with a lady, I found her attractive, but I also could not get Marisoll out of my head, damn guilt, had to be.

I held my arm out for Cynthia to lead the way, she was giddy and giggling on the way back, I rolled my eyes but inwardly smiled, I loved leaving a lady feeling good about herself, and it was nice when they felt comfortable to show their more silly and sweet side.

I walked her back to the house and was distracted looking over towards Ezekiel’s tent when Cynthia reached up and kissed my cheek.

“Mummy love dada?”

We both spun to see a tired looking Esther looking up at us in the doorway. S.hit.

Cynthia bent down and tucked her messy hair behind her ear. “No sweetie, I like Cairn very much, but we don’t love each other, it’s just me and you like always. Ok?”

Esther rubbed her eyes sleepily and pouted, “I want me you and dada.”

“I know you do, but that is not how it works, come on, let’s get you back to bed.”

Her eyes watered when she looked up at me and I couldn’t f.ucking do it, I couldn’t be cold, I could not turn my back on this little girl who for whatever reason wanted me, needed me. I lightly touched Cynthia’s arm, and she moved aside so I could pick Esther up in my arms.

Before I could even speak she started crying, her tiny little hands hiding her face, and that broke my f.ucking heart.

“I love you dada, I don’t want you leave me,” she sobbed.

“Ssh, it’s ok my darling, I’m not going anywhere.” I held her close and realised my words were true, I did not want to lose her either, we had built a bond over the few months we had spent together.

I looked at Cynthia and said, “I can never give you my heart, I can never love you nor marry you, but I can be a father to Esther if you would let me, I know it is a strange thing to say, but…” I trailed off unable to explain in words my feelings, there was another part too, as a wolf I felt fiercely loyal and protective of Esther, somewhere along the line she had become pack to me, a pup I wanted to protect and love as my own and I definitely could not explain that to Cynthia.

She nodded, surprising me and said, “I agree, I do not think I could ever love another man again anyway, her father was and always will be the love of my life gods rest his soul, but Esther does need a father, she’s been craving that and the safety a man can bring, you would protect her and love her as your own?”

“Of course, I will protect you both as best I can, I will have to move on soon though, there is something I and my friends must do, but after that, I will return, if I can.”

“If you can?” She asked.

“It is a dangerous task we face, but if we succeed, then it will mean hope for the world.”

Her eyes widened, and she whispered, “you mean to fight the lord of darkness? You cannot, that’s madness!”

“The darkness is ever spreading, my lady, very soon there will be none of us left untouched by it.”

Her eyes looked afraid, but she knew I was right and nodded. “How do we protect ourselves while you are gone? It is a miracle you came upon our village when you did, ‘tis the only reason we are still alive.”

“I will figure something out, do not worry.” Esther was asleep in my arms, but when I tried to pass her to Cynthia she gripped my shirt tightly.

Cynthia smiled and whispered, “she has really taken a liking to you, you have taken such good care of her for me, I thank you for that, she can stay with you tonight.”

“You trust me?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I know you are not a creep, unfortunately we have come across those kinds of men, one lost his finger to a bite from her, she would not cling to you so if she did not feel safe with you, we trust you Cairn.”

“Thank you, my lady,” I bowed to her and left with Esther in my arms. I felt honoured with their trust, I glanced over to Ezekiel’s tent again and tried not to growl when I saw Marisoll had joined him, what did I care if she did? She could not be mine anyway, I did not even want her.

I was feeling hot tonight, the fire was still burning and the heat of my wolf kept my body hot, Esther would be warm, so I lay back against a log close to the fire, Esther lay curled up on her stomach on my chest, her head tucked under my neck and I stroked her hair softly until I too fell asleep with my new little pup.