I can't handle losing you
1646 Words
James
A week has passed and I haven't seen much of Cali and I hate it. I have been either working or working on the houses I am flipping. Maybe this is why I have been in such a bad mood. I usually speak to Cali on a daily basis and I see her almost everyday that I am not working, but things have just been off. I just can't put my finger on it. I mean, I know she is working hard on building her bakery back up, but even with our busy lives, we have always kept it touch no matter what. I was invited out to the bar by my coworkers though, and I think I need to get out to play pool with the guys. I need to relax and take my mind off Cali. I finish up my errands and grab some food. I am lazy all afternoon and at 7pm I shower and get ready to head out.
I walk into the bar, and like magnets, our eyes meet. Who am I kidding? I can never get Cali out of my mind, which is not a good thing, since she and I are just best friends. We have never crossed that line. She doesn't see me that way. I watch as that biker guy that Elias hangs out with gets close and whispers something in her ear. She giggles and I see red. I walk towards them. I don't even care at this point. Best friends or not, she is too good for that biker. Cali is too damn good for anyone. Even for me, but I do not care. I stop right before I get to them and turn towards the bar instead. I can't snap. I order a water. Sh*t. Cali is not mine and I can't act like a crazy maniac every time another male gets close to her. She probably sees me as her brother, like her sisters have always called me. I need to get my feelings in check. I watch Rooster order a round of shots and I get the nasty feeling that I might need a drink tonight. I hate this feeling. I am not a drinker. I hate alcohol. Something must seriously be wrong with me.
All night, I watch her from far away, slowly sipping on my water. I hate how she hasn't even came over to say hi like she normally does. What's going on with her? I feel like she has been ignoring me. Her one answer replies should have been a hint that something is wrong. Oh my god. Is she dating this man? Panic sets inside of me. It is not a feeling I like. I am James f**k!ng Thomas and I can get any girl I want. But this is Cali and I don't know what to do. Am I loosing her? As a woman, as my best friend. It all hits me at once. I knew it, I always knew it. My heart knew it, but my brain never wanted to accept it, but Cali is everything to me and her not giving me any attention is really bothering me right now.
Cali
I have kept my distance from James, as Dallas and Virginia both think I should. I hate it. I am so used to always being around him. He is my to go person, but maybe others see things I don't see and some time away is what we both need. My sisters think I am always too available for him and help him with everything that he needs to learn to miss me and do things for himself. He messages me every morning and night and mid day asking how I am and wishing me a good morning and goodnight. I normally reply gm or gn to keep it short and to the point. I don't want him to realize that my mind is going crazy with all of these thoughts. This just makes me miss him more though. Today we are going to the bar for a bit, then Dallas wants to have a party at her rental property, so here we are, getting cute.
I watched James walk in, but he hasn't spoken to me. Maybe it is because Diablo has been hanging all around me. He asked me out, but he is not my type at all. Dallas thinks I should give him a chance though. She says it's just a date. Easy for her to say, she isn't in love with her best friend and compares every male to him. Well, at least I don't think so. I stare at her and Tyler, whispering to each other, his arm over her shoulder and the longer I watch them, the more I think that maybe I am wrong. No, Tyler is with Adeline and they are all best friends. It can't be, but I will keep an eye on them whenever I can. hmmm. Dallas comes over and grabs a drink off the tray and she spots James and him over and he walks over to us with a fake smile plastered on his face. "Hey girl," he says and hugs and kisses her. Diablo left to grab more drinks since these are almost all gone. "James, help me convince Cali to go out with Diablo. He is so hot for her. She needs to give someone a chance. Tell her", Dallas says. James looks at me and I can tell he doesn't like what he just heard. I swear he hated my ex too. He always tells me that no guy is good enough for me. He smiles though. "Hey Cali" he says instead. "Hi" I whisper. "Go on, tell her. She's too s3xy to be single" Dallas pushes. "Cali should do what Cali wants to do and aren't you single too," he says, and this is what I love about him. He always looks out for me. "Exactly, maybe you should go out on a date too Dallas Kennedy Reynolds," I say. Dallas rolls her eyes at us and ignores what we said about her and continues with me. "Well, she needs to. The man she is in love with doesn't even know she exists..." ouch, that one hurt. I turn red. No she didn't just put me on blast. "Cali, are you in love with someone? Who?" he asks and I can't even answer that. "An !d!ot that is too blind to see what is infront of him," Dallas says. Someone whispers something in her ear. "The trash has arrived, time to go. After party at my house, lets go guys." she tells us. I watch Tyler throw his arm around her again and they walk out together, both with huge smiles plastered on their faces. "Did you drink alcohol?" James asks me and I nod. "I will drive you to the after party." he says, and he grabs my hand and pulls me with him.
We arrive at the after-party and I am glad that it is very lowkey. Invite only. I can tell that only people that Dallas or her band mates trust are here. We drink, dance and drink some more. Some people end up in the pool. I have no idea if I am tripping, but as I dance with myself, I can't help but notice that James hasn't taken his eyes off me. Maybe it's the alcohol, but maybe it isn't. I go stand next to him and drink out of his water bottle. "Dance with me," I say, and pull him towards the dance floor. James is not a man who dances. He is serious most of the time. But he surprises me as we sway from side to side. He pulls me closer to him and hugs me, "Cali, who are you in love with?" he asks, and I laugh. My mind wishes I can say you and kiss him and he would kiss me back, but lets be real, that will never happen. "It doesn't matter James, like Dallas said, he doesn't see me like that anyways." I tell him. "Tell me," he whispers in my ear. I shiver. Ugh, these feelings are just building up inside of me. "I can't James." I tell him. "I thought we didn't keep secrets from eachother" he throws at me and I know he is right, although I have kept some from him because they are too embarrassing. "I can't tell you James. It's so embarrassing. You will laugh and see me differently. I can't handle losing you." I tell him.
James
"I CAN'T HANDLE LOSING YOU," she tells me. Why would she think she is going to lose me? "Cali, Sunshine, you will never lose me. You are the only thing in my life that has been consistent ever since I can remember. You are my best friend and nothing will change that. You won't lose me. Ever" I tell her. "Trust me, this will change everything" she tells me. "Cali, who are you in love with?" I ask her again. She looks like she doesn't want to tell me. She pulls away, goes to grab a shot and chugs it down and grabs another, drinks it and repeats again and then returns. "Nothing will change?" she asks me again. I nod "Absolutely nothing will change" I tell her and push the hair from her face away. She is so beautiful. "You James." she whispers and looks like she wants to cry. No f*cking way. I think to myself. "But I know you only see me as a friend. I would never want to ruin our friendship. I'm sorry. I don't know how this even happened," she says and runs off, leaving me standing in the middle of the yard, in complete shock. Cali, my sunshine Reynolds loves me. Me!!!
- Writer
