LEFT AT THE ALTER

I peeped with one eye opened in front of the mirror as I was already so excited to see what my make up looked like. I was eager and I couldn't wait anymore. it was beautiful, I didn't do a make up so often but when I did, it was always so marvellous. "You can open your eye now" Maria, one of my best friends said. She moved in front of me from behind and so did Mary, my other bestfriend. "You look so amazing, you look like a princess" Maria said in excitement as I just stared in the mirror that stood just in front of me. I really did look like a princess" I thought. "Mike wouldn't even recognise you my love, you look perfect and absolutely amazing" Mary said. This two were my ride or die friends, I loves them ever since our parents practically trained us together. We have always lives in the same Neighbourhood and we always did everything together and I loved them so much. "Thanks girls" I said as I was about to tear up and both held me from each side as they bent over to give me a hug. "We are going to miss you so much, just please make sure you always visit please" Maria said and I nodded in agreement, I couldn't say a word unless tears would drop from my face. "I love you two so much" I finally said "We love you too alot" Mary said as Maria had already started to cry. She was the emotional one out of the three of us and even though we would make fun of her for crying at every opportunity she had she still didn't mind. Maria would watch a movie she had watches before and she would still cry. She would cry literarily over anything but we loves her either ways. "You stop crying already" Mary said to Maria as she wipes her face with the tissue on her hand. "Are you girls ready" I looked behind and it was mother, grandma and Mary and Maria's mother's too. Where I live, every thing is like a community and every one was involved in each and everybody's lives. Maria and Mary's family were literarily my family too. And since I lived in a small country town named vagani. It was a small island where everyone literarily knew everyone it was bound to happen. The whole community was probably at my wedding cause it was so small everyone was invited to every thing. "We don't want her to go yet" Maria said as she wiped the remaining tears off her face and I just smiled watching her. "If you didn't chase every other guy who had asked you out in the past month, maybe we would be having two weddings today" Maria's mother said rolling her eyes at Maria and we all laughed cause in a way it was actually true. Maria did a lot of that. I wouldn't say she was picky, I would say she knows what she wants and isn't afraid to go for it and wouldn't settle for less. "Come help me with packing this stuffs you" Maria's mum said as she dragged Maria playfully with her. "Let me come too" Mary said as she followed behind. "You look so beautiful my dear, you make a beautiful bride and I am sure you will make a beautiful wife and build a beautiful home with your lovely huaband" Mary's mum said as she moved closer to me. She was like a second mum to me, just like Maria's mum too, it actually really took a village to raise queen's like us and I am sure it was worth it. "Thanks aunty" I said with a smile. "My love, you should always have this smile on your face regardless of what happens in life. And I want you to know that you deserve every happiness life has to offer and I want you to embrace the joy cause this is only just the beginning of great things in your life" Grandma said and then she pulled me into a hug. Grandma had stayed with I and mum since I could remember. When father passed, she was always there with mum and I and had always been someone I looked up to and cherished, she had so much wisdom and answers for any questions that may be bothering in life. She just always made everything seem so easy and possible. "I love you grandma" and at this time again tears threatened to spill out my eyes as I remembered all the times I spent growing up with grandma and mother. Grandma teaching me how to bake her favourite vanilla cake and her other many wonderful recipes while I eagerly help in the kitchen while running around and equally spilling over some things too. It was always all fun and I really was going to miss her alot. Grandma and Mary's mum left and then it was I and mum and as I looked up at her the tears I had been holding spilled off my eyes. She was like my guardian angel on earth and thinking I was going to be going to leave somewhere without her with me made the tears come. It had always been me and her conquering the world and making the best out of every situation no matter how hard it was. "No, you're not going to do that here" mother said pointing at the tears as she immediately pulled me into a hug but then the tears even threatened to spill even more. I didn't know if I could control it as I gently battered my eyelashes trying to stop the tears from coming. "I am going to miss you a lot mum" I said "I will miss you too my love, but today is about you" she said as she pulled my in front of her and she looked into my eyes. "Today is about you being happy and experiencing what you have waited forever for. So enjoy your day, leave today to the fullest and do not waste it being sad" she said "Now put a smile on your face for me" she said and then I forced a smile on my lips. "Now, let's go out, we are keeping everyone waiting" I and mother were about to go out to the wedding venue, we had decided to have the wedding by the beach area, we lived in an island anyways and there was water everywhere with beautiful garden every where you looked. So I was dressing up in a room in the resort where we had lodged in on the day of the wedding. I and mother decided to go out to the garden as we were about to go through the door jude who was Mike's friend immediately came up to us by the door. He was dressed in his suit and seemed ready for the wedding already, he was the best man. "Is Mike around, I am on my way to him already" I said as I picked up my dress from the side to prevent it from dragging too much behind me to start going when Jude stopped me again with his words. "He isn't coming" he said but I was more confused than shocked "What do you mean he isn't coming, is he sick, did something bad happen to him" I said already thinking about the worst things that could have happened to him. I was already getting scared as different thoughts came entering into my head. "No no, not that" he said trying to calm me down like what he was going to say was anyway better than what I had been thinking. "Then what is the problem, talk already" mother said as she could visible see that I was getting impatient and even more nervous. "Here" he said handing over a piece of folded paper to me. I opened to see what was written inside to finally get the answer I was searching for. I opened it as I read out so mother could also read along with me. Dear Rose, I know you would be expecting me instead of this letter but by the time you are reading this letter I would be on my way out of town to the city, I don't think I am ready to do this now, I want to go out into the world, explore and meet people. I don't want to stay in this small town forever and I really Don't think I am ready to get married. I am sorry I couldn't tell you this myself, but this is the only way I knew. Goodbye Rose, till we meet again. Mike. I didn't finish reading the note before tears rolled down my eyes. Like, I had so many questions. I think I had too many questions. Mother took the note from me as I went back to sit down. The tears still uncontrollably coming down my face. What did I do wrong? Was it me? He seemed fine with all this just a week ago, what had changed now, it was all so confusing. Mother went out then Mary and Maria rushed in few minutes later. I guess mother had gone to call them. I couldn't speak, it felt like I was dumb and everything Mary or Maria had been saying was not even getting into my ears, it felt like I couldn't hear or comprehend anything they were saying even though I was physically there, I just couldn't hear them. I just wanted to go away, for everyone to go away, for me to be alone and for the world to just stop moving for at least an hour for me to think. It felt like the world was moving too fast and I couldn't catch up with it. "Rose!!!" Mary screamed into my ears as I got startled but the tears still continued. "I want to go home" I said as I stood from where I had been sitted. "Grandma" I said as I pulled her into a hug as she entered into where I was. "I want to go, I don't want to be here anymore" I said as I held on tight onto her. "Let's go my dear" "We are coming too" Maria and Mary said but then I stopped them. "No, please, I think I want to be alone" I said as Grandmother escorted me outside into the car driven by my cousin Martins that had been packed outside of the resort. "Where is mother" I asked in a low voice. "She went to tell the guest there will be no wedding" she said and I nodded slowly. "He doesn't deserve you, trust me" Grandma said and that was about to be the first of many nice things people would say just to make me feel better. It was good but then sometimes it only just makes me feel worse. As I and Grandma walked outside. I tried as much as possible to not bump into any one I knew. I didn't want to see people pitiable face or there stares, I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. I didn't think I was. I entered into the car as grandma helped me with my long flowing gown to fit into the car. I sat behind as I just slowly looked out of the window with tears still non stop from my tears. I didn't think this was how today was going to end. I had planned it out all in my head. We were going to finish the wedding, take a spot at the resort, travel out for our honeymoon which I had talked about with him to book a month ago. Now thinking about it, I wasn't even sure if he ever did. We got home few minutes after and I said bye to my cousin who tried as much as possible not to ask me anything about anything that had happened. I was glad he didn't cause I wasn't even going to talk about it. "Thanks martins" I said as I walked in. Immediately I got into the house, I entered into my room. "Roseline" Grandma called as she stood in front of my door. "I don't want to come out grandma, I just want to stay here alone" I said, as I sat gently on my bed. It felt like I was at the lowest point in my life and it felt like I was drowning and no one could pull me out from it. I was all alone here. After a moment, I head grandma's footsteps away from my door. I knew she was worried about me. She was always worried about everyone and I knew she wished there was a way she could help me and she probably felt so down not being able to do anything about it. I angrily took out my wedding dress as I threw it behind my closet, I didn't want to see it and I was still in tears as I removed it. I stood in front of the mirror and notices how my tears had turned my beautiful make up into something totally unrecognisable. My face was now a mixture of tears, mascara, foundation and every other make up product. I sat back on my bed as I layed on the bed, I stared into the ceiling as I then coiled up into bed like a baby. I wished I didn't think so much about him, I didn't want to think about all of it again but I couldn't as the tears wouldn't even stop to start with. My bed was already becoming a pool of water as I slept in it. I suddenly sat up in bed as I pulled out my phone from the side to call Mike. At least maybe if I heard directly from him I would understand what was going on cause I still didn't. I dialed his Number and then I realized he had blocked me. Why did he block me? I thought, I had not even done anything to me. I tried again wondering If the problem was with my network but then I realized he had actually blocked me. I tried to message him and realized it also wasn't going through. I went on social media to see if I could get through to him there but I realized he had blocked me on all social media and had unpolluted me. I dropped my phone at the side back as I went to continue in my previous position. Now, it all felt true. It all felt like I was dreaming before but now it was getting real by the minute. My phone started beeping then I looked to the side to see that it was Maria calling me. I didn't want to pick, I couldn't, because I didn't even want to talk to anyone. I just wished I could stay in my room forever, you know when you feel like your whole world came crumbling down in just a minute and now you have to deal with it for the rest of your life. I didn't know how I was going to deal with this one. Every obstacle I had faces in life, I was able to figure a way out of it and move on and I got better. I had always been a strong person but today I was taught that even strong people don't always know how to fix or deal with certain situations and this was one of such for me. "Is she still inside" mother whispered as I figured she and grandma had come back to my door again. "Yes, she says she wants to remain inside, poor girl" Grandma said. "My baby doesn't deserve this at all" mother said "I wish there was something we could do, I don't know how to help her. The last time she shut us all out like this was when her dad passed and you knew how long it took her to get out of that place. It was horror" mother added and she was right, that was the last time I had felt this much pain in my heart. This stabbing pain which didn't seem to want to go away anytime soon, I didn't know how to deal with it. The last time I actually did shut everyone out completely even though I had just been in highschool. I was an adult now and could even do worse. "I think we should let her be, let her figure this out, it's one of those things in life but what makes it better us us fighting through it and coming out stronger" grandmother said. "But she still needs to eat something, I know she can starve herself all day if no one makes her eat" mother said concerned. "Rode, I made dinner, your favourite, would you like to eat" mother asked "I am not hungry mum, I am fine" I said in a low tone. Someone would think I was on the verge of giving up on life with the way I was sounding like a lifeless human. I didn't feel like doing anything. I just wanted to lay in bed forever till anything else interesting happen in my life which I doubt. I stayed this rest of the night in my room and even though I hadn't eaten a night, I had no appetite for it and would rather just stay indoors. I didn't know when I dozed off amidst my dried up tears both on my face and on my pillow. I had slept and in that, I felt peace but then as I woke up to the sun shining into my eyes again the next morning, I remembered how miser my life was and how I had been dumped and forgotten while haven been left on the alter.