The Sigma Wolf

Chapter 28 - Going for it.

Susie

I have no idea why, but I wanted to be alone with him. What is wrong with me? My entire life has been longing for Alan, and the minute he asks me to be his girlfriend, my heart decides we need another one. I barely know him, and I feel he keeps important things from me.

Should I risk it? Should I risk my relationship with Alan, whom I know and trust, or should I jump into the unknown and blindly fall for Ajax? I was torn, so when he asked questions, I kept agreeing to whatever was said.

Ultimately, my stupidity and confusion made me agree to meet him at his place. The last time we were there alone, he kissed me, flipping my entire universe. I am scared.

I was scared to find out Alan was just a mirage, that my heart had been wrong for so long, and that I had wasted so much time pinning after an illusion —one that was washed away by Ajax's mere presence.

I was also scared of being alone with him, of discovering that my feelings for him might be stronger than what I felt for the one I determined to be the love of my life. Have I been mistaken all this time? I don't know… But I must find out, because being with one to whom my heart does not belong is a complete waste of time.

I also fear losing Alan's friendship now that we have moved to another level. If I open my heart and explain my doubts and hesitations, I am sure he will be concerned and offended, and if we break up, I am sure Alan won't ever be my friend again. Either way, I am in the losing game. I might lose my best friend, Alan. I might use the man I am falling for, Ajax. Or I might end up losing my heart in the process.

I finished my classes and checked my phone. I didn't have a text from Alan, which cemented my hesitation about being in this relationship. As soon as I agreed to it, I felt it was a mistake, and him being this cold and detached only assured me that whatever I felt then was the right feeling. I sighed and finally made my way to my place. Tonight, I have to work on a project at Ajax penthouse. I had no idea when we would finish, so I wanted to take a shower after going there.

I took my phone to send a message. I should have texted Alan, but instead, I opened Ajax's contacts and typed. “Heading home, I will take a shower and head to your place… Do I need to bring anything?”

“Just you; I have munchies and food here waiting for you, SusieQ!” he texted back. “Oh, we will be working late, come in pj´s…” He texted. My heart pounded; he kissed me the last time I was in pj´s at his place.

I should have protested or something. Rather, I typed, “Be there in 30.”

I must be crazy, but I even styled my hair and wore light makeup to go there. Why do I feel all giddy and excited? I should be sad about not being able to see Alan today, not that he has even texted me or something… but you get the picture.

“I'm going out…” I said to Di, and she lifted her eyebrows.

“In your pajamas?” She said, and I nodded. “Across the hallway?” She asked, and I bit my lower lip and nodded.

“Sweetie, is there something you need to tell me?” She said, and I sighed.

“Ajax and I are class project partners, and we need to catch up with Mr. Costas's project for next week.” I sighed, and she nodded.

You don't seem excited about your relationship with Alan, and now you are meeting another guy in your jammies. That is not something you would do regularly,” she said, and I sighed.

"Is Gio around?” I asked her, and she shook her head…

“I am sure he will be here later, so we have time to catch up.” She sighed, “Briefly…” she giggled.

Diana was my best friend. I confided everything in her. She knew my deepest, darkest secret, my most passionate fantasy, and what caused me the most pain … She knew me inside out, and I couldn't lie to her. I must even tell her so she can shed some light on my jumbled feelings.

“OK… I need to go, but long story short… Last time I was in Ajax's place when you went to the bar… We kissed.” I said, and she gasped,

“Your first kiss was not Alan?” She asked, and I shook my head.

“So then Alan asked me out, and when he asked me to be in a relationship with him, I froze. I immediately agreed and just as quickly regretted it. I can't stop thinking of Ajax,” I said, and she sighed.

“Oh, hun… you fell for Ajax… and how does he feel about you?” She asked,

“I don't know, but he has said he likes curvy women and hates Gracie, so…” I said, biting my lip, and she laughed,

“Alright, so he is into you…” She said, and I shrugged my shoulders. I had no idea where she got to that conclusion.

“But I am f*****g confused…” I sighed,

“Alright, close your eyes, and think about yourself in five years' time. You are happily married and mated to the man of your life… and one morning, you wake up and turn around to the figure sleeping next to you…” She paused.

“Now open your eyes and say the name of the man next to you…” She said, and when I opened my eyes, I muttered, “Ajax.”

“So there you go… stop wasting your time and go for it…” She spanked me,

I pouted, “But what about Alan?” I said, and she laughed,

“Isn't it better to ask forgiveness than permission? You will deal with him later… I am sure he will recover from a two-day relationship…” She laughed, and I rolled my eyes,

“The fastest committed relationship in the West…” I joked, and she laughed.

“Now, go, and if you see Gio around there, tell him I am waiting for him…” she chuckled, and I rolled my eyes. When I opened the door, Gio was standing there…

“Bye, Gio,”... I said, and he laughed.

I knocked on its door, and Ajax opened it. “Alright, I just have to ask…” he paused, and I lifted my eyebrows, “Do you always wear cute pj´s?” He chuckled, and I blushed. He was flirting with me, and I found it adorable.

“Aren't you a charmer?” I said while he chuckled and allowed me to enter.

“I figured we would be working here…” He pointed at the dining room table, and I nodded. “But first, food…” He pointed at the kitchen island, and I made my little victory dance, making him chuckle.

I was determined to figure out my feelings for him. Diana is right: If I have to end things with Alan and lose his friendship, so be it. I won't be losing my heart or Ajax.

Ajax ordered chicken wings, and I beamed. He is so on point with the food. I sat on a high chair, and he pushed a plate for me to take whatever amount of wings I wanted. He ordered super spicy, BBQ, and mild. There was a plate with carrot and celery sticks and bowls of ranch and honey mustard dressing. He placed a scan of coke in front of me and winked, and then he proceeded to sit beside me.

“So, we need to determine the product tonight and maybe tomorrow figure out the rest. We don't have to have everything worked out, just the rough draft,” I said, and he nodded. I took a bite of my wings, and as the messy eater I am certified to be, dressing and sauce remained on my lips, cheeks, and chin.

I licked my lips, and Ajax's eyes followed my movements. “Wait…” he said and cupped my cheek. Leaning forward, he licked my chin and cheek clean. I gasped, and then he captured my lips in his.

My world stopped, and I felt at home. I responded to his kiss. I had dreamed of it since the last time he kissed me. He broke the kiss and rested his forehead on mine. “I am sorry…” he muttered,

I lifted my hand and cupped his cheek, “Don't be…” I whispered, and I initiated a kiss for the first time in my life.