My Four Last Hopes

Chapter 2: Family Home

"Are you sure you don't want Tyler and I to come out there?" Claire asked over the phone. "You know we will be there in a heatbeat."

I tucked the phone between my ear and shoulder as I searched for the spare key of my childhood home.

"It's okay, really. I'm.. shocked, but not that upset." I told her.

"Khloe.. Your mom died. It's okay to take down that tough girl act." Claire told me.

I pushed the door open, and walked inside my childhood home.

"I'm not putting on an act. I really am fine. You know that I never got along with my mom." I replied.

I looked around. It's so empty in here. It used to be so full of life.

I flipped on the lights as I walked up the stairs.

"Yeah, but.. She was still your mom." Claire said gently.

I walked into what used to be my bedroom. Now.. it's an exercise room. Did Mom even exercise?

At least my bed is still here. I put my suitcase on top of the bed, and dust flew in the air. Ugh, gross.

"I know Claire, but she never acted like one. Don't get me wrong. It's sad, but.. it is what it is." I told her.

"Well.. if you're sure.." She replied hesitantly.

"I am sure, Claire." I said to reassure her.

"Call me if you need me at all, okay? Especially tomorrow. I'll have my phone on me all day." She said.

"Okay, thank you." I replied.

"Bye boo." Claire said.

"Bye."

Then I hung up.

I sighed as I looked around what used to be my room. This was the smallest room in the house. I could barely fit any of my stuff in here. I'm surprised Mom was able to fit this equipment in here with my full-sized bed. At least I had a decent sized bed.

"She should have just gotten rid of it." I mumbled to myself.

I blew out a breath, and went to look at the rest of the house. All of my siblings' rooms look the exact same. I would expect for Emmet's to look the same. He just started college this year.

I'm honestly not surprised that Ava and Celia's are untouched. I was always the black sheep of the family. The unwanted one.

Celia and Emmet have a different father than Ava and I. Our dad dipped out when I was about five years old. No idea why, or where he went. Mom remarried less than three years later. To an older man. Who died last year of a heart attack.

I wasn't even invited to the funeral. I only found out he was dead because Celia called me in the middle of the night, distraught. I tried to come out, to at least be her for my siblings. Mom wouldn't let me. She told me that Dan never liked me to begin with.

I went right back home.

It was always like that. I was always the blame, always the one that no one wanted to see or hear. I was more of a part of the wallpaper than I was this family.

Mom once told me that she hated me because I reminded too much of my father. She used to get drunk sometimes with her friends here and yell at me. It was always about me being a big disappointment. A mistake. Something that she never wanted. She told me she wished my father would have taken me if he was going to leave.

All her friends just laughed along with her. Any time that I ever talked back, Mom would start crying. Like she was the damn victim. All her friends would console her, and tell me to just go to my room.

Unbelievable. Those people called themselves adults. Please.

There was another time that Mom told her cousin, right in front of me, that she always had a special soft spot for her oldest. That she couldn't love her other children as much as she loved Ava. Then she went on to blame Ava's addiction on herself. Something about putting me on a pedestal my whole life, and ignoring Ava. Despite everything she had just said.

Like that wasn't the complete opposite of what it was really like.

I got out of this place the moment I turned 18. I hopped on a bus, and didn't stop until I was far away. New York was almost as far as I could get from Wyoming.

Life was rough for a while. I worked a lot of jobs just to get by. And then things took a turn.

I was writing in my free time, and submitting my fantasy stories to whoever would take them. After five years, someone finally took a chance on me. The last five years of my life have been surreal. I'm successful, and it feels great.

I never needed this family. I proved that myself.

I looked around the house again, and memories flooded in.

Maybe I shouldn't have come back here. All it's doing is bringing up bad memories.

My mom was constantly verbally abusive. She never went a day, hell more than a couple of hours, without reminding me of her strong distaste for me. There was a decent amount of physical abuse as well. More when I was younger, but the older I got, the more I fought back. Then she only hit me when she was really drunk.

That was it though. The rest of my life was as normal as it could have been. I had friends. They never came over obviously, but I was allowed to spend the night with them. Mom always made sure I was fed, and that I had clothes. Even if they were mostly hand-me-downs from Ava.

Mom never took an interest in anything in my life. When I asked to stay the night with friends, she was more than happy to not see my face. However, there were many, many times that she would tell me no, because I had to babysit Celia and Emmet.

At least I got to spend a lot of time with my siblings. I loved them all so much. They were the only ones in my life who ever tried to stand up for me against Mom. Of course, it would only cause more problems.

It was honestly better for everyone that I left. The kids didn't have to worry about me. Mom didn't have to see me. After I started making the big bucks, I took business classes, and managed my money so well that I was able to send them checks every month. Of course, I put those in Ava's name since she was the only one over 18.

I guess me leaving was hardest on Ava though.

Ava always had an addiction problem. When she was in high school, it was one boyfriend. They were on and off constantly. She was always getting into fights. Ava was chaotic.

Right after high school, Ava found cocaine. She was constantly shoving the sh.it up her nose. At first, we just thought she was going through a phase. Ava was just young, and she wanted to have fun. Mom did coke all the time when we were growing up. So, it was no big deal.

Then things got better. Ava got a boyfriend. He was a total di.ckwad. I hated him. Ava loved him though. We didn't see her much after that, but at least she was sober.

And then they broke up.

See, Ava has this problem with being alone. She spirals, tries a different drug, a harder drug, and gets high for a while. Then she finds the closest guy to her that's willing to jump into a committed relationship with her right away.

Then they break up. This cycle happens over and over again. Each breakup resulted in my sister trying a new drug.

Lately, however, Ava has been worse. Much worse. Ever since she touched heroine.

I found out two years ago that Ava had been stealing the checks I was sending. All of that money just... poof. All in her veins.

Ava hasn't answered one of my calls or texts in months.

Because I couldn't trust anyone else, and Claire and Elliot were not 18 at that time... I had to call to get them things instead of sending them money. I would buy them pizza, have groceries sent to the house, shoes, clothes, really anything that I could do over the phone.

It gave me a good reason to call more though. I could tell that Claire and Emmet needed it. I needed it too.

Claire turned 18 two years ago though. Things got much easier after that. I was able to pay for all of her college, and she stayed close to home to keep an eye on Emmet. Since our mother had become a real alcoholic.

Figures.

I sat on the floor, and pulled my phone out. Claire sent me a text reminding me what time she and Emmet would be here tomorrow. Our mother's funeral is the day after.

I scrolled through mine and Ava's chat. She still hasn't responded. I don't even know if she knows our mother is dead.

I pushed the call button on Ava's contact.

"Sorry, can't pick the phone up right now. Leave me a message."

Beep.

I sighed.

"Ava, where are you? Look, I know that the last time we spoke it was bad, but.. You can't ignore me right now." I said. "Please don't make me the big sister. For just once.. I need you Ava. Please come home."

I hung up the phone, and tears fell from my eyes. This is so fu.cked. I hate this so much.

I'm all alone.