For The Love Of Yuri

(For Yuri) True And Yet Hidden

I waved hi to Yuri when I saw him at the church one day. I accidentally saw him there since I was about to ask for guidance for the upcoming exam tomorrow. Even though he saw me, it seemed that the smile I saw on his face was not meant for me.

That had made me stop.

I stopped on my tracks when I saw that.

How come? How come he never smiled at me like that? I could only see him smile at me when he was teasing me. But for once, that sweet smile engraved on his face... A kind of smile he never showed to me ever since I met him...

That was when I turned and I saw a girl smiling and waving her hand for someone. She was just about my age, I could tell that. And I think... she was even more amazing and mature than I was.

That was what made me down and depressed. But the one that happened next had definitely made me shock, I could not even move.

That girl approached Yuri with a smile, and unexpectedly, with a hug, as well. And it definitely hurt me when he did not even make a last glance at me before he left the church.

That was right.

It definitely stabbed my heart just by looking at that scene.

I kneeled because I was too weak to know what was going on. I just... looked at them slipped away happily.

And that was the time I asked myself.

Was it over? Was I not going to be with Yuri anymore? And who was that girl anyway? How did she know Yuri? Were they... a couple?

Without knowing, my tears fell... hard. Harder than I had ever expected. And what was worse... I was broken.

But I was never going to let him know that. Not now, not ever!

The only thing I could not accept that time was...

Yuri was the man who had hurt me much more than I could have ever imagined. Would the man I love with all my heart never going to know my feelings even though I tried so hard to let him know?

And with that, I cried silently and even harder than I did earlier.

Was I really destined to have my heart broken by the man I truly love? I did not know how much that hurts... And seriously, I did not want to know...

I forcefully opened my eyes when I heard something. Great, it was my stupid alarm clock again. So I grabbed it and turned it off. Then left with no choice, I stood up and sat on my bed. After I remembered what I had just dreamed earlier, I heaved a heavy sigh.

Geez! I could not believe I dreamed of that event happened more than three months ago. I have been trying to forget that... that horrible memory all those times. I should not think about it, that was what I have been saying to myself up until now. It did help.

For at least a month. But for me to have a dream about what happened that time, the very same pain I have felt during those times came rushing to me and consuming my heart.

I really did not want to remember that... Everything about that.

But I never thought that I was crying because of that. I only noticed that when my pet cat Yamato made a sound as if he was worried about me. And to cease his worries, I smiled. I smiled a real smile that Yamato really wanted to see. That was when he felt relieved somehow.

But when I was about to get out of my bed, I suddenly felt dizzy for no reason. If I did not place my hand on the table and grabbed the edge, I might have fallen.

I could not help but to sigh. This has kept on going on for two weeks now. I was suddenly feeling dizzy and I looked kind of pale. I have been losing some of my skin color. And some had said that the once sparkling and gleeful eyes of mine were gone. It was as if I was struck by an illness that might be unknown to me.

I noticed all of that, especially whenever I was facing the mirror. I knew that my mother would be frantic if she would see me like this. I smiled at that thought. No doubt that me mother really did care for me and my brothers even though she was working abroad. She would give me and my brothers a call almost everyday whenever she has free time.

And if she has a long break from her work, she would definitely come home to spend her vacation with us, together as a family.

And I really loved her for that.

I looked at the mirror. I heaved a heavy sigh when I saw myself becoming frail and even paler. My brothers would not want me to see this. And I did not want them to see it, as well.

It was a good thing that it was already the start of summer vacation. When my teacher, Yamamoto Megumi-sensei, saw me like this, she asked the school director to let me have my early vacation so I could fully rest.

I guessed the pressure from working and studying continuously had already began to pile up, that was why I look sick.

All of a sudden, I heard my phone rang. I slowly went to get it in my backpack. But then I hesitated if I should answer the call when I saw the name of the person calling me that appeared on the LCD screen.

Bu then I realized that it would be rude if I did not answer the call. I sighed a few more times before I opened the phone and answered the call.

I placed it on my ears, with a blank expression on my face.

"Hello?" I said.

I heard a happy and energetic voice that surely came from Yuri on the other line. "I am sorry if I called you so early in the morning. I hope I did not disturb you."

"No, you did not. It is okay. I woke up a few minutes before you called." And then I forced a smile to appears on my face. "What made you call, anyway?"

"Ah, that? Yamamoto-sensei said that you are going to take an early vacation starting today. Why did you not tell me? I was worried sick because I do not even know the reason why you are taking a vacation. Sensei did not even want to tell me."

"I just need to rest, that's all. You do not have to overreact."

"Is that so? Okay. I will be hanging up. Erika is waiting for me. We will be going to the amusement park today," Yuri said in a happy and excited voice that clenched my heart slowly.

"It's okay. By the way, have fun. Bye." And after that, I turned off my phone immediately because I do not want to hear Yuri's voice any longer. As I said those words to him, my voice was shaking and my tears streaked down to my face once again.

It was getting harder and harder for me to talk to Yuri each coming day. And for him mentioning the name of the girl he was dating, it had really hurt me to the core. It guess it was all over.

But even though I kept on saying that it was over, that I did not want to love him anymore, how come that I could not stop myself from loving him continuously for more than five years? How come that even thoygh it hurt to know that he was already dating someone, that Yuri and Erika appreared to be a couple already because of their treatment to each other, I could never stop myself loving him even more?

I love him... so much.

Even if he already loves someone... Even if it was not me at all...

After I took a bath, I changed my clothes and went down to have breakfast. Well, food wsas my only way to ease up the pain I was feeling at the moment. It was a good thing that oldest brother Gwendal had prepared a lot. That was why I enjoyed eating along with him and my other brother, Conrad.

After that, I went back to my bedroom since that's what Conrad said when he noticed that I looked pale. I couldn't say no, or else he'll be worried sick about me when I disobeyed him. I love both of my brothers so much that I don't want to see them worried about me.

When I arrived at my room, I saw my phone. I looked at it sadly as I remembered my conversation with Yuri earlier.

Then I asked myself a question regarding the situation I'm in.

Am I really destined to have this kind of pain because of loving Yuri? Don't I deserve to have the right to be happy?

But then I realized that I would never be happy without Yuri. Oh, how cruel my fate is! Loving a person who has already somebody to love, and I never had a chance to admit my feelings to him in fear of losing my friend.

At that time, I can feel that I'm getting weaker and weaker by the second. That's why I decided to sit. And then I thought that maybe to ease the pain and sadness that I'm feeling right now, I should write something.

Well, it was Conrad who told that to me before.

And so, with a pen and a paper, I began writing. And I decided that maybe I should write a poem since I think writing a poem would help me bring out all my thought about what I'm feeling right now.

I was glad that I managed to finish it in a day. I admit that I'm not really good at writing poems but... this was just a way of releasing what I feel all these years for Yuri.

Yes, everything that I'm feeling right now... It's all about that guy... The person who made me feel happiness, sadness, jealousy, contentment, pain... and most of all, love.

With a genuine smile on my face, though it's sad, I stood up from my seat. But all of a sudden, I felt dizzy. And after that, everything around me went black... with only one name that left my lips silently.

"Yuri..."

Wolfram was found by Gwendal and Conrad lying on the floor. Without a doubt, his sickness had finally overcome his body. Tooo much stress and pressure from work and study, with the inclusion of emotional distress, had definitely made Wolfram into this state, though they had no idea about what's really happening to their baby brother.

Gwendal immediately carried Wolfram and placed him on the bed. And then he decided to call an ambulance to bring Wolfram to the hospital.

That's when Conrad saw a paper placed on the study table. It seemed that Wolfram was just done writing when he collapsed. With the intention of knowing what's really going on with his brother, he read what was written.

Only to get surprised by what he had read.

EVEN IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE

I want to ask myself a question about what I feel

Whenever I see you with the girl you love for real

Will you ever treat me the way you treat her?

Or will I always be a friend to you and no other?

If only I could tell you how hurt I am this moment

For a sight of you two together give my heart this torment

Still, I can forgive you for all the pain you gave to my heart

For I don't to break and scatter everything apart

I'll be your friend even if you love someone

Even if you can't simply love me more than anyone

I'll just settle down here as I watch you two together

Hoping you might feel the love that I can't give to another

I'll always be with you if I could be happy that way

For I don't want to go somewhere without you there to stay

Even if it kills my heart with just a sight of the two of you

I can't do anything even if I feel a love so true

I will be loving you forever even if you love someone

Because you're the only person who can be my brightest sun

I'll love you even if my heart was slowly torn somehow

Even if it hurts me so much that might kill me now

P.S.-Yuri, I hope you'll find the love and happiness that you deserve. I'll be here for you no matter what happens. I love you so much.

And I'll always love you... no matter what it takes...

I hope you'll know that soon...

Yuri will always be my first true love. And loving him was one of the greatest things that I've ever done in my entire life.

And I'll always be with him, no matter how far he will go or how long it will take.

I wanted him to take the path he had chosen.

I could only hope that the path he chose will lead him to happiness...

I don't care about if I won't be happy. The greatest happiness I'll ever have is the fact that he came to my life and made me someone new by loving him.

Even if that feelings of mine will never be reciprocated.

I love you... Yuri...

Always... Always...

xxxxxx

WOLFRAM: Having so much pain that I bear in my heart for so long had made me face the worst situation yet...Am I really destined to be sad forever?

YURI: I don't want to lose the one I care the most... but then, why does it have to be this way? Is this really the fate meant for me? Am I not going to be with him anymore?

Next Time: FOR THE LOVE OF YURI Chapter 2 - Now Or Never.

Is this really a love that will never bear fruit?