Behind Amethyst Eyes

Chapter 9- Her Nightmare

Kara’s POV

    I stare at Daniel with a dumbfounded look. Soulmates? Technically he used the word fated but it’s essentially the same thing. My heart races as each word he just uttered sinks in. My palms become clammy and sweat forms on my skin in tiny beads as a wave of heat envelopes me. Panic bubbles as the thought of being with this man, any man, takes over my mind. I need to get out of here. The air becomes thick as breathing becomes more difficult. I want to run. I should run. But I can’t, not because the pain in my leg is still throbbing, but because fear has rendered me frozen. I close my eyes and focus on my breathing, pushing away any thoughts of soulmates or men.

    “I need to leave,” I say sternly. I don’t give him a chance to respond before preparing to do just that. I throw the comforter off of me only to find my bare legs. I expected to find myself still wearing tattered jeans. Now all I see is my bandaged-wrapped leg and the hem of a very large t-shirt that barely reaches my mid-thigh. I yank the comforter back over me and whip my head up to Daniel, shock and mortification easily read on my face. “Where the hell are my clothes?” I yell.

    “When I found you, your clothes were all torn up and you were soaked from the rain. The infection from your wound had already started to take its affect as your skin was burning up from the fever. I had to change your clothes before you got even sicker.” Daniel’s explanation made sense, but I wasn’t hearing sense right now. He had changed me out of my clothes while I was unconscious. He saw me practically naked. Nobody has seen me in anything less than a tank top and shorts since Marshal. Not even a bathing suit!

    Daniel walks over to his closet and comes back with a pair of sweatpants. He hands them to me, and I quickly snatch them from him. My hands start to shake as I try to bury the anger and embarrassment deep inside, but it’s too much. I need out of this bed, out of this house, and away from him.

    “C-can I have a f-few minutes alone?” I stutter in a quiet voice.

    “I’ll grab some food from downstairs. Yell for me when you’re ready to talk.” I don’t offer him a response. I simply sit there with my eyes trained on my lap. He sighs before walking out, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

    I quickly throw back the covers once more and awkwardly try to put the sweatpants on. It takes a bit of maneuvering as any bit of movement causes my leg to throb, but the pain isn’t nearly as bad as it has been, so I grit my teeth and bear through it. The sweats are a little baggy, so I tie the strings as tight as they’ll go and roll the waistband, so I won’t trip over the hem. I swing my legs over the side of the bed and place my feet on the floor. I stand, putting all my weight on my good leg and balancing myself before carefully testing my other leg. I nearly collapse from the sudden increase in pain, but I steady myself before trying again. After a few tries, I have successfully limped over to the far armchair, edging closer to the door. Once I reach it, I slowly turn the handle, careful to not make any noise, and crack the door open. I hold my breath, trying to be as silent as possible, as I listen for any sign of Daniel or his father. I give myself the go ahead when I don’t hear anyone and make my way down the hall.

    Pictures of Daniel’s family lines the walls as I pass several doors. I reach the end of the hall where a staircase leads down, signaling my only passage of escape. I curse silently in my head as I note the antique-looking wood of each step. This will only make my escape that much more difficult as I now have to take extra time, on top of the time it takes to limp, to make sure they aren’t creaky. I take a deep, steadying breath before gripping the railing to begin my descent. One step at a time, I think to myself while focusing on the task at hand. I make it down halfway before voices float from somewhere below, stopping me in my tracks.

    “I just don’t know what to do. I’m not sure how to handle this, dad. I need her so bad my chest aches when I’m not with her. Even now!” Daniel pauses before continuing. “But I don’t think she’s ready for me. Hell, I don’t even know if she wants me.” He finishes, sounding broken. My chest swells and my throat tightens with guilt at hearing how my reaction is affecting him, but I swallow the lump and force myself back to the task at hand. I approach the opening as the stairs lead into a room with a door directly in front of me. Finally! But I need to make sure no one is in that room before I can make my escape. I move to stand with my back flush against the last piece of wall and slyly peak around the corner.

    My eyes sweep over what must be the living room. Cream-colored couches surround a slate gray coffee table with gold trimming. On top rests stacks of ancient-looking books strewn across it. Directly in front of the couches is a fireplace with a gold mantle and floor to ceiling gray tile, matching the coffee table. Large bay windows frame a bench with blankets and more books scattered on top. It’s a well put together room, I notice, but definitely not something I can see two men doing. The only thing missing are the two men in question.

    “You said she took everything else you told her well. Better than you. Just give her time with the rest. She’ll want you. You have the other half of her soul; she’ll have no choice but to want you.” His father replies. No choice? Like hell I don’t have a choice. This brings the anger from before front and center in my mind. I’m more determined now than before I started. I will not be forced to be with anyone. Precious moments that should have happened in love were forced from me. I will not be forced ever again.

    With my newfound determination, I quickly and quietly make it down the last half of stairs and rush to the door. I unbolt the door and rip it open. As I do this, an alarm starts beeping loudly throughout the house. s**t! I curse to myself before hobbling outside. The bright sun blinds me as I hurriedly stumble down the few porch stairs.

    “Kara!” I hear Daniel yell, frantically looking for me. I pick up my pace, not caring about the pain as it dulls in comparison to the pain that’s fresh in my mind from my past. I didn’t think this far ahead. My car isn’t here, and I don’t have keys to one of the other vehicles. I make it down the driveway before I look at my surroundings. Daniel’s house is the only house in sight. It sits on a large plot of land with empty fields surrounding it. I have no where to run, nowhere to hide. With no other choice, I start my staggering run along the gravel road leading away from the house. It’s not quite a sprint, but it’s as fast as I can manage in my current state. Just then I hear the pounding of heavy footsteps race behind me. Someone grabs a hold of my wrist and pulls me backwards. I swing my arms frantically in front of me, trying to break free but the hand is firm and strong. I’m spun around to see a frantic looking Daniel with confusion contorting his facial features. Not wanting to see or talk to him right now, I continue thrashing about, trying to break free.

    “Kara! Would you stop? Just calm down. Why are you running away? There’s nowhere for you to go.” He says as he tries to tame my wild arms by pulling me flush against his chest. I grunt in response and put all of my strength into shoving him away, only to be met by a solid brick wall. His grip tightens on me as anger seeps into his gaze. “What is your problem? Why are you fighting me?”

    “Why am I fighting you? Gee, I don’t know. Maybe because you and your father think you own me and are going to force me to be with you.” I spit the words at him, letting my anger-soaked venom seep into each and every one of them. I feel hurt and betrayed. He was the first and only person I told about my past and now he wants to do the same thing. My words must have finally sunk in because he quickly releases his hold on me.

       “You think I want to force you to be with me?” He asks as his own hurt laces his words.

    “I heard what you and your father said. You need me and I’ll have no choice but to be your soulmate or fated or whatever the hell you call it. I am not yours or anyone else’s property to own. I’ve already been forced by another man once before; I will not be forced by anyone anymore.” I turn away and begin my trek to wherever gets me away from here. I make it about five feet before his hand gently wraps around my wrist again as if begging me to stop.

    “Kara, please. This is a misunderstanding. My father didn’t mean we would force you to be with me. He only meant that, as fated, you won’t want to be away from me. You’ll want to be with me because we share the same soul. We were made to be exactly what the other person wants and needs. I would never…could never force you to do anything.” He tells me softly. His eyes plead me to understand, but I’m not sure that I can. So, they don’t want to force me to be with him, but I still won’t have a choice. How is that any better?

    “I don’t have any other choice except to be with you. That’s basically what you’re saying. That because some gods of the universe gave us a gift, I have no choice except to be with you. How is that any different than being forced to be with you?” I ask, trying to get him to see where I’m coming from. “I’ve had so many choices taken away from me. Choices that should have been mine and mine alone to make. I should have been able to choose who and when I gave myself to for my first time. I should have been able to choose whether or not to fight in some war against creatures I only learned of five days ago. I should be able to choose who I date or who I spend my life with for that matter. But no, that choice has been taken away from me too.” I finish my small rant with tears welling in my eyes. I’m exhausted and hurting, both from the now constant throbbing of my leg and the pain of losing another choice. Tears now quietly run down my cheeks in a steady stream as all the fight leaves my body. My shoulders slump forward, and my head hangs low in defeat. Having nowhere to go and no way to get there, I silently walk past Daniel and head towards his house.

    I sluggishly begin the ascent of the stairs. Pain radiates throughout me as I teeter on the first step, gripping the railing with white knuckles to keep me steady. I lean my weight into the railing and use it as a crutch to help me hop up the stairs. I hear Daniel’s footsteps behind me. He reaches for my waist to help me up, but I flinch away from him.

    “Please don’t touch me.” I say, hurt evident on his face. He sighs in defeat but doesn’t make another move to help me. He walks behind me, probably staying close in case I fall. When I finally reach the top of the stairs, I hesitate before walking down the hall. I bite my lip, suddenly nervous to go back to his room. “Is there another room I can stay in?” I ask, not wanting to stay in his room. He looks like he wants to protest but thinks better of it. He nods his head and guides me to the door across from his. He opens the door for me, revealing a room very similar to his accept where his had a desk and chairs, two large bookcases stand in the corner. Each bookcase is tightly filled with books of all sizes. In front is a large comfy chair with a light-colored accent table next to it. The walls and bedspread are a mix of soft yellows and light blues.

    “I’ll leave you alone in here. If you need anything, my room is right across the hall. Please don’t hesitate to ask me for anything.” He steps back and allows me to make my way over to the bed. “Can we talk about everything later?” He asks.

    “I don’t know.” Is all the response I give him. He nods in understanding and shuts the door as he leaves. I lay back in the bed and pull the sheets up tightly over my shoulders. Tears resume their flowing as the overwhelming emotions billow out of me. I sob for hours until I have no more tears to cry.

    The Dhedra are attacking me, much like the night before, except this time they capture me. They take me to some dark, musky cellar and tie my arms and legs down, spread apart on some old cot. They leave me there in the cold with nothing but a large t-shirt. After what feels like forever, someone walks down, laughing menacingly. I’d know that laughter anywhere. I pull and struggle against the restraints which are cutting deeply into my skin. Marshal walks in, cracking his knuckles and rubbing his palms together in excited anticipation. He doesn’t say anything. He walks over to me, admiring me from above. He slowly trails his fingers across my lips, down my neck, sliding between my breasts, roaming further until he reaches the hem of my shirt. I thrash harder, trying to break out of the cuffs to get away from his toxic touch. Marshal’s eyes flare with anger and he slaps me hard in the face. An iron taste covers my mouth as blood seeps in from a cut on my lip. I spit the blood onto his shoes. He reacts by tightly grabbing my jaw in his hands and smashing his lips roughly onto mine. He pulls away to stomp on my stomach then punches me in the ribs. Bones crack and bruises begin to form as he assaults me. After having his fill, he leaves breathing hard and laughing that same taunting laugh. I writhe in pain for awhile more before someone else descends into the cellar. Expecting it to be Marshal again, I pretend to be passed out, hoping he’d leave me alone.

    “Now, now dear. Those bruises won’t do.” A voice I never thought I’d hear floats to me. My blood runs cold as I open my eyes to see Daniel walk over, his father in tow behind him, with a bag of makeup. “I don’t want to see bruises from another man while I take you by force.” He says and sneers at me while his face contorts in an evil way. He covers the bruises on my face before undoing his belt. He licks his lips as his gaze travels up and down my battered body.

    “Daniel please, don’t do this.” I beg him. I beg him with my eyes, but the Daniel I know isn’t the Daniel before me. He stalks over to me and shushes me while softly caressing my cheek. He unbuttons his jeans before lowering himself between my legs. He rips my underwear off of me and adjusts himself right in front of my entrance. “Daniel, please stop! Don’t do this!” I scream at him, but it only encourages him.

    “I like it when you scream and beg.” He says gripping my hips so tightly with his nails that it breaks the skin. He takes one last look and laughs at the fear in my eyes and the tears running down my face before slamming himself into me.

    I scream a blood-curdling scream as I shoot up in the bed. My skin is slick with sweat, and my hair is matted to my head. My heart pounds violently, trying to break out of my chest as I was forced to live that nightmare. Just then the door bursts open, slamming against the wall so hard it cracks the plaster. Daniel runs over to me hysterically, searching for whatever made me scream. Only he doesn’t know it is him that is causing my panic attack. He reaches out to hold me, but I flinch away from him.

    “No! Don’t touch me.” I yell. He abruptly stops and looks at[M7]  me, full of concern. I bring my knees to my chest and hug them as sobs wrack their way through me. He sits at the edge of the bed and doesn’t make another move to touch me. He waits quietly until my loud sobs turn into silent tears. I repeat the same two sentences over and over in my head, willing myself to believe their words. It was just a dream. Daniel didn’t hurt you. After a long time of waiting, he finally breaks the silence.

    “Kara, what’s the matter? Why did you scream? Why won’t you let me touch you?” He asks, desperate for my answer.

    “Nothing happened. I just had a nightmare.” I say staring at a snag in the comforter. My mind feels numb at this point. I’m emotionally drained.

    “What happened?” I shake my head to tell him I don’t want to talk about it. A look of understanding dawns on his face. “Was it about me?” He asks cautiously. I nod my head in response. “Whatever happened, it wasn’t real. That was not me in your dreams. I could never hurt you, Kara. Please believe me.” He begs. He slowly reaches out his hand toward me, asking me permission. I don’t move, trying to assess if I want this or even if I can allow this. He sees the hesitation and pulls back. The next thing I know is a soft breeze wraps me in warmth, calming me. I close my eyes and allow it to swallow me up. I wouldn’t let him near me, so he found a way to comfort me without touching me. Tears once again gather in my eyes, but for a different reason this time. Daniel must have seen this because the breeze is gone, immediately chilling me with its absence.

    “Don’t cry, love. I was only trying to help you.” He says sadly. He gets up and moves closer to the door. When he’s almost at the door, I call out to him.

    “Will you stay?” I ask in a whisper. Part of me hopes he doesn’t hear me and leaves me alone again. Part of me wants to feel the comfort of his touch to soothe me. I’m conflicted, but the latter takes precedent as hope flares in my chest when I see him turn around.

    “Are you sure? I don’t want to upset you anymore.” He sincerely asks. I nod and scoot over to give him space on the bed. He sits down on top of the sheets, careful not to touch me. I turn over on my side, my back facing him and try to sleep, but every time I close my eyes, the nightmare replays behind my eyelids. I huff in frustration and flip over. I’m met with concern, sadness, and helplessness in Daniel’s eyes.

    “It was awful” I whisper to him. If I don’t tell him, I won’t be able to fall back asleep. “The Dhedra kidnapped me and strapped me to a cot in an old cellar. Then Marshal came down and started beating on me. Then you…y-you” I struggle to put this last part into words, but I need him to understand why I didn’t want him to touch me. “You came down and put makeup on me to cover my cuts and bruises. It was you, but it wasn’t you. You had an evil look in your eyes and your voice sounded so cold and distant. After you were done with the makeup, you undid your belt a-and…and y-you” I trail off as my voice cracks from the thick lump that formed in my throat.

    “Shhh, you don’t have to say anything else. I don’t need to hear it. I would never, never, do anything like that to you or anyone else. Please believe me, Kara. You are my everything, even if you can[M8] ’t understand or reciprocate it right now. Give me a chance to prove it.” I look deeply into his eyes and search for any sign he’s lying. I don’t find any. I reach my hand up to cup his cheek. He closes his eyes on the contact as the jolt courses its way through each of us. “I’ll wait as long as I have to until you’re ready, just don’t push me away. I can’t take you pushing me away.” He puts his hand over his chest and rubs at it. “It hurts too much.”

“I’ll try not to push you away, but I can’t promise that it won’t happen. I don’t know when or where I’ll get triggered and remember something, but I promise to try.” He nods in understanding. We lie like that for a while, staring into each other’s eyes. I eventually get comfortable enough to fall into a slumber. Just before I let the darkness pull me under, I hear Daniel whisper softly, “I love you, Kara.”