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“No!” I replied. "It’s just that I remember everything he put us through. I can’t believe this comes out of my mouth now, but I love him, Zac. I’m so sorry for everything he did to you and all the threats.”
“What about everything he put you through, Babygirl? I wasn’t the only one he hurt. You were in a coma for three months,” he replied, trying to remind me of everything Dean had done wrong. I knew Zac was right, but that didn’t eliminate my love for Dean.
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Not be with someone like that. Dean needs help and to be arrested.”
“Are you going to tell anyone?”
Zac took my hand in his and looked at me worriedly. “No, I don’t want to break your trust, but you should tell the police about it.”
“They will lock him away for a very long time, Zac. It isn’t like he would go down just for stalking me. He shot people.”
“And you want to be with a person like that?”
It was a valid question. Did I want to be with a man like that? After everything Dean had done to me, my friends, and my family, could I truly forgive him? Dean would be crushed if I took off on him now. I couldn’t do that to him; I loved him.
“I love him, Zac.”
“Love isn’t always enough, and it isn’t all that is needed in a relationship. How about trust? Do you trust him?”
Dean was jealous, impulsive, irrational, manipulative, dominant, and possessive, and he was not afraid to show any of these traits. The true answer was no; I didn’t trust him.
“No, but I will learn to trust him again.”
“I want you to think about this long and hard, Babygirl. I don’t think this is a good idea, Ivy,” he replied, unhappy with my responses.
“Will you keep my secret or not,” I snapped.
He laughed, “Your secret or his?”
“It is our secret now,” I replied. Zac nodded, indicating that he would keep his mouth shut.
I trusted him, and that was something I missed feeling. Trust. Was I blinded by love, by the puppy dog stage? Was I just in lust, not love? Maybe Zac was right. I mean, Dean had done some terrible things to many people I cared about, and I just forgave him. Perhaps I should have had him work for my forgiveness or not forgiven him.
Zac looked at me. You couldn’t tell by his face, but he was upset with me. Was I wrong in this? I don’t know. All I know is I loved Dean. I knew I had to get over everything he had done. Talking with Zac brought up more questions for me to ask Dean, and I was planning on it.
We sat and ate together. I wasn’t sure if Dean would like me having a meal with Zac, but he was a complete gentleman the whole time, never crossing any lines. When we were done, he even paid the bill.
“Our secret, right, Zac?”
“Yes, Babygirl. I won’t tell anyone.”
I walked to my car and got into the front seat. I hadn’t noticed, but it was going on 4 o’clock, and Dean would be home soon. I had lost track of time. I waved to Zac again before backing out of my space and started diving home. I had a lot to talk about with Dean.
When I got home, Dean was just pulling into the driveway. I pulled in behind him, and he came to open my door. Dean looked angry, and I wasn’t sure why. When I got out, he quickly ushered me inside.
“You were gone all day and didn’t answer my texts. Why?” he said with a raised voice.
I pulled my phone out and looked at the screen. I had 15 texts from Dean, and I didn’t even hear my phone going off. I had a few missed calls as well, and then I remembered I had turned my volume down last night before bed and forgot to turn it back up. I looked over at him. I was sorry, but he didn’t look like he would believe me if I told him I had forgotten to turn the volume back up.
“I’m sorry, Dean, I didn’t hear my phone going off. The volume was down.”
“Bullshit, you went to your fathers and saw Dagon and Colin. I’m not stupid. What was said between you all?”
“I didn’t mean to see them. I just want to see my father and brother. Colin believes you’re my stalker now and knows we are together. I didn’t speak to Dagon, and that was it.”
“Colin knows because you told him or because he guessed it. Are you trying to get me locked up?” he shouted.
“No! He guessed it. I didn’t say anything.” I replied as tears fell from my eyes. I didn’t want Dean screaming in my face.
“And what about your date with Zac afterward.”
My eyes widened. How did Dean know that I had lunch with Zac? It was completely innocent. I wasn’t sure why he would get mad about it, but he did.
“It was just lunch, and he was a complete gentleman. Never once did he overstep a boundary.”
“Maybe you should make sure there are no cops around that could tell your boyfriend that you’re cheating on him,” he shouted again. I jumped a little at his anger. Dean sometimes terrified me, and I knew I shouldn’t be scared of the person I was dating, but I just was.
“Maybe my boyfriend could trust me a little more.”
“Right, sure. And what did you and Zac talk about?”
I didn’t want to tell him, even though I knew that Zac would keep his mouth shut; I knew it would just upset him. I needed someone to talk to, though. I needed someone to share my problems with, and I trusted Zac.
“Zac knows that you are my stalker as well, and he informed me that I shouldn’t be with you.”
I was right; he looked even angrier if that were possible.
“It isn’t his decision. And how did he find out?” he asked as he punched the wall right behind my head, making me duck my head in panic.
“I told him. I needed someone to talk to.”
“You could have talked to me,” he shouted. I understood why he was mad that I told Zac. If Zac went and told someone, he would be in trouble, but I trust Zac not to do that.
“No, I needed someone else to talk to. You always talk to me, but everything you say is in your favor. I needed an outsider’s opinion.”
“Why are you planning on leaving me?”
“I just wanted to know what others would think about it. Why did you tell Stacey to put a knife in the car to stab Zac when we were dating? Did you want him dead?”
He was breathing heavily and didn’t look like he wanted to answer my question, but he did anyway, and the answer was heartbreaking. “Yes,” he said. How could I be with someone who would wish death on another? That wasn’t who I was, nor did I want my partner to be.
“How could you,” I replied, clearly upset.
“He had what I wanted. I would have done anything to get him out of the way.” Dean was scary- too scary for me.
“Like when you went to shoot him but shot me instead?”
His eyes went to the floor. “Yes, Baby. Like then.”
“You could have killed me.”
“I know, and I was a mess for three months. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I didn’t even go to work. I was so scared I was going to lose you. Just like I am now because of what you did,” Dean replied. I laughed at him.
“I told a trusted friend about everything. What do you mean because of what I did? You did everything,” I shouted at him, finally losing my temper.
“Have you forgiven me or not, Baby?”
“I guess I haven’t,” I replied angrily. I wasn’t over what Dean had done.
“So, what does that mean?”
“It means that I’m not so sure about us anymore. Maybe I rushed my decision.”
I noticed a tear slip from his eye and felt terrible about what I had just said. It was hard, but I still needed time to think. I was irrational and wasn’t thinking about everyone else he had hurt. I was only thinking about myself. When I should be getting answers for Zac, Daryl, Colin, Ozzy, my dad, James, and Ryan, he had hurt everyone around me, including poor Lisa.
“I can’t… I can’t do this, Ivy. I can’t just stop being with you,” he said as more tears fell.
“Maybe you should have thought about everything before you became my stalker and hurt everyone I cared for and loved. Including myself.”
“Hurting you was an accident. I meant to shoot Zac.”
“And how am I supposed to handle that? My boyfriend tried to kill my ex just to be with me.”
“What are you going to do, Ivy?”
“I don’t know what I want to do right now. I need time to think.”
“I gave you time.”
“Not enough time,” I replied sadly. I knew this was hurting Dean, but after I told Zac and realized I wasn’t considerate of others, I knew I hadn’t thought it through.
“Are you leaving me right now?”
“Yes,” I replied. Dean then fell to his knees and covered his face with his hands as he cried. He didn’t want me to see, but I could hear him. He grabbed me by the waist and pulled me to him.
“I’m sorry; please forgive me, Baby.”
- Writer
