Hunted by Darkness

A Normal Night Out

Sarah

She checked her phone for the fifteenth time, a routine that she had fallen into since texting Lucy, over a week ago. So far, there was still no reply to that message or any of the other three she had sent. At first, she wondered if Mary might be right about her. Maybe she didn’t care. Still, after all this time and the several attempts she had made, it was simpler to believe she had changed number. There was no recorded voice warning the number was disconnected when she called it, though, but nobody answered. It had also occurred to her that Lucy might not have recognised the number, but she had identified herself in the text messages.

‘Mum, can I use your makeup?’ she called from her room. She wasn’t even sure that Old Sarah had any makeup, but she would not use it even if she did.

Her mother had not been overjoyed when hearing about her night out. She was happy Sarah was attending the group, she said, but this might be too much too soon. Her second reaction was asking why she wasn’t going out with her friends. Well, not her friends, Mary and Alex. They had come by to deliver the bag of clothes she had forgotten in the car. Her mother had left them in the living room to give them some privacy, but it had been even more awkward than the first time they had met. Samson had firmly stood next to her, almost standing guard, staring at the visitors as if it was his life’s mission. It was a relief. She could focus on petting him rather than having to look at Alex. He was his usual charming self, over-confident and, now she wasn’t overwhelmed by the novelty, annoying. She realised that, although she hadn’t had any feelings for him, she had enjoyed the attention. It must be a girl thing. And Alex was handsome; he had that boyish thing that came with the certainty in his own success. He also had the determination of not taking a no for an answer. Hardly a point in his favour.

And then there had been the other thing, but she didn’t want to think about it, and she was grateful they didn’t mention it.

Come to think of it, why didn’t they mention it? Being attacked in a car park was hardly trivial. It would be expected to discuss it, find out if they called the police. It would also be the done thing to ask where she had gone to and how she got home. Yet neither one of them had as much as texted her after that night.

Yet more questions that made her feel uneasy in their presence.

So they had stayed for less than an hour, the time to finish their tea. Mary had tried to pull the same trick than last time, but she didn’t want to stay alone with Alex. When her mother left the room to go to the kitchen, Sarah saw the girl’s move coming and offered to help before Mary had a chance to get up. Samson stayed, though, still watching them. When they came back with the tray, she recognised the way the dog watched her friends as the same way he would watch her parents.

The conversation had been inconsequential, and she couldn’t remember any detail now, but she was glad to see them go. She was also glad to have her clothes, especially since she was going out. Those skinny jeans she had bought and the boots were perfect. She also wore the black tank top and the silver chain belt.

Her phone chimed like a bell. She checked the screen, thinking it might be Rose, then threw it on the bed when she saw it was Alex. Again. He hadn’t stopped texting since their visit.

‘I’m sorry we didn’t get a chance to talk,’ he wrote.

Sarah had replied with something non-committal, hoping he would get the hint.

‘Well, maybe we can talk another day. Would you like to come out this weekend?’

She had had to explain she already had plans, even if it was only for a night, but she didn’t tell him that. He must have thought her refusal had something to do with being alone with him because he added Mary would be there. Well, it did have to do with him, but she didn’t fancy spending any time with his sister either, not now that she was looking forward to going out with the guys from therapy.

She hadn’t been sure at first, but the plan had grown on her ever since. The idea of having a normal life, or faking a normal life, was very tempting.

She checked her image in the mirror. The scar on her forehead was a stretch mark on her face. She hadn’t noticed it for a long time, either. It might have been in the hospital the last time she had actually seen it. She had never cared if people saw it or not, and now it felt part of her. Somehow, she hadn’t been bothered by it. More than that, she hadn’t given it a single thought.

Now, however, it felt as if it covered her whole face. It slanted from under her hair towards the middle of her forehead until it touched her left eyebrow. It wasn’t that thick, she thought, but it was still quite red. She strode into her mother’s room, determined to find the makeup. ‘Sure,’ had been her only response.

A familiar curtain of tiny particles raised into the air as she opened the door. The bed was immaculately made, something that didn’t surprise her, but the layer of dust on the bedside tables was thick like velvet. The dresser was the same, and the dust floated in front of her eyes as she opened the top drawer looking for the products. She wanted to grab them and run out of there. It was unsettling. How did anybody sleep in there? Maybe her mother didn’t sleep. Maybe they were both insomniacs. If that was the case, it was probably her fault. Either way, she needed out of here. With two makeup bags under her arm, she closed the door behind her, displacing enough air to disturb the carpeted dust inside. She rested her back against the door, the solid wood comforting her. Her heart was racing. Forcing a few deep breaths before walking back into the bathroom, she avoided thinking about it. There was something more disturbing than just dust, something out of her grasp at the minute, but she knew she would get if she let her mind decipher it.

The thing was, she didn’t want to know right now. She wanted to be a normal girl. Getting dressed, putting some makeup on, going out with some friends, that’s what she wanted to worry about.

The fact she was going out with new friends was exciting and a relief. She didn’t need to impress them or fulfil their expectations because they wouldn’t have any, other than having some fun. And maybe flirt with Gabriel, but that had nothing to do with anything. Plus, she’d have a lot of competition there, if she even dared do such a thing.

Still, if they didn’t have expectations, she wondered why she was trying so hard to cover the scar with concealer, but she waved that thought away by telling herself it was only because it was her first night out since, well, as far as New Sarah went, since ever.

The doorbell rang. Steps reverberated from downstairs, then the door opened, letting in an indistinct male voice. It must be the cab she had arranged. Her mother hadn’t been happy about that either. She insisted every day to drive her there herself. It had added to the conflict of going out with ‘strangers’, as she put it. Several times. Making her understand that girls her age didn’t go out driven by their parents had been hard work. What did she do before the accident? Did she have her own car? Her mother would have told her if so, she supposed, although the woman could have hidden it from her. It was not impossible, considering her determination to keep her close. She had caught her a couple of times checking her phone, too. There hadn’t been any discussions about it, since Sarah preferred not to bring it up. It felt wrong to do so, as if she was complaining to kind strangers who had taken her in. She felt terrible for them, for what her situation was doing to their lives, yet she felt less empathy for her parents now than she did when she was still in hospital. It was odd. It made her wonder whether there also was an Old mum and dad and a New mum and dad, like there was and Old Sarah and a New Sarah.

She ran down the stairs, slipping her leather jacket on. It had caught her eye while shopping and she bought it immediately, even though Mary said she had never liked that look. The pictures in Old Sarah’s room attested to that. Her clothes on all those pictures were more bohemian, loads of greens and browns and seventies patterns. It was yet another thing that made it difficult to identify with the other girl.

It was hardly the only thing, though. The smooth face, the broad smile; had she ever smiled in such a carefree manner? Not in her lifetime, was the answer.

‘Are you sure you don’t want me to take you there? I can pick you up too?’

‘It’s ok. I know you worry,’ she tried to be tactful ‘but I am a grown-up.’

‘Yes, well, last time you lost your memory.’

‘Right…’

Sarah didn’t know what to say to that, so she waved goodbye and ran out of the door, happy to be away from the pressure that lived with her in that house. The cab’s door slammed after her, and she was on her way to a night of some relaxed chat and fun, she hoped.

It was an old pub of white walls and glossy black wooden features with the name in large Gothic lettering. A group of people stood outside, smoking, a pint in their hands, while others walked in, chatting and laughing.

She was nervous.

They seemed to move around the place with such ease. She had no memory of doing anything like this; it all felt like new territory. This said, everything seemed like new territory to her these days.

A girl with long blond hair and a purple coat waved at her from the door. She put out her cigarette and threw it in the bin before meeting with her.

‘Hi!’ Rose’s tone was far more energetic than when she had seen her last. ‘So happy you made it! The girls are already here. Tim and Paul said they’d come too, but they haven’t arrived yet.’

‘Isn’t it usually us who are late all the time?’

‘That’s what I said!’ Rose laughed.

‘What about the guest of honour?’

Rose shrugged as she opened the door. They walked into the dark room. The bar ran along towards the back at their left while the room opened to booths to her right and tables at the very back. As they walked deeper into the pub, she could see an archway leading to another room to the left; the bar ran around the archway and into the room, which was darker. A glossy wooden floor stretched into the darkness.

Rose pointed at a booth at the back of the room. She could see Vivian from here, her short ashy hair spiked up, her eyes heavy with eyeliner. She assumed Natalie sat across from her.

‘Do you want a drink?’ she had to raise her voice a bit. The music wasn’t loud here, but it was coming from the next room, and the bar was busy, a lot of noise of glasses set down on the bar and people ordering and calling to each other.

Sarah didn’t know what to answer. She wanted a drink; she just didn’t know what drink. Reaching up for that lock of hair she always twirled around her finger, she took a look around, trying to find an answer in what other people were ordering. She had not thought about this specific part of going out. Although, what would she have done? Google ‘what’s my favourite drink’?

‘Don’t worry,’ Rose said, ‘I’ve been there. We’ll try a few things. Go sit with the girls,’ she winked at her and walked to the bar.

Vivian’s eyes did not light up when she saw her like Rose’s had, but she did scuttle down to let her sit. The bench could easily accommodate another three people on their side only. Natalie waved at her as she lifted her glass to her lips. Both the girls’ phones were sitting on the table, so she pulled out her own. That seemed like the right thing to do. Two messages blinked on the screen. She wasn’t surprised to find it was Alex.

‘Where are you going tonight, then?’ read the first one.

‘You could at least answer,’ he said in the second.

Sarah stared at them for a few seconds to then ignore them. She could answer, but she didn’t want to tell him where she was. The idea made her uncomfortable. Why should she tell him anyway? It was none of his business.

‘Who’s Alex?’ Vivian asked with a cheeky smile.

‘Just a friend.’

‘Hmmm, are you sure?’ Natalie sipped from her drink.

‘To be honest? No. Then again, I am not sure of anything, so…’

They all laughed, and a feeling of warmth spread through her shoulders. Rose came back with drinks, a glass of white wine. Sarah tried it. She had a memory of the taste of wine, although not a specific memory. This one was cold and crisp; she could only take small sips of it.

‘So, I’ve got news,’ Natalie announced once Rose sat down. ‘I finally got a job!’

‘In a lab?’ Rose asked excitedly.

‘No, well… No, really. It is for a pharmaceutical company, but reception.’

A dark cloud of silence floated over the group for a few seconds. Sarah didn’t know what was going on, so she took another sip of wine and waited.

‘Natalie has a degree in microbiology,’ Vivian explained.

‘The problem is, I only know I have it because the diploma hangs in my room. I can’t remember a thing about any of it. I don’t even remember going to university.’

Sarah wondered if she had forgotten anything from school. She hadn’t lost any of the basic stuff, but there was some of it, some other subjects she would have studied in the last few years, that must be gone now. But did it matter? She hadn’t made it as far as getting a degree, and that had just become a relief. It would feel frustrating for her to have one and not be able to use it. The crease between Natalie’s eyebrows told her that’s how she felt.

‘Well, that’s a job more than I got!’ Sarah said enthusiastically. ‘Congratulations!’

‘Hear, hear!’ Vivian put her glass up, followed by Rose and then Natalie, who let a shy smile through.

They all took a deep gulp of their drinks, Vivian slamming her pint glass on the table.

‘What are we celebrating?’

Tim and Paul stood next to their table in perfect harmony. Both with strands of brown hair popping out from under beanie hats, both in t-shirts and jeans. They could have been twins, except that they didn’t look anything like each other. She wondered if they had become close because they had similar tastes, or one of them was feeding on the other to fill the gaps. That’s something she could feel herself doing. Well, she was doing it already, she was drinking white wine, like Rose, because she didn’t know what her favourite drink was. For all she knew she didn’t even drink alcohol.

Tim and Paul offered themselves to find a bigger table. Vivian was adamant that Gabriel was coming and the boys didn’t feel like been squashed next to him on the bench.

‘I know you think these booths are big, but you need to take another look at that guy,’ Tim said. ‘I don’t want to be the one with my head stuck to his bicep.’

Sarah wondered how they were going to manage that, and she popped her head out to watch them. They approached the largest table; it only had three people on it. She had no idea what they were saying, but their facial expressions were a masterclass in acting. As she turned to get back into her seat, she saw the door of the pub opening. Even if she hadn’t, it would have been hard to miss the large man in a black Nirvana t-shirt and leather jacket with hair red like the morning sun.

‘Hi!’ Vivian almost jumped out of her seat.

‘Hi there,’ he raised a hand in not quite a wave.

Natalie waved as she sipped from her drink while Rose simply nodded. Sarah didn’t manage to say anything. By the time it came to her, the boys were back.

‘Let’s go,’ Paul said, offering her a hand, which she took with a smile.

He led her to the back, to a table with seven or eight chairs which had mysteriously been vacated of its occupants. How Tim and Paul had persuaded anybody to leave, she didn’t know. She had wanted to see, but she had become distracted. There was something about Gabriel, something more than just the colour of his hair.

As she took a chair, she found herself watching him come, and noticed it wasn’t only Vivian whose head was turned by him. Quite a few girls and boys followed him as he walked inside. And it wasn’t his looks. He might be big, but his eyes were small, and his nose was hooked as if it had been broken once.

He and the girls sat down, Vivian to his right, Natalie to his left. Rose came around to sit next to her, and Paul was already on her other side. She watched Vivian lean towards him and chat and chat, while he leaned back in his chair and seemed to listen.

‘Vivian is going to be pissed,’ Rose said close to her ear.

‘Do you think she’s drinking too much?’

‘No,’ she laughed ‘I mean she’s going to be angry… He keeps looking at you.’

Sarah looked back towards him, and he turned his eyes away, but he might not have been looking in her direction at all. A hand closed on her shoulder. She felt her back tense, but when she looked, it was only Paul who had just stood up.

‘Do you need a refill,’ he nodded towards her glass.

‘Sure, thanks.’

Natalie and Vivian were laughing on their end while Rose seemed to be lost somewhere in the background. She held her glass in the air, halfway to her mouth, her eyes vacant. Sarah grabbed her hand and didn’t care if she got startled, she hadn’t decided to come out just to sit in melancholy.

‘Come dance with me,’ she stood up, hanging her jacket on the back of her chair.

Rose nodded with a smile, and they both took a sip of their drinks before walking to the dance floor. It was dark and warm, the air faintly humid. Rock music blasted through the speakers around the room, and the dance floor was not even that full.

The beat of the music was pounding against her body, the rhythm binding her to the ground, giving her a sense of safety she hadn’t felt since that corner in the stairs, in hospital. Right where she was, she could feel a calm within her body even though neither the environment nor herself were calm at all. She moved with the rhythm, letting go of her thoughts, just concentrating on that beat. It was like nothing else she had ever felt. It was there, and she could touch it. Physical, like water running around her, she could have stretched a hand and her fingers would have dived into ribbons of sound. It penetrated her skin and buried deep into her tissues, her muscles, her bones, climbing up and electrifying her fingers and even the tip of her hair. She was transported by these waves and felt as if bathed in bright white light, even though she knew she was standing in the dark.

And then a gust of cold made her shiver and made her snap out of her trance. A hand clawed at her shoulder. It seemed impossible to feel both startled and yet unsurprised at the same time. As she turned, she was barely phased to find Alex staring down at her, a crooked smile on his lips, Mary following right behind him.

‘What are you doing here?’ he screamed over the music.

‘I’m with some friends,’ she felt Rose step next to her.

‘Everything ok?’

‘Yeah,’ she nodded, her eyes still on Alex and his sister.

‘I’m going back to the table.’

Sarah nodded again but regretted not asking her to wait as soon as she was away.

‘How come you didn’t tell me?’

‘I didn’t realize I had to.’

Sarah pushed his hand off her shoulder and took a step back, but he dived for her and got her wrist instead. His fingers dug into her arm and crushed her wrist. He pulled her against him and bent over to get close to her ear, his hair tickling her face.

‘You looked good dancing there, come dance with me for a bit.’

His breath touched her skin, and a shiver ran through her back. She tried to pull her arm free, but he was too strong for her.

‘Let’s go, Alex!’ Mary rolled her eyes behind him.

He smiled and walked towards the back of the room, pulling her along.

‘What are you doing?’ she screamed, except that it barely made it over the music. She tried to pull back but, short of dropping her weight to the floor, she didn’t know what to do. Her feet were barely touching the wooden planks anyway.

They navigated around people who didn’t give them a second look; people talking to other people; people kissing or drinking or doing other things, who didn’t care that she was being pulled around the place. They reached the wall and Mary pushed the emergency exit, which took them directly outside, to a parking lot at the back.

‘Stop! What are you doing?’ she screamed now that she knew she would be heard.

‘We’re taking you home.’

‘Why? I don’t even have my things; my jacket’s inside.’ But he didn’t answer, he just kept pulling her along, and as much as she struggled, he kept pulling. His hand was cold on her skin and goosebumps ran up her arm. It was freezing outside, much colder than when she had arrived. She looked around, her eyes darting from one side of the parking to the other, trying to find anybody who could help her, but there was nobody there. Her phone was in her jacket too. She pulled and pulled, and the more she tried, the angrier she felt.

A tingle started at her fingertips, and she thought her hand was going numb, but she felt them in her free hand too. Her heartbeat accelerated to a familiar pace. It was that same beat she had felt a moment before Alex had shown up. She could still feel it running the length of her arms, along her back, down her thighs. Her body tensed as she felt it, and the next time she pulled, Alex stumbled back a couple of steps. Startled, he turned back to face her, teeth showing. He tried to pull her back, and she swayed over but recovered immediately, her feet still firmly planted on the floor, her body leaning back. There was a current running through her body, and it was digging deep into the ground and back into her body, her muscles holding her tight in place.

Mary tried to grab her by the other arm, but Sarah pushed her, and she could have sworn the girl’s feet came off the floor before she fell back onto the ground. Then, to her relief, she heard the clang of a door opening behind her. Alex’s eyes looked over her shoulder, his eyebrows meeting in a frown.

‘You!’

Sarah looked over. Gabriel covered the ground in two or three strides and, without pausing, punched Alex square in the face.