Hunted by Darkness

It's Time

Gabriel

He wasn’t sure if he was moving his foot or if it was shaking. Busy biting onto a ragged nail, he watched the door impatiently. Would she come today? Maybe the first session hadn’t convinced her, and she had decided not to come back. He hadn’t bothered getting coffee; he was too nervous, and it would only bring attention to his shaking hands.

He had been there first. Elsebeth had wasted no time in getting him a referral but, still, he wanted to be there early in case something went wrong. Had they made problems for him, he reckoned he could talk his way into it. He had a knack, lately, for charming people into doing what he wanted even when he didn’t tell them so openly. Things had been happening since the accident.

The accident, he snorted to himself. He’d come to call it that because that’s what the police called it when they found her. Still, he supposed it could be called an accident. After all, they had had no idea what would happen, much less that there was any risk. Elsebeth had always put it as a simple task, even if getting to that point had been the work of months. He’d like to be able to say if it was easy or not, but he had no idea what happened either.

A man came in. Gabriel was surprised to find an older person in the group, but there was no reason to think it would only be young people. He didn’t say a word but nodded in his direction. As he came closer, he realized he wasn’t that much older than him after all. Gabriel responded by lifting a hand, after which the man moved directly to the coffee and tea spread.

People started arriving after that. Every time he heard a voice outside the door, he tensed, wondering. So far, he had been disappointed by two girls. A blonde followed, then a boy, much younger than him, followed by another boy. He was having no luck so far, and the closer to the start time got, the more anxious he felt. Every second confirmed his fear. She wasn’t coming.

With the noise building in the room, he couldn’t hear people in the corridor anymore, which is why it caught him by surprise when she walked in. The sight of her slapped him like a violent gush of wind. The curve of her nose was defined, so was the round shape of her eyes and the line of her jaw. Her black hair was tied up in a ponytail, and her clear blue eyes timidly scanned the room. They ran over him and, for a second, he held his breath, wondering if she would remember him. The disappointment tasted bitter when her eyes continued their journey around the room undisturbed.

She stood at the door for a second, then walked in when the other girls called over to her. Furtive looks were coming his way, making it difficult for him to look at Sarah. He had to fight all his most basic impulses. It had been months since he had been at such close distance from her, close enough to distinguish her feature instead of just guessing them. Only that night, on the parking of the fast-food restaurant, had he been so close, but then his back was turned to her, and he got knocked out.

All he wanted to do right now was cross the room and pull her against him until she remembered who he was. In his head, this ended in her crying and him kissing her and taking her home. But that was just his imagination. In the real world, she would scream, and he would probably get arrested.

Everybody took their seats when the therapist arrived. The woman had introduced herself as Julie.

First, there was a round of introductions. Gabriel waited impatiently for Sarah’s turn. At least he would be able to stare at her without seeming deranged. And he’d get to hear her voice.

*********

Sarah

It was her turn to introduce herself, and she didn’t know what to say. Vivian and Natalie and another girl, she assumed it was Rose, who had missed the last session, had called her over as soon as she had come in. All they could talk about was the new guy. Nobody knew his name yet,so there were high expectations for the session and what they could find out after.

‘I mean, look at him!’ Vivian marvelled.

‘I don’t know,’ Rose said, ‘I’ve never liked redheads.’

‘Well, that’s because you see them all the time. Where I come from, redheads are a rarity,’ Natalie laughed.

‘Forget about his hair, look at the width of his shoulders… The boy is a mountain! I didn’t know men came in that size!’

Even Sarah laughed at Vivian’s comment. Her life was full of redheads, but she didn’t mention it.

There had been the guy at the hospital, although he had been too far to tell the colour of his hair for sure, but she always thought it was red.

Then there was the guy that had pulled Alex off her. It had occurred to her that they might all be the same guy, this same guy sitting on the sofa now, but it seemed ridiculous. It was exciting and scary at the same time. Exciting because she had seen him every day for the many weeks she had been in hospital. Scary because him being in the parking that night and now here, pointed at some stalkerish tendencies that were far from reassuring.

Still, she enjoyed the banter. These girls, who didn’t expect anything of her, who didn’t search her eyes for signs of recognition, who didn’t assault her with unrequested stories and anecdotes, made her feel more comfortable than her own friends and family. She was almost sad when Julie walked in, and they had to interrupt their conversation so they could gain their seats.

Julie had introduced him as Gabriel and given a similar speech to the one she had given the previous week. And then it occurred to her that she would have to speak, talk about herself in front of everybody. A knot had formed in her throat ever since, and now it was her turn, and all she could hear was her heartbeat racing in her ears.

‘Hmmm, my name is Sarah. This is only my second session. I’ve… eh… I had an accident a few months ago, and I don’t remember it or anything before that. So… yeah, that’s it.’ She blurted out. It was a very un-eloquent way to introduce herself, especially compared to everybody else’s introduction. Maybe it was just because they had done it more often than her, although she wasn’t sure that “practice makes perfect” was applicable here. Either way, she was done. Rose, who was sitting next to her, was now introducing herself, but she noticed the man’s eyes lingered on her for a few seconds before moving on to her right. She turned to look at Rose as well, but he could swear he returned to her every few seconds, a glance sideways, almost unnoticeable. It made her blush which was silly. The butterflies in her stomach could only come from the possibility that he might be that other boy, the one at the hospital, the one she had had an imaginary bond with.

The rest of the session went on very much like last time. Sarah forgot about Gabriel and any possibilities of him being anybody else, since listening to the others took all of her attention. Not everybody participated every week, she noticed. Vivian only listened, while Rose had a lot to say, especially since she had missed the last session. Then Julia turned to her.

‘Sarah, would you like to share something with us this week?’

It caught her by surprise, as if she had forgotten she was even there at all, and not merely watching something distant and detached from herself. Nothing came to mind at first, but Julia didn’t intervene. Everybody was silent, waiting for her to say something. Most people looked elsewhere, aware probably of the pressure eight or nine pair of eyes on you can create. Gabriel and Julia, though, had their eyes fixed on her.

‘I don’t know. I mean, I haven’t done much since I came out of the hospital.’

‘Do you miss it?’ Vivian asked.

‘Do I miss what?’

‘The hospital?’ she clarified.

‘Yes, sometimes I do,’ her own eyebrows shot up, surprised.

‘Yeah, it was the same for me,’ Vivian nodded but didn’t facilitate any more information.

‘Why do you miss hospital, Sarah?’ it was Julie asking, now.

It was difficult to explain. Actually, it was difficult to say out loud. Explaining it was easy. In there, she had time away from everything and everybody. Yes, some doctors and nurses expected her to improve and monitored her progress, but none of them had any idea of who she had been before and didn’t watch her, waiting for her to suddenly get her memory back.

‘I can’t stop thinking my mother sits there waiting for Old Sarah to come back,’ she continued, to the nods of some of the others.

‘Old Sarah?’ Gabriel’s voice surprised her, so deep. It went with his body, though.

‘That’s what I call who I was before the accident.’

‘How do you relate to who that was?’ Julia asked.

Sarah picked at her nails while trying to come up with an answer. The truth was that she didn’t relate at all. There was nothing about her that felt remotely familiar.

‘I don’t. The first time I stepped in her… my room; I felt I was in the room of somebody else. Nothing felt familiar or welcoming in there. I can’t wear her clothes or sleep in her bed. I just… don’t know her,’ she shrugged. ‘I can’t help feeling I live in a house with strangers and I can’t stop wondering if that’s the way they feel.’

‘Who’s they?’ Julia asked.

‘Well, it’s her parents, obviously,’ Rose intervened.

Julia shot her a look that, although gentle, left no room for interpretation.

‘Yes, my parents. I mean, they had a daughter, and she was smart or fun or rebellious, whatever. Now they have me. I mean, don’t they feel like they’ve lost their daughter even though I’m here?’ tears came uninvited and pooled in her eyes. ‘Do they grieve when I am not watching? I don’t know,’ she shrugged again.

‘How are things at home?’

Sarah shrugged again as her eyes stared into the hollow of her hands.

‘I’m not sure. OK, I suppose. I mean, with my father it’s easier. He goes to work, comes home, we share a meal, and he acts as if nothing has happened. My mum does the same, to an extent, but she is home all day with me now, and I find it difficult not to feel her, sitting there, waiting for me to remember something.’

‘It can be a very dark time,’ Rose agreed.

That was it. It was a very dark time. Cold and lightless and claustrophobic. And then there was the other night. One thing made her think of the other even though they were not related. She wished she could speak to Essie again.

Julia moved on to Mark, who kept scratching his head with the tip of his fingernail, as if afraid to touch it. He spoke in a soft voice that was pleasant to listen to, although made it difficult to focus on what he was saying. The lullaby of his voice droned on for a while until her eyelids became heavy, to the point that Julia’s announcement closing the session startled her.

Vivian and Natalie zoned in on Gabriel as soon as they got up, and Rose followed. Sarah waved at her when she looked back. Before she managed to make it to the door, Rose caught up with her.

‘Wait, here,’ she handed her a bit of paper. ‘That’s my phone number. Vivian is trying to get him to come out with us on Friday night, a “welcome party” I think she said,’ she rolled her eyes. ‘We’ll get Tim and Paul to go too I think, but I doubt Mark will want to come out. Those two are going to be all over the new guy and likely make fools of themselves, so I wouldn’t mind if there was another girl there.’

‘Right… well, maybe you don’t have to go. Surely you have better things to do on a Friday night,’ she smiled.

‘Do you?’

Her spirit took a step back, even though her body remained still. She shook her head with a sad smile.

‘It’s… easier, for me at least. We do go out now and then and… well, as I said, easier.’

Although Rose was trying to keep a straight face, she could tell her words came from a painful place. Her demeanour was only betrayed by the softest of trembles in her voice, the farthest darkness in her eyes.

‘Anyway,’ she went on, ‘I hope you’ll come.’

‘Sure,’ she smiled. Maybe she was right; maybe it would be easier for her too.

She pocketed the piece of paper and started towards the door. As she walked away, a warm tingle brushed the back of her neck. She turned instinctively, and her eyes met Gabriel’s. His gaze was intense, and her body responded with excitement. And fear.