Jazz and Steam

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

For me, coming to terms with what I am was like being born. It was something that happened when I was naked, wet and crying.

I’m not really sure what it was that got me to realizing it. A long string of dates with ‘the hot guy’ that always left me feeling... well, feeling something. What I’m not sure.

It was in the less than warm afterglow of yet another of those encounters that I was dragged kicking and screaming to the new spa that opened up nearby. My best friend since...hell pigtails, Julie said that my moping was bringing her down and that I was now her prisoner! My shoes leaving skid marks across the parking lot, I was dragged into the place.

Okay I’ll admit before very long I was having kind of a good time. It’s not often I like to feel pampered. Maybe it because they have a diaper named that?

My nails were done better than I can do them and my feet had all kinds of tools applied to every angle of them. My hair was given a conditioning that was so deep my brain got soggy. Then I was driven in a zombie like shuffle into the steam room.

Somewhere through this lengthy process, Julie acquired a temporary friend for herself. The woman’s name was... oh, Sandy something another, it’s unimportant. A more helium-headed person there has never been. But the way she looked!

When she stepped into the steam room and saw it was just us three, she let her robe drop, took off her towel and sat back on the warm cedar seats naked as naked can get.

Julie not wanting to be outdone did the same. I felt very reluctant to copy them. Call it a lack of self-love or the fact that I have a good mirror on my bedroom door but I suddenly felt very aware of how small chested, narrow-hipped, and hell, boney I was compared to those two.

Don’t get me wrong. Julie’s no cover model and Sandy... well, she might be able to get into a men’s magazine if she lost a pound or two, but next to me they looked like goddess one and goddess two. I hovered on the outside of their chatter not wanting to be sucked in and lose brain cells.

After doing it twice I had to resist the urge to dip even more water onto the hot rocks... I was wanted to disappear into the fog.

Or maybe hide the two of them from my eyes.

Maybe it was Sandy with her dishwater blond hair, eyes that looked smoky even without makeup, or maybe just the way she moved, but suddenly I became aware of how beautiful they were. Now Julie could snag most man-toys with a shake of her long black hair and innocent looking face, but it wasn’t really something I normally paid attention to.

My eyes seemed to acquire a mind of their own in that hot room. I would suddenly notice that they had drifted somewhere they shouldn’t be. I found myself paying attention to things I shouldn’t have. Like how firm Julie’s breasts were when compared to the slightly sagging Sandy’s. How small her dark n*****s were when placed near the silver dollar-sized pink cones. How narrow-waisted, wide-hipped, smooth-skinned...it was a catalog listing. I could have filed a police report from the description I was taking in. Sexy faces, beautiful smiles.

Shaved, versus unshaved, but so blonde she might as well have been.

I looked up when Sandy’s hand covered herself. My eyes met hers and the look she was giving me wasn’t nice.

“Well, I’ve steamed enough,” said Julie, getting up. She gave me a smile. “You’re looking a lot less mopsey so I hope this did you some good?”

I gave a nod I wasn’t feeling.

“Yeah! Go me, me go. BFF to the rescue once again.” Julie gave her hands the little pompom routine that she had learned as a cheerleader. Without the gold and green uniform that little move did incredible things to her chest. I had to yank my eyes up to her face by sheer will. “Well I’m for a nice shampoo and blow dry from Ramone and a large glass of red wine.”

“Oh that sounds wonderful.” Sandy hopped up and put her robe on as quickly as she could. I looked away from her, my eyes on the hot rocks. “Coming?”

Looking back up and blinking I could see in her eyes she didn’t want me to. Well she was Julie’s new friend not mine. For a second, I wanted nothing more than to make the rest of her day uncomfortable. But then...

“No. I want more steam,” I say. I dipped the ladle and let the water slowly rain down onto the rocks, smoky ribbons of water vapor answer up with a hiss.

“Well, maybe it will straighten out those curls,” Julie said, shrugging herself into her robe. I tried not to watch her breast give a little shake but I couldn’t help it. I felt Sandy’s eyes on me the whole time. I could sense...something from her then. I couldn’t name it but there was a...

Absently I lifted my hand and slicked back my wet hair.

“Maybe.”

As they left I felt the emptiness of the room the second the door closed. Just me and me... and at the moment I didn’t really like me. I dumped huge amounts of water onto the stones and sent up a fog so thick I couldn’t see anything. That’s just what I wanted. Grabbing my robe I curl up onto the wet cedar and cover myself as the tears start to pour.

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