Boys Love Boys

You're so cute when you're embarrassed!

Will

And I couldn't find

a safe haven

Tell me would you let me cry

On your shoulder?

I'm only twenty years old, and all this time I was led to believe that many things were wrong, and I never questioned myself, after all my parents were my guides, and as a good son who obeys everything without question, I always did what they wanted . All this until I understood that something important to me, like acting classes, was something unimportant, and would not bring anything relevant to my life, according to them.

I continued with drama classes, and this was the first time I disobeyed, however I let myself be influenced by the choice of college, I wanted something connected to the arts, but I was forced to study administration. As I was also forced to accept that it was wrong to be in a relationship with a boy, because I never wanted to go against them. I never had the courage of my sister, who overrode their order, and went in search of her love, and to live without strings attached to our parents' orders. Sunee stood up to my parents, even though they prefer to pretend she doesn't exist, my sister followed her heart.

And in that moment that I face the boy in front of me, many things go through my head. I had, I still have many doubts, but one certainty, I need to feel his mouth again. His gaze seems to penetrate my soul. I get a little closer, he doesn't back away and we keep looking at each other, I bite my lip, and I advance a little more, until we hear the knob turn. He turns around, stares at his reflection in the mirror, and someone from the production walks in and enters one of the booths.

[...]

I walk down the hall, people pass me and greet me, I just smile. I arrive at the recording set, more specifically in the setting of my room, Wanchai's room. There are few people and the director.

— Will, unfortunately you and Nate don't record anything today...

— Why? What was there?

— Mark and Tin's club scenes need to be filmed today. They called ahead of the day, and said the space will no longer be available on the date we've set!

— Their lack of professionalism!

— It's more, at the moment we don't have another club available to reschedule, so we have to run for today, and probably tomorrow we will still be recording...

— In that case, don't I have a scene to shoot tomorrow too?

— Yeah, you only have one scene to shoot on Thursday, and Friday afternoon.

[...]

The idea of ​​being away from him for a few days makes me a little sad, his presence makes me feel good, and recent events have made me realize that my feelings for him are inevitable. I spent some time running away from that idea, but it's a fact that I feel something for him, and it has nothing to do with my character, and at the same time I know I can't wait too long, I don't know what he feels, he can be confused, and doing the same as me in the past.

I get in my car, and I feel someone tap on the window. Eye. There's the person who's been on my mind lately, motioning for me to roll down the window.

— Are you already going home?

— No, I'll walk around! I'm not in the mood to go home… — I say and Nate gives me a thoughtful look.

— I think I know of a place that will make you lighter, if you want I can… — Before he finishes his sentence, I reply.

— I want! — indeed, I need your company.

[...]

— What place is this? I ask as he looks at me with a smile on his lips.

— You are very curious! When I'm close I promise I'll tell you, okay?

— I just don't understand why you are following the avenue that leads to your house?

— You are very curious. Relax, you will like it! — I'm very relaxed with you by my side. Shouldn't be, after all he drives my car, what if he kidnaps me? In that case it wouldn't be a bad idea... 

What the f**k am I thinking?

— You'll think I'm a fool for what I'm going to say, but you're giving me quite a bit of joy!

— Why?

— It's the first time I've driven a car like this! He says with a smile on his face.

— But in the first episode of the series you drove a BMW...

— Oh Will, I wasn't driving! They were driving the car with that machine that holds the cameraman. That's not driving! — he exclaims, I look at him, and I smile.

— What happens to your car? Are you always hitchhiking, or taking a taxi?

— My mother uses it for work. We only have that car, so... I prefer that she uses it, because when she had her own car, she had to sell it to finance our apartment, and pay for my studies when she became unemployed.

— Ah understood! Sorry if I sounded invasive...

— You are not being invasive. Oh, we're coming! — as soon as he warns, I recognize the place.

— But it's the building you live in!

— So I just need to get my camera... Will you wait for me? I shake my head in a positive sign.

It doesn't take long for him to return bringing his camera, something I've discovered recently, he loves to photograph, usually very random things. I look at him, he smiles, and puts the object in the backseat, looks at me and we continue our journey into the unknown, at least for me.

— What do you intend? Can you tell me where we're going?

— You're very impatient, but that's okay! Tell me something, what do you know about Bangkok?

— Some temples, some parks, malls and restaurants...

— Just that? Have you ever been to a floating market? Have you ever taken a food tour?

— No, these are tours for tourists!

— Tourists do these tours, but apparently you never did! — honestly, what does he want with that?

— I do not understand! Why are you so worried about this?

— Will, I was worried when I saw you so down, locked in that bathroom, you didn't look like the guy who's always laughing, joking, talking. When I'm sad, I usually go for walks like this, take pictures, it makes me think about what I can do to get around the situation that's hurting me, you know?

So Nate Naetang, do you want to make up for what you did yesterday, and take me on a sightseeing tour? Or can I say romantic? I would say that if I had a little more courage, but since I don't yet, I just smile, and say something more obvious.

— Sounds like a good way to forget about problems!

[...]

He was right. The Khlong Lat Mayom floating market tour was amazing, I don't know why I've never done it... I mean, I know! My parents never encouraged, or took us on, these types of outings, and I got used to not knowing them. It's crazy, so many canoes passing so close to ours, so much stuff to sell, and every single thing I pointed out, Nate took advantage of and recorded with the lens of his camera. I observed every detail of that environment that is so exotic, especially for me who is used to frequenting or eating in more conventional places. A small canoe that made me feel like I was almost in the river, but at the same time I was happy to be here. I confess that it was also fun to see him smile, take pictures of everything he found, including pictures of me, and of course... The two of us, together.

When the tour was finally over, he suggested that we take the food tour. I ate so much junk at the floating market, but he insisted so much that he managed to convince me. We headed towards Ratchada Rot Fai, the night food market, you can find everything to eat there. That was Nate's advertisement.

As soon as we arrive at the market, his joy is visible. Nate smiles like he's a child. I watch every detail of his face, the expressions he makes at every food stall we visit. He stares at me, then raises the camera, and registers my gaze at him, looks closely at the image he's managed to capture, and then stares at me. His look is the same as yesterday, in my car. Once again he can't hold his gaze for long, I move closer.

— Is there a problem, Nate? — I say, he looks at me again, and his gaze looks embarrassed.

— No, it's okay!

— I want to see the photo! I say and he shows me.

— So, did you like it?

I look at the photo.

— I look silly! I say and look at him smiling.

— Oh, you looking silly? Please…

— It's true... And sometimes I come out extremely ugly!

— Do you come out extremely ugly? You are crazy?

I think I need to provoke him.

— Your opinion counts, Nate! He looks at me with a confused look.

— Why not?

— Because you think I'm handsome!

At that moment, he looks at me with an extremely embarrassed look. smile. He's embarrassed, and it's funny, even too much, I notice his ears turn red. The “intimidating look” sir once confessed to me that when he feels too embarrassed, his ears turn red.

Ah, Nate Naetang, you're so cute when you're embarrassed!