Secret Affairs

SEVEN

*Present Day*

It was complicated. So, so complicated. But now, it was messy, and chaotic, and stupid. How could I let it get this far? I knew better, I was better. Yet here I was, in a post coital cuddling session with the one man I knew I had to avoid.

His arm was still securely wrapped around my chest, with my breast in between his fingers. My hair was matted up and falling everywhere. I didn’t have the strength to move, my entire body was sore. All I could do was stare at the glass wall overlooking the city in hopes that I could will myself to get up and leave.

But I couldn’t. I was stuck in a miserable loop replaying every mistake that led me here.

I could feel the bruises forming from when Nate said he hadn’t had enough and took me on my hands and knees, and then shoved his d**k down my throat.

Everything was sore.

Nate was perfect for romance novels; he had that strong possessive Alpha male aura going for him. He was perfect on paper. In reality he was just another asshole that put himself first. And I just gave in to him which didn’t make me any better.

I couldn’t sleep. All the thoughts that were running rampant through my mind were dizzying. Or it was the after effects of the four orgasms Peters had just forced from me.

I wasn’t exactly sure how much time passed by, but then Nate started to fidget. Closing my eyes, I pretended to be asleep so I wouldn’t have to face him. A few moments later and he rolled me over and left the bed. It wasn’t until I heard the shower running that I knew this was my chance to leave without questions. There was no energy left to speak to him or to question my decisions, I would do that later.

Quickly getting up from the bed, I tried searching for all my things. Clothes were scattered all over the place in the living room and I couldn’t find my panties. My shirt was missing half its buttons so I just buttoned up my coat. I was fumbling around attempting to put on my heals when I heard the bathroom door close. I was already wasting too much time.

This was such a f*****g mistake.

I grabbed all my things and quickly jetted out the door and down the stairs. The elevator would have taken too long and I definitely did not need a repeat of last night, my ass was still smarting.

I was so stupid and reckless. I was never going to live this down. I just needed to get out of the city for a while. Pretend like nothing ever happened. Ignore his perfect f*****g face and try to erase the memory of his d**k from my mind.

Everything was so much simpler with Daniel. We had been friends before anything happened between us, and we discussed our rules beforehand. Not that it did any good anyways. We still ended up in the same place.

But I was determined to put this behind me, and then I would f*****g tear each one of them down.

It was freezing cold outside. The wind was hitting me in the face as soon as I stepped out of the building. Everyone was huddled into themselves trying to keep warm that they didn’t notice that one stranger with that freshly f****d hairdo.

I walked a block down the street, I didn’t want Peters to see me waiting for my car. While I waited I decided to call Sam. She answered after the third ring. Her sweet voice rang through the phone in a groggy greeting. It was still early as hell and I had probably woken her up, but I would apologize for it later. I needed my best friend right now.

“Let’s go to Aruba?” I asked her. She had been wanting to go on a girl’s trip for a while now. Wanting to get out of the city and enjoy the sun that wasn’t afforded in New York City during the winter.

She seemed confused at first with a string of incoherent babbling. A few seconds later she seemed to understand what I was asking her. “What why?”

“Do we really need a reason to go on vacation?” I was too embarrassed to tell her the real reason why I wanted to get out of the city, but if she was happy going on vacation, and I was avoiding my problems, I didn’t see an issue.

“You’re right, when are we leaving?” She smiled through the phone. I f*****g loved Sammy, she was such a down ass b***h. We balanced each other out perfectly.

I had let Janet know that I wouldn’t be coming into the office for a week and a half, a few days were spent planning the entire trip and getting everything ready. Then we would spend a week in Aruba soaking up the sun.

Sam’s assistant dropped us off at the small private airport. The perks of being your own boss was that Sam could just delegate tasks to her other employees and work remotely for the week we would be away.

“I will never get over the fact that my best friend has a private jet,” Sam squealed handing her bags over to the crew so they could put them away. Her nose was red from the cold and she was rubbing her mitten covered hands together for warmth. We really needed this. Not just to fulfill my run away from my problems tendencies.

Handing my bags over, I followed Sam into the plane and took a seat as the warm air began to stream through the plane. I was finally able to take off my coat without freezing to death. “It’s not mine, it’s the company jet. I just borrowed it for the week,” I reminded her. If my father was going to screw me over, I would at least take advantage of all the assets while I could.

The plane had finally taken off and we were a few hours in to our flight with a few to go. Sam and I were tucked into blankets together, I thought she was fast asleep while I read my book. That was until she startled me by speaking up with her eyes closed. “So, what’s with the sudden getaway?”

“What do you mean?” I answered once my heart rate had gone back to normal, and I wasn’t on the verge of a heart attack.

“The last time I asked you to go on vacation with me, you said you’d rather die than to leave the company unattended.” I do remember saying that. Now I regret not enjoying my early twenties and slaving away at the company. I didn’t get what I worked for, so there was no point.

“Well Nate - er - Nathaniel can handle things while I’m gone.”

“You just called him Nate.”

“No, I didn’t,” I corrected her knowing damn well that I did. And now I was thinking about what he had me doing that night. I closed my eyes trying to forget the ghost of his hands on me.

Sam sat up in her seat and turned to face me forcing me to put my book down. “Yeah you did. What changed?” She asked with a big grin on her face.

I wasn’t ready to tell her. Not yet. She knew how reckless I could get and would never judge me, but I still hadn’t processed that night myself. It was best if I just ignored it for now and hope I can let it go.

“Nothing. Let’s just relax and enjoy the ride,” I told her. I turned away from her and looked outside the window, we were over the Atlantic at the moment and all we could see was water for hundreds of miles.

Sam didn’t press me for more information, she knew that I would tell her everything once I was ready, and not before. “Mhm. Let me know when you’re ready to be honest.”

A few hours later and we had finally landed. We were able to change on the plane and avoid a heatstroke with our winter clothes. The car I hired was waiting for us as soon as we arrived, and I was ready to ignore all my problems and enjoy myself.

The villa I had rented was located on the water with the whole floating house look. This place was truly beautiful and peaceful. “Ro this place is f*****g amazing,” Sam said looking around the place. Our bags had been brought to our room by our driver and we were finally left alone.

“I’m glad you like it.”

The sun was shining bright and hot. I was ready to relax and tan on the hammock set up outside.

“Thank you for bringing me pumpkin,” Sam thanked me with a hug.

“Anything for you babe.”

“You know, if you keep spoiling me like this, I might just have to go through with the wedding,” she joked. We’ve had a running joke for a while now. Whenever we would go out to bars and sleezy guys would try to hit on us we would say we were engaged to each other. Most would get the hint after that, but a pestering few would try to turn us. As if it were a switch you could just turn on and off.

I laughed at her thinking I could ever be good enough for her. “If by the time we’re 40 and still single, I’m all yours,” I told her.

A few days in, Sam and I had ordered drinks and were sitting out on the outdoor lounge bed. I knew she wanted to know what happened and I needed to get it off my chest before I combust. I had been trying to figure out how to tell her what I did without sounding like a slut.

I had missed calls and texts from both Nate and Daniel that I had been avoiding, there was even one from Janet. Sam was getting suspicious with all the eating I’d been doing and the calls I had been ignoring.

I was never one to avoid work responsibilities or eat this much in one sitting. At this point I was pretty sure I gained like fifteen pounds. The only positive was that I didn’t have a scale anywhere nearby, so I couldn’t be neurotic about it and weigh myself five times a day.

Finally mustering up the courage to tell Sam what I had done, I sat up and spilled my guts. I told her what happened with Daniel that morning, and then what I did with Peters. She sat there silently listening and would sip her drink every once in a while. Once I was done, she didn’t utter a word. I was scared to ask her what she thought.

“You slept with him?!?” She yelled after five minutes of complete silence.

I smiled awkwardly. I didn’t know how to respond. I thought I was pretty clear on what I did, and more than specific on what he did to me.

Sam chugged her margarita in one sip. “Ro that has got to be one of the dumbest things you’ve ever done,” she told me shaking her head. That was an understatement. I knew it was a mistake as it was happening. By that point he was already deep inside me and I may as well have gotten off if I was going to end up regretting it later.

“I know I know,” I admitted.

“Why would you do that?”

In all honesty, I didn’t even know why I did it. There was so much going on and everything was muddled. I was angry and confused. A terrible combination for a person with no self-control. “I was just angry.”

Sam scoffed. I knew she would be disappointed in me. For some reason she was always rooting for Daniel. I screwed that up, and then I went and screwed my coworker. “So, you had s*x with the man? Honey if you’re mad you punch something not let a man pound you into oblivion,” she told me.

“I know,” I groaned and fell back onto the lounge bed. I wondered if I toss myself into the water if it’d be enough current to drift me off to sea.

“So, this is why we’re here. You’re just avoiding the office because Daniel James and Nathaniel Peters are there?” I knew she would eventually put two and two together and come up with five. I just hoped she wouldn’t be upset with me. Even if my reasoning for the trip wasn’t pure, we were still having fun.

“Do you hate me?” I asked her, praying that Sam would forgive me and still love me. She was the only one I could count on and I couldn’t lose her too.

Sam laughed, and it was the sweetest sound. She fell back on the bed laughing, then turned to face me. “Not at all. If all your bad decisions end in a free vacation for me, I say keep it going,” she reasoned.

“What am I supposed to do now?” Was I supposed to leave? I had nothing else going for me. I had focused all my attention on the company that I couldn’t even maintain a basic hobby. Now I had nothing and I didn’t even know what I liked to do for fun.

The man who was bringing out our drinks brought us another round. We waited until after he left to finish the conversation. I didn’t need someone else silently judging me for my terrible choices. I already did enough of that on my own. “Well you weren’t seeing Daniel, so you don’t owe him an explanation. And as for Mr. Peters, are you planning on letting him f**k you again?”

The s*x was amazing, I could admit that. But there was no way that I could sleep with him again. If the tons of regret weighing down on me were any indication, it was a mistake I could not afford to repeat. “Of course not! I was just in a really bad place. I had just broken things off with Daniel and my father said he didn’t want to see me again.”

“Wait your daddy said what?” She asked befuddled. I had forgotten to tell her about my father disowning me. Or I just wanted to pretend like it didn’t really happen for as long as possible.

“I threatened him saying I would walk out if he didn’t tell me everything and he didn’t even flinch when telling me to leave,” I explained already feeling raw. There were tears threatening to spill over, and I promised myself I would never cry over a lying man ever again. Even if one of those men was my own father.

“Ro that doesn’t sound right.”

“You’re telling me.”

Sam sat up and put our drinks on the side table. “No. I mean, that’s not something he would do. Your daddy loves you,” she told me.

“I wish I believed that.” I had learned early on that my father could never love me, no matter how much I tried to earn his love. I was my mother’s spitting image. Every time he looked at me, he was reminded of the huge disappointment she was. She left a few weeks after I was born because she couldn’t handle the pressure of being a mother.

“Well believe it pumpkin. I’m telling you something isn’t adding up.” Sam was too optimistic. She didn’t understand that not everyone grew up with two loving parents and the perfect American family. The one time she brought me to visit her family, they were annoyingly perfect. I was jealous for what she had that I could never.

“I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve worked for my father my entire life, so what do I do now?”

“Ro, you’re a f*****g genius, you have experience, the connections, the money. Start your own empire.”