Secret Affairs

FOUR

Daniel and I hadn’t talked in over a week. Not that he hadn’t tried, but I’ve been avoiding him, avoiding all the men in my life. The way they so blatantly kept things from me was infuriating and could not go unpunished. It ended up feeling like a punishment to me though, I didn’t realize I relied on my father and Daniel so heavily.

Now that I had free time away from them, I decided I would look into who could have possibly been stealing from the company, and everything lead I found ended at my father’s feet. I wouldn’t get anywhere unless I spoke to him.

I was still furious with him, and I didn’t want to go to him begging for his help. Then he would think I was incapable of figuring anything out. But would risking the company be worth keeping my pride in tact?

“Nice office,” Nathaniel called out from my door. It was becoming a habit of his to annoy the shot out of me from the door. I was contemplating locking it so no one was able to get in.

I didn’t bother looking up, then I would just get distracted by his perfect smile and bright eyes. “What do you want?” I asked as casually covered my notes from my investigation. I didn’t need him knowing I was looking into it until I had a clear idea of what was going on. They would just make it more difficult for me to find anything out.

Ignoring my obvious attempt at frigidity he continued on. “Janet brought lunch since we’ll be working through it. It’s in the conference room,” he explained. Trying to rack my brain about the last time I ate a meal was nearly impossible. I couldn’t remember a damn thing with Peters presence suffocating me.

“And Janet couldn’t tell me herself?” I asked looking up at him. There was no reason she couldn’t have just told me; her desk is like ten feet away.

He simply smiled at me, and it wasn’t one of those smirky grins, it was a genuine smile. Short and sweet. “She went home early something about her children.” Janet had kids? Where the hell was I when this was all happening?

“Thanks, but I’m a bit busy. So, if you’ll excuse me I have some work to get back to,” I dismissed him. Eating right now would only distract me, and apparently I’d been distracted enough to overlook the finer details. I couldn’t allow that to continue no matter how attractive those distractions were.

I looked back down at my work and continued reading through some reports assuming that Peters left. “You should eat,” he said. So, he didn’t leave and now he was about to force me to eat again. Was the first time not enough. I’m sure he got some form of pleasure from watching me stuff my face. Ew did he like get s****l gratification from watching women eat, was that a thing?

“Excuse me?” I asked incredulously.

“In the last month, I think I’ve seen you eat twice. My sister,” he paused as if he was struggling to continue. I had never seen him like this, he was always sure of himself. “she dealt with something similar when she was younger. It doesn’t go away, it just gets easier to manage,” he finished.

He knew. Was I that obvious? I thought I had been managing just fine, but what if I hadn’t. I was just ignoring the problem thinking everything would work itself out. Maybe Nathaniel Peters wasn’t as bad as I was making him out to be.

After Peters left my office, I sat their silently contemplating what he had just said. He was paying attention, to the small details. Nathaniel Peters was able to figure my deepest secret in a matter of months while my father still refused to acknowledge anything was wrong.

I figured I could stop being petty and have lunch with him. I headed for the conference room across the hall only to find Peters and another woman already sitting there. I stood by the door quietly watching their interaction. They seemed to be having a lively conversation, she made him laugh and it was heavenly. After careful inspection the woman was either his older sister or his mother. They had the same golden honey eyes, the same dark brown hair that fell into soft curls.

At some point the woman noticed me staring and I awkwardly stood there attempting to look less creepy. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” I apologized.

The woman looked from me to Nathaniel and then back. “Who is this Nate?” Nate, she called him Nate. I never imagined him being called anything besides Nathaniel, he was always so serious.

“Rowan Sommers,” he answered her.

The woman stood up and made her way towards me in long strides. “You’re beautiful! Do you have a boyfriend?” She asked once she reached. She pulled me into a side hug and squeezed me into her. This woman was way too comfortable with strangers. I didn’t know how to answer her. Daniel and I weren’t anything, but we were still exclusively sleeping together.

“Mother,” Nathaniel reprimanded her. A closer look at the woman next to me showed me the wrinkles near her eyes. She didn’t look old enough to be a mother to a man Peters age.

She started walking back towards Nathaniel dragging me along with her arm still tightly wrapped around me. “What? I tried setting up one of the girls with that cutie Jesse from England and they refused. One of you has to give me grandchildren.”

I awkwardly tried to squirm my way out of her grasp. I could already feel my face heating up at the thought of children. Was she trying to set me up with her son? “I have to go,” I said in my attempt to avoid further embarrassment. I never learned how to be around mothers, after all, mine left shortly after I was born.

Quickly saying my goodbyes and excusing myself with one final wave, I ran out of there. I grabbed my things and my work and just called it a day. There was no way I could face Peters after his mother basically asked me to have her grandchildren.

On Saturday, Sam came over to stay at my apartment. We would occasionally have sleepovers when we would go too long without seeing one another.

I sat down on my sofa next to Sam who was scrolling through Netflix trying to find something for us to watch. “You look like s**t pumpkin,” she told me without a hint of amusement. Give it to Sam to be brutally honest. I looked at my reflection on my phone and she was right. I had even bigger dark circles around my eyes and my face was starting to look hollow.

“I haven’t washed my hair,” I explained. Or slept or eaten or talked to Daniel I wanted to add. If I added that last part, she would never let me live it down.

She stopped her search and turned towards me lifting my legs and placing them on her lap. “This looks like you missed more than a hair wash.” Sam tried looking me in the eyes, but for some reason I couldn’t even make eye contact with her. She would easily be able to tell if something was wrong.

I just shrugged my shoulders, there was no reason to stress her out over my work. I’d handle it, eventually. Alone, like I always did.

Sam pulled the blanket over us and snuggled in next to me. We were awkwardly laying down on my couch while she rubbed my belly soothingly. “Ro if something’s wrong ya know you can tell me,” she whispered.

I could feel the prickle of tears beginning to sting my eyes. I didn’t know why I wanted to cry, it was everything and nothing at the same time. Taking a deep breath, I responded, “I know. It’s just work, I promise.”

I could hear the quake in my voice, but if Sam heard, she chose to ignore it. Instead, she opted to somewhat change the subject. “How is Mr. Nathaniel Peters? Still as delicious as I remember?” She asked with a heavy sigh and dreamy eyes.

“Yep, still as sexy and arrogant,” I answered. All I could do was remember his smile when he was chatting with his mother. For some odd reason, I wanted him to smile at me like that. All he ever did was make smug remarks or question my intelligence. I refrained from telling Sam about the comments his mother made, knowing her, she would blow it out of proportion.

Sam gave me a surprised side eye.

“What? He may irritate me, but I’m not blind. That man is what you would call the ‘Tom cat’s kitten,’” I justified. There are many other vulgar ways she would describe men, and that was probably the most pg term she had used. The first time she met Peters she commented about his package.

She shot up and grasped her chest feigning offensive. “I would never say that!”

“You did when you first met Daniel,” I reminded her. The first time they met was at a company dinner. My father had invited Sam as a liaison because one of his business partners was from Tennessee and he wanted him to feel comfortable in the city. Sam spent the entire night gawking at Daniel, but somehow ended up going home with some guy from another party. I always wondered what would have happened if she would have gone home with Daniel.

“How’s it going with Mister Sexy Eyes anyways,” she asked referring to Daniel. I had to admit that Daniel had the most gorgeous eyes I had ever seen. In the mornings his eyes would have hints of blue, then later at night it would be a subtle green overpowered by the grey.

Just thinking about him hurt. I didn’t want to feel this way, but maybe I was more hurt with the betrayal of it all. “It is no longer going,” I solemnly explained.

“What? Why?”

I burrowed myself further into the blankets wanting to be as protected as possible. I hadn’t really been open with Sam and wasn’t this the exact reason I was mad at my father and Daniel for. I needed to be better, be open, be willing. “He’s been keeping secrets and not being forthcoming with information,” I finally told her.

Sam sat back and looked at me confused. I knew she was about to say something I wouldn't like, but that wouldn’t stop her. She was biting her lip trying to hold back, but finally spoke up anyway. “Well he doesn’t really owe you anything pumpkin. You made sure of that.”

I knew I wouldn’t like it, but she wasn’t completely wrong. I had pushed him away every time he wanted more. Now look where that got me. “That’s not the point.”

“I think it is. You want me to be honest or not?”

“I don’t know what I want,” I answered honestly. Did I want Daniel or not. If I wanted him, then I owed him more than I was giving. He deserved better, better than me that was for sure. He shouldn’t have to put up with me or my tantrums. I had a feeling I was giving him whiplash, but he was too nice to say anything. Eventually he would grow tired of waiting, I just didn’t know when that day would come.

Sam forced me to face her. “Look, if you want his secrets, then you need to want all of him. I’m telling you Ro, that man is head over heels in love with you.” That may be true, but I had a feeling this was as far as we would be going.

I cried. For the first time in a long time I allowed myself to let everything out. My life was falling apart in every way and I couldn’t stop it from happening. Sam sat there holding me as I sobbed. My father chose someone else over me, and now I was losing the one good thing I had going simply because I was selfish and stupid.