ONE MORE TRY

Chapter 4

Alessandra

"Are you sure you have everything, honey?"

I looked at mom and smiled. "Of course I've got everything. I'm not a kid anymore to still be so forgetful."

She chuckled. "You keep telling yourself that. And don't worry, I'll look after my grandson just fine, so you don't need to worry. Just let me know when you're finished, and I can expect you home, okay?"

"Okay, Mom. I'll see you later. You too, baby."

I waved my fingers at both my mom and my son. Then, I turned around and left the house.

She had no idea where I was going. I hadn't told Dad either, but he was off at work, so that was less of a problem.

They both knew exactly who the father of their grandson was. And while I hadn't explained much about what happened between Joshua, and me I knew they weren't exactly happy with the decision to not tell him about his son. I hadn't told them about meeting him yet, or who I was going out to achieve. They just thought I was going out to meet a friend, and they both thought it was about time I started going back into the world.

Sorry, Mom, I silently apologized as I closed the front door behind me.

I had no intention of letting them in on this just yet. I wasn't exactly smart, to begin with, I was going with the flow while doing the exact opposite of what I thought I should do.

My phone vibrated before I'd gone too far, and I pulled my phone out of my purse. I unlocked it and checked the message.

I forgot to send this earlier, sorry about that! The directions.

A second message arrived with the directions, and I took a deep breath before going to look for a taxi. I didn't currently have a car on my own, so since Dad had left with the car, this was the only option left to me. I gave the driver the address, and we took off.

I had received the schedule for the two days per week that Wendy would need me. I was ready to go and babysit Joshua. I was, undoubtedly, feeling nervous. For one thing, I was going to Wendy's place. That was a big problem.

Maybe I should come up with some excuse and not go; I thought to myself, a little desperately.

I had a feeling that going would be a bad idea, but still, because I was already making bad decisions, I arrived at the address, and instead of telling the driver to keep moving, I decided to pay the man and get out of the car. Then, I walked to the gate and pressed on the buzzer right beside it. There must have been a camera somewhere, because a moment later, the gateway automatically opened on its own.

After a short hesitation, I went in.

The gate closed behind me with a dull sound, and it brought dread to my chest. Still, I moved forward.

Wow.

I had to admit; I was impressed by the place. Then again, for someone related to Joshua and his illustrious family, I shouldn't have been so surprised.

There was a long moment of staring before I remembered what I was there for, and I walked ahead. I stopped at the door, and before I could knock, it was pulled open.

"Wendy," I breathed out.

She stared at me blankly for a moment, before grinning widely, arms are thrown wide open.

"Alessandra! It's been so long!"

Her arms went around me in a hug so tight; I felt a little uncomfortable. I was surprised, but only for a moment, letting out a laugh because this was just like her.

"You haven't changed much, have you? And just so you know, I'm having some trouble breathing right now. Where does all that strength come from in such a small body?"

Wendy giggled and released me. She was only a little shorter than me, and curvier, though that could have been thanks to the pregnancy since I remembered her being slimmer. She had the same blonde hair and blue eyes as Joshua and the rest of his family, only her hair was darker, closer to blonde-brown.

"You know, Joshua told me he saw you, and I almost couldn't believe it! After you finished school, you seemed to drop off the face of the earth."

"Oh, it was nothing like that," I laughed. "I just needed some time to get my mind in order. Failing an important exam like that isn't easy on anybody, you know? And I didn't disappear; I just went to stay with my parents."

"So that's where you are. I thought you moved. Ah! Look at me, talking your ear off before I even invited you in! Please, come inside, let me get you something to drink. Or eat? Whatever you prefer."

She stood aside so I could walk in, then closed the door behind me and turned around to grin at me expectantly.

"I'm pretty sure I came here to look after your baby while you went out?" I made my statement a question. "So, if you could maybe show me the way to Steven and be on your way...?"

"Oh, come on," she complained. "I haven't seen or talked to you in over two years, and this is the kind of welcome I get? You're not looking very happy to see me."

She pouted, and I felt a stab of guilt in my chest.

"It's not that I don't want to see you," I said weakly. "It's just that..."

I don't want to see you.

Wendy was the last person I could feel safe around right then. She was my closest friend, even after so much time apart. She was a perceptive woman, and she'd always managed to find me out when I lied in the past. I had missed her, but I was living and making decisions for two now, so I couldn't act all selfish.

"Steven is still asleep in his nursery," she explained. "I don't want to go and wake him up just yet, and I'm not in any hurry. I haven't even had breakfast yet. Can you join me in the kitchen? You can watch, you don't have to help me cook."

"No, I'll feel bad if I just watch, let me help at least..."

We gravitated toward the kitchen. I took a moment to feel impressed at the big, beautiful kitchen, then followed Wendy as she moved to the fridge to look inside.

"Do you have any preferences?" she asked. "I could do pancakes, eggs, bacon, or some veggies if that's your thing. Maybe some milk, yogurt, or juice?"

"You don't have to do anything so elaborate. Some toast and juice will be more than enough for me."

She was acting so excited, I thought I'd feel bad if I told her I already ate before coming, so I went along with her. Luckily, I was able to talk down her plans to do something simple instead. In five minutes, we were seated at the dining table, eating.

"So, how long has it been?" Wendy asked conversationally. "Over a year, right? You should have kept in touch."

I rolled my eyes. "Says the one that was so into her loving relationship with her boyfriend that she forgot she had friends."

"I did, though," she complained. "But I couldn't get a hold of you. Joshua mentioned you lost your phone?"

I nodded. "That did happen, but only sometime around last year. You didn't try to contact me before that, or you would have gotten me. But I'm not angry about it, or anything. The two of you worked out. Unless you ended up with someone else?"

Wendy giggled. "No, not someone else. It's the same guy, and you're right, we're incredibly happy together. Maybe you'll get to meet him sometime, but he always goes out to work early, and I've been taking a break to take care of Steven."

She started chatting about her partner, and I nodded along with a smile on my face, though I felt an ache in my chest. Watching her, a young mother with her partner by her side, was enough to remind me of the differences between our cases. I was also a young mother, but unlike Wendy, I had gone through everything, from the pregnancy to the birth, to the first few of my baby's months alone. Well, I had my parents with me, but I didn't have the child's other parent.

I used to think it was all fine. It had been my own decision after all, and regretting it now would be a bit of a waste. What was the use of regret, when it couldn't turn back time? But I felt it.

Would I have been this happy if I'd just come clean to Joshua about everything?

Maybe. Or maybe, his mom would have found some way to come between us. I didn't think she disliked me so much that she would turn away her grandson, but she might push me to the side, take my baby, and have Joshua raise him with the woman she had chosen for him.

I knew he wouldn't have just gone along with it, but I never told him, and it was because I didn't want to take the risk.

"You're happy with your life right now, aren't you?" I asked when Wendy stopped talking.

She nodded. "Definitely. What's there to not be happy about? Besides having some time to myself now and then, I have all that I want." Her eyes narrowed shrewdly at me. "And what about you, Alessandra? Because we didn't talk before, I only heard about you and my cousin breaking up long after it happened. It's been over a year since then. Are you happy?"

I looked down at the table and pursed my lips. "Why don't we wash the dishes first? And clean up the kitchen a little. It shouldn't be long before the little guy wakes up."

Quickly, I got up and started clearing the table, practically running away, but she was right on my tail. I put everything in the sink, but before I could begin to wash, she grabbed me by the arm, and I froze.

"Don't even think of hiding from me, Alessandra. You know that doesn't work on me."

I stayed frozen for a moment, then sighed and turned to look at her with a miserable expression.

"Don't make me say it, okay? If you know me so much, then you can guess."

"I don't know what to think right now, and that is the problem. I might not have had your number, but going by what Joshua has told me, the two of you were having trouble before the breakup, and not once did you ever come to me to talk things out. I doubt it was for my sake, Alessandra, so be frank with me. Okay?"

The look in her eyes was different from just a moment ago. Her eyes were earnest, their gaze practically piercing into me.

"Why don't we go to the living room and sit down to have a little talk, hmm?"

It was veiled as a suggestion, her voice gentle, but her gaze didn't change, and I knew it was more of a command.

I didn't fight as she tugged me toward the living room. She pushed me into the couch then disappeared back into the kitchen. When she came back, she had a carton of juice and two glasses on a tray. Silently, she set them down on the coffee table, poured juice for the both of us, then handed me one glass. She picked her own up; then her intense gaze was back on me.

Dammit.

Almost immediately, I started leaking. The uncomfortable feeling in my chest burst out, and I could feel the tears coming out of nowhere and trickling down my cheeks. Wendy's gaze didn't waver.

Ah, I realized. Since I chose to let go of Joshua, since long before that even... this is the first time I'm crying.

"I have a baby," I confessed. "I'm not playing nanny for someone else's kid; he's my son. And Joshua is the father."

Wendy sighed but didn't look surprised. "You know, the moment he told me, I was sure. You, of all people, give up on being a lawyer to become a nanny? You wouldn't do that even if you were desperate and heartbroken over the breakup. Why didn't you tell him?"

I shrugged. "I panicked when he saw me, Wendy. And since you seem to know so much, you should know the why, right?"

She nodded, then set the glass of juice back on the table. She reached behind herself and grabbed a box of tissues placed on a stool beside the couch, and handed them to me. I put my glass down and grabbed the tissues.

"This is such a mess," she sighed, suddenly looking exhausted.

I let out a wet laugh as I agreed, "It is a mess, isn't it?"

She waited for me to get ahold of myself, and when the crying was reduced to sniffling, I told her everything. And with every word out of my mouth, I could feel the burden in my chest slowly lifting.

I hadn't talked to anyone about everything that happened. Not Joshua, not even my parents. She was related to him, but also though she was his cousin, Wendy was still my closest friend. She would try to talk me out of things or try to get me to see her side of things, but I knew she would take my team no matter what I decided in the end.